To Be, Or Not To Be…
I have been going through the commentary on my blog, and I’m impressed that you’ve all taken time out of your day to read my ramblings. I thank you for the support and hope you continue to check out everything that Hello Beautiful has to offer. However, right now, yours truly is facing a dilemma that has me ready to step out on “faith”… even if she’s not ready to step out with me.
Dating has become a rare sport, as the more girls come my way to be entertained, the more I’ve found that no one in life is truly happy. So, when I came across this young lady full of life and an energy that cannot be bottled up, I didn’t know how to react. In plain words, I thought that she was like every other girl I’ve dated. Different name, different face, same consequences and risks that would result in the same ending – my heart broken, a hole in a wall, and some jokes for the good folks at Hello Beautiful. Okay, not a hole in a wall – I have a nice place now – but I haven’t been down this path in ages.
Riddle me this, kiddos… In this age of Myspace, Facebook, social networking, E-Harmony and all that, can a relationship still organically form and work? Has the age of that good, solid bond a la Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee passed for good in our turbulent paparazzi/TMZ days? Yes, I know they had an “open marriage,” but from 1948 till Ossie’s death in 2005, they had to be happy… right?
Well, I do believe that we all deserve some form of happiness and, while I had been on this dating hiatus, a young lady came from nowhere and robbed me of my sanity. They say amore is an irrational act, and I have more questions than answers when it comes to matters of the heart. But I can’t shake the feeling that I get when I’m around her. Equal parts laughter, curiosity, arousal and anger are the gambit of emotions that run through my mind – but what’s the point? Stereotypes would suggest that black women are nothing more than argumentative ‘round-the-way girls who are either out to do you grimy, proclaim a Sistah Souljah innocence and/or will fight with you tooth and nail over matters of little importance. In the same breath, it can be assumed that I, as a black man, am “only out for one thing,” that I’m scared of any true commitment, and would never be able to handle any realistic responsibility.
As men and women continue to battle back and forth in love’s war, this particular young lady confuses me in quite a few ways. I can’t see how one could be mad at what goes on in the Internet world, but it’s hard to not be upset with things she does in the real world – those things that sound worse on paper than they do on my Facebook wall. So, I’m trying to turn off my brain in order for something to make sense. This is not a video game and one does not have control over other people’s actions in real time. I am not an innocent party in this, either; I, too, have my hang-ups. Rather, My fear in all of this is that, because there have been feelings exchanged, somewhere along the lines, she and i are not equal. A part of that may stem from the point that her and I are actually compatible on many levels, but I try to voice my opinions when I’m concerned so that my feelings can be respected. But if I feel uncomfortable with the results at the end of the discussion – has any progress been made between her and I?
…Ladies, are we destined to forever want to have our cake and eat it, too? Can you hold someone to a relationship standard, yet not be in one? Speak on it!
FAB OR FUG?
HOT CELEB PICS!
Comments 18
% %
dala82388
i must admit that dating is difficult…but that is exactly what it is dating. there is no commitment involved so…LIVE AND EXPERIANCE BLISS AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!
ATLCandy1
I think not. It seems that many, male and female, are bent on this nonrelationship THING. What is this phenomenon? Why are people so afaid of being in a relationship? The bottom line is how can you can expect something that is not to behave as though it is? We are either in a relationship or we are not. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. How can one continue to run on empty. It is frustrating and infuriating.
cranberryapple1
i have been hurt more than once,i try not to change but try to be the person that god meant for me to be and that is honest caring,sensitive to other peoples feelings and if your with someone you really care about love them for who they are and not try to change them because that is the soul reason you are with that someone special because what you can bring into the relationship the passion, the love
Jam72
Hello Beautiful,
Are u saying she doesn’t respect ur feelings and if so why do u really want to be with her? We women want our cake and eat it, too. But we both better respect each others feelings. If u can’t make allowances to make the relationship work it is time to move on.
