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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I find it hard for me to let my guard down again. I have been hurt too many times in the past. I’m pretty sure you have heard that one plenty of times before but here is where my story differs. The man who truly broke my heart was a pastor!

Before I started my freshman year in college I went to summer school and got ahead. This is where I met him. He was heading into his junior year and was deeply rooted in the Lord which was a major plus being that I am a saved woman. Well, after talking for six months we decided to go out. After a year and a month I get the, “We need to talk” text message right before church!!

I found it very childish for him to come at me through a text message, but anyway his reason for breaking up was because he said he had a conversation with God and God told him that we were moving too fast. That killed me, but who am I to question God!

Here’s the problem: He went back and told our friends that the real reason was because I was too street, had no leadership skills, and that I wasn’t First Lady material. That hurt me and I wanted to hurt him. He judged me because of my past and where I was raised! Yes I am from the hood but you could never tell unless I told you.

Now, I have finally closed that book in my junior year and there is another man trying to capture my heart. He talks about God all the time but I am kind of skeptical about really going into this after what a so called pastor did to me. What do I do? – Saved Black Woman

“Me & My Wife Don’t Sleep Together & She Asked Me To Leave, But I Want Her Back”

Dear Ms. Saved Black Woman,

So, your story differs because of how? I’m lost here. Just because he was a pastor, you didn’t think he was capable of doing the “unthinkable,” and walking out on you? He’s still a man. Just because he’s a pastor how does that make him any different than any other person? He is still human. You folks are going to learn to stop putting these people on pedestals and lifting them higher than holy heaven. EVERYONE IS HUMAN. And, we all err.

Chile, you know how many people use God’s name in vain? You know how many men you will meet and use that line, “God told me….” as way to get out of a relationship? Honey, you should have smacked the –ish out of him and told him, “God told me to do that!”

And, if you are scared to move on and you’re skeptical about getting involved with another man who talks about God all the time, then don’t ever date again. Resort back to your hood rat ghetto ways and get you a man cut from the same cloth. There, that solves that problem.

Girl, I don’t get it. So, because a man broke your heart and hurt you, now you want to clump all men in the same category and think they will do the same thing to you. Uhm, well, guess what boo boo? You’ll never date again. You’ll never fall in love again. You’ll never find a man again. Why? Because you don’t know what people are going to do. You don’t know what life has in store for you. And, you don’t know how the next relationship is going to end. Chile, you may as well go sit in the closet, turn off the light, and don’t go out ever again.

My grandmother had a saying, and I know you’ve heard it before, “One monkey don’t stop no show.” And, I can’t believe you are letting that monkey put an end to your sold out performance. Girl, get a grip on life and reality and stop acting like a project chick. Because that is exactly what you are doing. Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean you’re not that person any longer. The saying goes, “When you know better you do better, but you’re doing better because it takes all the strength in your body to not want to curse somebody out and hurt them.” LMBAO!

Stop being the victim with this, “Woe is me,” attitude. Pick yourself up, dust your shoulders, and get back in the dating game. Consider it a blessing that he moved on. Try to learn the lesson from the relationship. I’m sure he did you a favor. Chile, could you imagine years later and you would have been with him, and he asked you to marry him, but after second thoughts, and friends and family all up in his ear talking about your past, girl, he would have stood you up at the altar. Now that would have been fierce. That would have been a different story that I hadn’t heard before.

Get over yourself. Honey, you are no different than any other woman who has been dumped. But, I am glad you have decided to turn your life over to God and be a different person. PRAISE HIS NAME! But, know that doesn’t make you exempt from dealing with a**holes. An a**hole comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. And you met one. Don’t you know the holiest folks in the church are the ones who keep the drama going? With their saved and sanctified selves. Just precious! If I were you, I would go to his church, sit in the front pew, and just as he is about to give his sermon you bum-rush the pulpit and confront him in front of the entire congregation. I mean get loud, ghetto, and indignant about it. Do all the movements and grunts that pastor’s do. Let your old hood behavior be revealed.  I’m sure he it’ll be a performance he’ll never forget. LOL! So, move on, get back in the dating game and have fun. Live life and enjoy that new man. Don’t block your blessing because it just may be the new man! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

How many of you have been told the line, “God told me you were not the one for me,” and you were hurt and couldn’t move on?

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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