You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Hello Beautiful People,

It’s Friday, and it’s that time for some advice, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend.”

I got another two-for from some wonderful readers of Hello Beautiful. Thank you for sending in your questions. You ladies have some great and interesting questions. I humbly thank you for allowing me to give you advice on your relationships, life, career, and other areas in your life. Keep them coming.

Check out the two questions below and feel free to chime in!

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have a situation where I fell in love with a guy a little too fast. “Tony” says he has feelings for me and he wants to be with me, and that we are friends, but we’re more than friends. Tony says we are on the borderline of being together. When we are hanging out, Tony often talks about other girls and he doesn’t really show me attention like he is interested in me. Sometimes I think I’m overreacting. It bothers me that Tony doesn’t show me the type of attention one shows to someone they are interested in. And, Tony isn’t the type who is shy, believe me. Help! – “I’m Just Confused”

Dear “I’m Just Confused,”

Boo Boo! Guess what? Tony is not into you!

What the hell is: “we are friends, but more than friends”? Uhm, is that sex with benefits? That is what I am sensing. Especially the lame line he gave you, “we are on the borderline of being together.” Are you serious? What is this imaginary borderline that will ultimately define your relationship? Is he Madonna? Remember her hit song, “Borderline?” Anyway, Tony gets major points, and I know every man will agree, because he’s definitely upped his pimp game, and he is stringing you along while you’re running behind him with your nose wide open. You better smell all that mess he is putting out (IT STINKS!), instead of the field of roses and lilies you’re confusing it with.

Listen, girl, if you are having sex with Tony, stop it now! Why are you giving yourself to a man who will not define your relationship? You are allowing him to eat, sample, and enjoy all the benefits without giving you anything in return. Girl, you are not a buffet. Do you think your job would allow you to show up whenever you wanted and that they would continue paying for your healthcare benefits? Do you think you could walk into the human resources office and tell them, “I’m thinking of being an employee, and I am going to try you out, but until then, I will show up for work whenever I want and do as I please, but, regardless, you’re going to pay my health insurance”? Girl, get that mess out of here.

If he is complimenting and talking about other girls in your presence, and in your face, girl, IN YOUR FACE, uh-uh, no ma’am, give him the Jimmy Choo boot! If he is not showing you the attention you feel you deserve, give him the Christian Louboutin boot. Make sure not to scuff the red soles as you leave the imprint on his face!

Listen, Ms. I’m-Just-Confused, I am going to tell you as your Gay Best Friend that you deserve all the love, attention, and happiness you can stand, especially from a man who is willing to share it with you, and only you, and he can define the relationship beyond “we’re friends, but more than friends.” But, honey, you are giving all your power over to Tony. You are giving him the power to decide where your relationship is going, and you are allowing him to disrespect you by letting him talk about other women IN YOUR FACE! Let Tony go! Tell him, “Effective immediately my love is under new management and your services are no longer needed!” – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend!

“He’s Not Gay, He Has Gay Tendencies”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have been “friends” with this man “Monty” for two years. While we both admit we have very intense feelings for each other, Monty decided a few months ago that we should become celibate. Now, ever since I’ve known him he has never lied to me about anything. Monty has even told me about other women he has messed around with since we’ve started dating. He swears there is no one else and he doesn’t want me to walk away. Trust me, I have given him many chances to walk away.

While he has had a rough life and have been done wrong many times, sometimes, I wonder if it’s just that Monty is scared of being hurt or he just doesn’t care. See, I’m so confused. Sometimes he treats me like a queen and other days he acts like he could care less. And, if we were actually having sex I would say it was just about sex, but we have been celibate for eight months now.

Am I completely in love with Monty? YES! But, I wonder where all this is going. Does he love me? Does he just see me as a friend? Do I stay and continue to work on things, or do I just cut my loses and move on? Help! – “Do I Move On”

Dear “Do I Move On,”

So, let me get this straight (no pun intended).

1.)    You’ve been “friends” with Monty for two years and all of a sudden he ends the sex with you and says, “We should become celibate.”

2.)    Monty has messed with other women while you were dating.

3.)    He says there is no one else and he doesn’t want you to walk away.

4.)    Sometimes Monty treats you like a queen and other days he acts like he could care less.

Sounds to me like Monty never thought of you as a girlfriend or anything serious. It seems like you were the one who caught feelings and decided to change the dynamics of the relationship. I mean, and let me get this correct, you wrote, “Do I love him? YES!” Girl, you stated, and in all caps, that you were in love with Monty, yet, you don’t know if he loves you. Have you asked him? If you did and he says he’s not in love with you, then guess what, he’s not in love with you. But, I also come from the old school where if you have to ask if someone loves you, then they probably don’t.

