You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
My ex-boyfriend became gay on me. We were together for four years and last year he broke up with me to be with a man. He told me that he fell out of love with me, but the truth behind it all is that he is gay.
He cheated on me and you know what, he ended up getting HIV. I’ve been tested many times and they said that I don’t have HIV. Thank God. I feel like, ‘That’s what he gets for cheating on me and lying about everything.”
It was his roommate who turned him out. And now he wants me to forgive him and I want to do it, but, SORRY FOR YA!!!!!! But, now he’s telling me that he is scared to get into a relationship with me because he doesn’t know if he can fall in love with me or have sex, either. But, you know what, I still love him and I want to be with him now. And I hate that, too. I just don’t know what to do. – My Gay Ex Wants Me Back
Dear My Gay Ex Wants Me Back,
Okay, first of all, there is no way I condone wishing any illness or death on anyone. That is mean, cruel, and a sign of an evil and repressed individual. I am also of the mindset that everyone should be mindful of their thoughts, because they become action. And, what you think will manifest. So, be very careful what you allow to manifest and grow in your mind because it will become truth.
Now, do I feel I bad for you, yes, I do. He lied, he cheated, and deceived you into believing your relationship was real and that he was a heterosexual man. Do I believe that his roommate turned him out, no I do not. No man can be turned out. He is, and was, gay all along. So, sweetie, your ex did not become “gay on you.”
I totally understand that you have feelings for him. You were in (what you thought was) a monogamous relationship with a heterosexual man for four years. Yet, you learned the truth, ended the relationship, and now he wants you to take him back. Uhm, sweetie, why are you considering this? He is gay! He is not going to fall in love with you. He is only going to use you, and continue using you for his own personal benefit. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment. There is nothing to consider or reconsider about being in a relationship with him.
But, Ms. My Gay Ex Wants Me Back, I get the feeling you’re going to date him again. And, there is nothing wrong with dating someone who is HIV positive, but make sure you educate yourself about the facts of the disease, its transmission, and get yourself into some counseling or therapy groups. You can contact the local LGBT center in your area for resources.
And, Ms. Thang, if you’re having sex with him again, I do hope you are using a condom. HIV rates among black women are very high, and you don’t want to be another statistic. You can read about HIV rates and infections, HERE!
Oh, by the way, there is lot of misinformation about the transmission of the virus and down low men. All HIV infectious rates among black women is not directly linked to men on the down low. You can also read all the information on the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) website and their findings.
And, chile, I want you to be very clear about something. Just because he tells you he wants to be with you, and he loves you, and he doesn’t want to be with men any longer, don’t get mad and upset when you discover he is still dipping out on you with men. You can’t change him. You can’t make him straight. His being with and liking men has nothing to do with you. I tell you, some women think they can make a man straight by having sex with him. Sugar, that is who is he, a gay man. No amount of sex, loving, or being there for him is going to make him straight. Now that you know, I hope you will do like Spike Lee, and Do The Right Thing – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend