What is it about us human beings? We can never be satisfied with who we truly are, huh? This past Saturday afternoon, after being exhausted from ‘playing’ in my garden, I decided to veg out. I was flipping through channels and saw some very interesting commercials that inspired me to poke fun at us…yes, us never satisfied humans. LOL.

Have A Layover In Atlanta? Check Out These Hot Spots!

What sparked it all was when I saw an infomercial for a tanning spray and the spokeswoman said something like, “You know how pale you can get in those summer months! Just use this mitt and rub the color on in!”

I just had to chuckle to myself because, some lighter people want to be darker and then some darker people want to use fading cream. Go figure! I used the word “SOME” very strongly here.

Then, two channels up was one of those body slimmer undergarment infomercials. The woman that tried it on lost 10 inches on her waist and dare I say…looked amazing. Hey, incredible product! Nice to put on to smooth out a tight dress. But…but…my only issue is what happens when the lights go out and that magic body slimmin’ elastic comes off! ~Comedic drum roll~ Yeah, I went there! ~a-hem~ I’m just saying! You can run but you can’t hide it forever.

Which leads me to another incident…On Monday, I was at my boxing gym and I had a voluptuous classmate who looked in the mirror and scoffed at her hips and rear end and said, “I can’t wait to get like that!” Nodding towards her petite friend doing her hair. Between you and me, I wanted to give her friend some food, poor thing looked hungry.

I looked at Ms. Volumptuous and smiled, “You know people down here in Miami are PAYING to get what you have!” (Referring to derrière plastic surgery). We laughed and she agreed. I made her smile and yes, I made her think …just a tad.

A few months ago when I wore my hair straight, I had no idea what a big deal it would be. Talk about a social experiment! I just wanted to trim my hair and get a change. Boy, was in for a surprise! All of my white and Latina friends said they preferred it big and curly. A few of my African American friends who never saw it straight raved about it and we’re shocked that I did it and thought it was permanent again. The kicker was when I passed an older African American lady in my neighborhood that I see every day, she said ,” I like her your hair better this way! You should keep it like that. That other way…” She shook her head like it disgusted her.

I felt compelled to tell her that it’s sad that many of “us” have issues with how we REALLY look and don’t love ourselves. I told her that many other races complimented my hair “THE OTHER WAY”—the way I was born by the way. Okay, okay so I’m not really a red head, but you get the point! LOL I mentioned it’s sad that society has brainwashed many of us into not loving ourselves. I could have went on a big soap box and continued, but I left it at that. ~Stepping down now as well.~

It’s amazing how many of us are not happy with who we are… Yes, there’s always room for improvement, but just take some time today, no matter who you are and where you are in your life and feel good about it. Be yourself, because it’s the only self you got! All the others are taken!

As they say…The grass ain’t always greener on the other side. So love yourself, hug yourself, and how could I forget… OWN YOUR POWER!

How To Boost Your Self-Esteem

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I’m always on the search for new and exciting blogs in the blogosphere and I happen to stumble upon this post titled, “Cock Blocker?” Of course being a fan of interesting phallic-inspired blog titles I had to read it all. Besides the amazing writing skills of this blogger, the story left me feeling ambivalent about the writer’s perception of herself. As much as I felt her pain with not being able to get rid of her bootylicious friend, “Rhianna” on her first date with “Shallow Hal”, I was disappointed with the fact that she was unable to assert herself like her friend did, in order to make the best of the night.

She described her friend as being a boisterous and shallow individual who is the type of chick that gets attention from the opposite sex and not necessarily for her GPA.

“No way can I have this chick meet my date when I’m on a Kelly Rowland level in comparison to her.”

“When this chick comes on the scene, she can take away your shine pretty damn fast.  She’s tall, has a Lena Horne complexion, and red hair that she been rocking looooong before Rihanna even made her first record.”

Growing up I was definitely a certified platinum plus member of the late bloomers club, and even to this day my jovial behind gets carded..You mad?

I’ve always been compared to or had a shapelier relative or friend who was always more mature than I was and for the longest time and even to this day at times, the comparing on some levels ensues. I can relate to the reader because I would feel threatened when the more full bodied friend or relative would get more attention from the opposite sex until one of them almost burst into tears on the phone one day after having yet another relationship dissolve.

“They only see me as a sex object!”

The pain of the big booty chick and all other body type chicks is REAL. We constantly compare ourselves to unrealistic beauty standards and the only person who loses from that in the end is us. Could it be possible that you are desirable just as you are… booty, no booty, sagging breasts,can I hear it for the itty bity committee?

The amount of energy that the writer put into worrying about Rhianna was the same energy that caused her to stick around during the date and ultimately land her another—-whoops I almost gave away the story- GO READ IT!

We all have things we wish were different but ladies I promise you someone is in the corner watching your behind who doesn’t wants a damn thing on you to change…not even the stretch marks.

My point- When we say out loud “Ma’am I am threatened by your big booty” it sounds silly yet some of us are threatened by petty things like another woman’s booty size..let it go!

Hello Beautiful fam, let’s discuss this:

Have you ever been compared to a friend or relative?

Is there a type of woman or man you feel threatened by? Do you believe that most men/women go after a certain body type?

About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

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What is it about us human beings? We can never be satisfied with who we truly are, huh? This past Saturday afternoon, after being exhausted from ‘playing’ in my garden, I decided to veg out. I was flipping through channels and saw some very interesting commercials that inspired me to poke fun at us…yes, us never satisfied humans. LOL.

Have A Layover In Atlanta? Check Out These Hot Spots!

What sparked it all was when I saw an infomercial for a tanning spray and the spokeswoman said something like, “You know how pale you can get in those summer months! Just use this mitt and rub the color on in!”

I just had to chuckle to myself because, some lighter people want to be darker and then some darker people want to use fading cream. Go figure! I used the word “SOME” very strongly here.

Then, two channels up was one of those body slimmer undergarment infomercials. The woman that tried it on lost 10 inches on her waist and dare I say…looked amazing. Hey, incredible product! Nice to put on to smooth out a tight dress. But…but…my only issue is what happens when the lights go out and that magic body slimmin’ elastic comes off! ~Comedic drum roll~ Yeah, I went there! ~a-hem~ I’m just saying! You can run but you can’t hide it forever.

Which leads me to another incident…On Monday, I was at my boxing gym and I had a voluptuous classmate who looked in the mirror and scoffed at her hips and rear end and said, “I can’t wait to get like that!” Nodding towards her petite friend doing her hair. Between you and me, I wanted to give her friend some food, poor thing looked hungry.

I looked at Ms. Volumptuous and smiled, “You know people down here in Miami are PAYING to get what you have!” (Referring to derrière plastic surgery). We laughed and she agreed. I made her smile and yes, I made her think …just a tad.

A few months ago when I wore my hair straight, I had no idea what a big deal it would be. Talk about a social experiment! I just wanted to trim my hair and get a change. Boy, was in for a surprise! All of my white and Latina friends said they preferred it big and curly. A few of my African American friends who never saw it straight raved about it and we’re shocked that I did it and thought it was permanent again. The kicker was when I passed an older African American lady in my neighborhood that I see every day, she said ,” I like her your hair better this way! You should keep it like that. That other way…” She shook her head like it disgusted her.

I felt compelled to tell her that it’s sad that many of “us” have issues with how we REALLY look and don’t love ourselves. I told her that many other races complimented my hair “THE OTHER WAY”—the way I was born by the way. Okay, okay so I’m not really a red head, but you get the point! LOL I mentioned it’s sad that society has brainwashed many of us into not loving ourselves. I could have went on a big soap box and continued, but I left it at that. ~Stepping down now as well.~

It’s amazing how many of us are not happy with who we are… Yes, there’s always room for improvement, but just take some time today, no matter who you are and where you are in your life and feel good about it. Be yourself, because it’s the only self you got! All the others are taken!

As they say…The grass ain’t always greener on the other side. So love yourself, hug yourself, and how could I forget… OWN YOUR POWER!

How To Boost Your Self-Esteem

As I was reading the news recently, I came across an interesting article that says that women “peak” at age thirty-one in key categories such as beauty, confidence and personality. This contradicts many of the phrases that we have in our society such as “after thirty, it all goes downhill” or that the older a woman gets, the less desirable she is to men (unless of course she’s a “cougar”).

Younger women have always seemed to be getting special treatment, yet according to a recent poll, “thirty-one is the new twenty-one” and there’s a stronger evidence to suggest that older women are becoming more revered. This new research (a poll by QVC) apparently confirms that “with age comes beauty” and with the combination of “confidence, style, and personality,” women show “real beauty.” What does it mean to be “beautiful,” then? We’ve been taught since childhood that being beautiful “from the inside out” is a trait that we should emulate, but what does “beauty” truly mean in the sense of age, especially for those of us women who are strong, independent, and in the prime of our lives?

According to the poll referenced above, there are three components of “beauty” that got the most votes: confidence, style, and personality. What do all of these words really mean, though? What’s the true meaning behind having confidence, style, and personality in regards to age?

