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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am 17-years old, still in school, and making plans to go to college. My boyfriend is 18-years old going on 19, out of school, has no job, no license or car, and doesn’t seem to be making an effort to get out of his mother’s house.
We plan on moving in together and getting married after I graduate from high school. I love him more than anything, but I’m scared that us being together is not gonna give him the motivation to be a man that I need for him to be. We barely see each other because he lives in a town one hour away from me. But, when we see each other his mother or older cousin is always around. I want to tell him to at least try to grow up and make grown up decisions, but I don’t know how without feeling like I’m nagging or pressuring him. What do I do? Please help me. – Ms. Lost
Dear Ms. Lost,
Where are your parents? No, scratch that. Where is your parent? No, scratch that. Where is your mother? No, scratch that. Where is the woman that gave birth to you? Clearly there is no woman around, or perhaps there is, and you’re following in her footsteps. Regardless, no woman who is sane, living, breathing, and got a tad bit of sense would even entertain this conversation with your young ass. And, where is your father? Chile, nevermind.
SMDH! I can’t, I can’t, and I won’t. Ugh! When is Jesus coming? Lawd, make it stop!
Chile, if this is the generation of kids we have to look forward to in running the world in the next 10 to 20 years, we are “F****D.” A generation influenced by music videos, reality television, video vixens, booty models, technology that doesn’t advocate proper English, or communication skills, all they know is how to talk via text using phrases and acronyms.
I swear they need to bring back the days of paddling these kids in schools. Don’t y’all remember when you acted up and the female teachers would send you to the male teacher who had the big ass paddle in his classroom? And, he would make you bend over the desk and he would cock his arms way back to Africa and swing. But, you can’t do that these days. Not with these ignorant ass momma’s who want to come up to the school and show out and curse out the teachers. And, especially not with these kids who bring guns to school nowadays. Chile, what happened? I know. It’s these crack, heroine, and methadone babies with mental health issues.
Girl, you are 17-years old and still in high school. What the hell are you doing with someone who is out of school, with no job, no car and no license, and no ambition? And, you’re talking about marriage after you graduate high school? Really? Really, Ms. Thang? Please, somebody tell me where they do that at?
I wish you were my child. You know what, no I don’t because you wouldn’t be alive, and I would be locked up. I wish you would come to me talking some bull-ish about marriage after high school with some bum. Ooooooohhhhh! I wish I could just reach out and knock some sense into your young ass brain.
How the hell are you two going to get married with no money? Where are you getting married, in his momma’s backyard? Where are you going to live? Let me stop asking you questions because clearly you, nor he, have thought this through. I feel sorry for you because I know your momma dropped you on your head when you were a baby and you still haven’t fully recovered.
You can’t make someone be motivated to do better. You can’t make someone be motivated to change their life. They have to want to do it on their own. And, sweetie, if he is not the man you want him to be now, trust me, he will not be the man you want him to be 3, 5, 10, or 15 years from now. No marriage, no amount of love, and no amount of pleading is going to make him be who you want him to be. I’ve said it and I’ll say it again, stop dating and falling in love with the potential in these men. Stop falling in love with the idea of who he will or can be. HE IS NOT THAT MAN! UGH!!!!!
You know what, why am I talking with you? I can’t have a conversation with you because you think you’re grown. You think you know every damn thing. And, no matter what anyone says, you’re going to do what you want to do anyway. That’s what’s wrong with you fast ass silly little girls today. You don’t want to listen to nobody. And, on that note, I’m done. I really am done with you. I can’t answer this without wanting to track you down and shake you until your brain comes loose. Go sit your ass in the corner and don’t move until I tell you to.
I hope some of the readers will respond, especially the women, and provide you with some insights and words of wisdom. I’m done! Ooooooohhhhh, I wish I could just slap the –ish out of you. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Could you all please talk some sense into this child before she ruins her life!
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!