Also, have you asked him if you two were ever a serious monogamous couple? I would gather he only saw you as a friend with extra benefits, just like the other women he was with, and now he’s taking a break. And, he is entitled to do just that. It’s been eight months of celibacy. Honey, trust me, he is getting very clear about some things, and one thing is clear, he got you feigning. And, of course he doesn’t want you to walk away, who is going to let their booty call go? He is keeping his options open, meaning you, just in case he decides he wants to start having sex again. Girl, BYE! You better keep your options open, too!

It pains me to hear people equate sex with love. Yes, ladies, many of you equate sex with love. You think if someone likes you, then of course they want to have sex with you. Don’t get me wrong, it does help enhance the relationship, but it does not define a relationship. Let me tell it to you straight, Sex is just sex. Any man will tell you that. A man who can get an ample amount of sex from as many women, or men, as he can, then he will. It’s our nature. It’s our DNA.

But, this is where I say that you are disillusioned and twisted about your situation with Monty. You are asking, “Do I stay and continue to work on things, or do I just cut my losses and move on?” GIRL! What are you working on? Are you a therapist? Are you a certified psychologist? You mentioned he had a rough life and has been hurt many times. Who hasn’t had some rough spots? Who hasn’t been hurt? What are you going to do, fix him? Listen, Ms. Do-I-Move-On, you better get him a list of reputable therapists who can help him resolve the issues from his past. That is not your job. You can stay and be of encouragement, and empowerment, but a relationship with him is out of the question. Yes, move on because as much as you may think you can change him, fix him, and repair him, you can’t. – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend!

Some billboards in the “A-Town” have an unnerving message for African-Americans: “Black children are an endangered species (?)”

Here’s the deal: A national media corporation reported Friday that southern anti-abortion groups say black women “are having a disproportionate number of abortions,” in which are on the rise in the Peach State, based on federal data.

It indicates that 54 percent of the abortions in Georgia are performed on black women; even though black people constitute 30 percent of the general population.

54 percent! That’s staggering, yes. However, where are these women’s voices?

Organized parties opposing the advertising campaign and contradictory data have come out of the woodwork, but where are these lades’ written stories?

It must be disheartening for a woman of color who exercises her right to choose to see an advertisement depicting a lost African-American tyke, blaming her for the endangerment of his race when driving on a major highway.

What about those hundreds of thousands of children in foster care with limited care and resources, and when they are adopted, how many of them are in abusive homes?

Those statistics are also staggering.

Georgia Right to Life, a state anti-abortion group, partnered with Atlanta-based Radiance Foundation, a proponent of adoption, to launch this campaign that comes complete with a Web site called www.toomanyaborted.com. They say that abortion is a setback for a growing black America, not just for black women.

I am also assuming that eliminating a woman’s freedom to be a decision-maker is being progressive?

Debates on health care reform, with abortion an apparent sticking point, continue in unrest among non-bipartisan elected leaders to community activists at town halls.

I wonder after all is said and done, Will such billboards be allowed near every exit or toll station throughout our country?

Maybe the answer will be discovered in former Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow’s pro-life ad expected to air in the Super Bowl.

I support a women’s right to choose. What’s your word?

Links:

http://www.afterellen.com/node/67360,

http://womensissues.about.com/od/reproductiverights/a/AbortionArgumen.htm

WARNING: Reading between the lines can lead to severe bouts of white-hot anger – no pun intended.

Read below! What do you think of this ad? Is this an acceptable way to celebrate Black History Month? If not, what would be more appropriate? SOUND OFF!

From Context.org:

In honor of Black History Month I thought I’d post this Family Dollar ad from last February, sent in by Gloria K.:

As Gloria says, “I guess nothing honors African-American heritage quite like cream relaxer.” Indeed. If only they’d included some skin lighteners, we’d really be set.

Click here to read more.

Check out the hottest celebs pics on the net!!

A blogger at Clutch Magazine wonders why white artists get to profit from typically black modes of fashion but not get labeled “ghetto” whereas black artists have to play it safe because they risk alienating mainstream buyers if they’re too ethnic.

“…When I think of artists who compromise their own heritage for the sake of seeming relevant to a Euro-centric audience, I can’t help but think of female artists in the Black entertainment industry.

Within the Black community, there are perceptions of physical beauty that sometimes vary from the norm; these perceptions are heavily skewed by European standards. History shows the damaging effects that America’s racial climate had and still has on minority women and their self-image/self esteem.

But what happens when someone from outside the racial group is able to profit from abandoned modes of self-beautification?

Fergie being the only female member of the Black Eyed Peas allows her to stand out easily. With her gaudy jewelry, towering hairstyles, and clawing nails, she is hard to ignore. Though these qualities might seem reminiscent of outdated ‘ghetto’ styles that have been deemed tawdry, Fergie manages to make it commercially appealing.

I find it ironic that Black female artists are on the endless pursuit of class and that which will not offend. Fergie’s Black counterparts would never be able to compete in the mainstream market with her image. In music videos and in album books, she can be an urban queen with no reservations, but on the red carpet and in interviews she adheres to the standards of being a lady. READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE HERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Fergie: Kanye Made Hip-Hop “Gay-Friendly”

GALLERY: 2009 American Music Awards

Hello Beautiful!  I know several women that are the cornerstone of their family; I bet you can think of a few yourselves.  There is no substitute  for the kind of woman  that raises a family, holds a job or two, still has time to grow and hold on to a sense of self.  Black Voices  went so far as to name the 20 Sexiest Black Women Over Forty, describing  them as “women who take care of themselves, create their own power, stay sexy to the public and themselves;   an older women who knows what she wants,  has something to teach and looks so good that she makes young boys cry.”  Wow! Share your power with the world, I say celebrate your age, embrace it.

FaboverFifty.com is  a new website created to give a voice to women over fifty.   The brainchild, Geri Brin is  a publisher, writer and marketing executive. Geri feels like this movement will force the world to stand up and take notice of what 50+ women are thinking, feeling, wearing, looking for and buying. Geri is 62 years old and writes a daily blog. Sign on, find out what she has to say or just tell her about someone you know that is Fab over Fifty!

I am also recommending a truly inspiring read and great gift … “Jewels: 50 Phenomenal Black Women Over 50” written by Michael Cunningham and poetry by Nikki Giovanni. Check it out and let me know what you think. Watch this video for more information about Fab over Fifty.

How sad is it that women are now being banned from feeding their babies in public. Must we cower in dirty bathroom stalls with our new born babies just to feed them naturally? This law is just a gross misuse of power that has put women, and mothers in particular, at a huge disadvantage.

What are your thoughts? Should women be allowed to breastfeed in public?

Check out the video below:

Here is the news coverage of the incident:

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Russell went off on a commenter over on his website Global Grind after the person accused him of preferring white women over black women. Here’s what Russell had to say:

“Thats pure bullsh*t I prefer funny, charming and yes beautiful women. I like black, black African women like Ms Tanzania, Flaviana, or Kiara, and i like french african like Noemie Lemoir. I like African American women like Porschla and Katie Rost I like , no LOVE, Asian/Black women like my children AND Kimora Lee. Oh and I like swedish women like my old girl Tova Johannsen. I like blond Texas girls like my ex girl Julie I like danish girls like Heidi Albertson I like Puerto Ricans like Heidy Alliende I could go but the point is made.

I’m sick of racist self hating women suggesting that I prefer this and that. I prefer hot funny charming non cigarette smoking, NON fur wearing women from any place in the world”

To his credit, Russell is definitely not biased, he does dabble in international flavors!!!

Take a look at Russell and his bevy of beauties below:

Why do black men love white women?

Russell Simmons has a meltdown

Tired of all the hype of R&B’s superstars? Do you love real music? Wish for the old days when singers didn’t need 808’s and Heartbreaks, and could sing identical to their records?

Enter Ms. K.Michelle. The no non-sense, hard-hitting, vocal powerhouse reigning from Memphis, TN, has been killing R.Kelly fans as she tours the country with R&B King himself, owning her place among the select few singers who can, well, actually sing. Take a look at HB’s, Alyssa Manners, as the singer, songwriter, and in our opinion superhero, answers questions the same way she sings her songs: Honest, funny, and damn real.

AM: What made you want to be a singer?

K. Michelle: I just think it was something God put me here to do. It was a calling for me and I think, with everything I’ve been through, that He wants me to preach and talk to people through certain things. This is my calling.

AM: I went to your Myspace, and I read your description of your music, and each serves as very strong and declarative statements about your passion for music, and one really stuck out to me. You said you’re “the biggest advocate for being yourself.” What sets you apart from the rest of the R&B singers in the game right now?

