As a single mother with two kids, and dating a great man it took awhile for me to introduce him to my kids. I made sure I had a sitter when we would go out and let him know ahead of time, there will not be any sleep-overs at my house. If we were gonna get busy it would be at his place and I would make sure I had a sitter who could stay overnight with my kids. Eventually we ended up moving in together, and have no regrets about my decision.

Click here to find out which celeb has already introduced her new man to her young kids

7 Great Parenting Tips For Moms

“Like any mother, I am just hoping that I don’t mess them up,” the First Lady told a crew of reporters at a White House roundtable discussion about motherhood and her “Let’s Move” campaign against childhood obesity.

“It’s really the interaction that we have as a family that makes it feel like home,” she said. “It’s sitting down at the dinner table and having Barack’s day be the last thing anyone really cares about.”

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE

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The site is called Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care and chronicles her everyday activities such as growing hair, products, and step-by-step instructions. Hadley also talks about what it means to be a vanilla mama of a chocolate girl, and how she explores identity, respect, and empowerment, using hair as their common language.

Our friends over at the loop21.com, recently spoke to Hadley about her blog, challenges and reactions from the African-American community.

Loop 21: What made you come up with the idea to start ChocolateHairVanillaCare.com?

Rory: I have been maintaining a personal family blog for many years. I think I started my first one back in 2004. When our daughter came home in 2007, I started another family blog that chronicled all parts of raising our daughtA Father’s Labor Of Love…Braiding Her Hairer. As she got older, and her hair longer, I would find myself frequently approached by other adoptive families while out shopping. They would ask me so many questions that I could scarcely answer them all in a mere 15-minute public interaction. With encouragement from friends and family I finally decided to separate the hair-related items out of my personal blog and launch a public forum—that way I had an easy place to point people who asked me questions. I had cards made and passed them out whenever I was approached. That was in September of last year.

READ THE REST HERE

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Stay true to yourself: You don’t have to give up your own passions and interests once you become a mom. It’s important that you find time for what YOU love to do. Reading, writing, exercising – make these a priority and find a way to incorporate those into your routine.

Be their mom, not their friend: Set limits. In a way, it was easy for previous generations. Parents were parents. Kids were kids. We should listen to them and respect them – but we are not their peers. Our job is to be our kids’ mothers – not their friends.

READ THE REST AT ELEV8.COM

How Soon Should You Introduce Your Child To Technology?

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For some toddlers it takes a lot more than the sandman to help them find the way. The average toddler, defined as 18 months up to age three, requires about 12-14 hours of sleep each day, although some get by on much less. Most toddlers start with two naps, one in the morning, and one in the afternoon. By age 2 ½ most have given up the morning nap.

Studies show that a human’s growth hormone is the highest in the night.” In fact, by 30 months toddlers have gained about four times their birth weight, grown an average 2 to 2 ½ inches per year and acquired most of their baby teeth.

Remember though, there are times when sleep issues don’t stem from the toddler but from family expectations. Parents who are overworked or who face job changes may need the child to sleep so they themselves can get some rest, but children will sleep when they are tired, not when the parent is tired.

READ THE REST HERE

How To Pick The Right Backpack For Your Child

How Soon Should You Introduce Your Child To Technology?

The calorie counts in some of the most popular Easter basket treats should require sign-up in a spin class immediately following that last tasty bite. A Cadbury Cream Egg has 170 calories, in one egg! A four-pack of marshmallow peeps have 130 calories. And the Easter basket staple, a seven ounce hollow chocolate bunny has half a day’s worth of calories at 1,050!

Instead, try these lower calorie candy alternatives, because we all know an Easter basket wouldn’t be the same without them from shine.com:

* 10 Jelly Beans – around 50 calories

* 1 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – around 90 calories

* 4 Hershey’s Kisses – 90 calories

* 3 Butterscotch hard candies – 70 calories

* Sugar-free Dubble Bubble gum – 7 calories each

Fill just a few eggs with these treats to keep the calorie and sugar crash to a minimum for everyone. Then stock the baskets with these healthier, and even more fun, alternatives that get them ready for spring!

1. Bubbles

2. Sidewalk chalk and paint

3. New flip-flops

4. Jump ropes

5. Hula Hoops

CLICK HERE FOR MORE

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How to create an active lifestyle for your kids

Never before has it been more important for parents to be as aware (if not more) than their children about the possible dangers of the internet. There are a number of strategies you can pursue to allow you to protect your children in the ever-evolving world of technology. In the meantime, as a parent you can empower yourself by helping your children manage their online activities.

1.Establish Innocence Before Guilt

Be aware of the ways your children can cover their tracks online such as by deleting internet history. If you check this on a regular basis you may be able to assert whether or not your children are hiding something from you. If not, you may feel comfortable granting them a higher level of independence as they go about learning more online functions.

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2. Talk About Privacy

You could talk to your children about the issue of online privacy depending on the relationship you have with them. If your children are comfortable with your supervision they might grant you access to their email accounts or online social media accounts. If not, try requesting permission to enhance their privacy settings such as changing profiles to private, making profile pictures viewable only to friends or removing their pages from search engines.

3. Get Your Child Out Of The House

You have probably heard yourself saying, ‘We never had the internet when I was a kid. Life was so much funner.’ Well get your children outside, take them to the beach or a park, play games together, do the things you did as a child instead of complaining how boring they are! You’ll give them the opportunity to create wonderful childhood memories as well as the ability to understand how important it is to be active offline.

4. Purchase Software

If you are extremely concerned about how your child is using the internet you could purchase online protection software designed to automatically detect and block inappropriate sites. There a range of options for you to pursue in terms of price and function. However do not forget that sidestepping your child could lead to larger problems in your relationship.

Establishing trust is undeniably the best option when it comes to your child’s online activity – even more so when his or her use of the internet extends well beyond the computers you are able to monitor.

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5. Don’t Buy A New Computer When The Old One Explodes

Notebook computers have allowed business people and other internet-dependent workers to transport their work from the office to home. And more so than ever, schools are equipped with the latest batch of computers for use by your child.

So if you don’t need a home computer, why have one? If you did choose to remove the home computer from your lives you might just find that your household dynamics become a lot more personal and a lot less tech. Communication between you and your child might improve and all your internet-based woes could disappear for good. But don’t get too comfortable! As we know, technology is always changing and it could make its way back into your home in a new form.

1. Remember that every moment with your child is a teachable moment. For example, when driving to school, show them the prices on gas stations and explain why they change so often. Explain the prices using concepts of demand and supply.

2. Take your children grocery shopping. While in a store, tell them they need to buy something small — cereal, for example. Give them money and tell them to pick one and to do it wisely. If they can count money, ask them to complete the purchase transaction on their own. Discuss what they did right and what they can do better next time.

3. Take your children to the bank and open a savings account in their name and request an ATM card for them. Once you receive the card, show them how to deposit cash using an ATM. Once in a while, show them how cash is withdrawn. Ask them to keep a running total of their balance.

READ MORE OF THIS STORY HERE

How To Raise Little Helpers

How to create an active lifestyle for your kids

Apparently, some of us think that children from single mother families are bound to end up in prison, on welfare and uneducated. Yep, that’s right ladies, all the ills of society are all your fault. Strangely though, single fathers do not raise a mention in the poll.

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A lot of the negative feeling toward single mothers, I think, stems from their representation in the mainstream media. Rhymes like Kanye’s ‘Golddigger’, even subliminally, reinforce the notion that single women use children as a tool to ‘trap’ men. People like Paige, the girl claiming to be pregnant with Chad Ochocinco’s child, and the girls on 16 and Pregnant, also give single mother’s a bad name, by being money hungry or fame grabbing or whatever. But they do not, reflect society as a whole.

When a man is a single parent, or even when a man doesn’t shirk his responsibilities as a parent, he is applauded, for being a ‘true’ guy, a great guy even. Why is that? How come he is applauded for doing what should be expected of him, which is what is expected of the mother? Do we still as a society not expect fathers to take on the parenting responsibility in the same way we do mothers?

Newsflash. Single moms didn’t just become single moms. There was a father in the picture at some point.

Yes it is true that a single parent home can create more struggles, financially and emotionally, but who are we to put extra strain on the mother and child, but assumming that the kid will be a hood rat or that the mother is an uneducated fool?

Perhaps being single is the best thing that the parent (mother or father), can do for their child. My best friend was raised by a single mother because her father was M.I.A, and her mother managed to raise a very successful, well rounded, well educated woman, without any help from her father. And she was never on welfare, never did or was around, drugs, and rarely missed school. On the other hand, another friend lived with both parents, in a family littered with domestic violence and alcohol issues, and ran away from home at 17 to escape what she termed ‘the wacked out dysfunction’. Which living situation is better?

When a mother stays in an unhealthy or dangerous situation with the baby daddy, ‘for the sake of her kids’, how is that more respectable than one who does it on her own?

I know this obviously cannot and does not ring true for all situations and families, but I have a lot more respect for the mother who tries to raise her child alone the best she can, as opposed to one who settles for what’s easier or more acceptable in the eyes of society.

What do you all think?

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Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

First and foremost I just want to say how refreshing it is to read how honest you are when you give your feedback to reader’s emails. I have ordered your book and I cannot wait until I get my hands on it! Now to my issue at hand.

I am 23-years old and a mother to a beautiful 2-year old son. He is my world and I would do anything for him to ensure his happiness and safety. His father is very much in the picture and involved in our son’s everyday life. His father and I are not together, but we have never clashed when it comes to decisions we must make in regards to our little one. We can always come together peacefully and discuss any problems that arise and come to an agreement in which we both are satisfied with the outcome. My side of the family has rarely had to coach me in the parenting department and they have never stepped on my toes when it comes to the decisions that I have made about my son. I wish I could say the same about my son’s father’s side of the family.

His mother and sister are a living nightmare! Nothing we do is ever good enough and his mother is always in my face about how I’m such a young mother and how I need guidance when it comes to my son and his well -being. She even went as far as to call child services and allege that my son was being abused while in my custody. This incident is the reason that her son and myself are no longer romantically involved. Child protective services came to my house and even spoke with the staff at his preschool and found no indications or physical signs of abuse. After this incident my son’s father tried to sit everyone down to put everyone’s frustrations on the table but to no avail. I could not get in a word in edgewise.

His sister is not as worse, but she still makes my life a living hell. Now his sister has no children but she works with them on a day-to-day basis. I have tried to tell her that working with children and being a parent are two totally different things, but she just doesn’t get it. She is constantly in my ear about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and how studies show this and statistics show that…blah…blah…blah. I remember when my son was maybe 5 days old and everyone was visiting. I was doing laundry and my son was sleeping in his nursery. She walked up to me and demanded that I go in and check on him. I looked at her like she was crazy and she then told me that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause my son to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). No new mother with raging hormones wants to hear about harm coming to her new baby!  When I tell you… I picked up her -ish and kicked her out of my home and told her a** she better not come back…It wasn’t pretty.

I could go on and on about the things that they have done to step on my toes but I don’t want the headache. Please give me some advice on what to do about putting these women in their places without coming outside of my character. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Before I catch a case…SMDH! – Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

“I’ve Been Sleeping With My Uncle Who Was In Prison For 18 Years”

Dear Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired,

Girl, I need to give you a hand!! Do you hear me clapping for you? I just gave you a standing ovation.

You really don’t need my advice because you are checking those nosey busy bodies and putting them in their place already. I loved the part where your baby’s father’s sister tried to demand you go check on your son for fear of SIDS, and you picked up her –ish and kicked her out of your house. Girl, I died laughing. That’s what I’m talking about.

I love how folks love intervening in the child rearing of someone else’s child, yet they don’t have children themselves. Honey, miss me! And, his sister is only mimicking what the mother is doing, and she seems like a hot ass mess.

This is what I think. I feel the family may not be ready to let go of the reigns and hand-holding of their little boy, who is your child’s father. To them he is still the “baby” or “their man” (psychologically and emotionally he is substituting the men who are not in their lives), and they don’t know how to differentiate the two. And, of course, your ex loves being pampered and catered to by the two women in his life who continue to nurture him, thus to appease them he broke up with you, and they will let him damn near get away with murder before they will take your side, or provide you with any assistance. Honey, on the real, you are the devil to them. You are the, excuse my language and know I don’t think this of you, the skank, nasty, trifling, hoe, who trapped their son/brother/husband/boyfriend and the focus was no longer on them, but on you and the child. Don’t let them get to you, and don’t let them intimidate you. They are like a pack of wild dogs, if they sense fear, they will attack and keep attacking because they think you’re weak and unable to fend for yourself. Chile, don’t give them the pleasure or delight into trying to pick and tear you apart. Let them kiss the inside of your ass!

I do commend your man for making an attempt to get you guys to sit down together to confront the problem you all had, but no matter what you do, what you say, and how you do it, they will never appreciate or accept you into the family. It appears the mother doesn’t want to lose her son, and she will do anything from letting you get him. I mean this woman called Child Protective Services on you. Girl, you’re right, I would have caught a case behind some –ish like that, but again, she will do anything to regain control over her son and his situation with you. Sometimes the emotional incestuous relationships mothers have with their children, especially when there is no father in the home, they make their sons their man/boyfriends, and thus no woman can come into the picture. In other words, you man is a momma’s boy, and unconsciously her “man” who replaced the “man” in her life.

Listen, Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired, you don’t have to be around that drama or mess. Their issues with you are not about you, but about themselves and the reluctance to let their son/brother be a man and have another family. So, they feel they can dictate every aspect of his life, which he allows, and it affected your relationship. Girl, trust me, no woman will ever be good for their son and brother. Be glad you had the experience you had with him, and that you two brought a beautiful little boy in the world. Celebrate your child’s life everyday and whether or not they want to be involved in it, then you set the boundaries. You set the guidelines because at the end of the day, guess who has custody, YOU DO! So BAM! Tell those two evil wenches to step back and go get some business. Continue the co-parenting you have with your ex, and let him know what you will and will not put up with because quite frankly he needs to get a backbone. And, you are a grown woman, you don’t have to explain yourself to his mother or sister, so the next time they want to feel froggy and jump in your face about how you’re raising your child, you politely and calmly remind them that this is your child. You and your ex are doing a great job thus far in the rearing of him, and if they don’t like it, then it’s too damn bad. What you won’t be is disrespected, yelled at, lied on, manipulated, and treated like some witless adult. If they can’t get with the program, then they will be eliminated from the program. And, on that note, I’m out! LOL! I loves it. You go girl, and keep your head up. Don’t let them get to you. You do you and keep doing what you’re doing. And, thank you for ordering my book! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

It’s 2010. Are we still doing the good life thing or are we, as Jay Z asserts, “off that?”

Have you ever looked for something, tearing up the house, over and under tables, in and through cabinets and drawers only to forget what you were looking for? I’m beginning to think looking for the good life is the same thing. I, for one, can tell you where it isn’t: Hiding with all of these bills? Nope. Could it be under this mortgage? Uh-uh, not there either. Maybe it slipped away like our youth. Perhaps it was stolen in the night like our 401k! Maybe we’re overlooking it by over-looking for it. The quest has become bigger than what we initially set out to find and now we don’t know what we’re looking for.

Times have been tough, so finding the good life might seem as unlikely as uncovering a needle in a haystack. In trying to get to the good life I’ve realized how much one can miss, so busy going from A to B, back and forth, never noticing the points in between.

I remember taking an autumn walk with my daughter who was then three years old. She had no concern but to singularly crunch each and every leaf in her path, making u-turns for ones she’d miss, no matter that there were millions ahead of her. I reached to rescue what I thought to be a perfect image of the season, a lone spectrum of orange, red, brown, and yellow. “Not this one. This is a good one.” I said. She brushed a bundle of curls from her brow, took my “perfect” leaf and returned to the ground with the rest. They look better together Mommy. That day, where I’d admired that one “perfect” leaf she had noticed them collectively and to her, pretty was only as pretty when in contrast to something ugly.

I sometimes have to remind myself to walk as a three year old does and enjoy my journey step by step, each step a destination. On our way to the good life, even though the route may not be all that we’d imagined, we have to consider it all, enjoy the roads ahead, paying no mind to the detours along the way. Perhaps this is where it is, the good life, nestled among the points in between.

Join me for a new series on Hello Beautiful, “The Good Life,” as you and I look for the happiest, healthiest and most prosperous way to live our lives as women and mothers.

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Keeping your kids active is the best way to keep a healthy life style. Children love to play and are full of positive energy. Let them express their selves through activities, games, or even playing outside with neighborly kids.

