This past week on the Today Show, Tiki Barber asked Dr. Ian Kerner and me about the book 365 Nights: A Memoir Of Intimacy. In the book, a woman gives her husband the gift of sex every day for an entire year. Most male friends I’ve talked to about it light up, then in a matter of nanoseconds look crestfallen. The responses vary from “365? With anyone he wants?” to “A year? Every day? Just with her?” The initial idea, lots of sex every day, sounds good. Then reality sets in: it’s sex with the same person every single day. Ev-er-y single day. Now same-person sex with a hot bedfellow on a regular basis is great–don’t get me wrong. And you calling the shots as far as whatever you want to consider “sex” that day (“I’ll have a BJ today, Honey”) or with whatever variations you want (“How about the French maid outfit today, sweetie?”) may work, but I don’t think that that is what the author had in mind.
Needless to say, I listed the obvious downsides on air: it would become a
chore, like anything else you have to do regularly–laundry, bathing, food shopping. The only upside that was really interesting to me was the fact that if you do have problems the bedroom, you’d be forced to fix them. If the “gift”
were for a week or even a month, well, anyone can get through lame or even just average sex for that amount of time. But think, day 95, day 140, day 240…you have to start being creative and really communicating; it’s like the sex version of “Survivor.” Alone on a island with your spouse for a year, and the prize requires you to copulate every day. Weirder shows have happened.
So, how would this play out in your life? If you had a pact with your spouse to have sex every 24 hours for a year. What would you want?
Summarizing from my male patients, when it comes to sex, here’s what they want…