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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I don’t know where to begin, but I need your advice on where to go from here. So here’s the story.
I have been in a relationship with this man for four years. Two years into the relationship, he proposed marriage which I proudly accepted. However, throughout our relationship I NEVER met anyone face to face, nor via phone from his family — no kids, no friends, no church family. NO ONE! I constantly questioned this, but was always told that since these loved ones lived in another state it was difficult to get them all together. So, I let it go.
Anyway, the wedding planning was taking place quite smoothly, yet there were times when I constantly had to nag him for his list of guests and their addresses. Needless to say that he NEVER came through with a complete list for me. Yet, he told me that all of his guests knew all the pertinent wedding information.
Now, on to the good part. Two days before the wedding, he tells me that his mom (who lives in another state) became very ill and was hospitalized in intensive care. Therefore, he told me that some family members would not be attending the wedding. The very next day, he claimed that there was NO change in his mother’s condition and that more of his family members would not be attending and he was thinking of going to see his mom also. So, I responded with, “I understand your feelings for your mom, but how do we handle all the other guests and family that have traveled for this big day?” Well, the next day comes around, (which is the wedding day), and I get two calls that morning. First, he called and said that his mom took a turn for the worse. Then the second call, (an hour later from the first), he called and said that his mom had die. So, I immediately jumped into action by going to him to console him for his loss and to try to arrange for him to leave at some point that day to meet other family members to handle arrangements for his mom. While all of this is going on, I called around to tell all the other guests the news and that we would be delaying the ceremony for an hour so that the groom could get himself together, and he would be leaving right after the ceremony.
While guests are arriving to the church they find the church locked and no one inside. Out from nowhere the groundskeeper appears and asked why the guests are there? They responded they were there for a wedding. The groundskeeper informs them no wedding was set to take place. After many phone calls back and forth between my guests, the groundskeeper, and my potential groom it was discovered that the groom NEVER asked his pastor to officiate our wedding, nor did he book the church for the wedding. By that time it seemed to me, and others, that he simply DID NOT want to get married, aside from the grief he was suffering from losing his mother, which looked suspect after finding out the truth about the “locked” church. So, it was confirmed two days later that the groom lied about his mother’s death because he wanted to cover up the fact of NOT completing his wedding task as he should have. He claims he failed to do his part of the planning and came up with all these lies because he was scared and afraid that I would leave him for being lazy and procrastinating. I was devastated and humiliated beyond belief that I could have been left at the altar like that. To this day, this man constantly calls and asks for forgiveness and another chance at love with me. But, why would I even want to give him an ounce of my time? Am I being too harsh to someone that I undoubtedly truly did love? Or, should I just admit that I deserve better and let him and his deceitfulness go elsewhere? — The Jilted Bride
Dear Jilted Bride,
Girl, your story takes the wedding cake, ceremony, party, and honeymoon! As a good girlfriend of mine from college says, “He is doing stunts and shows!” LOL! That was a fierce stunt and show. He went through all that trouble, inconvenience, and lies to dump you in front of everybody. And, the award goes to…YOUR GROOM!
Believe me, I feel sorry for you and the embarrassment you must feel, but, damn. Dude was cold-blooded, and cold-hearted! You should have did the Madea and boiled you some hot grease, and uhm….well, no, I don’t condone violence, but you should have went upside that fool’s head.
Okay, let’s start at the beginning of your letter. You never met ANY of his family, friends, or church members, yet you agreed to marry this man. Hmmm, that was foolish and naïve. Don’t you think a man, especially one who is in love and ready to marry the woman of his dreams, would take her to meet his family, especially his mother? Ask yourself why did you agree to marry a man and not know his family. I don’t care how many times you asked him and he gave you the run around about them living too far and it’s difficult to get them all together. No problem, the two of you could have driven, hopped a train, plane, or bus and went to visit them. The only important person you really needed to meet was his mother.
But, let’s move on. You start planning the wedding and you ask him for his wedding list of attendees. The list you never got because it would’ve had the names and addresses of his family members, which meant you would have had access to them. A man who has something to hide would never divulge this information, and your man has a lot of things he’s hiding. Ask yourself what is he hiding? Why won’t he let you get close to his family or meet any of them? Girl, I bet any amount of money that you know the answer, but you’ve got to be willing to ask the question and be open to receiving the answer.
Now, the juicy part of the story is that the days prior to the wedding his mother suddenly becomes ill. Then some of his family members say they are not coming. Then the day of the wedding, that morning to be exact, his mother takes a turn for the worse, and finally, yes, finally, the dramatic and climactic moment before he is to come to the church, he calls to tell you that his mother didn’t make it and she has died. Meanwhile, all your guests, friends, and family members are arriving at the church, by the way, which is locked, and the groundskeeper tells them there is no wedding happening there. WOW! Honey, this is better than Days of Our Lives, All My Children, One Life To Live, and General Hospital.
But, the kicker, and Tee-hee-hee, is that his mother didn’t die. No, she is alive. And your groom gives you some lame excuse of why he lied and went through all that deception is because he feared you would leave him because he was lazy and a procrastinator. Girl! Honey! Ms. Thang! If you believe that then you deserve what happened to you. That fool played you. He lied to you, and that bum had the gall to lie on his pastor and mother. He manipulated you and your guests. And, he deceived everybody. Chile, you answered your own damn question when you asked me why would you give him another ounce of your time. First of all, why is he calling you? And, why are you even answering your damn phone? Why are you talking to this low-life? Chile, your cousins and ‘em (Pookie, Ray-Ray, and Black) should have whooped his ass all up and down the street. What he did was trifling, low-down, and dirty.
Look here, Ms. Jilted Bride, yes, you do deserve better. You deserve genuine love, genuine trust, and genuine honesty from a man who is willing to share all of himself with you. And, that means a man who will introduce you to his family — all of them. And, I know how important it is to say you have a man, get married, and build your own family, but don’t let your desperation and inability to follow your instincts cloud your judgment, and spot the Bull-ish! The right man for you will come along, but you’ve got to love yourself first. Don’t let your sunglass filter prevent you from seeing dumb foolishness coming at you. Build you up and the man for you will build with you. As far as your EX, let that buzzard kick rocks and ride away on his Big Wheel. You don’t have time for childish games! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend