The Man Cave. Men are pretty simple creatures, so it’s nothing more than a space all their own where they can be men. Maybe there’s a pool table, a mini-fridge stocked with beer, a gaming system of some sort, porn…the list goes on, but it’s their favorite thing confined to a small space, usually right there in the home. Peter from “Real Housewives of Atlanta” made it known that he was interested in a Man Cave outside of his home.
I believe that once your husbands says that he wants a separate space for himself, outside the home, without you in it, he’s basically saying, I need to be without you. I think that any man who says that or does that is pushing the limitations on what being in a relationship is. That means I have checked out and it is no longer about us and what we need as a unit and that’s setting up for failure.
I’ve never been married, but I do understand that sometimes space is necessary, but why not have a weekend escape or just a few hours out with your boys? There’s plenty of options that don’t include such drastic measures as getting your own place. I need to know if more men think this way, so I asked a few different grown men (married, single and divorced) and a few married women–man cave outside the home–yes or no?
“I think that’s just maybe the beginning of a divorce because obviously, if you’re in a marriage, you’re dealing with each other face-to-face in the same space, but if every time there’s a problem, he’s gonna go to this man cave that’s external to the home, then, what’s the point?” -30-something married woman of 14 years
“The only thing I would have outside the home is an office. Otherwise, I mean, if I’m going to have a whole other place outside the house, I’m gonna be tempted.” -30-something married man of 4 years
There’s absolutely nothing wrong about needing space, but it’s when that space is across town, there’s the problem.
“Let’s be clear, the man cave is in the house. I don’t take offense to it because he’s in the house. I know where he is. If he needs a timeout, go happily, go have your timeout. If you need me to bring you something, no problem, but you not going to have no man cave across town. Hell no.” -30-something married woman of 6 years
“You could have time away. I just don’t think you should get another apartment. You could have a guys’ night out. You just don’t need another apartment.” -20-something single man
“You do need a space, a room, the attic, someplace where you want to go watch the game. But, a whole apartment? Come on now.” -40-something married man of 13 years
So here’s what I’m getting–the Man Cave is perfectly fine to have within your house–a space where you can go to escape if you need to for a few hours, or if you want–spend the the night in there. At least you’re home. That action sends the bigger message of–yes I am annoyed with you, but I love you enough to stay home. Getting your Man Cave outside the apartment lends itself to being blamed for cheating or having to deal with being questioned and therefore not trusted by your wife. There’s too many negative implications when you express that you need an entire separate space from your wife.
Would you ever let your man have a Man Cave outside your home?
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