1. Confidence - To me, confidence has always meant the ability to hold your head up high and not care about what others think. It’s important to be able to exude this air of self-respect, since in this complex world, if you don’t have faith in yourself first, it’s harder for others to mirror that respect back to you. Confidence has to come from within first and foremost – once it radiates from your pores, it’s easier for you to spread it to others. As you gets older and more accustomed to how life works, confidence typically increases due to life experiences that change and evolve you. It’s true to say that age makes you wiser and able to embody self-confidence, since you know what to expect out of life and have formed a tougher skin. Through being no-nonsense, women radiate beauty – since they’re looking at the world straight in the face and don’t need others to build them up. That straight-forward attitude comes with age and therefore it’s easy to see the beauty in that strength.

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2. Style - Correlated with #1, confidence exuded from the way a woman carries herself with clothes, accessories, and physical appearance is strongly related to style. “Style” can also refer to the general attitude expressed through movement, verbal cues, and eye contact. Only when all of those elements are together can there be a strong, independent woman vibe that encompasses attitude and beauty. While the clothes and physical appearance are related to visible beauty, it’s the underlying side of beauty that really comes with age. If you have that “way” about you that’s only present because you know so much about life, then it’s a wisdom-filled, age-old style that makes you who you are. Style is learned, not immediately present from the get-go. It’s this “learned” element of life experience that radiates the true beauty from within.

3. Personality - Compared to both confidence and style, personality is the most interchangeable element of a person. You’re born with the way you understand things about the world, yet you can change over time. However, personality always seems to stay with you as something that IS essentially who you are – the way you interact with others, view yourself, and take on the world all rolled into one. Personalities can have positive and negative traits, yet in the end, they always seem to balance each other out and create a person that’s like a yin-yang, with both dark and light sides. A person’s personality is a connection to their beauty precisely because personalities evolve over a lifetime and by age thirty-one, who you are is mostly set in stone, but more malleable and easy to manage. Having the knowledge that thirty-one years can provide is invaluable and adds confidence and style to your personality that wouldn’t otherwise be there. Beauty is a combination of the good traits you have, as well as the ability to show them off and wear them like you would your favorite outfit: gracefully and with a smile. Being who you are is important, but it’s also beautiful the way it’s done.

With the combination of traits like confidence, style, and personality, it’s no wonder that strong, independent women at thirty-one are at the top of their prime. Knowing who you are and where you’re going are two of the most important parts of life and as women age, they become more comfortable in their own skin and can do amazing things. Girls, if you get one thing out of this article, it’s that you shouldn’t worry about getting older – your life can only get better. In reality, you can be any age you want. It’s the age that you FEEL that matters, as beauty isn’t only skin deep – it’s in your soul, sisters! Go out and obtain what you want because you’re worth it in the end.

5 Ways To Take Control Of Your Life

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1. Don’t think too much about what you want. Sometimes, when you concentrate too much on “finding” what you’re looking for, nothing goes the way you planned. For example, if you focus on the fact that you’re on a date or job interview, you may become too nervous and make the situation awkward. The best things happen when you least expect it or when you’ve all but given up, so just put your best face on and go with the flow, at least for a little while. See how it feels to relax and let things happen – it might even be to your benefit.

2. Know when to intervene into your own life. While it’s good to take a step back and not think about what you’re looking for, it’s a balance: you also have to know when it’s good to take action. Maybe you have an opportunity to jump on a job interview, but you’re nervous that it’s not exactly what you want. It’s not worth it just to sit back and watch opportunities go by. What have you got to lose besides a possibly a life-changing moment?

3. Keep your options open. For example, you might have the opportunity to interview for the “perfect” job, but there’s also another job opportunity. To use a quote most people know, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” You never know what’s “perfect” until you actually have the opportunity to test it out.

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4. Don’t be snobby about your self-worth. You know you deserve better than “second best,” but even so, don’t rub it in other people’s faces. Everyone deserves something or someone that empowers them. It’s nothing new that everyone is an individual, unique, and worth more than the leftovers of someone else’s dream. It might sound cliche, but it’s true: be respectful to others and treat them the way you want to be treated. Life is what you make it and you have to think about others or it all falls apart.

5. Be yourself. This is the best advice, since how do you expect to be able to find something that “makes sense” unless you are true to yourself? If you don’t know what you want, you might just find what you need if you don’t change yourself unnecessarily. If you forget you’re looking for anything and just act as normal, life is bound to fall into place. Reference #1 if you doubt this logic.

This topic reminds me of quotes from two movies with similar titles and completely different plots, but the same outcome: if you’re not looking for something special, it’ll most likely surprise you in an unlikely place. Here are the quotes:

“Next time…we will laugh more, we’ll love more. We just won’t be so afraid” – Queen Latifah’s character in Last Holiday. Basically, this quote is implying that you always have second chances, but you have to remember what you deserve and need. Life can change winds at any time and you have to embrace every moment to your best potential if it’s going to be worth it.