K. Michelle: I feel a lot of R&B acts out right now are great, and I respect all of them highly, I just think I’m different. I call my music “honest music,” and I am the biggest advocate of being yourself regardless of what people say that you can’t do this or you can’t do that. You can’t say this or that. I’m just me, and I’m not afraid to go there with my music, and say things that other artists may not dare to say. I don’t shy away from controversy. I tell the truth, and what needs to be said.

AM: Do you think there are a lot of phonies in the industry? What would you say about the industry right now?

K. Michelle: I really don’t mess with the industry right now. I’m here to do what I’m here to do. I’m here to sing. You know, the whole “hoop” and “holler,” the gossip and all of that, I’m not with it. I am in the industry, but I’m not ‘of the industry.”

Take a look at K.Michelle:

AM: Can you explain what’s the difference between the two?

K. Michelle: I’m in the industry because I have no other choice. This is the way I get my music out there, and I need it to get to the masses. So in order for me to get [my music] out there, I have to be in the industry. Being of the industry, people get caught up in the industry life. Caught up in the hype, caught up in not just the music, but the money, and being all about the fame. I’m not with that. I just love to sing, and to be able to have people tell me I helped them through the day.  I just love music. That’s me. So I’m in the industry because that’s my vessel to get to other people and help them. But I’m not of the industry because I’m not big on the hype of it.

AM: After listening to some of your songs, there’s this really strong message in each song, and each song is really different from one another. How would you say your music is different from everyone elses?

K. Michelle: It’s a breath of fresh air. There’s no gimmick behind it, it’s just whatever I felt that day or in that moment. I went in there and sang it. I brought in writers to write with me, but the songs that you hear aren’t songs that other people wrote for me or asked me to sing. It’s my actual writing, and I think that’s different.

Check Out K.Michelle as she sings one of her smashes, “Where They Do That At?” Acapella!

AM: YES!!! Like the songs you have with Trina and Missy Elliott, “Fakin’ It.” It’s just so funny, and so real. It’s such a testament to all women. Do you think you’re music is specifically for women? How do you distinguish your music?

K. Michelle: I hate to leave out the guys, but I honestly feel like the situations in my life have made me women’s advocate basically. And I think it’s more for women and more healing for them. I feel like women are very strong creatures, but it doesn’t hurt to have someone to continually big them up. I want to big up my women. I want to tell them that, if no one tells you today, that you’re strong and you’re great. And my music is definitely for the ladies.

AM: So is that where you drew the the name of your album, “Pain Medicine” from?

K. Michelle: Yes it is. That title is so important to me because I wanted it to heal. I could never fully heal someone, but I can help their healing process begin because no one can heal you but yourself. I want my music, whether it’s a funny song, like “Self-Made” which is again just big-upping the women and it’s for the club. It’s funny, but it’s the truth. When you get to the core of the album, and how deep the album is, there are some real life issues on that album.

AM: And when can we expect the drop date for “Pain Medicine” so the ladies can bum rush the CD aisles?

K. Michelle: (Laughs) I don’t have one yet. The label is great at building my fanbase and introducing me. So the album will come out when I have a strong following, and I’m cool with that.

AM: And we’ve talked about the “healer songs,” but I know you also made it a point not to have any love songs on there since you’re not in love right now. Is every song based on reality?

K. Michelle: An experience. (laughs) I don’t want to say anything that I don’t mean. When you meet me, my feelings are written across my face, and I’m trying to work on that. If I’m not feeling you, you can really see it. I’m so emotional, and I’m so in touch with them that I can’t sing something that I’m not really happy with.

AM: Aside from the album, you’re on the R. Kelly Tour. How’s tour life treating you?

K. Michelle: AMAZING! Such a blessing, such a great performer. Like can you imagine growing up listening to somebody who had so many hits, and you meet them one day and he tells you, ‘you got next.’  If you focus, you can win. Then you go from that meeting to the night before the tour kick-off, and you get a phone call that you’re going to open up for him. That was amazing. And then while we’re on the tour, he comes up to you and is like ‘I heard you’re killing it every night, and I’m very proud of you.’ That is so amazing especially for that to come from him, and watching him every night, with all these people that love him so much that they follow him from city to city. I want that kind of following.

AM: What kind of tips has R. Kelly given you for the album?

K. Michelle: He told me, and I say it every night, as long as you write life and not music, I’ll always have a job. That was the best advice he gave me.

Wanna know more? Click here!

AM: Any love interests right now to spark some love songs?