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Encouragement is key, keep your children focused and let them know that you are there for them no matter what. Support them through different ideas, even if they may seem impossible.

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Children follow everything their parents do, so remember you are their idols. Their minds are like sponges, everything you do will affect them, their future decisions and emotions. So evaluate your actions around them.

Being a parent is hard work, however, it can be fun and a lesson in itself.

In the interview Usher refrains from bashing his notorious ex-wife:

“I appreciate the relationship for what it was,” he says. “Even though it didn’t work out, I’m glad we got together. I love her as the mother of my children; we just couldn’t be married.”

So what went wrong? Usher says that shortly after the birth of their second child, he and Foster started to disagree over everything from parenting style to his busy schedule.

“We’re two different people,” he says, “and we have two different goals. It just was never going to work out 100 percent.”

On his sons personalities:

“Usher [V] is always in everything,” he says. “He’s an instigator. He’s the one who leads his brother astray. I was like that when I was his age.”

Naviyd is more of a follower, doing whatever his big brother does. “So if one gets in trouble, the other one does, too,” says Usher. “They both have a lot of energy. They can wear me out.”

Fortunately, Usher has a babysitter nearby – his mom, Jonetta Patton, lives around the corner. “She spoils them,” Usher says with a sigh. “She lets them do everything that she wouldn’t let me do. Sometimes, when I’m scolding the kids, I sound just like my mom. I’m like, ‘how did Jonetta get in here?’ “

SOURCE

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[ione-gallery id=”1264245″ src=”http://hellobeautiful.com”

We can’t believe it… school is starting up again. And that means that the early-morning scramble is about to start.

Here are some tips for keeping the mornings calm from shine.com:

1. Get enough sleep yourself. I’m good at putting my kids to sleep at a decent hour, but not so good about doing it myself. It’s tempting to stay up late, to enjoy the peace and quiet, but 6:30 a.m. comes fast, and being overtired makes the morning much tougher.

2. Sing. As goofy as it sounds, I try to sing in the morning. It’s hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone—particularly in my case, because I’m tone deaf, and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.

3. Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange pants and bright green shoes? Sure. As Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.”

READ MORE HERE

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Awhile back, New York Times writer Paul Clarke said he thought it is good to drink around your kids as a parenting tactic because it teaches them moderation. Of course, Mr. Clarke is the Times’ alcohol beat writer, so I’m guessing he’s bound to come down on the “pro-drinking” side of many an argument. Me, I’m not so sure.

I have a friend who loves to bring his seven-year-old over to my house every Saturday to play with my kids. He drops by around noon, plops down on the couch, turns on a terrible movie for ironic amusement and opens a beer. Usually he has about 3-4 beers before he and his daughter take off (I drive them home). The kids love it because after a couple of beers my friend becomes a playful clown.

READ MORE OF THIS STORY HERE

How to create an active lifestyle for your kids

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The traditional American dream consists of a man, wife, kids, and a white picket fence.  However, times are changing and people are starting to question what is necessary for starting a family.  Women generally wait to start having kids until they are positive that they have found Mr. Right, but is that really what it takes?

Although social norms have evolved so much, when is it time to hold on to traditions? It’s becoming harder and harder to be a single mom, so maybe women really should wait until they have another source of support.

Then again, we are all about female independence.  If you want a family, why do you have to wait until you have found a man that is going to stay in your life? If you think you’re ready, then go for it. Right?

One thing to keep in mind is that starting a family isn’t something that is over in 2 years.  By making the decision to have kids and raise them on your own, you are making a decision that is going to affect at least the next 18 years of your life.

One famous actress speaks her mind about this issue, explaining why a man IS NOT necessary.

She says,

“Love is love and family is what is around you.”

Find out who said this at PopEater.

WHICH SIDE DO YOU AGREE WITH?

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Remember when you went to visit a friend and her new baby BEFORE you had a baby? At least for us, we just didn’t realize the place they were at. We wanted to stay and hear all about the birth and just hang out.

When we had our own baby, we saw things in a different light. We loved having visitors come and meet our new baby (and bring us food), but we were also really tired and preoccupied with a newborn baby. We noticed that quite a few non-parents made themselves comfortable and had a hard time taking our hints that it might be time to go.

“Oh, it’s time for me to feed her.”

“Oh, OK, go ahead, take your time.”

Here are some of our faves:

1. Don’t make out with my baby. Yea, I know you love her and all, but she’s still young with a weak immune system, and, well, it’s plain gross to watch! Reserve your necking for your significant other! If you want to show her love, donate $100 to her 529 Plan and give her a light hug goodbye.

2. Don’t expect to visit soon after the baby’s born, unless you are family. Well-loved family. Phrase the question: “When will you guys be ready for visitors?”

3. Make the effort to visit them. When the time is right, they will love you visiting them. Emphasis on you, because most likely it’s a lot more difficult for them to visit you. A lot more.

VIDEO: LisaRaye’s 3 Tips For Single Mothers

4 Do not visit new parents and their baby if you are in any way sick; yes, pinkeye and open sores count as ’sick’.

5. Be on time. It is quite a big production to prep a baby for visitors; tasks include: timing the feeding so that the baby’s in a good mood for you, changing her, cleaning her and calming her; and, let’s not forget the work involved with the parents trying to decently spruce up themselves and the home. If you’re late 30 minutes, it’s like tossing half of that work out the window.

6. Wash your hands; this will make mom feel better and think more highly of you as a righteous, upstanding citizen – and, someone worthy of holding her prized golden baby snow monkey.

READ THE REST HERE

How To: Talk To Your Kids About Money

GALLERY: Mother’s Day Gift Guide

By now, the words to the old children’s song are familiar to us all:“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” It’s true that matrimony and parenting often go hand in hand, but do you have to succeed at one to be good at the other?

With all of the lying and cheating married men being exposed in the media lately—from Tiger Woods to The-Dream—the question of whether it’s possible to be a terrible husband but a good father is more salient than ever.

On the one hand, some might believe that the way a man behaves toward his wife is a completely separate issue from how he raises their children. After all, it is possible for a man to be unfaithful to his wife while still maintaining an active presence in his children’s lives, caring for them and providing for them.

However, while it’s possible to be both “good father” a cheater in those ways, infidelity conveys the message to children that it’sacceptable to be dishonest, selfish, and inconsiderate of other people’s feelings. Would a good father really want to model that behavior to his children?

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Additionally, cheating isn’t the only way a man can be a terrible husband (or boyfriend)—verbal and physical abuse, for example, are certainly not hallmarks of a good partner. Take Mel Gibson: He’s recently been exposed as an abuser but still demands access to the child he has with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. But in reality, an abuser is even less likely to be a good father than a cheater, as he is not only a terrible role model for his children, but he creates an unstable home life and may eventually turn his abuse onto them.

Ultimately, it seems that it’s unlikely—if not impossible—to be a good father and a bad husband. Note that this doesn’t necessarily mean that men who end up divorced are bad fathers. Sometimes divorce is the most civilized and even most stabilizing way to do right by one’s wife and family, especially if the alternative is staying married but habitually cheating or being abusive.

What do you think: Can a bad husband be a good father? Let us know in the comments.

The-Dream Announces Separation After Being Caught With Assistant!

In an ideal world your child would come to you asking about profanity and words they may have heard at school, but the reality is they probably already know many of the socially constructed meanings of those words.

This can be particularly challenging as a parent as you attempt to grapple for control over how your child interprets or uses particular phrases.

As a black mother or caregiver, the infamous ‘N’ word is probably the biggest vocabulary-related dilemma you’ll come across. So how do you deal with it?

“RHOA’s” Housewife Kim Zolciak Says The “N-Word”

A good idea is to never show your child any extreme reaction when they ask you or you hear the ‘N’ word used by them or around them. Instead attempt to sit your child down and, calmly, walk them through the history of that word, recommending that they too keep they’re calm if they hear it used.

The ‘N’ word tends to be used against young black children in school as a way of provoking a strong reaction and causing conflict. Many parents talk of how schools overlook the issue or don’t believe a child’s complaint that they were bullied using the ‘N’ word.

Empowering your child with calmness and intelligence is by far the best medicine for a bully and your child’s concentration at school.

Should The N-Word Be Abolished?

Now if you’re extremely against the ‘N’ word, irrespective if you have children or not, check out an interesting site called Abolish The ‘N’ Word, belonging to a group aimed at eliminating its use in American society. They recommend you consider some of the following tips:

1. Make a personal commitment to stop using the “N” word.

2. Download the contract. Read it. Sign it. Hang it up in a place where you can see it. Other people will see your contract and support your efforts.

3. Remember your elders and the sacrifices they made for you.

4. Expand your vocabulary and find an alternate word to use

5. Only purchase the radio versions of songs.

6. Write to the record labels requesting that they stop publishing songs using the “N” word.

7. Write to individual artist requesting they stop using the “N” word in their work.

8. Start a writing campaign at your school to both artist and record companies requesting they stop using the “N” word.

Click here to read the full list.

They also have a little contract which you can print out and sign as a resolution for yourself. Click here to see that.

In the meantime, we wish you GOOD LUCK! with this trying dilemma as a parent and as a black women in general. It can be resolved with proactive parenting and strong intelligent, communication.

Have you ever heard about these crazy rumors of shameful names like Espn or Typhoon being given to innocent, helpless babies, obviously without their consent? Well it’s true and if celebrities are anything to go by, there may be no hope for the world.

The simplest way to avoid shaming your child for life with an horrific name like Marlboro or Toe, is simple: Consult every person you know and take their advice, especially when you start getting abuse thrown at you.

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Also pay attention to the signs. In early 2009, a 3 year old boy named Adolph Hitler Campbell, his sister JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and a third sibling were taken from their parents by the New Jersey’s Division of Youth and Family Services. This came after a local supermarket refused to make a cake for the child, causing a mass media frenzy.

Take a look at the following list’s we found from The Stir and The Times Online.

Firstly, The Stir found these names on record:

Abcde, Hellcity, Richard Head, Clahmiddia, Rawmeet, Kandi Apel, Cadaver, Meconium.

While The Times Online listed these interesting celeb-kid names:

- Apple Martin (daughter of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)

- Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)

- Fifi Trixibell, Peaches and Pixie (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)

- Kal-El Coppola (Nicholas Cage)

- Moon Unit, Drweezil and Diva Muffin (Frank Zappa)

- Sage Moonblood and Seargeoh (Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack)

And what about these ones from some less known celebs:

- Moxie CrimeFighter (daughter of Penn Jillette)

- Pilot Inspektor (son of Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)

- Audio Science (son of Shannyn Sossamon)

What are some of the craziest baby names you’ve ever heard?

Is Being An “Over-Indulgent” Parent Bad For Your Child?

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Before y’all start throwing punches, I must clarify that my exposure to this topic came from within the HB user community. In a recent post about the term ‘interracial,’ one user asked us why HB wasn’t tackling some of the hard issues?

In many regards the questions posed were simply strong conversation starters, with no clear cut, unique answer. To begin with, let’s take the first question presented by the user:

“Why is it Acceptable for Young Men of Color to Emulate Prison Fashions By Exposing Their A***s to Ourselves and our Children?”

My personal interpretation is that the issue is not the prison fashions themselves, rather that any male role model other than a “rapper” is consistently put in question for all the wrong reasons.

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For example:

CRITICISM: “Is President Obama Black?”
RESPONSE: YES, HE IS!

CRITICISM: “Obama’s making so many mistakes and everyone is doubting him so he’s not the most ideal role model.”
RESPONSE: YES, HE IS. You’re children probably have no idea about fiscal policy or Sino-American relations so don’t let Fox News or any other negativity detract from the fact that a family-orientated man, who has a healthy relationship with his wife and daughters, a 4-year contract and nice White House (excuse the pun), is on television everyday reminding us how far a black man can get in this world.

CRITICISM: “Will Smith and all those other Hollywood big names are trying too hard to be white and that’s not right for my child.”
RESPONSE: The world is what it is. Asian people, Hispanics, Middle Easterners and every race on earth do (and have every right to) wear suits, go to glamorous events and sip Martinis just like Hollywood’s black stars. The fact that more white people go to these events and wear suits reflects the fact that there is a disproportionate concentration of wealth in America because of socio-economic factors and our history. In order for this to change, there needs to be less focus placed on what is “White” and more criticism placed on self-victimization, in which the people who make these criticisms of the “suited black man” stop acting like the perpetual victim, getting hated on from birth ’til death. Yes, there is discrimination in this world and you, like every other minority group that suffers from it, have the power to allow it to destroy you or, by contrast, give you the fuel to overcome adversity and prove the “haters” wrong.

‘Making it big’ doesn’t necessarily have to involve what these Hollywood stars are doing, but their drive, self respect and motivation to succeed is relevant in all aspects of life.

5 Signs You’re Raising Your Baby’s Daddy

Another issue that catches my attention in regard to the initial question is that “prison fashions” are some how meant to be unacceptable, when in reality we’re talking about the behaviors that accompany such fashions. Careful consideration should be placed on what music you allow your children to listen to, what movies you bring home and which television shows you watch in front of them, before getting the stage where you scratch your head and wonder why your child has his/her rear end exposed to the world.

Once again it comes down to who and what we criticize. Some of you may be aware that Lady Gaga has been causing parenting problems abroad with her ‘Monster Ball’ tour. Parents were taking their children to see the show and later complaining with a great degree of rage that their child was exposed to “things” he/she had never seen before. Well, I’m sorry but check yourself and take a look at some of her video clips to judge in advance whether it would be appropriate to take your child to that concert and expect them not to want to wrap their hair around a beer can or cover their naughty bits in police tape. The issue here is not Lady Gaga herself so please don’t start any meltdowns about a white girl being mentioned on HB. It’s about the extent to which you allow your children to be exposed to role models in the entertainment industry where these questionable trends or ‘prison fashions’ are most on display.

So I ask the inevitable question: What do you guys think?

The birth of a child can dramatically change the dynamics of a family – and its not always for the best. We know that disrupted nights, dirty diapers and feeding times can all be problematic in a family accustomed to its original routine, but some changes can be long term. Your baby’s daddy may hold some of the answers to a change in your family dynamics and it might be time for you to reflect on some his behaviors to find signs that you’re raising someone more than just your baby.

1. He Barely Noticed You Were Pregnant

Men can have some peculiar reactions to the pregnancy of their partners, many of which are most noticeable during the pregnancy of the first child.

Some of the men I know have some interesting ways of dealing with stress and anxiety. A complete emotional shut down and detachment from your emotional needs is one of those, and another is to almost complete avoid all recognition of your pregnancy.

There are also those who have no concept of the pain of a pregnancy and therefore don’t empathize. When a girl is pregnant, in need of some serious love and attention, this may be a sign of bad times ahead.

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2. He Makes All The Petty Decisions, But Leaves The Hard Ones For You

To begin, let’s categorize some of the major daily decisions into ‘petty’ and ‘hard’.

Petty: Beef or chicken, Coke or Pepsi, take-out or eat-out, sex when he wants it or sex when you want it, TV or a DVD, etc.

Hard: Bay the bills late or feed your child tomorrow, make your girl work two jobs or get one for yourself, budget or save, rent or buy, Thanksgiving here or at your mother’s, another baby or time off the pregnancy trail, etc.

Once again a complete disinterest in daily household affairs could be a reflection a baby-like man. The real issue here is that more pressure falls on you to the point where you feel like a single parent.

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3. His Mother Either Completely Worships The Ground You Walk On, Or Is Highly Critical Of You

Mothers can have a tremendous impact on the development of their sons, though many people would argue that men tend to follow in the paths of their fathers more so than their mothers. So if your man’s mother is around, take a closer look at the way she treats you and the way she may have raised him.

If your mother-in-law worships the ground you walk on, you may be giving your man too many of life’s comforts – just like she did when she raised him. That age-old desire of a mother for her son to find a woman to treat him right may have you trapped in your own worst nightmare as the woman that inherited this old lady’s son.

By contrast, your mother-in-law may also be extremely critical of you as a partner. Any level-headed mother could see in her children just where she went wrong. In this case she may have wanted more for her son, a woman to set things right for him after she lost the battle. It might be time to listen to what she’s complaining about to see if you can eliminate some problems between all parties involved.

4. You’ve Stopped Talking To Each Other

Like many of the above mentioned ‘signs’, this one comes accompanied with a range of other issues. If you and your man are no longer able to produce a serious conversation, albeit about the most trivial topic, your relationship may be in trouble.

Yelling at him about important family issues, and his lack of interest and motivation with raising your child are all problematic trends in a mother-father relationship. The fact that, once again, you’re doing all the ‘caring’ and decision making without his input is certainly something that needs addressing in order for you to not feel like your raising one child extra.

5. He’s A Fat Slob Who Has No Desire To Work Or Provide For His Family

It would be nice for all men to be like Will Smith or Barack Obama, and thank goodness some are. But the best, most efficacious sign for you to realize that you’re raising your baby’s daddy is when he is nothing but an obnoxious couch-potato with no interest in anything other than this evening’s sport telecast or balancing a can of beer on his unwashed hairy belly.

The 4th of July doesn’t tend to test the creativity of parents because so much is usually on offer for children throughout the Independence weekend. Yet, what you choose to do can have long lasting positive consequences for your kids. Making the right decisions could mean years of laughter, memories and positive 4th of July vibes. It will help too if you can avoid your child getting struck in a homemade fireworks disaster, so read on:

Summertime Fun For Your Kids & You Too!

1. Check Your Local Newspaper First

The best guide for events near you will always be your local newspaper. You’ll find a detailed list of what your county or community has organized for children and best of all your newspaper probably won’t profile the best parks in your area for your children to light fireworks.

Instead look for arts and crafts activities, free live entertainment and amusement park-like establishments with that special 4th of July feel.

Checking your local guides is also useful if your children are older and you won’t to inform yourself of where they’ll be and what they’ll be doing.

2. Find Fun Alternatives To Fireworks

ThePressNews.com recently profiled some wonderful ideas for around your home this 4th of July:

• After the sun goes down, wrap flashlights in colored cellophane to provide fun shades of light.
• Purchase non-toxic glo-sticks, glo-ropes and glo-jewelry that can safely light the night for kids.
• Create your own noisemakers by banging wooden spoons on pots and pans. Search your house for horns, whistles and bells and other items to create a marching band.
• Make your own firecracker sounds by popping bubble wrap.
• Using yarn, craft sticks, paint and construction paper, families can make the United States flag.
• Make 4th of July rockets by using paper towel rolls, paint, streamers and paper cement.
• Let kids create in the kitchen by making fun desserts using blueberries, strawberries and whipping cream for star-spangled treats.

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3. Be ‘Out And About’ All Day With Friends And Family

You may often hear an only child complain of how lonely his or her upbringings was. However some people in large families also reflect on just how family orientated their lives were as children.

The 4th of July weekend is a perfect opportunity for you to build some positive family memories that your children will take with them into the future.

So check out what’s on offer near you and invite as many warm faces as possible. It doesn’t have to be big to last forever in the hearts and minds of your children.

4. Organize A Kids 4th Of July Party With Other Parents

If your ready to deal with the competitive world of the mother vs. mother, then why not try organizing an event for your children? A little party will keep the kids entertained and allow the parents to socialize with people their own age. You could also try some of the suggestions above about decorating your home without having to have fireworks.

So, what else would you suggest for a memorable 4th of July weekend for kids? Tell us and we’ll update out post to include your suggestions.

Many years ago the idea of someone putting a child on a leash would be an impossibility. It was unheard of. However, now placing a rambunctious child on a leash is leaning towards becoming the norm for some parents who feel that this is the only way that they can control their child. It is as simple as buying it from your local variety store or ordering it online. Some critics think that this is barbaric and will lead to psychological issues in the child. While others think it is the newest product in child safety. Playing devil’s advocate, here are few reasons why placing your child on a leash may or may not be ideal.

Reasons Why A Placing A Child On A Leash Is Beneficial

1. It can help to maintain a toddler that is out of control or easily excited. Not every parent is equipped to handle a precocious child. This is a way to keep track of a child while in a public place who would otherwise run wild.

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2.There are GPS tracking agents on some of the newer child leashes. So if for any reason a parent looses track of their child while in public, the chances of them being found are much higher. You are constantly in connection with your child.

3. It virtually eliminates the possibilities of a child being kidnapped in a public place.

4. Leashes are affordable. You can buy a child leash for any where from $8.00 to $20.00. Not a bad price to pay for your child’s safety.

Reasons Not to Place A leash on your child

1. Being placed on a leash may affect a child’s self esteem. Especially if they see that other children are not on a leash. Or if they see animals being walked on a leash.

2. Others see you with your child on a leash could make the assumption that you are not a good parent and are unable to control your child.

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Is having a child on a leash something that could scar the child for life? Is it a reflection of the bad parenting  or a way to keep your children safer? Do you judge parents when you see that they have their child on a leash?

For More LJ Knight Visit YeahSheSaidIt

I recently read a blog from Popular Science that claimed birth order could explain relationship compatibility. Prone to wanting to keep my mind as open as possible, I found some interesting truths behind the blogger’s descriptions. My focus remained on personality types until I discovered some fascinating research into the connection between birth order and testicular cancer, homosexuality and intelligence?

To begin, PopSci’s blog about personality types and birth order was based on the following descriptions:

Firstborns: Energetic, Logical, Ambitious, Enterprising, Scholarly.

Second Borns: Flexible, Diplomatic, Rebellious, Attention-seeking, Competitive, Peacemakers.

Last Borns: Risk takers, Idealists, Good sense of humor, Immature, Attention-seeking, Secretive, Sensitive.

Only Children: Mature faster, Get along well with older people, Responsible, Self-Centered, Perfectionists, Attention-seekers and Have difficulty sharing.

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According to the book ‘Birth Order Connection‘ by Dr. Kevin Leman, the different types of compatibility are as follows:

1. Eldest or only female child with a male who has older sisters – Let’s just say whoever this girl is, she’s able to manage her man’s ‘issues.’

2. Eldest female with eldest male – A combination destined to be explosive… but fun.

3. Last born female with last born male – Who’s going to wear the boots in this relationship?

4. Firstborn with middle child – This match could have all the right ingredients for stability. What do you think?

5. Firstborn with last born – A great combination where each member of the couple can learn from the other.

6. Middle child with middle child – This outcome of this match is laced with complexities and is certainly a hard once to predict… Just like all middle children, right?

7. Middle child and last born – In this case, the middle child must have some tendencies of a first born child in order for the best to come out of this relationship. Once again, it’s all down to the balance of personality types according to Dr Leman.

Do you agree? Give us your thoughts about birth order and compatibility!

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Next in my bundle of discoveries came some interesting, controversial research projects that attempt to confirm the evidence linking birth order with testicular cancer, intelligence and homosexuality.

1. Birth Order and Testicular Cancer

A Danish study from the mid 90s claimed that being fourth or more in the birth order of your family was positively related to a dramatic decrease in the risk of testicular cancer.

Testicular cancer is partially affected by the impact of estrogen on the developing testicular tissue in a fetus.

2. Birth Order and Intelligence

A study by American Association for the Advancement of Science, which tested 400,000 19-year-old Dutch men and that controlled for socio-economic status, found that firstborns performed better on intelligence testing than those who were not first born in their family. However as family size increased the results became inconsistent.

3. Birth Order And Homosexuality

Research about the causes of homosexuality is limited in terms of data and is also ripe with controversy.

The Fraternal Birth Order Effect (FBOE) was initially presented in 1996 by researcher Ray Blanchard. It is a theory that suggests the likelihood of a mother having a homosexual child increases around 33 per cent for every older brother that child has.

In 2000, University of New Orleans academic Edward Miller explored the connection between homosexuality and birth order.

He indicated that in evolutionary terms Blanchard’s theory was plausible given that the birth of a homosexual child into a family of brothers reduces competition between offspring. Birth order thus allows the older brothers, who take on a dominant role as leaders of the family and carriers of the family name, to be better prepared to attract and pursue a female counterpart.

Miller finally asks that if homosexuality was dependent solely on the environment that a child was raised in, how is it possible that such an advanced species (human beings) could allow environmental factors to produce men and women that work against evolution by not wanting to produce children with members of the opposite sex?

Maybe the mom needs to take lessons in personal grooming? Look at the hair under her pits!!!!!

Someone needs to call child services!

Source

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In troubled times, many Americans have considered relocating their families to places in the country with greater opportunities. If you’re a parent, finding a safe, warm location for your children to grow and prosper is certainly a huge priority. We’ve reviewed some lists and compiled our own:

Honolulu, Hawaii

MSNBC notes that Honolulu had the highest spending on education in 2008 across the country. But don’t forget the amazing beaches, physical isolation and safety it could provide for your children.

Honolulu has topped Forbe’s safest cities list on several occasions.

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Phoenix, Arizona

Homes and land are dirt cheap in Phoenix. And there’s a lot of dirt in other parts of Arizona too! Yahoo! Finance says that if you’re family is into the great outdoors, Phoenix is for you, conveniently located near many major parks and outdoor attractions.

The Grand Canyon is about 4 hours from Phoenix.

Denver, Colorado

Denver is a small city that’s surrounded by many lush parks and natural reserves. The city has excellent schools, low crime and is close to the renowned Colorado State University.

Child Magazine ranked Denver as the best city to raise children because of its clean air, health care, schooling and safety.

Mount Prospect, Illinois

Yahoo! Finance said Mount Prospect, near Chicago, was a good choice for families. Although it’s a pricey area, there are a range of homes in most price brackets. Schools and safety are a top priority for the city.

It’s location to Chicago is also a huge plus.

Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina

MediaTakeOut said Raleigh-Durham was ideal for black families with a job growth rate of 3.4 per cent and the highest employment statistics in their entire list of best cities. When keeping your kid employed is important, this statistic might be extremely helpful for you.

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Austin, Texas

RelocateAmerica has nothing but praise for Austin. In several of their ‘Best Of’ lists Austin represents: Top 10 Breakout cities, Top 10 Overall cities, Top 10 Earth Friendly cities, and Top 10 Large cities.

Money magazine is also big on this Texan jewel, ranking it number 2 big city in ‘Best Cities To Live.’ The blend of cultures and the range of outdoor activities on offer to keep your children occupied also work in Austin’s advantage.

Louisville, Kentucky

When you drive through Louisville, you’re going to wonder why you’d never heard anything great said about the city.

Louisville is located on the Ohio River, where the Mid-West meats the South. If you’re from either of those regions, Louisville can be a happy medium where you can pursue characteristics of each culture.

The city is home to a range of parks and recreational facilities and is small enough for you to not lose your kids in the big city smoke.

The kids are home for the summer and are you wondering what to do? They need to stay busy and you need peace of mind. Here are some great activities to keep them occupied and some for you too!

The Beach or the pool

The beach is always a fun place to explore with the kids. Looking for seashells are some of my kids favorite pass times. Digging sand castles and just plain ol’ swimming in the ocean are enough to have fun in the sun! Live in-land, no problem! Find a community pool or your neighborhood YMCA. Poolside with a book and or a good ol’ game of Marco Polo, are some fun things to enjoy!

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Water Balloons

Don’t feel like making a trip to the pool but still need to cool off. There is no party like a water balloon party! Split up into team and bombs away!!!! Add water guns and a hose to create more water fun!

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