“…in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you’re behaving like the best friend.” – The Holiday. This movie is about reclaiming yourself through change and realizing that you deserve better than what you’ve been accepting. In order to be the strong, independent woman you are, you have to keep your moral alive and be the best person you can be. Don’t accept anything less.

In general, it’s important to focus on what’s best for you in the long run. As long as you treat others with respect and keep your cool, patience pays off and you can go about life knowing that you’re not “settling for less.” You just got to know when to intervene to make things right.

Stop Over-Analyzing And Start Living Your Life

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Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m 26 years old, employed, childless, independent, and have been dating a man for over a year now. My problem is that I’m not a very attractive girl. This statement doesn’t come from overwhelming insecurity, but rather from self-awareness. I’m overweight, have problem skin, a narrow smile, and alopecia (a condition where my hair does not grow). I try to overcome my shortcomings by dieting, using make-up, strategic posing, and weaves, but my pursuit to just look “average” is expensive, time-consuming, and ultimately, unsatisfying. The alternate of walking around looking like whatever doesn’t appeal to me either. (After all, I want to keep my man!). Are there other girls who feel the way I do? How can I get myself motivated to care more? Thanks! – Struggling With My Looks

“I’m Torn Between Two Men: One Is In Prison & The Other Works With Me”

Dear Ms. Struggling With My Looks,

You sho’ is ugly! Hehehehehehehe (In my Shug Avery voice) - Naw, let me stop.

One thing I don’t do and that is pity party. I don’t care who you are, what you look like, and the drama you have in your life. I will give you one opportunity to vent, cry, lean on my shoulder, and let it all out of your system. After that, don’t come to me with the same ish over and over and over again. I will hang up on you, delete your number, and not answer your emails.

With that said, this is your last and final cry to me. And, honey, I sympathize with you. I commend you on acknowledging your shortcomings, but DIVA, don’t beat yourself up over how you look. It will bring you down and make you look even uglier. Don’t you know there are lots of beautiful people out there, but once you get to know them their bad attitudes, stank disposition, and nasty ways make them out uglier than the ugliest person in the world! So, no matter if you may not be the most beautiful or the most attractive, you can accentuate your attributes and what work you have.

Haven’t you watched America’s Next Top Model? Tyra Banks is always telling those girls, “You have to learn your and know your angles. Learn your body and know what works when you photograph for the camera.” She is sooooo right. You have to learn your angles, learn and work your body, and whatever your unattractive features are learn how to work them to your advantage.

Don’t you know that a nice smile, warm personality, genuine personality, and being outgoing makes someone more attractive despite their physical dysfunction.

And, girl, you can do something about your weight. Yes, you can eat healthier, get into a gym, and slim it down. You don’t have to be a size two, or four, but get to a weight and size you feel comfortable and happy. Your weight is something you have control over. Don’t let your low self-esteem prevent you from working on yourself. And, I would stop using the word diet. There is a negative connotation with the word that prevents lots of people from losing weight. Choose to say you are ‘enjoying a healthier eating lifestyle.’ Choose and eat meals that are healthier for you. And, on the weekends you can have your splurge days. Don’t deny yourself because if you do that’s when your mind doesn’t sync with your body and when you lose the weight, you end up putting the weight back on a few months later and plus some because you want to reward yourself for eating well and losing the weight.

And, invest in some hair, style, and make-up books and magazines for African-American women. There are plenty out there on the market. You can Google professionals who have written books on these various topics – Sam Fine, Lloyd Boston, June Ambrose, and Essence even has a book on hair and make-up for women.

Also, yes, there are plenty of women out there who feel the way you do. It does take a lot to make yourself attractive and it is expensive, but knowing is half the battle. The rest is all up to you. I would also strongly suggest you invest in spiritual and inspiration books to help you build your self-esteem. Know your worth and value. Yes, we live in a world that places more emphasis on beauty and sex, but not all persons fall into that disbelief of the images of beauty and sex that is projected upon us. When you can smile at yourself, appreciate and love who you are, then you will find that others are naturally attracted to you as well. And, girl, you got a man! Hell! There are beautiful women who can’t find or get a man. If he treats you well, loves you, empowers you, and lifts you up, then girl hold on to that man.

So, girl, find what works for you. It will take a lot of experimenting to discover what fits you, your budget, and your lifestyle. Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up. There are so many people out there who are not honest and truthful with themselves about their looks, and chile, they look a hot ass mess. I’m glad you’re willing to do the work and build yourself. You go girl! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

What is surprising, according to Dr. Alexandra Brewis, head researcher, is that scores for fat stigma, were high in Puerto Rico and American Samoa, as well as along the Mexican border and in Paraguay, places that have historically held more positive views of larger bodies. She said, “these cultures traditionally view bigger women, in particular, as fertile, generous and desirable…. Of all the things we could be exporting to help people around the world, really negative body image and low self-esteem are not what we hope is going out with public health messaging.’’

