The Internets wept three epic thug tears when Drake posted and deleted this photo which revealed his bare face:
That’s right….BEARDED BAE Drake is now just….Drake.
For anyone out there who has had to say RIP to their man’s beard, I’ve outlined the five stages of grief you will experience in the upcoming days, weeks, and even months, before he re-grows every single strand of his bearded glory.
WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF??? WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACEEEEE??
Second Stage- Hysteria
Your man’s burly lumberjack face is suddenly turned baby soft and the appearance is shocking at first. You immediately text and call all of your girlfriends trying to figure out what led him to do this to himself.
You devise a plan to go to the barbershop and personally rip his barber a new a**hole, but your girls talk you out of it because, well, that’s just crazy.
Instead you give him the “butt” in bed–face-to–face missionary would be too much to bear right now.
Third Stage- Grief
You weep for the days when it looked like at any point your man could go hunting for you and return with a lion or grizzly bear- killed by his own bare hands.
You hatch a plan to hide all of his razors and trimmers and lock his barber in your basement for a month. You don’t tell your girlfriends.
You say 10,000 Hail Mary’s (The Tupac song, not the prayer).
You break open 500 hair and nail vitamin pills and crush them into his morning protein shake.
You start googling lace front beards and even place an order for one, and then try to figure out how the f*ck you’re going to glue it on his face while he’s sleeping.
This stage, you never reach. You monitor his beard growth from 5 o’clock shadow to prickly face. Waiting….patiently waiting for the man you knew to return.
He Will Return….