K. Michelle: Oh honey I’ve been in love and fell out so many times. I’m so scared of love right now after my last relationship. It was awful. It was beyond awful. There wasn’t any cheating or anything like that, but I honestly went through a bad relationship where someone put there hands on me. That was my last situation. I don’t know, maybe God didn’t put me here to be with someone. Maybe He put me here to go through things and to show others what not to do. Maybe I’m a self-help pamphlet.

AM: How long ago did this happen?

K. Michelle: This actually happened like four months ago. But I don’t take back anything that has happened to me, and I’m not going to cry about it. I accept the things that have happened to me, and keep it moving.

AM: You’re also a single mom, and I have to commend you for that. Are there influences from being a single mother that are on the album as well?

K. Michelle: Yes, just from being a fighter. My son gives me strength. Some things that I’ve been through, like what happened to me four months ago, but I still go through life and you would never know because I fight for him. And my music, and being a single mother, I take the energy he gives me, and I put it in my music. And I think my wounds heal quicker because of him.

AM: What can you tell women from this experience?

K. Michelle: Run like hell! The first signs of something, go. You know, we always ask God to give us signs, but when He sends us a billboard, we ignore it. When you get that sign, you need to hit the road. And you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

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We are at the beginning of the holiday season and that means spending time with family and friends at events and parties. For some people the holiday season is a reminder of the loneliness, anxiety and sadness.  These symptoms can lead to depression, which an estimated 33 to 35 million U.S. adults are likely to experience at some point in their lives.  The disease effects men and women of all ages, races and economic levels. However, women are at a significantly greater risk than men to develop major depression.

Survival Guide For New Moms

Many women say that  not attending parties, decorating, shopping or giving presents due to their depression. They also report that drinking too much and said stress and anxiety – not family, gifts or holiday cheer — were the first terms that came to mind when thinking about the holiday season according to the website depression-guide.com

The site featured a survey that “shows that there are many women who unnecessarily suffer from depression during the holidays,” says Amy Niles, president of the NWHRC.” The good news is that there are things you can do to help prevent feeling this way:

• Careful Planning: Trying to be super mom especially when doing things at the last minute is sure to drive anyone to drink. So learn to say ‘No’ when necessary, plan days and events accordingly also learning the art of delegating responsibilities will be extremely helpful.
• Regular Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins which can naturally make an individual feel better.
• Volunteering: When we help others it can take the focus of off our own lives and it gives a greater sense of purpose.
• Seek Help: Support from loved ones and treatment by a health-care professional can help individuals overcome depression and enjoy the holidays.

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Check out these celeb moms:

Hair care brand “Diva by Cindy” has launched its first annual “Donate to a Diva” campaign to benefit victims of domestic violence. The goal of initiative is to increase awareness of domestic abuse and to partner with businesses and volunteers to make and donate gift bags to women in nine shelters located in Maryland, Washington D.C. and Virginia.

At least 250 women from shelters in the Maryland, Washington D.C. and Virginia areas will receive special Donate to a Diva gift bags this holiday season to uplift theirspirits through a potentially difficult time of year.

“For years at my salon, Shades of U, we’d host residents from our local battered women’s shelter for a day of pampering,” says Cindy Tawiah, founder of Diva by Cindy. “Now, through the Donate to a Diva campaign, I want to help even more women to feel beautiful and cared for during the holidays.”

The nine shelters whose residents will receive gift bags are:

Hannah House, DC

N Street Village, DC

My Sister’s Place, DC

Family & Children’s Services, MD

Heal A Woman To Heal A Nation, MD

The House of Ruth, MD

Bethany House for Battered Spouses, VA

Fairfax County Women’s Shelter, VA

Loudoun Abused Women’s Center, VA

7 steps for ending violence against women

These special Donate to a Diva gift bags are filled with some of Diva by Cindy’s signature products. Diva by Cindy is also partnering with local businesses to donate additional products and gift certificates to the bags. Companies like the Brown Sugar Candle Co. and consultants like make-up artist ArTIAstry have signed on. Other providers of beauty services and related goods are welcomed to contribute to the gift bags, as well.

As a special thanks to customers, local residents and domestic violence advocates who purchase the Donate to A Diva gift bag, Diva by Cindy is giving a Support A Diva Kit, which includes the new Divalicious Body Lotion, a Donate to a Diva campaign pin, plus a scratch-off card worth discounts on the next Diva by Cindy purchase.

Attorney’s future ends in domestic violence

Here are some high profile examples where women broke free from their abusive relationships: