Sometimes, one might say, lying is necessary, but other times, we might be better off just admitting the truth. You can try to justify your lies by convincing yourself that you’re simply optimizing your truth management skills, but at the end of the day, you know deep down inside that you’ve been keeping the truth neatly tucked away. Here are 10 of the many lies men opt to tell.
1. No, you don’t look fat
The following situation is familiar to most guys in relationships: You and your girlfriend are preparing for a night out and, as you wait for her to finish up, she comes out of the bedroom and asks, “Do I look fat in this?” The best answer I have come up with is “No, of course you don’t look fat,” followed by “You’re beautiful” or other flattering comments. Other than ignoring your girlfriend’s question, this is the only way to come out of the situation unscathed; your other answers will be twisted into something you didn’t mean and door slamming will likely ensue. The bottom line is, she feels chunky and your mission is to put her fears to rest.
2. I don’t enjoy going to strip joints
Strip joints, like pornographic movies, appeal to our most primal instincts of sex, which few men (if any) can ignore. It’s simply a shame that our girlfriends can’t accept that we like seeing beautiful women dancing naked on stage. Despite this logic, the lie still propagates in relationships because it reassures your woman that there is no one else in the world worth fantasizing about. However, in reality, it’s natural for us to enjoy this genre of entertainment, just as your girlfriend wouldn’t admit to watching soap operas for the handsome men and romantic sex scenes.
3. We’ll talk about it later
This little phrase helps most of us end an argument or potential squabble. In most cases, we really don’t want to “talk about it later,” we never want to talk about it. Putting off the possibility of a blowup gives us some time to underline the uselessness of arguing over something so minute. Although it’s a potent tool in your arsenal, make sure not to use it too often, or else its underlying motives will become apparent.
4. You remind me of Jennifer Lopez
The ultimate compliment to a woman can also be your biggest lie. Comparing her to an incredibly beautiful movie star may raise her self-confidence, but let’s face it ‑- is she really that hot? Congrats to you if she is, but most of us cannot claim that big a prize. Our women are beautiful, but stretching the truth may actually do more harm than good in certain cases. It’s all about timing ‑- don’t lay it on too thick and you’ll be getting breakfast in bed in no time.
5. I love your cooking
Since some women can’t make toast without a recipe book, there has to be an “out” for guys who get stuck with the culinarily challenged. Your best bet is to grin and bear it. Hey, at least she’s cooking for you. However, if you have to ingest antacids by the truckload, perhaps you should start offering to help out with dinner. Otherwise, you may end up having to eat blackened food for years to come.
6. I don’t think of other women
Another denial of programmed emotions men face, this lie is usually called for, no matter how moral you are. You don’t want to hurt your girlfriend, right? So, you have no choice but to deny that no other women (real or imaginary) are ever on your mind. If she believed you when you said, “I’ve never seen a woman more beautiful than you,” this will be a piece of cake. Just be sure not to precede this lie with #7 on the list. Providing you don’t think about other women all the time, you’re in the clear because fantasizing or drooling over a hot babe in a magazine from time to time is no crime ‑- even a psychiatrist would tell you that.
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