Q: I am a 30-year-old, single mom with four kids under 10-years-old. Despite having my first daughter when I was 18-years-old, I still graduated from college with a Bachelors of Science. Now I have a career where I make over 70,000 a year. About two years ago, while going through a rocky divorce, I met a guy that lives in my neighborhood. Although he was unemployed, on parole and living with his parents, he was very kind to me at a time when I needed it most. I never thought that our relationship would be long-term but I have really grown to love him. Now that my divorce is final, I am going through the process of buying my first home. My boyfriend is not supportive through this process and trying to buy a house is really stressful. His only contribution is occasionally babysitting. When I get home from a long day at the office, he often is standing outside talking to his friends. Then when we see each other he feels the need to fill me in on all of their baby-mama dramas. We got into an argument the other day because he did not want me to go out with a friend of mine that he feels is a bad influence. I could not help to bring up the fact that I am grown. I did curse at him and say, “Your broke-a**, can not help me pay any of my bills, so I do not care what you think.” Do you think that I was wrong?
A: Wrong is such a judgment, but yes you were wrong. You were wrong for letting someone like that infiltrate in the first place. He is not on your level and he knows it. These tough economic times should never offer the excuse for the fear of failure and/or just plain laziness. Unfortunately, he is caught in a cycle of poverty that is why he hangs out on the block instead of putting himself out there to be gainfully employed. All he has to offer is ignorant gossip and baby-sitting. Read the book, “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose.”
Wealth attracts wealth, so you can not surround yourself with ne’er-do-wells. You are telling him off and basically emasculating him because of who he is. You should never talk to anyone like that, especially your partner. In the process, you are being pulled into that mentality by cursing and screaming. You were lonely and having a rough time emotionally, so you thought that you could get in and get out– unscathed. Not so lady, now you’ re attached to him and screaming in his face in the hopes that he will change. You knew who he was when you met him. He has to want to do better then change, in that order. But that does not mean that you have to wait around to help him change. You said that you have four children and they should be your only priority. Cut him off and move on because you do not have the time nor the energy to sooth his insecure, fragile ego.
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