How To Cope When He Cheats
There’s nothing more hurtful and humiliating than finding out that your partner has had an affair. If these feelings aren’t thought out and dealt with appropriately, the healing process will never occur.
Here are some ways to cope when your partner cheats on you:
1) Avoid denial. Resist the temptation to deny that adultery has happened in your relationship. Accepting that it happened is the first step to coping with adultery.
2) Avoid imagining the worst. You may be tempted to obsess on what happened and why it happened, to wonder whether it was your fault, to imagine exactly what your spouse and the other person did together, to wonder how the other person compares to you. Your imagination is your worst enemy. Tell your partner your fears if your imagination is upsetting you.
3) Get full disclosure. Discuss with your partner openly your need to know what happened so that you know the worst and don’t let your imagination run away with you. Talking openly and honestly with your partner gets all the issues out on the table and is an important step toward regaining trust.
Guidelines to being a decent girlfriend
4) Decide if this is the end of the relationship. Adultery does not always have to mean the failure of a relationship, but rather can be looked at as a wound to the relationship, or a key turning point. It depends on the individual situation.
5) Reaffirm your commitment to each other, if at all possible. When your relationship has been hurt so badly, in order to heal, it is necessary to remember your commitment to each other.
6) Avoid reminding your partner of the adultery and making repeated accusations. Giving guilt trips only inhibits healing for both of you, for it reopens the wounds. It also can make you bitter and unhappy.
7) Recognize that both of you are in pain. Chances are, your spouse is coping with guilt, shame, regret, confusion, and a sense of failure. You are coping with this crisis together and should support each other, not be each other’s enemy.
Get counseling for any lingering issues of trust, communication, or insecurity.
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Comments 11
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MrOSHE
People Cheat because they want to..
Posted Oct 8
Being cheated on, we all have been done that way. Here are the reasons they gave you that you may agreed with. All of them are lies. They are showing their narcissist behavior. When someone cheats, it’s because they are selfish, weak minded, self centered individual. Here are their excuses
A We had problems. The problem is the person who cheats. The problem was before you two meet. They were looking for someone to boost their self esteem, so they let you give them your love , spend time with them, and show them affection. When they are over their hurt and regain self esteem they see you as a problem but, the problem is their behavior towards you and the bigger problem is you really love them.So the answer is cheat that makes the problem better for them until they are caught..Then they wonder will you snap and hurt them, or worse. THE PERSON WHO CHEAT IS THE PROBLEM..NO MATTER THE PROBLEM THE PROBLEM IS THE PERSON WHO CHEATS!!!
B It just happened. It NEVER just happens. It’s a planned DECEPTION. They were making calls , sneaking around , late night texting while you sleep and making plans to meet up. Remember it never just happens. They put themself in a position to make it happen. Going to clubs…yes when they go to the club they are planning to cheat. They wait for the right cheat, with the right approach and the right setting to make it happen. So it NEVER just happens.
C .You made me do it. Never let someone tell you that!!!! YOU CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE CHEAT!!!! YOU CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE BE WITH YOU EITHER!!! Both are individual choices. They say, you have forced them because you “fussed”. You were fussing because your inner self was telling you the truth about what they were doing and you were catching them in lies. How did you force them to cheat by wanting to spend time? They wanted less time with you so they could cheat. You didn’t trust them and now you see why you shouldn’t had. They wanted your trust to cheat and wanted you to not be suspicious.
