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Hi Kareem,

I am a 29-year-old single female in NYC, and I thought I’d found the one. We have been dating for about 2, almost 3 months now and things have been wonderful. We have spent time with each other and have really grown to like each other as friends and are ready to become lovers. One night last week I decided to invite him over to my place for an intimate dinner… after which I planned on making our relationship physical. Things started to get hot and heavy and then he dropped the bomb on me. As I was on top of this man… kissing him all over… ready to give myself to him physically… he announces to me that he is HIV positive. I have never gotten dressed so quickly in my life!! I yelled and screamed because I could not believe he kept that from me. I kicked him out of my house and told him never to call me again. Now I feel terrible. Did I overreact?

Kareem Says:

I think you overreacted. He has probably been dealing with this for quite some time. I’m sure that he does not feel comfortable divulging this information to everyone. Having this disease has probably made him feel isolated and alone, and I’m sure that dating you has been therapeutic for him.

The fact that he chose to tell you means a lot. He wanted you to know his situation before anything physical transpired. Your yelling and screaming was based on fear (and perhaps ignorance) about HIV.

On the other hand, he should have told you his situation in a non-sexual moment. That probably would have lessened your initial shock. I think you should call him and discuss your thoughts and feelings about what transpired.

-KJ

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