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A tattoos can be a sexy, meaningful means of self expression. Many people indulge in this semi-masochistic ritual, adorning their bodies with all sorts of images and words.  But unfortunately, as with every thing else, some are unable to gauge where sexy becomes tacky. Sure, a small symbol tucked neatly behind the ear is cute, but a huge big black blob that seems to be consuming your entire neck is gross. Seriously, do you really need a humongous cross on your entire upper arm ladies? Keep Jesus (or your deity of choice) in your hearts and off of your biceps. Please. Here is a list of body parts that you should bypass when considering your tattoo options.

1) Face

It is quite obvious why the face is an unfavorable tattoo placement option. First impressions really are everything. If you have a tattoo on your face then everyone’s first opinion of you will be defined, not by your character, but by whatever is on your mug. Did anyone look at Danger and think, “wow, she seems like a nice person”? No. You all said, “wtf, does that chick have a face tat?”

2) Neck

This one is just a natural progression from the face.  You your neck is a relatively small surface area. Don’t go filling it up with black ink! If you do like the idea of having your neck tatted up, try more subtle designs. Small images or words placed at the back of the neck near the hairline or near the ear are among the sexiest tattoos. Think simple, or else just don’t even think about a neck tattoo.

3) Lower Back

The lower back is just naturally one of the sexiest places on a woman. Put a tattoo on it, and you’ve ruined its natural allure. This spot is so popular amongst the wannabe-sexy gals that it has unofficially been renamed the “tramp stamp.” Avoid this spot at all costs.

4) Shoulder

Subtlety, once again, is key with the shoulder tattoo.  If you ink your entire shoulder and upper arm, it will look masculine. No matter how pretty that angel is, you will still look like a biker if you go ahead and put her on your whole arm.  This is one of the most noticable areas on the body, so use your best judgement when deciding whether or not yuo want to put a mural on it.

5) Breast

If you put two claws on your boobs, it will say two things about you:

a) You like the idea of a small rabid beast trying to scratch your chest off; or,

b) You are in need of attention, so you put huge claws on your breasts to make people look at them.

Both, not so good.  Blatantly directing attention to your breasts is in fact a negative thing. Again, subtlety is key. Boobie tattoos are among the easiest ways for you to look tacky.

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