This implication – that by trying to promote healthy lifestyles, we are really creating whole societies with body centric issues – struck me, and reminded me of an editorial I read not long ago which questioned Western societies obsession with weight-loss TV shows and ‘real women’ modeling, and asked whether or not our focus on weight is really helping or hurting. I believe, as the new research suggests, that our obsession with weight in the media is in fact harmful, and skews societies expectation of what you “should” look like.

You only need to look at the sheer number of weight related reality shows on television and the portrayal of overweight people on prime time shows to see that weight is big business in America. “The Biggest Loser,” “Dance Your Ass Off,” “Heavy,” “Too Fat For 15,” “Supersize v. Superskinny,” “I Used To Be Fat,” the list goes on. These shows claim to be about promoting healthy living and giving people the chance at a healthier life, and they often feature people who have been broken down by their situation and appearance and are desperate to change it, which is the basic premise of the show. However, in reality, are these people’s struggles and very real issues exploited for comedy and entertainment?

No one can tell me that the producers of “Dance Your Ass Off” really wanted to help the participants lose weight and get healthy. If that was the case, then the promo clip for the show wouldn’t have focused so much on the contestants in their underwear or in glittery, tight, midriff baring, dancing attire. If “The Biggest Loser” wasn’t trying to shock audiences then the wouldn’t feature food binges or emotional meltdowns every episode. What these sorts of programs aim to do is intrigue the perverse voyeuristic desires of the average audience, rather than help the participants lose weight, and in doing so, they exploit the subjects.

By humiliating the contestants by making them stand near naked on the scales, and showing the trainers pushing them and screaming at them until they cry, what is really being promoted is not a positive message of unhealthy people being given their life back, but an underlying feeling that being overweight means, and should mean, that you are fair game for humiliation. Is what is actually being promoted a self-loathing and learned contempt for overweight people?

It’s not just weight-loss specific shows that push this subtle rhetoric though. Tyra Banks for instance, pushes the “love yourself, all women are beautiful” message, and has often spoken out about loving bigger bodies, yet at the same time “America’s Next Top Model” featured a girl who proudly proclaimed to have the “world’s smallest waist” and she won the series! So what is being promoted as the ideal there: healthy weight or thin to the extreme?

It doesn’t really surprise me that the Western obsession for stick-thin has permeated through to other cultures and ways of thinking, however it does trouble me that the anti-obesity message is becoming linked to a hatred of larger figures. The media’s message about weight loss is very contradictory, and it begs the question; how can the obesity epidemic be rectified, if weight-loss strategies are increasingly associated with humiliating overweight people, often on reality television?

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Having a clear sense of who you are, what you stand for and where you want to go in life can definitely help boost your self-esteem. Granted we all have different personalities, feeling great about your self and being happy are two things that are important to improve and maintain good mental and emotional health. Here are ways to instantly boost your bliss:

Always Humble Yourself - Be thankful for your life and adapt an attitude for gratitude! Knowing what you are thankful for forces you to see how the little things you might have overlooked or taken for granted play a role in your happiness.

Surround Yourself With Greatness – Happy successful people attract happy successful people. So always have a positive attitude, smile and surround yourself with good company.

Set Aside “Me” Time – This is the time that you “do you” aka whatever it is that makes you smile. Whether it’s a trip to the nail salon or putting together your life’s new “master” plan, always invest in yours elf.

Upgrade Your Lifestyle – Start by looking at all the ways you can improve your lifestyle from your diet and nutrition habits to your spending habits. Having a sense of improvement in these areas can be an instant self-esteem booster!

It’s a new year, why not boost your self-esteem and work on the new, and improved, healthier you!

Get health tips, recipes and more at yoplait.com/yoplaittoday.

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Are you a prize? Do you put yourself on a pedestal or do you spend more time devaluing yourself? This is not a promotion of vanity or self absorption. Rather this is one of self awareness and self confidence. One that can be a constant battle between the negative and positive whispers in your own head. I’ve noticed that as women we spend much of our time finding our own flaws and once we are done with that then we proceed to find another sistas flaws and point hers out as well. Think about it. How much time do you spend finding your own flaws and comparing yourself to the images that you see in magazines and TV wishing you could measure up?

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The definition of the word PRIZE in this sense is as such:

–verb (used with object),prized, priz·ing.
1. to value or esteem highly.
2. to estimate the worth or value of.