D I didn’t know how to tell you it was over. They knew how to ask for sex. Ask you to do their daughter’s hair, ask you to carry on like you been doing. They knew how to ask for money for their childrens’ party, gas money , car note before and after school care etc…. You watch their children, bring them lunch and other things. They knew how to ask you to do what you do, but they didn’t know how to sit down and talk with you about their selfish behavior. They grew apart from you, you didn’t grow apart from them. The knew how to ask you to do what they wanted you to do, but they couldn’t tell you it was over. People who cheat are just selfish individuals who care for nothing but themselves. They never cared for you, ever. They didn’t love you as much as they loved cheating. Its not an accident its not like they tripped over something and they fell into someone or the person feel into them. To cheaters it’s all about them. Things are good when they find it for their own selfish needs. The only way to break a cheater is to leave them. When they realize that they have lost a good woman or man usually they change for the better. Now if you’re out doing the same thing or considering to creep do not complain. This is for those of us that do not cheat. If you cheat when someone cheats on you first instead of leaving you are still just as sorry as they are. When a person cheats leave, that’s what can break them so when they are with the next person they have learned their lesson,if and only if you are a good person. If you take that person back it is a 80% chance they will do it again. They just learned how not to get caught. That’s how you break a cheater you move on with you life do not cheat back on them. You just leave and do not come back. That should be sufficient closure for you. You only need closure from a person when you want them back. Let the cheater go, but do not give up on love because its people who want the love you’re giving. NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE, just be more observant of the new individual, because those with nothing to hide, will let you see all.
REMEMBER: You can not turn a hoe in to a house wife. She must change on her on and the only way for her to change is when good men leave her to the dogs that she deserves. That woman didn’t become a B***H! until that sorry dog slept with her.
REMEMBER: You can chain, build a fence, and watch, a dog all you want, he still will find a way to get lose. He must want to stop being that way. That man didn’t become a dog until he was dogged by that sorry B***H!
Toni_Anthony
Before the Explosion of STD’s one can’t get rid of with a pill and/or shot, in my day, I use to go out and do his thing FOR HIM & still be able to beat him home & have dinner ready! But these day’s, I don’t even waste my time because I’m cool with having dinner alone & still living the life!
Monet337
All I can say is that I agree with you @ 1Divine_soul…
MR_FACE
ms creole the reason u probably dont know is becuz u lookin 4 appearance and not substance plus woman dont pay attention to signs that men give off anyway and i feel u on that homo s**t DIVINE just look at the music,clothes and t.v.
1Divine_soul
LET A NICCA GIT SOM’N OFF HIS CHEST…WOMEN CHEAT JUST LIKE MEN. THERE IS NO REAL DIFFERENT EMOTIONALLY WITH WOMEN AND MEN…NOT EVEN MOODINESS FROM TIME TO TIME. NOT EVEN THE EMOTIONAL CHANGE WHEN THEIR CHILD IS BORN, NOT EVEN THE AMOUNT OF LOVE THEY HAVE FOR THOSE THEY LOVE….This Capitalistic society, we have been brought to and which has been forced on us, and just not blacks either: Eastern Europeans, Mideastern, Africans and Asians alike!! Has brainwashed us that we are to exist at this POLARIZED EXISTENCE of Masculinity Femininity…It has disrupted society so much until it makes everyone dissatisfied with the one they are with, it has made everyone so quick to find a newer and bigger high, much like DSL, and I don’t mean Dik Sucking Lips, I mean the internet highway, a nicca or bich will burn dat sumbich up to look for the next gulp of NUTT To swallow foe you can holla lickity spit!! (Don’t spit it ain’t drank it up….) No apologies, cuz I’m raw like dat….ya’ smell me…now getting back on point….We are a society that has been brainwashed to thinking we need more, this is another reason why many people think they are homosexual: 1. women are not to show care as a man, i.e hold them, feel them up, tell them how sexy they are 2. Men are expected to be a muthafuukin ro the fuk bot!! Would you want your son to be treated like a FukBot or machine….and not to be shown the same love by a woman that you can give…Thats why dese muthafuuka walking round’ here, you think they a thuggg but they maddd cuz they done’ let some c**m sukin fagggette fool dey asss and they mad thanking dey bich gone’ find out, but she don’t give a fuk cuz you paid her ass to gittt ha haiiir did and a bucket of muthafuukin K the fukin FC….hole up let my blk a.sss take a break….