Let me begin by saying, I don’t have a problem with dating White men. However, I personally haven’t decided to go searching for my “something new” just quite yet. Why? Because I love (and prefer) to date black men.
Yesterday as a debate began to brew in our office about the politics of interracial dating (as usual) I was struck when someone said, “If Black women limit themselves to Black men only, that’s their problem!” Eh, problem? Is it?
Perhaps I’m both spoiled and naïve to believe that despite the disparaging statistics about how few “good” Black men there are for Black women to date, I’ve just never really believed myself to be in jeopardy of not finding one. While attending Spelman college as an undergrad, our 3,000 plus Morehouse brethren across the street made it hard for me to believe the hype. I feel honored to have attended school with so many smart, funny, ambitious and sometimes handsome men, many of whom I have exceptional friendships with today. And though I remain single for the time being, the idea that searching for a Black partner as being a “problem” never quite occurred to me.
Does this make me close minded? I’m not sure. I’m not opposed to dating outside of my race but I’m not exactly a magnet for White men. I do not look ethnically ambiguous or African exotic (tall, dark complexion, natural hair) the two physical types of Black women with whom I most often see with white men. My African-American features nestle me in with the Black girls who aesthetically read as “regular Black,” a term I use to highlight that my ancestry is perversely Black American (I grew up in Chicago and my people are from Tennessee and Mississippi respectively). Point being, White men don’t exactly lay down the red carpet for me when they see me coming.
Not that I won’t get hit on by white men (yesterday an older White gentlemen at a bar told me he had a “thing” for Black women and that I looked like Toni Braxton) but I digress. Would I turn down love from an amazing guy whom I cared for because he was White? I’d like to think no. But would I prefer to be married to a Black man, well…yes.
I love Black men, (starting with my incredible dad) and I hope that’s not my “problem.” I love their confidence, style, walk, the way they joke, misrepresent their abilities to play basketball and most importantly the the way they pretend to be Jay-Z when his songs come on in the club. I kid, I kid. But seriously, I love my Black brothers. They’ve been amazing friends, lovers, fiances, husbands and fathers to so many amazing women I know.
Yes I may be single and getting older, and sure, my thoughts lean more towards marriage and family these days. But I never imagined my family wouldn’t look like the one I grew up in. Perhaps it’s because I don’t view my singleness as a problem that I don’t feel compelled to view my lack of diversity in dating as an issue. Or maybe it’s just that I love my Black brothers and when it’s all said and done, I don’t see what’s the problem with that?
What do you think ladies?
You can follow me on twitter @Leighdav.