Sexual Past: Do You Share Or “Shh”?
I blame Britney Spears. Her new song “3″ came on the radio, and I had to blurt out to my boyfriend – almost too excitedly - that the lyrics were about having a threesome. And so, after his fear-inducing stare, the incessant questioning began: “Well, what about you? Have you ever?” And as we all know, no matter the answer, your partner has already made up a scenario in their mind that no amount of denials (or in some cases, admissions) can change. So, how much is “too much” when it comes to sharing your sexual past with your current partner?
Reasons NOT To Share:
1. We’re not in high school anymore. Telling anything more than your “number” – like counter-top, car ride, and closet escapades – will just come across as bragging. Besides, one too many of those “This one time, at band camp…” stories may scare the future love of your life away. Not everyone likes the naughty.
2. Once you reveal, you can’t retract. You think that disclosing your darkest, dirtiest secrets will bring the two of you closer together, but what it really does is create bouts of jealousy and passive-aggressiveness. Those moments that your man seems to be distant and slightly unaffectionate, he’s not tired…he’s thinking of who hit it before he did. And if they were better.
3. You can’t change the past. Even Adult Simba from The Lion King said that. What good is talking endlessly and elaborately into all hours of the night, without ever coming to a compromise or conclusion, about what once happened? Unless it involved cheating or some sort of overlap in an undefined relationship, let it go.
5 Ways To Think Like A Man In Your Relationship
Reasons TO Share:
1. Safety, folks. Men: think like a squirrel, and protect your nuts. Women: think like the cat-lady next door, and protect your, well, you know. Unprotected activity should always be a concern. Knowing how often, and with how many, your partner has condoned the use of a contraceptive is more on a need-to-know basis than, say, if he looked two-seconds too long at shorty across the room.
2. You get the upper hand. Though this may be hard to admit while first hearing your man describe exactly which of exes did what where, in the long run, you end up uncovering what he really likes and what he absolutely hates. So, listen carefully, take notes, and gain insight on how to please him better.
3. Weather the storm. What self-respecting couple really expects to stand the test of time with lies and omissions just bubbling at the surface? Everything that’s done in the dark will come to the light anyway, so you might as well be non-judgmental, a good listener, and honest once you see it getting serious. Warning: This is only for the mature and self-secure. But once achieved, it’s clear you’ve got a keeper.
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Comments 16
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msveevee1
I believe in honesty, but if it’s not brought up, then I don’t talk about it. If someone was to ask me for a number, I would probably say something like this, “I’ve been with enough to show you that I’m talented and experienced with what I do when I do it. How about that?” And if they keep fishing for that number, I might lose my patience with him and he might get his feelings hurt. As far as him telling me his number, I really don’t give a damn as long as he knows what he’s doing and he does it well. (But being that I’m cool with being single, sexy and free, I don’t need to worry myself with that type of stuff anyway).
MS_A_08
OKAY, WOMEN ARE VERY DISCREET ABOUT THE NUMBER OF MEN THEY HAVE SLEPT WITH. SO THEY WILL EITHER LIE OR NOT BRING IT UP. I DONT THINK ANYONE SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OR LACK THERE OF BECAUSE WHATS IN THE PAST IS IN THE PAST. YOUR PARTNER SHOULD BE ASKIN U TO GET TESTED, ANY PAST STD’S, STUFF LIKE THAT. ALSO, SOME MEN LIE TO LOOK GOOD SAYING THEY SLEPT WITH 10 AND ITS ONLY BEEN 2. IF U LOVE SOMEONE, U CAN TRULY OVERLOOK THAT. IT WILL BOTHER U ALITTLE AT FIRST BUT U CAN GET PAST IT BECAUSE THERE WILL BE TIMES WHEN BOTH OF U, OR ONE OF U WILL MAKE MISTAKES THAT AFFECT BOTH OF YALL, AND U WILL NEED EACH OTHER’S SUPPORT TO GET THROUGH IT. JUST BE HONEST I MEAN DAMN YOUR “NUMBER” DOES NOT MAKE YOU A HO. NOW SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE U JUST MET AT THE STORE THEN GOIN BACK AND F**KIN THE BAG BOY IS A HOE. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, U HAVE TO LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER’S ISSUES TO SEE IF HE/SHE WILL/CAN GET PAST IT. IDC HOW MANY WOMEN A MAN HAS SLEPT WITH. ITS OT MY BUSINESS. IT HAPPENED BEFORE HE MET ME. NOW, WHILE WE ARE TOGETHER IS A DIFF STORY. CUZ ILL LORENA BOBBIT HIS ASS. LMAO. HAVE A GOOD DAY YALL
PRINCE_DEJOUR
If a woman had professional numbers “everyone knows what I mean” I think subconsciously I would judge her. How many people can handle their new partner telling them she has had over 100 acquaintances. This question is like a double edge sword. On one hand you may want to know the truth but then again can you really handle the truth. I think most people would have a problem with a partner who has had a large number of close friends. As long as the person is healthy, safe and faithful. I think that in most cases its best not to ask. Its human nature to judge or evaluate individuals. It could be a new person you meet or someone your family member introduces you too. Especially when your son or daughter introduces you to their new friend.
