Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: email@example.com
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m somewhat confused and would like your straight-to-the point and hilarious help!
I have been in a relationship with my man for 6 months now. Before then we courted for 8 month, saving “relations” until after we were in a committed relationship. Now, fast-forward 6 months and we’re happy as can be…somewhat. See, I’m the one that’s slightly dissatisfied. Every time I ask him for some type of physical help his answer is basically, “I guess if no one else can do it!”
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For example, I moved a few weeks ago and I asked him to come help me pack. He says, “Aren’t you having a packing party? Aren’t your cousins coming to help you?” Then, my back was hurting the other day (I was in a car accident 11 months ago and still have back pain) I asked while we were lying in bed if he could massage my back, he reached over and patted my back like a baby for 30 seconds and was like, “Baby, I’m falling asleep,” (Meanwhile, he had a crook in his neck last week and I spent hours with hot towels massaging his neck and blah blah blah).
I do TV work part-time and asked thru a text if he could be my cameraman from time to time, his reply, yeah maybe I’ll see. Now, am I tripping or am I not sensing good old reciprocity? We have a good relationship other than his selfishness. So, I’m asking am I being overly sensitive because someone I love…sue me I said love :) is not being as nice to me as I like? Or, do these sound like real issues of not caring. I’m concerned because I’m internalizing this behavior as someone who isn’t down for me, and if you’re not down for me then I can’t be down for you. P.S. I’m the person that feels your partner should make life easier and that relationships are about supporting each other and having each other’s backs when friends don’t, otherwise we can be friends with some benefits! – Where Is My Prince
Dear Ms. Where Is My Prince,
Well, I don’t see how you can be somewhat confused when you hit the nail on the head and identified that he is selfish, and frankly, “NO,” he does not have your back. I know you’re not that damn slow, are you?
Then, you say that you are internalizing his behavior as someone who isn’t down for you. And, in your own words, “If you’re not down for me then I can’t be down for you.” Now, what question are you asking me, again? Seriously, you answered your own damn self in your letter. Did you re-read it before you sent it in? Did you say to yourself, “Hmmm, if his behavior is not in alignment with what I want in a relationship, and every time I go to him and ask for some assistance, and some help, and he hums and ha’s, then why am I putting up with this? I need a real man. A man who is going to have my back. A man who has no problem with me asking him to help me with things. A man who will happily oblige and show his support.”
Naw, you didn’t say that to yourself. You’re just sitting over there in your head complaining about your man. Let me ask you this, have you gone to him and let him know about your concerns? Have you shared with him how it makes you feel when you ask him for his assistance and his blasé attitude irritates you just like you probably irritate him always asking for something? Oops, did I say that!
I’m curious to know why you said you had a good relationship when every time you ask him for something, and to do something he is of no help, and doesn’t want to be bothered, and really is not invested in being there for you as you are for him. I’ll wait while you ponder that.
Look, Ms. Honey, you answered you own question in your letter. No, you’re not receiving some good ole reciprocity. No, you’re not being overly sensitive because someone you love is not being as nice to you as you would like. But, I do know this, you teach people how to treat you. If you keep allowing him to treat you this way, then he is not going to change because you’ve allowed it to happen with no repercussions, or without saying anything and rectifying the behavior. You’re six months in, and it’s six months too damn long. You should have nipped this behavior in the bud when you first noticed it. And, it doesn’t take six months to notice if something is bothering you. You’ve let this go on for far too long.
Now, sit him down, share with him what you shared with me, and ask why is he so blasé and seem to not want to be of assistance or of any help to you? Why does he hum and ha every time you ask him for anything? Why is he so damn lazy? Why is he so damn selfish? (I can guarantee that he is lazy in bed, and is only out for himself and doesn’t care if you’re satisfied. A man like this is only out for himself, and doesn’t care about satisfying his partner. I’m just saying). You need to let him know that some changes need to be made. You need him to be more proactive, and invested in the relationship, otherwise, as you’ve stated, “Honey, we can be friends with benefits.” – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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