I’ve never had a problem ushering folks out of my life who somehow managed to upset the daily balance. In fact at times it’s a lot easier for me to say good bye and later with that, than it is for me to put the pieces back together. When trust is broken, the path to recovery can often be a long one. When feelings are hurt, egos tarnished, it’s difficult to separate emotion from logic. When you’re in pain you don’t exactly have time for all that sensible thinking.
I’ve always valiantly stood behind the saying with neck-snapping and all that “an ex is an ex for a reason”. And ladies we already know if we happen to pull the plug on a relationship, somehow within that 6 month aftermath, the ex will find a way to extend the invitation to dance once again.
It gives us a temporary ego boost, maybe a sick stomach, or a reason to pay out of pocket for the “block his number” feature. And depending on the reason for the break up, and your current love life status, his reasons may sound good to you. Your conversation may remind you of a time when things were relatively normal, you felt safe, secure, maybe in love.
How do I know if I should let him back in?
I know I’ll get some ‘comment love’ about this, but fact is not all relationships are done when we say they are done, especially if there is some unfinished business. Don’t flip my words now, by unfinished business I mean you may have ended on a sour note because you refused to understand the other side of the debate, you demand that it was your way or the highway for a situation that really needed compromise, or straight up, you may not have appreciated the relationship for what it was worth. I am NOT referring to the greasy slick talking adulterer, the abusive testosterone junkie, or the mental and emotional 12 year old in an adult body. I’m talking about those relationships that you both may not have been ready for at the time.
The best way to know if you should let an ex back into your life is to work through the past and fast forward to the present:
“The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that’s why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they’ve really done is they’ve shifted their relationship with time.” – Caroline Myss
Shifting your relationship with TIME does wonders for a relationship trapped in a time warp. What happens in the past does not need to affect your present happiness.
Does this feel right? Would you get back together with your ex because you want to be with them or because you feel sorry for them? Was the disagreeable factor something you are willing to work through? Are there changes you are willing to make to strengthen the relationship?
Whatever the answer may be, if you decide to give a relationship another go, do it with a mind that operates in the present and not the past.
HB family, have you ever taken an ex-lover back? Did it work out? Why or why not?
When trust is broken is it impossible to get it back?
About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I or send her an email firstname.lastname@example.org.