3 Tips To Help You Feel Good About Yourself

For years, I spent energy in trying to fit into a mold that never fit me completely and comparing myself to others. The moments when I was happy with myself would quickly end because I would soon find something that I disliked about myself, whether it was physically or internally and my focus would zero in on that once again. What I am saying is that the time that you spend pouring down negativity upon yourself should be the time that you spend discovering all of the things that makes you special and indeed a prize…. To Read The Rest Of The Article Go To YeahSheSaidIt

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Make positive visualization a daily habit

(From Shine.com)

First came the self-esteem movement. Then came the backlash to the self-esteem movement. It’s pretty clear that repeating “I’m the greatest” or winning a trophy along with every other participant isn’t a good way to build self-esteem. At the same time, it’s a rare person who isn’t sometimes – or often – plagued with painful self-doubt.When you’re feeling lousy about yourself, what can you do to feel better?

Here’s the secret.

To build your self-respect…do something worthy of your respect. To like yourself better…do something that makes you likable. Here are some suggestions:

1. Do a good deed. This is as selfish as it is selfless; you’ll benefit as much as the person you’re helping. When I’m feeling low, thinking about the time I helped some friends get a book contract makes me feel much better than recalling every compliment I’ve ever received. In the same vein…

Why is our willpower so weak?

2. Make small gestures of good citizenship. Bring your old magazines to the gym so other people can read them. Help someone with a stroller. My current favorite: picking up trash that other people have left on the subway.

Click here for more tips.

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Heal yourself with soup

Wendy Williams is known for shocking guests, but nothing quite prepared her for the moment her own son left her speechless.

Her 9-year-old son Kevin recently asked her, “Mom, are your boobs real?” And her response? “I gagged when my son came and asked me about the implants. It was ‘Where did you hear that?’ But it was on my own show.” During an episode of her talk show, the host admitted to having a breast augmentation 14 years ago.

“Our son did not know I had breast implants. So I sat down and went through plastic surgery with him. And it was great, because I was able to let him know that when his dad met me, I was completely natural. The beauty of my story is that ‘Your dad met me as a frog and I have transformed myself, because I wanted to, into a swan.’

Do YOU think she should have shared this information with him earlier, in private? And if so, is he at the appropriate age?

While some parents believe communication is essential to the relationship they share with their children, I can’t help but think that talking to a child at the age of 9 about achieving self-esteem through plastic surgery is anything but detrimental. Granted, with the media constantly portraying buff-bodied men and Barbie-shaped women as “ideal,” an adolescent is likely to have already compared themselves to what they’ve see on televisions, in magazines, and online. However, a parents admission, at least before the child’s of adult age, may be more influential than they would have hoped for…and not in a good way.

What happens when the child hits puberty? Their skin breaks out, their body seems disproportionate (either underdeveloped or overdeveloped), name-calling is at an all-time high, and they’re super sensitive. The last thing a parent should want is for the child to request to take the easy (and much more expensive/dangerous) way out by forgoing building confidence naturally (i.e. standing up for oneself, participating in activities they excel in, smiling more often and improving posture, etc.) and indulging in surgery instead. And with a parent, a role model, a mentor, confessing that they themselves handled their insecurities through nips and tucks, they’re only giving their child a grander opportunity to hold it against them and use it as ammo and an alibi.

Now, once the child is an adult…it’s fair to say that all bets are off. If they’re still struggling with the same self-esteem issues they carried as a child and feel they’ve exhausted every option in trying to improve it, than the least the parent can do is offer advice on plastic surgery preparation and recovery, and be there at their bedside post-operation. But until then, I say long talks, a “Chicken Soup for The Preteen Soul” book, and events to keep them active are the way to go about it.

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(From News BBC)

Women are undergoing surgery to create perfect genitalia despite a “shocking” lack of information on the potential risks of the procedure, a report published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology says.

Operations to improve the appearance of the sex organs for both psychological and physical reasons are on the rise, but surgeons said the report exaggerated the risks of an established procedure.

Researchers from University College London reviewed all the existing studies on cosmetic labial surgery – which generally involves reducing the amount of tissue that protrudes from the lips which cover the vagina. They found there had been little work to document any longer-term side effects.

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Labioplasty, as it is known, is offered for a variety of reasons: some women complain that wearing tight clothes or riding a bike is uncomfortable, while others say they are embarrassed in front of a sexual partner. In studies dating back to 1950, examined by the researchers, dissatisfaction with the way the vagina looked was the primary reason for surgery, with patients also speaking of low self-esteem and sexual difficulties.

But rather than curing sexual problems, Dr. Creighton suggested surgery might exacerbate them by damaging the nerve supply to the area, impairing sexual sensitivity and satisfaction. She also suggests that women who undergo this procedure might experience similar problems in childbirth as those who have experienced female circumcision, like significant tearing and bleeding after labor and even the death of their babies.

What do YOU think? Is the surgery worth it? Would YOU have the procedure done?

What’s So Great About Being Light-Skinned?