(pause mawfukas) ok…now let’s get off the men fa a minute and talk to these ladies…wait a minute, i jst had a thought…FOR ALL YOU BICH ASS MEN DAT DISAGREE WITH WAT IM SAYING, START SOME, AND I SWARE FOE GOD…I WILL TAKE EVERYTHANG INVESTED IN ME…CUZ IM SIK OF THIS BEHAVIOR, AND WE ALWAYS WANNA TAKE UP FOR EACH OTHER AND SAY THAT “DAT NICCA LYING, THAT DON’T GO ON” IT’S KILLING US, DUMB MAWFUKA…LET DA TRUTH BE KNOW, AND IT WILL SET YOU FREE…AND IT WILL ALSO HELP OUR POP. STOP GETTING HIV….MOVING ON…WOMEN…FUKING AROUND ON DA SIDELINE, 3 QUARTER AND 4TH SNEEKY….I KNOW DIS NOW…IT BE THE OLDER ONES….THEY’LLL SUK DA NUTT OUT OF YOU WITH DEY MIND POWER…THEY GOTA MAN, BUT THEY WANT A YOUNGER ONE…WITH A THIN FIGURE LIKE MINE…BUT GOOD THANG I’MA DEVOUT CHRISTIAN…WE GOTA STOP PPL…KNOW WHO YOU WITH…TALK TO THESE PEOPLE…SEE WHAT IT IS THAT THEY WANT….BLK WOMEN STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL OF THE BLACK MEN, WE ARE HUMAN TOOO….ASK US WHAT WE WANT, STOP GETTING AN ATTITUDE, BECAUSE YOU CAN’T LOOK LIKE BEYONCE, BE NATURAL, FORGET ABOUT WHAT SOCIETY SAYS YOU LOOK LIKE, YOU WILL BE SUPRISED THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WILL GET, BLK MEN LET’S EMPOWER THESE WOMEN AND BRING THEM TO CHURCH…BE THEIR FRIENDS, BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR GOALS TO HER, IF SHE WON’T BE SUPPORTIVE, TELL HER, YO’ IF YOU AIN’T FOR ME THEN YOU AGAINST ME…WARNING ONE…WARNING TWO LEAVE….AND AS ALWAYS IF YOU DON’T WANT HIM/HER LEAVE THEM ALONE. DON’T PLAY GAMES. THATS HOW PPL WIND UP SHOUT UP DAWWWG!!! YA’ MEAN…
AND IF YOU GOT SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY…I’M PROLLY OUT SMOKIN A JERNT…DON’T LEAVE NO MESSAGE UNDER THIS ONE…EMAIL ME….LET ME KNOW YOU WANT ME TO CRAK YO HEAD…
LastManStandingTall
If someone cheats on you, end it! Once a person gets away with it the first time, he/she will become used to stepping out on you, evenutally. The first time (for anything) is always the hardest, so the second time will become easier for the cheater, third time easier still, and so forth. Also, some cheaters will do it again if for nothing else but to hurt you if you upset them about ANYTHING. Cheaters are selfish and callous by nature and they could become sadistic if you stick around to let them.
At the same time, once you experience being cheated on, you run the risk of becoming conditioned to it. Again, the first time is tough to take, but then you become used to it. Before you realize it, you expect it to happen and you become a doormat to that person, and others after that one. Don’t allow youself to become used to it and don’t allow someone to mistreat.
While it’s true that some cheaters are sorry and do change, most of them don’t. Wish the person well and move on, but don’t be a part of some experiment to find out if the cheater has changed his/her ways. The odds are against you and the person is NEVER worth it.
I know this from firsthand experience. I know how it feels to be cheated on, and how it can regress into an unhealthy situation. LEAVE THE FIRST TIME!!
stephanie7777
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER
Shamel_
creolelatinasistah, those are my sentiments exactly!!! I would consider this good advice for those who have (or who are) experiencing this situation.
Da_J_Rok
I think Step 4 should be moved to 8… this is the best advice possible huh?
creolelatinasistah
I WISH I KNEW A MAN THAT LOVED HARD ENUF 2 COPE….THEY MUST B OVERSEAS OR ON LOCKDOWN SUMWHERE…AND YES, THE VERY FEW THAT MAY LOVE HARD, LOVE THE WRONG WOMEN AND THAT IN TURN MAKES IT HARD 4 THE REAL WOMEN OF THE WORLD….
ICE7199
WHAT ABOUT HOW MEN CAN COPE???? MEN LOVE JUST AS HARD AND FALL FOR A WOMAN JUST AS MUCH AS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!