George Zimmerman is one of those people who give humankind a bad name. He’s the kind of man who, when you see his photo or hear his name, it sends chills down your spine and channels a sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach.
He’s a killer of children. And he gloats about killing.
He is the lowest scum of society and its sickening to even type the letters to form his name. But we write these words simply to put out in the world how deeply his existence offends us.
On Thursday, the Florida man (if he even deserves to even be called that) posted the weapon he used to shoot and kill Trayvon Martin in 2012, calling it “a piece of American History.”
In the item’s description, which we won’t type here, Zimmerman breaks down how he believes that people are interested in buying the gun and that the entirety of the proceeds would go to fighting [Black Lives Matter] violence against cops, as well as the prosecutor in his case and other people whom he has it out for.
The auction was pulled from the site without explanation and the Smithsonian (who apparently Zimmerman’s crazy, evil ass wanted to buy the gun) denied any interest in the firearm.
So here’s the thing – without having to spend too much more time on this disgusting person, a quick poll of the office came up with a list of things we would like to have happen to him. Every single thing on the list is nothing less than what he deserves to experience daily. Really, all of these things can do no justice for what he did taking someone’s life, but it’s still therapeutic to write them. Because the justice system failed Trayvon, but we hold out hope that karma will not. Please feel free to add your own thoughts as well.
- Explosive diarrhea every day for the rest of his life
- Burning the roof of his mouth for every bite of food he takes, forever
- Biting his tongue and cheek for every bite
- Having the first day of a period, every day, all day, cramps and all
- Yeast infections of the mouth
- Stubbing his toe every time he takes a step
- Perennial Jock itch
- A raging, eternal case of Athlete’s foot
- An inability to get it up, in spite of excessive horniness. Plus, ensuing blue balls
- Paper cuts on every finger
- Hangnails that can never be cut
- Canker sores
- Excessive constipation
- Having to walk everywhere in cheap stilettos
- Uncontrollable flatulence
- Body acne all over his body
- Wifi that never works
- Monthly data overage charges
- Every number he calls being “not in service”
- Never-ending telemarketer calls
- Having to wait in a DMV line for 8 hours a day, daily
- No health insurance to treat all of the above
- Being forced to wear a too-small bra for his manboobs
- Ensuing underboob rash
- An eternally cracked iPhone screen
- Thigh chafing with no baby powder
- No air conditioning in NYC on a hot day, in a walkup, next to a trashdump
- Having to clean bus station bathrooms with a toothbrush and his bare hands
- Being stuck on a long flight, with tarmac delays, in the middle seat, next to a baby who won’t stop crying
- Daily bikini waxes
- Cotton mouth without enjoying the benefit of a high to precede it
- Urinary tract infections
- Having to pay for every purchase for the rest of his life in pennies
- Food poisoning
- Flesh eating bacteria
And there you have it.