Leave a comment

black woman cookingYou’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have read one of your article about the, “I slept with him, now he’s ignoring me!” I was wondering whether you can help me by giving me some advice on this matter, because I made the mistake by sleeping with this guy and now I really like him, but he seems to not even care about me at all. I am now stuck on what to do and I have been frustrated. Here’s my story and hope you can help me with any advice. I NEED HELP!

I met him in April in a night club. I was dancing around in the VIP area and I noticed that he kept staring at me, so I decided to confront him and asked him whether he got a problem with me or not. His answer was, “Sorry, but you are so hot!” Blah blah blah. Then we were just dancing the whole night, and somehow he came back to my place and we slept together. But, because both of us were too drunk neither of us couldn’t perform very well. Then, the next day before he left, he asked for my number. We started texting and BBM’ing each other.

Then, it was my birthday in May, and I invited him to my birthday celebration (pub crawl). He asked me to keep him updated which pub (bars) that I am in and I did. But, when I was walking towards the next bar in town I saw him flirting with this girl outside the bar and I was a bit upset but then I didn’t care because I didn’t want anyone to ruin my birthday party at all. The next day he BBM’d me and said sorry that he was so drunk blah blah and I forgave him.

A week after, me and him went for a night out in my hometown Sheffield. He drove all the way from Leeds. We had a fantastic night. I cooked for him, etc. He even sent me a BBM saying “Thank you for taking care of me, cooking for me, etc, you’re lush and I was a bit nervous last night because I like you.” Since then my feelings for him grew into a different level, but I tried to keep it just there.

Then a week later he came to my place after work. I asked him what he wants to eat and I’ll cook it for him. He wanted anything to do with chicken and spicy. So I cooked what he wanted. After dinner, somehow we ended up sleeping together and I was so happy that it did happen. The next morning he leaves for work, and since then, boom, the distance between me and him is unreal. Every time, I BBM’d him just to ask how he was, he ignored it and never replied at all. Then one day, he BBM’d me and kept asking me how to cook the meal that I did for him when he came around (the spicy chicken and the vegetable stir fry, etc.). Then he said I’m sorry I can’t stop thinking about that meal. I was so happy that at least he is thinking about my cooking.

Yesterday, I BBM’d him about how I was doing with my exams and he gave me some good advice on what to do next. Then, somehow, we ended up being so flirty and he asked me when was I free. On the other hand, last night I found out that his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me anyway) had a picture of her and him as a profile picture on her Facebook (kind of a bit stalking) and I was so upset and my knees started to feel so weak and shaking.

I don’t know what am I supposed to do! I am really stuck. (I need some advice and help and critics whether what I have been doing is right or wrong. It will be great if you can give me some help in this situation. Each day I tend to like him even more :( I hope that you can help and sorry for all the burden. – I Really Like Him

“It’s Our 1 Year Anniversary & My Husband Doesn’t Want To Go On Our Planned Trip”

Dear Ms. I Really Like Him,

Sigh! (Takes another deep breath and shakes head). This summer heat is really getting to you folks. I swear if the heat isn’t causing any additional damage to your brains, then it’s the cheap desperation perfume you keep dousing yourselves with.

Here are two things we know for sure about your letter: You can cook and your sex is whack!

If a man ignores your texts and calls after sex, then guess what boo boo, he’s gotten what he wanted out of the deal, and he probably won’t be coming back for more. Not  unless he’s really drunk, it’s a late lonely night, he’s horny, and he’s gone through his phone’s rolodex and you’re the last resort.

But, let’s back up and start at the beginning of your letter. You slept with a man on the first night, be it you both were drunk, but the fact remains that you slept with him on the first night and it wasn’t even good. EPIC FAIL! No man will respect you, make you his girlfriend, or even consider dating you seriously after blowing your back out on the first night. And, if you notice, you met him in April and didn’t see him again until a month later. But, you invited him to your B-Day celebration, (I don’t know why), and you saw him flirting with another woman outside the bar, and he sent you a text saying he was sorry. Uhm, sweetie, the man is not interested in you.

By the way, sidebar note, you notice he is always drunk when you’re interacting with him in public? I’ll wait why you revisit those moments in your memory.

Now, let’s get to the part where you cook for the man, have sex with him, he leaves the next morning for work, you text him, he ignores you, and then one day out of the blue he texts you asking how you made that meal you cooked and that he can’t stop thinking about the food. And, you want to know why he ignores you because you’re really feeling him. (*   *) Blank stare at you!

The dumb gene must be inherently ingrained in your family. I couldn’t give you any smart genes if I wanted to.

The man is not into you. After having sex with you twice, and he doesn’t initiate any communication afterward, he has summed up that you’re not good in bed. However, you do cook a fabulous meal. If the only thing he compliments you on is the meal, then your punany is a no-nany.

I’m curious as to what you like about him when you don’t even know him. All the communication you have with this man is through BBM and text. And, that is few and far between. Chile, I swear you people with these textual relationships. He can’t pick up the phone and call you, and you find yourself so enamored with him via text that you feel you can have a relationship with him? Please go sit in the corner and put your head down for the rest of your life! Just special.

So, help me out here. How do you know anything about him? Where did he grow up? Does he have brothers and sisters? How many previous girlfriends does he have? What’s his office number? Where does he live and have you been to his place? Have you met any of his friends, family members, or co-workers?

Yeah, just as I thought, you don’t know anything about the man except for the few moments you were intimate together. Girl, get out of here before I turn you in to the State for mental health evaluation.

Stop obsessing over this man and move on with your life! He is not interested, never was interested, and never will be interested in you.

Look, Ms. Thing, I don’t know how to make this more plain to you, but I’m going to say this in simple slow-mentally-challenged-folk language: The man ignored your texts after you had sex with him, and then out of the blue he sent you a text asking you how you made the meal you prepared for him. He said, “I can’t stop thinking about that meal.” He didn’t say, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” He said the meal. And, your simple ass is so happy that at least he is thinking about your cooking. I wish I could punch you through this computer.

Girl, I’m done with you just like that man. Have some dignity and respect and stop running after someone who clearly is not running after you. For the record, don’t ever chase, run, pander after anyone who is not making you a priority in their life, and especially if they can’t pick up the phone and call you. And, in the meantime, if you’re making dinner, I’ll be right on over Chef Cook-A-Meal-And-Make-Me-Fall-In-Love-With-Your-Cooking. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, HERE!

comments – Add Yours