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She’s kept quiet about the brutal 2008 murders of her mother Darnell, brother Jason and nephew Julian. Now, Jennifer Hudson is finally speaking out.

On VH1’s Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson on Monday night:

“It’s all a blur, it was surreal. It was like I was outside of myself. For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out,” she says. “I prayed when I’d get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night.”

Hudson barely addressed the murders until the 2009 Grammys, where she performed a poignant, moving rendition of “You Pulled Me Through.”

“I was definitely thinking of my family when I was singing that song. I could hear my brother in my head, like, ‘Jennifer, you need to kill this, you need to get up and do it.’ I knew he would be disappointed if I didn’t do it justice.”

She added that her 11-month-old son David has helped her heal, and that he “reminds me of my nephew.” And he also helps her remember her mother. “In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom.”

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