Last night, following an especially tense Game 1 of the NBA Finals, LeBron James embodied Black women everywhere when he couldn’t hide his lack of tolerance for the bullshit.
In a press conference following the Cavs loss to Golden State, rather than anyone bringing up the fact that LeBron showed up and showed out on the court, as per usual, the reporters could not, and would not, stop asking him about his teammate JR Smith’s fail.
Black women everywhere felt LeBron’s pain because damn, if we haven’t had to solve all the problems, get zero credit for doing so and then had to answer as to why someone else made a decision that led to shit going completely wrong.
Fed up, LeBron adjusted his shorts suit, put on his glasses, grabbed his leather tote and sauntered out. With his head held high, his “I’m done with you all” saunter was a mood. A moment. A revelation. LeBron, we feel you, sir.
So we decided to come up with a short list of some things we will be doing the “LeBron Walkout” for. Don’t ask us anymore questions, don’t look to us to solve your problems, simply catch this breeze, full of “looking fly and zero fucks given” as we move past you, toward the promised land without your bullshit.
Behold, the list:
1. MEN TELLING BLACK WOMEN HOW TO BEHAVE
2. ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO CALLS US “BITTER”
3. POLITICIANS WHO DON’T SERVE OUR BEST INTERESTS
4. BLACK FOLKS WHO COON FOR CLICKS AND PUBLICITY
5. ASKING US STUPID QUESTIONS THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO
6. EVERYONE EXPECTING BLACK WOMEN TO HAVE THE SOLUTIONS, BUT THEN NEVER GIVING US CREDIT FOR SOLVING YOUR DAMN PROBLEM
7. CELEBRITIES WHO DON’T SERVE OUR BEST INTERESTS AND/OR SAY SLAVERY IS A “CHOICE”
8. MISOGYNY, RACISM AND PATRIARCHY (OBVIOUSLY)
9. ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS OR PERPETRATES EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL OR VERBAL VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
10. YOUR BLAND ASS FOOD
11. ASKING TO TOUCH OUR HAIR
12. SAYING OUR HAIR ISN’T ‘RESPECTABLE’ (AND RESPECTABILITY POLITICS IN GENERAL)
13. YOU BRAGGING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU PAID FOR SOMETHING WHEN WE DIDN’T ASK
14. MEN WHO EXPECT YOU TO LOOK LIKE A MODEL EVERY DAY
15. ANYONE WHO SAYS “YOU LOOK SO TIRED TODAY”
16. MEN WHO TAKE CREDIT FOR OUR IDEAS AND THEN REPEAT THEM BACK TO US LIKE THEY CAME UP WITH IT
17. MEN WHO SWEAR THEY HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, THEN MESS UP AND STILL NEED OUR DAMN HELP
18. NOT GETTING THE DAMN COINS WE DESERVE
19. WHITE TEARS
20. NON-BLACK FOLKS WHO SWITCH INTO THEIR “BLACK VOICE” AROUND US
21. ANYONE WHO FEELS THE NEED TO PREFACE THEIR RACISM WITH THE STATEMENT “I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS”
22. ANYONE WHO PUTS ON A “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” HAT
23. CATCALLS WHEN YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS
24. YOUR UNSOLICITED OPINIONS ABOUT WEAVES, WIGS, BIG CHOPS, PERMS AND HOW WE WOULD LOOK “SO MUCH BETTER WITH [INSERT THEIR PREFERENCE HERE]”
25. MEN ACTING LIKE MAKEUP IS DECEIVING THEM. (It’s not our fault if you think we wake up with gold eyeshadow or red lips”
26. BODY SHAMING
27. BEAUTY COMPANIES THAT THINK WE ARE ALL ONE SHADE OR ONE TEXTURE
28. WOMEN WHO PUT OTHER WOMEN DOWN
30.CALLING US “SWEETIE”
31. WHITE WOMEN CALLING THE COPS ON BLACK FOLKS JUST TRYING TO LIVE
33. THE EXPECTATION THAT WE NEED TO COOK AND CLEAN, AND PAY THE BILLS, AND TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS, AND LOOK FLY AND YOUR IDEA OF PROVIDING IS PLAYING PLAYSTATION ALL DAY
35.”PICK-ME” WOMEN WHO SHAME OTHER WOMEN TO GAIN FAVOR WITH MEN
Tell us what we missed in the comments.