9 Things I Learned Along My Weight Loss Journey

I didn’t begin my weight loss journey because I hated the woman in the mirror. I wasn’t trying to “get fine” for a man. It wasn’t my goal to be “Summer time fine.” I wasn’t battling low self-esteem or desperate for validation. I was heavy, yes—but I was also fly, confident, and loved. I had access, attention, and style. I was her and I’m sure you are too, sis. So before you start the journey, own that. 

My fat ass was dying and I wanted to live. In December 2017, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer. At the time, I was battling high blood pressure, dangerously low iron, a 13-pound fibroid, and chronic inflammation that caused scleritis. My health was in absolute crisis. And if I’m being honest, if it weren’t for that diagnosis, I would probably still be hovering around (if not over) 400 pounds. Because like many of you, my actual weight wasn’t an issue. It was the health issues that my weight caused that were causing me hardships, that forced me to stop hiding behind confidence and start getting real about my health. It made me ask myself: What would happen to my children  if I died? What kind of legacy would I leave if I didn’t fight for myself?

Yes, a lot changed—but here’s the truth:The biggest change wasn’t my body. It was my mind. The thoughts we carry, the trauma we suppress, the habits we justify—those are what hold us back. The weight on my body was real, but the heaviest burden was the weight in my spirit. Once I shifted my mindset, everything else started falling into place.

If you’re standing at the beginning of your journey, I want to offer you these nine truths—born from my experience and grounded in love:

1. Your ‘Why’ Has To  Be Bigger Than Your Waistline

Don’t start this journey just to fit into old jeans, be summertime fine or to impress people who aren’t invested in your healing. Start it because you want to live—fully and freely. Your “why” has to carry you through the hard days and there will be A LOT of hard days. So make you’re your why is rooted in purpose, not the pressure to fit in. 

2. Weight Loss Won’t Heal What You Haven’t Faced

The fat may come off, but if you don’t deal with the root causes—trauma, shame, grief, neglect—it’ll show up in other ways. Many of us formed unhealthy relationships with food because of other issues. Too often we eat our feelings instead of addressing them. You’re not hungry sis, you’re lonely, you’re depressed and you’re using food to fill a void it never will. Heal from the inside out. Your body isn’t the only thing that deserves your attention. So does your heart.

3. You’ll Have to Reintroduce Yourself—Even to Yourself

As your body changes, your self-image might not keep up. People around you will shift—some in support, others in silence. Don’t be afraid to evolve. Not only will you changing your mind change how others see you, it will change how you see yourself and that is a hard pill to swallow. Don’t b be afraid to let people go and don’t hold the old you hostage to accommodate them. Weight loss changes you inside; honor those changes. Rebirth is a process, and sometimes it means standing in a new version of you and saying, “Nice to meet you, I love you and treat better” even if it means you have to leave some people and things behind. 

4. Nutrition Is a Relationship—Not a Restriction


You’re not punishing yourself with healthy food—you’re nurturing yourself. Learn to eat in a way that loves you back. In our culture, food is emotional, spiritual, and traditional and there is nothing wrong with that. However, you aren’t living to eat anymore, you are eating to live. You don’t have to abandon our legacy —just reimagine it. You can have collard greens and cornbread and still be well. Balance is the goal. Not deprivation. This journey isn’t about making yourself unhappy, it’s about finding new joy, new comfort and new ways to live. 

5. Movement Should Be a Celebration, Not a Punishment

Exercise isn’t punishment. Exercise is freedom. Exercise is strength—physically and mentally. Movement honors your body. Walk. Dance. Lift. Stretch. Do what brings you joy. Let your body feel strong and supported. You’re not here to shrink yourself—you’re here free yourself. Don’t be afraid of the challenges or changes that you may encounter, they will make you stronger, wiser and more intentional. I’m not selling a gym membership, I’m just encouraging you to move. Keep your heart healthy.

6. Therapy Is Just as Important as a Gym Membership

Weight gain is often emotional. So is weight loss. Get you a therapist, coach, or counselor who will walk with you through the mental and emotional work. Because losing weight without healing your heart is just transferring pain from one place to another. Healing requires a lot, and therapy helps tremendously. Honestly, transitioning from 376 pounds to 189 pounds is a big ole mind f^ck that I could not have conquered without therapy. I need a sound mind from the outside because that inner voice often times conforms to what’s comfortable or that of others. Hell, I need to be reminded of things that I had attached to the old me like my strength, my beauty and my brilliance. 

7. This Journey Requires Community

Don’t do this alone. Find your tribe. Find people who will clap for you when you win and pray for you when you don’t feel like showing up. Accountability is love. Let your community hold you while you heal. Build community with new people. Oftentimes our old crew aren’t where we are, they like the old you. They find comfort in you being the person that makes them comfortable and soothes their insecurities. But listen, you don’t have to die for them to live, let them figure their issues out. 

8. Set Goals That Honor Your Whole Self

Stop obsessing over the scale. Set goals like: “I want to drink more water,” or “I want to feel less tired when I wake up.” Your milestones should reflect your wellness, not just your weight, because true transformation happens in the details. Your goals have to be realistic—200 pounds in a year? NO MA’AM PAM. Yeah, 200 pounds can be your overall goal, but if you’re unable to be anything else, BE FOR REAL. 

9. Be Patient—This Is a Lifelong Process, Not a Quick Fix

This isn’t a race, yes the finish line is always the goal but give yourself grace and time, too. Weight loss and wellness aren’t 30-day challenges. It’s not a linear climb. It’s a winding road full of ups, downs, pauses, plateaus, and breakthroughs. Learn and embrace that now because if you don’t, you’ll deem your minor setback a major fail and that will push you further away from your goals. There will be weeks you crush it and weeks you fall flat—and both are normal. Grace is just as important as discipline. Give yourself time to grow into the woman you’re becoming. Give yourself time to understand and appreciate your journey. Your pace is valid, and your progress is sacred; don’t waste your time trying to catch up to someone or meet their standards. This journey is solely about you. 

You can choose you and change based on that as many times as needed. If you change your mind, that will change your life. It isn’t easy. It won’t be cute. But it is necessary. Let go of everything that isn’t  feeding you—physically, emotionally, spiritually. And in that space, you will find peace that can’t be compromised.

So if you’re standing at the edge of your own transformation, I’m here to tell you: you can choose again. You can choose healing. You can choose joy. You can choose a life that feels like freedom. This is your journey. Take your time. Take up space. And above all—take care of you.