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After watching “Sex and the City,” listening to Lil’ Kim’s first album, and rocking a fresh Brazilian (for those who don’t know what that is, I’ll fill you in on next week’s blog), I feel empowered. Empowered to do what, you might ask? To fall back! It sounds scarier than it sounds. I have talked to many women in my 29 years of life – married, single, dating, and “other” – and one of the most common “whines” I hear is that “my man doesn’t spend enough time with me.” Ugh…

I’ll admit, I’ve done it. I’ve done it more than a couple of times, and I will probably do it again. But ladies…men are not wired the same way we are.  All men vary, but on average they have 3-4 hard lines: sex, sports, food, and a conversation here and there. That is it. Yes there are always exceptions to all rules, so by no means are all men the exact same. So men, don’t beat me up. But you get my drift.

Fall back on the invitations to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Save that for your girlfriends. You don’t hear your man asking you to look under the hood of a car or to play video games, unless you’re into those types of things. Do the same for your man. Build a greater bond with your girlfriends so you can equally split up your time. Trust me: if your man senses that he isn’t needed as much, he’ll be asking to be added to your busy, eventful calendar.

The saying “less is more” plays wonders in a relationship. When you give up too much, you lose the most! Do things on your own; there is nothing sexier than an independent woman. So ladies, let’s test this out. I want to give you a 4-week challenge:

Week #1: Plan an event for you and your girls. Maybe go to the club or on a weekend trip somewhere. Anything. Don’t ask your man if he wants to go, simply tell him what your plans are. Have a blast doing your “me” time.

Week #1 ½: Make his toes curl; do that special thing you do best that you know he loves!

Week #2:  Go to the movies with friends or by yourself. Again, tell him what you’re doing and don’t ask him to go.

Week #2 ½: repeat week # 1 ½

Okay, you see where I’m going with this…fill in weeks 3 and 4 with events or things YOU love to do and don’t stop doing them simply because your man isn’t enthusiastic about joining you. He just doesn’t like shopping at Pier 1 on a Saturday morning for that perfect beige shower curtain. He still loves you. Now, the one thing you CAN NOT do is reveal your intentions. Don’t go blabbing at the mouth telling your man why you are hanging out more with your girls, etc., etc. – just do it. You’ll mess it all up by opening up your mouth.

Ladies, do you have some simple ways to turn your man’s attention to you without asking? Share with your fellow ladies. Hit me up – I want to hear it all! www.blackplanet.com/MrsLayla

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