MOEB1100
I am beginning to realize that it is hard nowadays to not be afraid of committment, especially for men. We are all just afarid of getting out hearts broken, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am actually glad that you are able to admit that to yourself, most people can not. I would say before you actually enter a realtionship with someone else that you do not do so unless you are willing to take that risk, the risk of getting your heart broke. I also think that it’s cool to be friends first, to see what you’re getting into. (if you guys have engaged in “relations” then this becomes more difficult.) As far as the standard, you get out of it what you put into it so to speak.
sheryldash
Kevin, in this day and time we need to look to the hills from whence comes our help! Jesus said that HE who finds a wife finds a good thing! Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and ALL its righteousness and all of these things (love, happiness, joy, peace, relationship, wealth, strength, etc.) will be added unto you! You must know who you are first in order to know who you want! All of the answers you seek are in Jesus! He says that I have come to give you life and life more abundantly. God is Love, He created and ordained love between a Man and a Woman and when He gives you a mate, then you will find happiness, love, peace, and joy because you will have learned the mysteries of who you are in Christ! Read the book of John, pray for understanding, wisdom, and knowledge of that book and He will give it to you! I pray that this word will not fall on deaf ears and that it will bring forth good fruit!
Be Blessed in the Lord!
stopbeingsorry
in spite of the fact that i found your blog to be very interesting i thought tht it was missing something like a pb&j sanwhich without enough jelly… what EXACTLY is the issue that you’re having with her??? have you conveyed your feelings with her?? is it that big of an issue that you can’t look past it?? if it is move on??? if not stop dwelling on it and move on and see what the two of you can blossom into….
waynelaboy
none of it will ever work out. men and women cannot work together w/out cheating on their spouse or significant other. very few people have that rare trait sooner or later we’ll see someone we’re attracted to and with the encouragement of friends!!!!
coffey4too
I think relationships have changed. It use to be a bond between man and women a bold so tight that no-one person could ever break apart. Now, its just want you have to offer. What can I gain for being in a relationship with you.
n2musak
People can’t hide behind foolishness long. At some point the truth oozes out without warning and you will know what’s really going on.
chocolate_girl_4u
Anybody on any of the interactive sites should know that there are people who aren’t seriously looking for a serious relationship. I see so many people who prefer casual relationships, relationships without responsibility. People are putting their profiles online on these sites and it entices people to join and search out those they want to find that is close to what they themselves are lacking. We often are vain and we look for compliments that will compliment us, but we are missing one thing and that is love. No on can live without it, but stay in the belief that love is real and it can be obtained. You just have to trust your heart and use common sense.
Totalimage_2
My brother, the most powerful words in all your blog on this is…Can you hold someone to a relationship standard, yet not be in one? No matter how compatible, how strong your feelings and emotions are, if neither of you are committed to eachother in any form…what do you really have? I believe the bible suggests the final goal is to become one(of course when you get married). But to get to the ultimate goal…dating has to become a prelude to the latter. Bottom line, no you can’t hold someone to a relationship standard and not be in one.
YXESSSA
i found that sometimes thats the best way to be. just no that when your with that person you do your best to let them no your ture feelings at all times.that way things dont go crazy.a under standing person will no that every body wants there cake and want to eat it to but will also no everything is not for every one.
MeMe1997
Wow, you said a mouthful. I can only speak on my experiences, do I want my cake and eat it to. Why have the cake if you can’t eat it? Seriously it is up to the person. No one is perfect so no one can expect to find the perfect mate. I feel you have to find the one that fix you best. Then you have to make the choice to go all the way no stay at home. Don’t play with people’s feelings and if you feel yours are being played with speak up. You really only can control you, and how you are treated so take that control and use it.
Stormyweathers25
Don’t be afraid my dear. I tell people to take their time, take each day at a time. If it is ment to be it shall be, but if it doesn’t work and even after you have tried, you never know what else may be in store for. I wish you the best!
-storm
fluffyangel
I’m a lyricist/novelist, so I do understand possessing talents. It’s truly important to meet one’s potential and center one’s self around positive thinking individuals. I strongly encourage this particular past time. I’m single not lonely; however, you indeed interest me. If time allows, send an e-mail/stop by my page. -Merlyn
muphasa69
Hey whats up my name is Rafael and reading u thought in all this it seems that u dont listen 2 ur self I mean u dont wanna end up like lavern and sherly all tho why not just trust ur self and beleaive on ur expectations the rest will b understood on the way so dont trip – if yes said no , and no said yes would there b room 4 maybe’s- holla
awww, kev! godspeed, that’s all i gotta say. love is a mean street. but there are some pleasant rose bushes along the way. (no pun intended)