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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years with a four-time felon. I’m 21-years old and he’s 29-years old, and even though he can’t get a job he seems to come through when needed the most. My problem is in the beginning of our relationship everything was good. Now, he doesn’t have time for me. He’s into texting a lot and when I do call him he always seem to be entirely too busy to talk to me. Even when I try to conversate about our differences he doesn’t want to hear it.

How Many Times Should A Black Man Apologize?

He feels that I should meet him 50/50 on a lot of things and I completely disagree! He has met both of my children and he promises them things and never does it, and I know that it’s wrong. And, by him not being the father, I just stop bringing my children around him for that specific reason. He just got out of prison and I do not feel a connection like I did the first 2 1/2 years of our relationship. I feel it’s someone else, but when I ask him he constantly tells me he would never lie to me. But, women have gut instincts and when I have them I listen to them and end up leaving him for more than one reason. Another thing is he likes going through my cell phone but I can’t touch his. I know that he’s hiding something and it pisses me off. What should I do Gay Best Friend 4eva? – Things Are Not The Same

“I Can’t Believe That He Asked Me To Perform Orally On Him”

Dear Ms. Things Are Not The Same,

(*   *) Blank stare at you and this letter. I have no words. I really don’t. You’re 21-years old with two children, and your man is not the father of either of the children, and he is 29-years old with not one, not two, not three, but four felonies and he has no job. Where do we go from here? Where? Someone please tell me where to go?

What future do you think you possibly have with this man? I mean, really, how can you expect for him to be responsible, caring, loving, and supportive when he can’t even take care of himself? He spends more time in prison than in society. Girl, wake up! Please wake the “F” up and get your head out of his penitentiary crotch. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!

But, when you don’t expect much, you don’t get much. When you don’t think highly of yourself, then you will accept anything, and clearly you have walked outside and picked up the trash and dragged it in your house. SMDH! You are a hot mess. It’s so sad and you don’t even see the problem. Well, go into your bathroom, stare into the mirror, and that reflection that you see is the problem. Yes, darling, you are the problem. I need you to look this word up and get back to me: Ignoramus.

Wait a minute. I have to ask this again. Why are you in a relationship with a man who is a four-time felon? Where they do that at! I’ll wait for your reply. Oh, I know this is going to be good. Chile, I’m so anticipating your answer that I’m going to fly to the moon and see if they do that there.

Let me get this straight. If you’ve been in a relationship with him for five years and you’re 21-years old and he’s 29-years old, then by my calculations, you started dating him when you were 16-years old and he was 24-years old. SMDH! Too damn fast and grown. No parental guidance or supervision. A hot ass mess! Anyway, if you have two children that are not his, then that means you got knocked up while he was in prison during one of his felonies. Sooooooo, you’re worrying if he is cheating with another woman? I’ll repeat my statement:  You have two kids that are not his and he’s been with you for five years. Explain that. Again, I’ll wait for an answer. I’m going to Jupiter this time and see if they do that there.

Girl, I wish I could snatch you by that synthetic weave with them green, red, and blond highlights and drag you to nearest mental health institution. Why are you so concerned about what and who he is doing? He ain’t got –ish! Chile, the other woman, or women, he may be creeping with are getting the same thing you’re getting, NOTHING! He doesn’t have a job, so he’s not breaking them off with money. All he got is time, and the last time I checked that doesn’t pay the bills. And, he ain’t going anywhere. Where the hell he got to go? If he is going anywhere it’s back to prison. Girl, oooohhhhh, I wish this computer could smack the –ish out of you and smack some sense into your thick ass skull!! Yes, I said computer smack the –ish out of you. Hopefully some of the information and intelligence from the world wide web would get knocked into you.

Look, Ms. Things Are Not The Same, and I hope you will take this seriously. Get out of the relationship with him. It’s going nowhere. Just like his life. He is a four-time felon! Do you understand that he is unemployable, and at most the only job he can get is a cook at somebody’s restaurant, in construction, or, hell, why am I even explaining this to you. Stop running after this man and run to someone’s school and get an education. I really had to clean up your letter due to the all the errors, and I purposely left the word “conversate” in there, because I want you to know that it is not a word and it pains me when I hear people say it and thinking they are sounding educated. SMDH! Please get back in school to better your life for not only yourself, but for the sake of your children. Let them see you doing it and hopefully it will be an impression that lasts with them and encourages them to go and stay in school. Don’t teach your kids your bad behaviors. I would hate to see them end up in the system, or a product of their environment. Do not be, or let yourself be defined by your relationship with him. You’re much more than that. Recognize your beauty, worth, value, and set some damn standards! And, darling, you’re young and I hope the father of your children is around, or at least a part of their lives, but I gather he or they are not because you’re expecting your man to step in and be their surrogate father. As he has shown you, he’s not into playing daddy to someone else’s children. If he has no concern for your children, then,  sweetheart, he has not concern for you, or anyone else in his life. THE MAN IS A FOUR-TIME FELON. WHICH MEANS HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE, NOT EVEN HIMSELF. Chile, I can’t with you! And, apparently he likes going to jail/prison, and being a criminal, I wonder why? Hmmmm! Girl, these repeat offenders going back and forth to prison, something, or someone has them going back. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

How many of you have dated someone or would consider dating someone who is a four-time felon?

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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