Recently, I was close to getting another life changing opportunity and the deal didn’t go through.  Although, I didn’t get the opportunity I kept telling myself I was extremely close and that was something to be grateful for.  I am very hard on myself when it comes to being the second runner-up, but I had to appreciate where I am now in order to get to the next level.

I believe you should always want more of yourself, but sometimes when situations don’t go your way you feel as if you let yourself down.  The message in every situation is to keep moving and not to look at your past, but look at your future and what you want!

We all have a list of things that could be better in our lives, but we have to always look at the positive side in life in order to keep accomplishing our goals.  Toward the end of the year I do a self-evaluation to see what I accomplished for the year.  Make sure to write a list of what you want (yearly), and start to put forth the effort every month and watch how you get what you want!  I make a goals list along with my vision board, and I am amazed how the majority of my goals come to pass.  Even if you think something is unattainable, I am encouraging you to write it down on a goals list.

Also, keep telling yourself what you want throughout the year. You will be amazed who comes to you and can help you closer to your dreams.  Always remember you are where you’re supposed to be and know that you can make a way out of no way.  I have to keep reminding myself that I can accomplish many things with effort. If I don’t, I start to focus on what’s not happening in my life instead of what I should make happen!

I want everyone reading this now to know that a life changing moment can happen in your life.  Please just keep expecting it.  Before I moved to Hollywood I had so many friends and family saying how I wouldn’t amount to anything.  So, it’s up to you to remove the nay-sayers in your life and start knowing the purpose you have to fulfill.  All my friends who said I couldn’t and family that say I wouldn’t are trapped in a mentality that restricts them from succeeding.  Too many people nowadays say the word can’t when things seem down. I encourage you to say the words I will and watch how your life turns around.

In the meantime, all though I may have not gotten one opportunity I WILL soon!

Stay Up!

Erica Hubbard

You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you’re starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B?

Here are some tips from sheknows.com:

1. Play dress-up

One of the quickest and easiest ways to boost your confidence is to fake it. The best way to do that? Throw on one of your favorite outfits (or at least one you know will turn heads). By wearing attire that increases your self-confidence, you’ll feel more presentable, secure and in control of your life.

2. Act happy

When you smile, the whole world smiles with you, so why not, even if you’re having one of “those” days, slap on a sincere grin. When you see others responding to your jovial attitude, your mood is bound to take a turn for the brighter and make you feel better about YOU.

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3. Do a good deed

Hold the door for someone. Buy coffee for a co-worker. Offer your seat on the train to a senior. By doing a good deed, you’ll feel better about yourself and the world around you.

4. Challenge yourself

Whether you set out to master a new move in your exercise routine or decide to get over your biggest fear, challenging yourself to master something – and then accomplishing it – will give you a huge boost in self-confidence.

5. Do something you love

When you’re feeling low, it’s important to do something you love and feel good doing. So lie on the couch and watch your favorite movie. Cook up a meal for friends. Take a run through your neighborhood. By doing something you’re good at and that brings you pleasure, you’ll feel more competent and accomplished and more capable of handling any task that comes your way.

Click here for more tips

Play your way to a better body

It’s Think About It Thursday… Almost time for the weekend. Pop in some eye drops to conceal that party fatigue; you don’t wanna miss this!

Though not a fan of Third Watch or E.R., your goddess sister was still thrilled to get a call from actor Michael Beach about his new documentary, America the Beautiful. He said to check my mailbox for his new film, and with a Hollywood actor involved, and I honestly expected some sort of typical fluffery.

I was pleasantly surprised to find an entertaining yet hard hitting look at artificial beauty in America. I tapped my new silk nails, fluffed my bone straight # 6 hair weave, batted my false eyelash extensions, sucked it in with pair of Spanx and adjusted the straps on my Vicky’s Secret push up water bra. This documentary was definitely something to pay attention to. Take note: Whenever people start putting a scalpel to their vaginas, we need to have a convo. Ouch! Here’s what Michael Beach had to say about the pursuit of beauty in America.

OH – And don’t leave me by my lonesome- leave me a COMMENT.

This has been a broadcast from Harlem where I live in solo sin with the gorgeous Anabelle Kitty Kat. Some people won’t like you no matter what so just be your crazy, cool, weird self & give the haters something to talk about!

Thanks for hanging with me– your girl Abiola. You know me as Abiola Abrams, Miss Picky on VH1′s Tough Love, the host of The Best Shorts on BET J, the author of Dare, and the host of The Planet Abiola Show online. Join me on Hello Beautiful for my Music Mondays, Sexy Temptation Tuesdays, What-the-Wednesdays, Think About It Thursdays and For The Win Fridays.

