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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am 18 years old and I have a thing for older men, and I was surfing on Black Planet for an older guy to get to know. I found this guy that I talked to for like three or four weeks while I was away at college and we agreed to start dating when I transferred to a school back at home. So, the day finally came for our date and he took me to his brother’s house because his brother was at work and we would be alone. We chilled for about four hours then ended up having sex.
We stopped when his brother came home and he introduced me to him. His brother was totally opposite from him and he and I connected right away. So, my date sat and watched me and his brother hit it off. I wasn’t interested in his brother or anything, even though he was a great catch. Better than my date really.
I expressed to them both then that I didn’t want to go home smelling like sex around my stepdad, so my date’s brother suggested that I shower there. So, I go and take a shower and then put my bra and panties on. I just started losing weight and it flatters my body very well. So, I started buying sexy bras and panties and throwing out anything that doesn’t look sexy. So, all I had was sexy underwear. Basically, I looked good and I knew it. There was a big mirror in the bathroom so I stood in front of it and admired myself in my bra and panties. Thinking I was done in the bathroom my date’s brother comes in with just a towel around his waist ready to take a shower. We just stood there looking at every inch of each other not saying anything. He then calmly said he was sorry and walked back out. I liked what I saw. But, being a nice girl I kept my interests just in my date. My date and his brother dropped me off at my house when I was ready later that day.
While I was getting ready for bed I get a text from my date saying I was a smut, and he doesn’t like smuts, and he didn’t like the fact me and his brother hit it off so well, and that his brother can have me and he is giving my number to him. I was pissed and said I didn’t want to talk to his brother because his brother had a girlfriend. His brother texted me saying he was leaving his girlfriend and he would like to get to know me. We have been talking ever since. And, I caught very hard feelings for him. He’s smart, has a very good job, nice car, no kids, has his master’s degree, has good conversation, and has a sexy body. An all out great catch. And, he has been supporting me going to school, paying two hundred dollars for my registration fee and application fee, writing my application essay, giving me money here and there, buying my supplies for school, etc. I like a man that supports me and wants to help me.
I am ready to make us official. I am ready to take him home to mom and everything. There is a big age difference between us though. He’s 32 years old and I am 18 years old. But, he is not the oldest guy I have talked to. Anyway, the problem I am having is the fact that he keeps saying he is leaving the girl he is living with and that they broke up, but he has nowhere to live, so he is moving back in with his grandmother. He has me sneaking over when the girl isn’t home, and out the door before she comes home. I didn’t believe him until I started noticing his things packed and missing from out of the house.
So, I started thinking ok, now we can just work on us. But, the night before Valentine’s Day I told him I was coming to spend the night Monday and leave from his house to go to school in the morning, and he said ok. So, Valentine’s Day night I called him and asked if he was still coming for me or if I should just stay on campus for the night, which would have been fine because they were having a party at the school. He said he had a headache and he then said something else but I didn’t catch it because of all the people being loud around me and he hung up. I tried calling him three times to see what he said but he didn’t answer, so I texted him twice and still he didn’t answer so I waited an hour to call him again. When I finally got to him he had an attitude and said he already told me he was on his way and I told him I didn’t hear him.
He called saying he was outside and when I got in the car we started arguing. He said the girl was calling up his phone and it was all my fault, and that I basically made him come get me. I told him that he was a grown ass man and that he didn’t have to listen to me and he could have just told me no and I would have been fine. We argued until we got to his house and the girl was still calling up his phone. He then asks me what should he tell her. What excuse should he give her because he said he talked to her before he came and got me and told her he was going to bed. I didn’t have an answer for him because I was too busy crying. He said he had to call her and they were going to argue and it was my fault. So, while he called her I listened from the bathroom and it didn’t seem like they were arguing, in fact it sounded like he was laughing! We then got in the bed after he was done. I turned away from him of course, and he was suddenly back to his old self. He wasn’t pissed anymore or anything. And, suddenly his headache was gone.
