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DEAR KAREEM:

I’m 21 years old, no children, work two jobs, in school and paying my own tuition, and beautifully built with a gorgeous face to go with it. However, I’m still single, and I swear it hurts my heart. No matter how much I try to convince myself that my “Mr. Right” will come along, the more I realize that fantasy might not ever come true. I’m told I’m too much like a guy, and I think that’s partly because I don’t ever ask men for anything, but I figure that’s why I’m working two jobs. Well, the pattern is always the same. I meet someone, things seem to be going pretty well, we clown around and just have fun, we are affectionate, and all of the other good things, not necessarily sex, and then bam – I don’t hear anything from them for about a week, then they call and about 3 or 4 days later, like it’s just nothing at all. I just break it off because I notice the change, and I end up in the boat of being heartbroken because I’m left wondering, “what the hell is wrong with me?” Then about a month or so later, the guy will call thanking me for helping me see their future in a clearer light and they have a girlfriend that they love ohhh so much and then they wanna talk about us being great friends and some of them end up fussing with their current girlfriends because they won’t break off their friendship with me. I’m like hell, if you like me that much, why aren’t we together?

I want to be a relationship, not just a friendship. I mean, I have enough friends to last at least two lifetimes. I’m ready for my significant other. I’m tired of being alone and I want to settle down, but I refuse to just settle for anything with two legs and testicles. HELP – WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!!?!?!?!?

Kareem Says,

I get the “Why can’t I find a man?” question all the time. Generally, it comes from a woman in her mid-twenties and up. At 21 years old, I personally think you are too young to be looking for “The One.” Right now you should be dating, hanging out with friends, GETTING A DEGREE, and planning your career. A husband should be on the back burner. At 21, you don’t even know who you are yet. You are still in discovery mode. How can you really be with someone long-term when you don’t know yourself yet?

As far as anyone looking for “The ONE”: I think you should stop looking and let it find you. If you are out, actively dating and meeting new people, he will find you. I recently got engaged. Neither my fiancee nor I were looking for marriage. At least, I know I wasn’t! LOL! But everything happened naturally and organically. It will for you, too, when you least expect it.

Got a question for Kareem? Email him at Kareem.JenkinsNYC@gmail.com

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