Follow me on TWITTER.com/abiolatv, FLICKR.com/abiolatv, abiolatv.TUMBLR.com and find secret goodies at www.planetabiola.com…

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BP member and Artist - Scurvin

I am pretty sure by now you may have heard the rumors and speculation about black men being “well hung”.  Well BP member and artist Lance Scurvin has his own interpretation of the common stereotype. Fellas, whether it be truth or fiction for you maybe it is not something to base your self-worth on.

Comment on the photo here and share it with your friends. Tell us what YOU think. BlackPlanet members are discussing this phenomenal drawing in the forum section. Join in here.

Check out his BP photo section for more social commentary here.

  From WebMD.com

The music superstar offers these six strategies for improving your body image, your workout, and your life:

• Embrace exercise, even if you hate it. “I do not love it,” Blige says. “I appreciate what it does for me. And I wish there was a pill you could take that could do everything that is in that gym.” But she finds that putting in her time on a hard cardio workout pays off later on stage with better endurance and stamina. “All that stuff that you hate that you do, it pushes you further,” she says. “It makes me feel like a rocket, almost.” 

• Set realistic goals. Blige dropped 9 pounds in three months and is trying to lose another 10 to get her 5’5” frame down to 125, which she thinks is her ideal weight. To get there, she sets a daily calorie limit of 1,500 and tries to work out five times a week. That’s a very realistic goal, and a realistic calorie total for someone as active as Blige, says Bonnie Taub-Dix, RD, a New York dietitian who often helps celebrities deal with weight issues. “She’s avoiding the mistake many people make, dropping calories below 1,200, which makes it next to impossible to fulfill your nutritional needs,” Taub-Dix says. 

• Celebrate small victories. To motivate herself, Blige bought a pair of too-small size 28 jeans and dubbed them her “goal jeans.” She’d try them on, and they wouldn’t fit. She admits to feeling disgusted with herself. Blige promised herself, “If I can’t fit in those jeans soon, I am giving them away.” But she didn’t give up. And within a few months, they fit. “I was so happy!” she says. “Goal” clothing is good motivation, Taub-Dix says. She tells clients to hang that too-tight dress they are dying to get into in plain view. “If you live by yourself, hang it in the kitchen, near the refrigerator.”

• Inspire yourself. Blige’s personal trainer is Gregg Miele, a New York City-based personal trainer who’s also worked with artist Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter, actor Chloe Sevigny, Sports Illustrated model Lujan Fernandez, and other celebrities trying to fit a regular exercise routine into a hectic, globe-trotting schedule. Miele posts motivational sayings in front of Blige’s treadmill so she can read them as she works out. Her favorite: “What you eat in private shows up in public.” Miele has other tricks, including giving his clients a black wristband stamped with “self discipline.” His clients see them constantly throughout their day and are reminded to follow good health habits, whether that means saying no to dessert or making it to the gym. 

• Acknowledge your weaknesses. And focus on your strengths,she adds. Blige loves salt and also has a wicked sweet tooth. “The only sweets I hate are black jelly beans and black licorice.” But thankfully, she also loves vegetables –cucumbers, tomatoes, asparagus, broccoli, okra, corn, zucchini, spinach, and cabbage. “Raw, cooked, it doesn’t matter.” And she makes sure to drink plenty of water. She also tries hard to not get down on herself. Her trainer helps her see weaknesses in a whole new light when he tells her and other clients, “Weaknesses are goals to work on in the long-term.” 

• Appreciate your uniqueness. On Blige’s album “Growing Pains”, one song is called “Work That.” The premise, she says, is this: “Whatever I have, I am going to make it work for me. I don’t have what everyone else has, but whatever I have I am going to make it work.” Miele heartily agrees this is a good attitude when working out, too. Because he works often with celebrities, he sometimes hears from other clients that they want so-and-so’s great arms or another star’s awesome abs. He advises them, as Blige has learned, to focus on their great or unique body parts — and make improving the other parts long-term goals.

From MarieClaire.com

Would Aishwarya Rai, the stunning former Miss World and Bollywood darling, be as popular if her eyes weren’t a glowing green-blue?  Would she have snagged a L’Oreal cosmetics contract or crossed over to Hollywood?

Since color contacts by FreshLook became available in 1984, women of color – including Naomi Campbell, Lil’ Kim, and Ziyi Zhang – have been eager to experiment. “Our largest market is with dark-eyed and dark-complected women,” says Jeff Cohen, vice president of global marketing for CIBA Vision (makers of FreshLook), citing African-American, Hispanic, and Middle Eastern women as the top customers in the U.S. “Color contacts are huge with Middle Eastern women because their clothing often covers everything except their eyes. It’s one of the only ways they have to express their originality.”

With this uniquely exotic notion of lighter eyes coming into vogue, colored-lens users climbed to 2.7 million in the U.S. alone last year.

Tell us what you think!