Top 10 Most Annoying Text Messages

1. The Texting Cult
There is always at least one point in the night — a lull in the conversation, a pause between thoughts — when it gets really quiet, and you look around and realize that all your friends are busy texting. One person pulls out her iPhone and then someone else starts doing it, and before you know it, you’re in the middle of the sacred circle of text. What to Do: Pull out your phone and send a text to everyone at the table asking, “Should we order another drink?” It will make everyone laugh but also point out the silliness of the situation.

2. The Double Message
Of course you screen calls. Everyone does. Sometimes you’re in the middle of something and sometimes you just don’t feel like talking. But your phone is still working, and you see the missed call and the voice message alert. So why — why?! — do certain people feel the need to send a text letting you know that they just left a message? What to Do: Text back, “What’s next, a carrier pigeon?”

3. The Texting Tease
You’re seeing a really cute/smart/funny/cool new guy, and your heart skips a tiny beat every time you get a text from him. In the middle of the week, you get one asking what you’re up to this weekend. Assuming he wants to do something together, you let him know that it’s looking pretty relaxed so far. Does he then proceed to make a plan with you? No. He responds, “Oh okay, cool.” What to Do: Respond “Yeah, but call my secretary if you want to schedule something.”

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4. The Lingering K
This one is especially aggravating if you’re not on an unlimited texting plan. You get a message asking how your day went or if you’ll be free at a certain time, so you send back a detailed and informative reply. Your phone dings again. You open the message and it says…“k.” The offender doesn’t even need to reply to the message. But if they feel the need to, could they not at least drum up something a little more personal/creative/not totally unnecessary? What to Do: Respond by letting them know how much, to the cent, they owe you for superfluous texts the next time you’re together. Then hold your palm out expectantly.

5. The Bulk Texter
An example of what a series of texts from this person might look like:

Text 1: Hey!
Text 2: What’s up?
Text 3: What are you doing tonight?
Text 4: Some of us are going to Cool People Bar tonight.
Text 5: Around 10
Text 6: It’s gonna be me and Chris
Text 7: Are you coming?
Text 8: Let us know
Text 9: Byeee!
Text 10: lolz

An example of what that exchange should look like: “Text 1: Hey, Chris and I are going to Cool People Bar around 10 tonight. Let us know if you wanna come.”

What To Do: Text back,
Text 1: Please
Text 2: never
Text 3: text
Text 4: me
Text 5: this
Text 6: way
Text 7: again.
(one-minute pause)
Text 8: For “realz.”

See the rest here.