‘Tis the season for giving, and so we must — even to our haters. But because this is real life and none of us are angels or Jesus himself, there are special gifts reserved for the people who make our lives harder. Here are a few gift ideas for a few haters in your life who deserve an extra “special” holiday season:
1. Balloons that tell almost anyone how you really feel.
Balloons are awesome! They’re great for birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries. And they usually say nice things like, “Congratulations!” or “Happy Birthday!” But that’s when you like the person. If you can’t stand someone’s guts, consider getting them some “F*** You” Balloons that basically say that four-letter word we all want to tell some people we know.
2. The most passive-aggressive thing you can get a terrible boss.
If there’s one thing that you might be grateful for this holiday season, it’s probably seeing less of the workplace than you usually see (hopefully). And if you have a boss or even someone else in charge of managing others who is objectively terrible at their job, I urge you to get them a “World’s Best Boss” or “Best Boss Ever” mug. Is this shady as hell? Yes. But it is also funny as hell.
3. For the Debby Downer in your friend group who is always trying to kill your dreams.
We all have that one person in our friend group who sucks the air out of every room they enter. No matter how wonderful any situation is, they will find something negative. And whenever you tell them of some goal or plan you have, they subtly or blatantly try to tell you why you can’t accomplish it. So, why not let them eat their hearts out with a Perpetual Disappointments Diary where they can journal their negative thoughts regularly, and hopefully let the rest of us be.
4. A box of glitter to mess with the ex that messed you up.
While I generally encourage human beings to take the high road when it comes to dealing with the people you were in a relationship with, sometimes you’ve got to take the low road. In other words, sometimes you just have to be petty because some people deserve it. So, why not get your ex a box of glitter that will mess up wherever they open that box. Think of it as a small payment for how they may have messed up your life.
5. A lump of coal for everybody else who sucks.
Here’s the thing: some people just suck. Whether it’s family or friends or coworkers or acquaintances or a random person you are forced to interact with every so often. So if you have the time or desire, why not get them what we get all people who suck during this time of year? And what’s that, you ask? A lump of coal.
BONUS: A bag of dicks. (For the worst offenders.)
Have you ever just found yourself overwhelmed with the desire to tell someone to eat a bag of dicks? Well, now you can do better, and send one to them anonymously via Dicks By Mail. They’re gummy dicks, of course, but we’re pretty sure they’ll get the point.