drkchokolate_10
Hey TMAC_35000, I appreciate you saying that a woman would want to know if I am experienced enough. And trust me I am, I don’t have any STD’s and thats what matters. But I promise you no one will ever know the real number,not be bragging or anything at all. It just is what it is. If someone new the real number they would definitely be judgmental it’s human nature.Peace
Da_J_Rok
The Dreaded Number is the worst and I mean worst thing ever… Women always lie about this one unless they truthfully havent broken the two hand policy, and in order for me to protect myself I simply say “I dont know and lost count in ‘02″ which is a true story
shyscorpio1
i believe honesty is the best policy but i am willing to share only if she is too!
i wont judge her for her past and i want vise-versa! if we are grown and mature, then the sky or floor is the limit and i am just happy to be the one she has chosen now! otherwise i have a hard time totally trusting somebody i want to love but some things she feel, is above my head, then she turns into just a nut buddy for me- no trust= no love!
FULL DISCLOSURE, PLEASE!!!
NYCsmoove
If I’m going to marry you, I need to know or it won’t go down and you better not lie. I’m a walking lie detector too.
Stan_Vinyl
If the person ask for full disclosure & is mature enough to handle the “ABSOLUTE” truth, then I believe total honesty should be in play.
A woman’s instinct will let her know if he can handle it… Ladies if you lie, we will too… Always remember: light reflects light as deceit reflects from itself as well.
LaDawnThEGreaT1
ok i say shhh.. the only thing i want to know is if u have medical and do you use it.. i dont have a halo around my head, and im sure he doesnt either.. i look for protection in the wallet at all times and good medical insurance..well thats cause im single anyway.. but hey.. if i wasnt.. at least i know he protecting himself, so let’s be real about this. i dont want to know and i dont want him to know.. some things are TMI
Dopegurlmagic17
idk im kinda torn because i kno i dont want to hear da person’s im with past last time dis dude was with over 400 women i almost threw up!!! so as long as u dont have a deadly STD i think it is TMI
Nettaboomboom
I really don’t have nothing to hide as far as my sexual past. I haven’t done anything yet, maybe that is my babyfather still love my ass even though we are thousands of miles away. Even though I haven’t done anything in my past, he know what I am capable of doing and am very talented in that area. And any man that get it will be very pleased.
TMAC_35000
@drkchokolate_10, I beg to differ, women might not want you to tell them a number but they want you to be experienced. Men are the ones who are the most judgemental on the sexual past of their partners.
drkchokolate_10
I would never tell my real number. Hell I would never be in a relationship again
TMAC_35000
Yep, keep your mouth closed. I would say that if both parties are willing to openly discuss and accept whatever comes out of it then fine but the fact of the matter is people think they want to hear certain things and when they do, they can’t handle it.
dutchesof3
TOTALLY AGRE WITH Shamel_
Shamel_
“Shhh” OF COURSE (lol)! This is one of the the few HB articles that I TOTALLY AGREE with. WOW!!! However, we need to add: 4). Why would you want to divulge any information that is not RELEVANT to your current relationship? 5). There is a such thing as TMI especially when you stand the risk of them using this information against you later–huge red flag!!!
*I tell things on a “NEED TO KNOW” basis…if you don’t need to know I don’t tell you!!!*