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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have this situation where I have feelings for someone who has a position where he is closely watched (pastor). He is single and has never been married. We have talked before and it has been put on the table that we both are feeling each other. When we are alone he is touchy feeling and likes kissing me. I’ve also noticed that when we are near each other he watches every move I make.
I’ve asked before when are we going to sit down and figure out what we are going to do and all he says is that we will talk. I don’t chase behind him, he is always the one making the moves and chasing after me. What do I need to do? I honestly need a male perspective on this because I am honestly so confused right now. – Waiting On Him
Dear Ms. Waiting On Him,
Girl, I don’t understand what the problem is. There is nothing you need to do. Actually there is. You need to sit your hot self down and use that church fan to cool off.
Haven’t you heard of a thing called, “Getting to know you?” This is the opportunity to get to observe one another. Check one another out and see if there is really some interest, besides your hormones raging. Chile, you need Jesus!
I don’t understand the fascination folks have with meeting someone and within minutes, hours, and days are ready to jump in the bed with them. Take the time to get to know someone. He is obviously interested in you. And, as you’ve stated, he is being watched closely because of his position as a pastor. Now, from what I know, there are a few things happening. He is observing you to see who you socialize with and how you maintain yourself as a lady. Because he is the pastor and he can’t have some floozy, tramp, or loose woman sitting on his arm. And, as a pastor he has to be careful of his steps because if he is jumping in and out of bed with every woman who comes across his path he can lose his post.
Now, clearly you don’t sound like the type of woman who is just loose and ready to bed the pastor. You seem like a respectable woman. And, as a respectable woman, let him chase you, initiate the conversation, and the dates. Remember, he is a man, and he is supposed to chase after you. He is supposed to court you.
Uhm, sweetie, you do know what courting is, don’t you? It’s when a man calls you up for conversation. He takes you out to dinner, the movies, and to various events. He is getting to know you, as well as you are getting to know him. When you are being courted you examine your feelings, emotions, and the physical attraction. You want to make sure everything is alignment and not just your hot box! And, when things seem serious you will get to the point where you begin kissing, and being touchy feeling. Don’t give him any goodies, or samplings now. Pull back and let him pursue you. Besides, he said the two of you will talk. So, just be patient. Let him call, and initiate the conversation. And, when he does, just listen. I mean, geesh, what are you in a hurry for?
Listen, Ms. Waiting On Him, there is a chapter in my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND, called “Be Still and Wait: Patience Is A Virtue.” I wrote this chapter in my book for women like you who are so anxious on everything, but never patient on listening to what the man is saying, and what God has in store for you. If you’re being still and patient, and if this man is the one for you, trust me Diva, it will be made clear. The things he does and how he acts will not leave any question or doubt in your mind. So, be a lady, remain virtuous. Just because he is showing some interest doesn’t mean it’s time to make him your boyfriend, move him in, and plan the wedding. Because, honey, I know you can see yourself sitting perched in the front row with your big church hat on as the first lady. Girl, sit down and be still and wait. Just watch and listen to everything as it plays out. And, it will play out. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!