If you’ve been on the ho-hum end of intimacy for too long, and want to find out how to jump-start your sex life, then this is article is for you.
AOL Health had a heart-to-heart with Laura Berman, PhD and “New York Times” bestselling author of “Real Sex for Real Women” to get the scoop on what makes a great lover, how many women fake and how couples can overcome it.
AOL Health: How often do women fake?
Berman: The statistics vary. On average, 70 to 75 percent of women have faked at least one time.
AOL Health: What can a woman who is tired and frustrated with faking do?
Berman: There are two ways to overcome this problem. The way that will ultimately serve you and the relationship better — is through complete honesty. Many men are so traumatized and will respond with, ‘She was such a good actress. I had no idea. What else is she lying about?’
Often, you have to do repair work before you can even get to the issue of why you aren’t achieving orgasm. Some men may become frustrated because a woman can’t achieve orgasm and say, ‘I don’t know what is wrong with her, every other woman I’ve been with has been able to reach orgasm.’ So every woman who [mercy fakes] is setting up a problem for future women. Part of figuring out the problem is to get to the bottom. Does she understand her anatomy and physiology? Has she explored self-stimulation? Once she figures it out on her own she can guide her partner.
The other (wimpy) way to address it [is by saying,] ‘I’m finding I’m not responding in the same way anymore.’ Men respond to that. Women’s orgasms [play] a big part [in] their satisfaction. They respond to instruction. They want you to have a good time. If you have significant feedback, give it outside the bedroom, not in the throes [of passion]. Always frame it in the positive, not [focusing on] what he’s not doing.
While the first way may pose problems in the short-term, in the end you’ll have shared a brick or many bricks in the wall that’s been standing between you and your partner and emotional intimacy.
AOL Health: Can a couple recover from long-term faking?
Berman: If [faking is occurring in love-making in] a long-term relationship, he’s thinking what he’s doing is working. Either way, the woman must figure it out on her own through self-stimulation, then teach that to him. Ninety-nine point nine-nine percent of the time he’s going to say yes [to a woman’s demands], unless he needs to work on trust issues.
Read entire interview here.