What do you do when you decide to go natural after years of rocking other hairstyles…and your man ends up hating it?
A woman named Love and her husband, McClea appeared on “The Steve Harvey Show” to get the hosts help after Love expressed that McClea isn’t here for her natural hair. Love has worn weaves for the nine years that these two lovebirds have been together, but two or three years ago she decided to go natural. “The first time he saw it, he ran out of the house,” Love laughed as she recalls McClea’s reaction her new kinky hairstyle. “No wife wants to hear that their husband is not attracted to their natural beauty, so of course it makes me feel bad. But I feel like I am to blame for this because I’ve been wearing weaves since I could talk and he’s never really seen me in this state. It’s my fault.”
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McClea said:”When I first met her she had the Brazilian weave down her booty and that’s all she ever wore. When she first took it out it was just shocking to me. I was surprised she looked like a different person…” He continued, “I understand that natural hair takes time to grow out. I wish there was more styles she could do with it so that it could be more appealing.”
Lawrd have mercy! From Love blaming herself for her husband’s disdain to McClea claiming to “understand” the time it takes to grow her natural hair–I just can’t. Just because Love wore long weaves when she met McClea doesn’t mean that she can’t switch up her look to make herself happier. And she definitely shouldn’t blame herself for her husband’s lack of acceptance.
What made this episode worse for me was that Love said that she went natural “not on purpose,” but after her “weave went bad.” This reminded me of 90’s star, Coutness Vaughn and her sob story about her bad wig that caused her extreme hair loss. Even after dealing with pus coming from her scalp, Countess still went back to rocking her wigs, mostly because she was uncomfortable with her own hair. So is Love, but instead of going back, she’s giving her natural hair a try–even though her hubby hates it.
The more I watched this episode, the angrier I became at McClea. His opinions mirror a lot of Black men’s thoughts on natural hair. While going natural can be an extremely freeing experience, it’s a very scary one as well, especially if you’ve been covering your natural hair with weaves and wigs for a majority of your adult life, like I have.
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A couple of years ago, I decided to rock out with my natural locs and I loved it. It was amazing to feel my scalp and not worry about the wind blowing and exposing the start on my wig or a track. But after a while, I felt ugly. I felt like I had to dress a certain way, wear a heavy amount of makeup and overcompensate with flashy jewelry. I was very uncomfortable with the limited amount of kinky hair that was naturally coming out of my scalp. While some men would approach me with the, “Hey soul sista,” many of them would ignore me and opt to chat it up with one of my friends with wavy tresses down their backs. I understand Love’s pain…except, this is her life partner–the man she’s committed herself to and vice versa.
This man should love everything about Love–especially when it comes to her appearance. Although it didn’t show, while on the show, Love’s heart has to be heavy from dealing with her husband’s lack of love for her natural look.
Steve, who is often the voice of reason offered the following:
“Let me move this stuff out the way. You’re about to get your skull opened up. McClea, what’s wrong with this whole thing is you can’t be any more wrong with your approach. You cannot, at no point in the relationship with a woman, say or make them feel unattractive. You’ve got to find another way to express yourself because the idea behind staying happy, the big thing behind it, a lot of times is support.
You’ve got to find another way to say what you’re saying. You can’t run out the house. You can’t sit on the edge of the bed and look at her like she stay down the street somewhere. You can’t have that much gap between y’all on the couch. You’ve got to be a little bit more understanding that this is who you married and at the bottom line, they have a choice. It’s theirs. It ain’t your damn head. All you did is put a ring on that finger. This ain’t yours. You don’t get her head. And plus I want you to be able to get out of here safely. Because right now, the way [the audience is] looking at you, I’m assuming there are at least 4-5 attempts on your life.”
What I love most is that Steve tapped popular natural hair blogger, Curly Nikki to offer style suggestions for Love’s natural hair journey. This solution was genius, as it brought Love and McClea together to choose styles that were appealing to them both.
McClea still thinks his wife is very attractive; he just doesn’t like the limitations her natural hair gives her and prefers to see her hair (or her weave, rather) flowing. That’s a valid to a degree. I understand that attraction is what gets people in relationships and McClea was clearly attracted to his lady’s longer locs; the natural look was just not his thing. McClea isn’t wrong for liking what he like, but Love isn’t wrong for wanting to changing her look either.
Couples change all the time. Wives gain weight, husbands lose hair and vice versa. Lovers split up all the time for drastic changes that effect their union. It’s a shame, but McClea and Love are two of many.
Check Out Love (Before & After):
So what would you do if your husband hated your natural hair?
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