Adrienne Bailon is just like any other single girl out there. Her breakups just happen to be public and that’s opened her up to a lot of undue criticism.
As soon as Adrienne announced that she’d broken her engagement with Lenny Santiago she was immediately blamed for it. Judgmental Janes everywhere were all too quick to declare that Adrienne just can’t keep a man.
Rumors had been swirling for weeks about the possible split after Adrienne posted this picture to Instagram.
She confirmed the speculation when The Real returned from summer break. It’s always a shame when things don’t work out–especially if you had been planning to spend your life with someone–but the Internet had no chill when talking about her breakup.
It was really surprising to see how many women had something negative to say and how much of it was aimed at her.
There’s something slightly misogynistic about the idea that Adrienne’s at fault for the breakup. Here’s why the statement “she can’t keep a man” makes no sense.
1. It’s Not Entirely Her Responsibility
Relationships require two fully committed people to work. We can all agree on that, right? Saying that Adrienne (or anyone else) can’t keep a man is like saying it is totally up to the woman to keep the relationship in tact and on track. That makes zero sense because a one-sided relationship suggests that one person isn’t invested in being there because they are making no effort to maintain the relationship. As such, it doesn’t matter what a woman does in that situation, her boo is bound to leave.
2. What About Him?
Adrienne might be a perfectly lovely mate, but because we assume she’s to blame for the breakup, we rule out the other side of the equation. We completely ignore the possibility that the breakup could have had something to do with the man in the relationship and whatever he may have done.
3. Most Women Can’t Keep A Man…Until They Get Married
Logically speaking, no marriage-minded woman will be able to keep a man until she ties the knot. Think about it: every relationship you will ever be in is going to fail until you get married. That’s not a criticism, that’s just statistics. You can’t possibly marry every man you get involved with, which means that you are bound to go through a few breakups before you meet The One. That puts us all in the same boat as Adrienne. Besides would you have wanted to marry your first boyfriend or the guy after him? We’ve all dodged some major bullets.
4. What Defines Keeping A Man?
When we say that a woman can’t keep a man, it sounds like she’s running through dudes like tissues. That might very well be the case for some women, and there is nothing wrong with that when looking for the right man for you. Dating, in part, is a numbers game. You meet different people to see if you fit, and you move on if you don’t. Who’s got time (or sanity) to spare in order to make a relationship out of a bad match? That’s not really the case with Adrienne. She was with Lenny for six years! It sounds to me like they made it last for a while. If the length of a relationship is a defining factor of keeping a man, she kept him for a while.
5. No One Can Make Someone Stay In A Relationship
We all have the power to make our own decisions. That means we can decide to leave a relationship if we want, and it doesn’t matter what the other person does to persuade us to stay. If we want to leave, we can leave. If we want to stay and commit, we can do that too. It’s an individual decision.
No one should stay in a relationship that’s not working. Similarly, we shouldn’t assume that there is something wrong with a person that has been through more than a relationship or two.