When your partner hurts you, it can be difficult to open up again and bring trust back into your relationship. It’s hard to trust your heart to someone who has proven hurtful. You want to love, and so you throw caution to the wind and open up your heart, hoping you will not get hurt–again.

How do men and women open up to love and trust another person again while staying safe and protected from hurt? Here are 10 ways to do it.

1. Realize that any person close to you can hurt you. Haven’t you ever hurt someone you love? Weren’t you sorry afterwards? When others hurt you, realize they are just like you. They have likely hurt you unintentionally and are sorry. Find out.

2. Be prepared for the hurt. Don’t assume that knowing someone well or being in love is going to prevent hurt. It won’t.

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We’ve all most likely been in this scenario: you meet someone new and hit it off right away – they’re funny, nice, and you seem to have found a fast friend. However, since you just met, you feel that you can’t fully trust them yet. You’ve listened to some of their stories and shared quite a few of your own, but this is the first time you’ve talked. You might feel a real connection and want to believe that they’re trustworthy, yet you still have that guarded feeling that makes you seem nervous. It’s human nature to be cautious people we don’t know well. Personally, since I’m a glass-is-half-full type of woman, I trust people unless they give me a reason to think otherwise. While it’s always good to be careful with whom you trust, when does this “guarded” approach turn into full-on paranoia? There’s a fine line between being a street-smart human being and having a closed personality. People are complex and it’s smart to not let everyone into to your personal life, but how are you to strengthen your new relationships if you don’t give them something to start with? Here are some tips on how to be trusting, but not TOO trusting:

1. Start off slow when talking to someone new. Don’t reveal too much about yourself too fast. It’s always a golden rule to keep a friendly air, but not to tell the person EVERYTHING about yourself. This might be common sense, but some people are far too honest too fast, which could lead to issues later if the relationship doesn’t go well. Any friendship or relationship in general has to start with a foundation with which you build trust on. Just be smart about how much you tell someone and a new relationship could blossom!

2. Be open to upping the trust level as you get to know them. If you or put up a wall right away or become defensive when they ask you more in-depth questions, they might think that you don’t like them and might back away themselves as a result. If you don’t let the relationship develop naturally, how is there supposed to be trust at all? Trust is a give and take, therefore, if you don’t let yourself become comfortable or open to letting them in, nothing’s ever going to happen.

3. Don’t analyze everything too much. As I said in a past entry (Stop Over-Analyzing And Start Living Your Life), analyzing every little detail of your life isn’t worth it. You have to be open to the fact that nothing is completely certain unless you talk to the person, plus life is better if you’re able to let some things go. Many times, shy people who worry too much are mistaken as cold or insensitive, even if they’re really just scared to trust others. In general, you just have to open yourself up to the possibilities, yet not be one to bare your soul. Keeping a balanced perspective on every situation makes it easier to trust, yet also be in-tune with your gut thoughts and feelings on the person.

4. …However, DO read body language. Body language is invaluable to notice while learning to trust someone, especially since it can be very indicative of whether that person is being sincere or not. Watch their eyes, hand motions, and facial expressions carefully in order to gauge whether or not the person is being truthful. Check out this article I posted a few weeks ago to get a handle on how to read people.

Is It Really In The Eyes? Body Language Decoded.

5. Don’t assume you know everything about them right away. Getting to know them through social networking sites, texts, instant messenger, and e-mail shouldn’t be the sole way you get to know them. Don’t blindly think they are a certain way unless you have spent a significant amount of time in person with them. Ask them lots of questions in order to get to know their intricacies in the flesh. It’s better to get to know someone slowly through getting coffee or hanging out in the park with friends than a false sense of intimacy through text.

6. Listen to your gut feeling in order to spot patterns. Did you get a weird feeling when they asked you personal information right away? Or was it possible that from the moment you met, you weren’t sure if they were trustworthy or not? Trust those initial feelings. Take the friendship slowly. Listen to the above hints and don’t reveal too much about yourself. If these invasive questions continue or you still don’t feel safe around them, a pattern is forming and it might be for the best that you aren’t very close with this person. If your gut is telling you something, it’s probably important, so listen to that instinct – it’s rarely wrong!

In general, it’s good to take things slow and not rush into any intense emotional sharing with people. It can take some friends years to open up to each other, but others mere days or hours to spill their entire life stories. While it’s good to go with the flow and not be too nervous about budding camaraderie, you can’t be too careful with what you share in initial meetings.Once you’ve known someone for years and haven’t had many issues with them, then the trust levels can be raised, but it always depends on your gut feelings no matter what. Don’t let uneasy feelings overtake you – listen to them! Be careful with your interactions with that person and if need be, let go of someone who’s toxic. Life is too short for strong, independent women to be tied down with non-trustworthy confidants! Be yourself and learn to ease into friendships, relationships, and other interpersonal interactions gracefully. You never know who you could meet and how important they could turn out to be in the long run!

It’s easy to get swept up in a relationship when you fall in love and everything seems perfect, but not all relationships are meant to last. You may need to end things when they start to go badly before it turns to disaster.

Here are some tips to help you make the transition smoother:

1) Set high standards for yourself. You want to be with someone who treats you with respect and dignity. Don’t want to settle for less than you are worth. End the relationship if you’re not in love anymore and you’ve tried counselling. When you’ve tried everything you can and the feelings are gone, it’s time to walk away.

2) Leave on good terms instead of waiting for the hatred to set in. Recognize when you aren’t getting what you need from the relationship. Follow your gut instinct instead of waiting until the perfect time to end the relationship because the perfect time never really comes.

3) Be realistic. You don’t want to kid yourself into thinking things will get better if they just keep getting worse. End things immediately if the other person suffers from addiction, alcoholism or it the person abuses you. Remind yourself that you are a worthy person who deserves better.

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4) Walk away if someone else is involved in the relationship. Show a cheater that you expect to be respected and treated decently. You can give the person a second chance if they are truly sorry but don’t stay if the cheating continues. 5

5) Plan to get counseling for yourself and your kids. Even if relationship counseling doesn’t work, you still need help adjusting to the changes. Talk to someone like a friend, counsellor or pastor about your decision. You will feel better talking about your concerns and you may want to hear an outsider’s point of view.

6) Think about the future in a positive way. Value your independence and embrace the changes. Look ahead and see yourself happy when someone new walks into your life.

7) Get your financial concerns in order and make sure you have a place to live. Take care of your basic needs like food and shelter.

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Childcare Co-op

What’s great about setting up a co-op is each family contributes time instead of money; and childcare is less burdensome because several families share the load. This is a great arrangement for families that share a community – you can’t beat it for convenience. Your childcare center is housed within the community in the clubhouse or recreation room.

Trade-Offs

What if you aren’t part of a community that can make a go of a co-op? You can use the same strategy on a smaller scale. Instead of relying on a community, chose one or two families that you can share childcare duties with. Two families can provide childcare for one another one Saturday each month. Or you can make your own parent’s morning out by trading off Tuesdays. When you trade-off, you eliminate the cost of child-care and cut “date night” expenses nearly in half before you even leave home.

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Re-arrange your work schedule

You might also consider the option of working at a different time than your spouse so that one of you is with the child more, leaving less time needed for daycare of a babysitter. Rearranging your work schedule isn’t always an option, but if your employer is willing, it will help cut costs on daycare.

Final Tips

Be sure you share childcare responsibilities with people you trust. These should also be people that respect your parenting values. Concerns may come up; address your concerns honestly and calmly. Agree about a solution or how the situation will be handled if it comes up again.

Sharing responsibility with other parents for the care of the children is a great way to trim a bit off of your budget. These arrangements are also a great way to build a support system around your family. After all, who couldn’t use a hand or a shoulder every now and again?

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BP member mariposa_mami starts the discussion in the BP news section with the shared article Should I tell my husband I helped our 15-year-old daughter have an abortion?

She asks “When do you know as a parent the right time to keep your child’s confidence?” Hello Beautiful let us know what you think and join the debate here.