DEAR KAREEM: My Woman Is Turning Me Off!
Yo Kareem -
My girl doesn’t really turn me on anymore, cuz she doesn’t take care of herself like she used to. We have been together for 4 years and now that we’re engaged, she has gotten sloppy and fat. We don’t have kids and she has gained at least 25 lbs since when I met her. Now I find myself thinking about other chicks all the time, and am really tempted to get some of that forbidden fruit. Is it cheating for me to be thinking about other chicks?
Mr. Uninterested
Kareem Says,
Brother, if you are preoccupied with other women and obsessing over being with them, you are going to cheat. No two ways around it. You may also be feeling anxiety over the fact that you two are about to tie the knot, which is common for most newly engaged men.
If you are really in love with this woman and want to be with her as husband and wife, you need to address this issue. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure and divorce court. I think you need to keep it real with her. Take her to dinner (well, maybe not dinner…) and tell her what is on your mind. Tell her that you are concerned with the weight gain and with the lack of upkeep. She will most likely cry and throw a tantrum. Then make suggestions on how both of you can solve the problem. Join a gym together, take martial arts together, or train for a half-marathon. You should also go shopping with her and pick out outfits that you would like to see her in. Check out the latest issue of GIANT magazine for some style tips.
Those activities will make your bond tighter and enhance your relationship for the long run.
Please note: I am writing this assuming that Mr. Uninterested has his shit together. If not, he has some serious nerve and needs to re-evaluate himself before he stresses his woman on her look.
-KJ
Got a question for Kareem? Email him at Kareem.JenkinsNYC@gmail.com and check back to see if YOUR problem as been solved!
Black and Married With Kids suggests THIS way to tell your mate to lose weight.
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Comments 14
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jan457boo
simple answers.. the male is not happy with himself. her weight today, tomorrow her voice. he
is bored with himself and the relationship. someone looks ,money,home etc is not why u r in a relationshp. it should be some emotional connection…..this is SIMPLE SIMON 101
WHEN U R NOT HAPPY WITH ONE SELF U ALWAY BLAME THE OTHER PERSON…………
NjABS
if he’s not attracted anymore it won’t happen in the future. A marriage starting off like that is destined to fail. Better to cut the loses now before you get in too deep. Just remember, the breakup will be ugly. Especially when he says she’s just gotten too fat.
sigma_magnus
wHO IN THEY RIGHT F**KING MIND WOULD WANT A FAT ASS B***H!!! WHAT FETISH SITE YOU FOUND THAT ON. MEN WHO LIKE FAT WOMEN LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEYLL DO S**T THE SKINNY ONES WONT. TOSSED YOUR SALAD AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE YOU WANT. ITS LOSE LOSE.
SnapshotNTime
When you love someone you should love them unconditionally. With that being said, you should also love yourself. Being healthy and looking your best are goals that every woman and man should strive for. At the same time, we have a tendency to get comfortable when we have been with someone for a while. Your significant other should be your bestfriend, and everyone knows when additional weight becomes noticeable, our bestfriends are the ones that tell us. So casually bring up that you both have put on a “couple” pounds and you want yourself and her to be more healthy. That way she will not jump on the defensive and think that you are telling her she is no longer attractive, but instead, she will hopefully evaluate herself and try to make more of an effort to watch what she eats. That means you both have to work out and do it together. Also, you have to eat more healthy. Men can stay up and eat late at night and it won’t have a noticeable effect. But women aren’t always so fortunate. So you have to stop your bad habbits because if you do it, she will be tempted to. So don’t eat a lot of junk food and don’t eat anything 3 hours before going to bed. Drink more water and 100 percent juices, and try to walk a nature trail in the park or run on a treadmill for 15 mins a day. Even if you don’t think you need it, you have nothing to lose but weight. But you have a better relationship to gain.
MAXAMIL1
Devil Advocate : Why take care of your self before you get hitched. Then let yourselves go. I heard woman say why bother I got him now. Let be honest men are visual, and your looks is what got you in the door in the first place .
ChocolateeMarilee37
Frankly, if you are considering cheating, its in your heart, your not ready to marry.
If her appearance isn’t what it use to be kindly reminder her. Talk to her and find out why she picked up the extra weight, you never know it could be you that’s making her stress.. Always sweep around your own front door first boo…
najaca
Well, as someone that gains and loses the same 20-30 pounds every year, I rather you leave all together because I’m not dealing with a man that’s conscious of it and not focusing on himself and his flaws-which I’m positive you have. I’m lucky that I have admirers that don’t really care either way
, I’m sure your girl does too! True, some men and women that gain weight, look completely different. At 5 foot 8, 20 pounds doesn’t really show; I’ve been the same dress size since puberty. I rather you leave and be replaced, rather than to be with someone with low-self esteem and will try to make me have low-esteem too. People should maintain their heath and weight; I do, but depending on age, not everybody can maintain the size they were in high school. If you want to cheat, that’s so weak of you. Just leave her. Let her have her youth and good looks to share with someone else that doesn’t care about her “issues.” Let’s be clear, its your issue, not her issue. It’s you that has to fix you. Leave so a better man can come through. Basta ya!
yepthatsme
all these men in here runnin their mouths about her losing weight or leaving her are fools. at least weight gain is something she can change. plenty of women bite the bullet and marry those of u with ticklers (under-developed p***ses) becuz they love you enough to deal with it. so shut up. otherwise…just like kareem said, talk to her about it and support her in bettering herself.
prettyredd100
DON’T MARRY THAT WOMEN,SOON SHE WILL BE BIG AZZ HOG THEN U WILL BE STUCK.U DONT HAVE TO JOIN NOTHING IN ORDER FOR HER TO LOOSE WEIGHT.SHE HAS GOT TO FEEL GOOD ENOUGH ABOUT HER SELF,CAUSE IF SHE IS TRYING TO LOOSE FOR U IT’S ALL FOR THE WRONG REASON.DON’T DO IT,IT IS A TRICK.
clw5791
Good advice Kareem…esp the part about if he dont have his s**t togetha himself…dont throw stones if u livin in a glass house..This is a sensitive topic..Howeva on a keepin it real note- this brotha got a tuff decision to make…he could still offer to help her w the weight loss but if she aint willin or sees no issue…what then? Its like from a woman standpoint…yes u can love a man thas makin very lil money but treats u right…but u will still want him to elevate himself and set higher goals..so what happens if he is like naw im straight..im good..im cool with makin 10.00/hr for the rest of my life…Believe you me the desire will fade but you will still love him..this aint about love its about desire…the passion that keeps the relationship fresh…so evryone needs to keep it real!! The bigger issue is the growing rate of obesity among the black population and Americans in general. You should want to do it not just for the aesthetics but do it for your damn health! Peace
LADYINRED19
Have you ever took some time and looked at your self? Maybe it’s something about you she don’t like. But she just deal with it because she love you for you. It is so easy for a person to think that the grass is greener on the other side, but when you get there you realize that it is only turf. Now you have lost the person who loves you unconditionly behind something you could’ve help her with. So stop tripping.
BabiSista12
well maybe you need to find out whats make here gain weight or why her eating habits may have changed. i know my brother’s girl has packed on quite a few more pounds in the last four years with him(even though she was always kind of a big girl) now its just everywhere. i know a lot of stress in their relationships has caused her to eat more because she is just not happy. So take a look at yourself and the overall relationship and see whats up. If the weight gain is the only problem with her, you’d be a fool to let the woman i assume you love go over that.
ThangThang
dude tell her to shape up or ship out
cooosta
cuz, chill out, its much more harder to stick in there and fight, than it is to go somewhere else, its your fault too, as a couple when one person slips, the other person has to go super hard, to help get them back, you work togeter as a team, if your hand get swollen you dont cut if off and get another one, you wrap it up treat it and go hard with the other one, until it get back, stick with her, it will make youbetter person and you will enjoy getting in the dirt and going hard to help her get back 100, try it, in the long run it will give you a fulfillment thats puts you on another level as a person,