The next day I spent it replaying what had happened in my mind and I realized: If he broke up with her why does she need to know where he is and what he is doing? And why is it taking him so long to move his limited things from out of that house? Am I just being used as his young side girl? Or, is he telling the truth and really is trying to leave? Or, am I just being used for sex? I asked him one day if he was having sex with her while he was messing with me and he confirmed he did twice that week that I asked him. What should I do? Should I stick it out and just stay with him or should I leave? – Confused Young Girl
Dear Ms. Confused Young Girl,
I really can’t with you today. I can’t because you’re a young hot ass mess, and you’re attempting to play adult games, but Ms. Thing, you are still a child. It’s so sad that your mind hasn’t fully developed, and you haven’t had enough life experiences to know what you’re dealing with messing around with grown ass men. Where are you parents? UGH!
I can’t do these young fast ass girls with their “Looking For Daddy” complex. And, that’s what you are. A young wildin’ out fast ass girl, “Looking For Daddy” to take care of her. SMDH!
I know your father is not in the home, because if he was you wouldn’t be behaving the way you are. I’m certain that in the recess of your little ass skull you’ve developed this affinity for older men because something happened when you were younger, and I don’t know what it was, but you need some therapy to figure it out.
And, you know what’s really sad, is that the first line in your letter stated that you were on the internet purposely searching for an older man. Now, I know there are some people who have preferences and some women like older men, but little girl, you’re 18-years old and in college and appear to be have some sense, yet, you’re “F’ing” up your life focusing on the wrong thing at this time. Why do you have d**k on the brain, when you should have getting your education on the brain? You’re trying to give brains instead of using yours! FOCUS! Leave these grown old ass men alone and get your education. STUDY! Learn something other than sex, and tricks, before you turn into a prostitute, well, technically that’s how you’re behaving because the man you’re with is paying for things and giving you money. You said, “I like a man that supports me and wants to help me.” And, uhm boo boo, based on what you said, then you really need to understand the definition of a prostitute, call girl, or gold digger. You can look it up in the dictionary. The definition applies to you!
But, hold up! You meet a man off the internet, and after three to four weeks of communicating you go to his house? I can’t! No, I’m sorry, correction, he takes you to his brother’s house to have sex with you! Girl, really, I can’t! Then, the brother comes home, you two hit it off, and lo and behold, you and the brother start dating. Lawd, please take the steering wheel and drive this girl somewhere far away from me before I smack the –ish out of her. You, my dear, are a hoe! Straight up.
Let me stop before I really go off, and in my Incredible Hulk Bruce Banner voice, “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
Here are the answers to your questions: If he broke up with her why does she need to know where he is and what he is doing? Uhm, boo boo, they have not broken up. He may have thought about moving out because she probably got tired of his games and trifling self, but they are still together. Whatever bull-ish lie he told you, don’t believe it.
And why is it taking him so long to move his limited things from out of that house? Uhm, again, they are not broken up. They are trying to work things out. Besides, what grown ass man (yours is 32-years old) wants to live, yet again, with his grandmother. And, sweetie, if he has his –ish together as you claim, then why can’t he get an apartment? Think about that dumbass.
Am I just being used as his young side girl? Yes, you are.
Or, is he telling the truth and really is trying to leave? No, he is not.
Or, am I just being used for sex? Ding, ding, ding, ding. You are so smart. Wow! That college education is really paying off for you.
I asked him one day if he was having sex with her while he was messing with me and he confirmed he did twice that week that I asked him. What should I do? Should I stick it out and just stay with him or should I leave? You’re really asking me this when you already know the answer. He told you that he had sex with her while he is having sex with you. So, all the questions you asked earlier about how come he won’t move out, and what’s taking him so long, and if you’re being used as his young side piece, and if he’s telling the truth, girl, I am not coming out on that ledge with you, just jump already! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
How many of you have a preference for dating someone older, and did you think they were more mature, and how did it work out for you?
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!