You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Happy Friday! And, today is, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend,” Advice Day.

Based on the theme of two letters I received, I am calling today, “Fetish Friday.”

Enjoy my Beautiful People!

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m curious about a guy that I’m seeing named “Vick.”

Vick is 42, divorced with 3 kids, but he lives alone. What attracted me to Vick is that he is a deacon-in-training in the church. Vick is the ultimate gentleman. He opens doors, calls me beautiful, lol, and cares about me and my children and our well being. I mean what’s not to like about this guy?

Anyway, as time went on, Vick and I would go to the movies and afterward come back to my place where we would sit and talk. This went on for a while, and then here comes the kissing. Naturally, after kissing, you know what comes next. I’m all hot and bothered and he would not pursue me whatsoever. Vick says, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” BUT, he performs oral sex on me (double standard).

So, this went on I know a good 7 times and I got fed up. I asked Vick if he had previous girlfriends. He got VERY emotional and threatened to leave me just because I asked that question. Long story short, he LOVES performing anal oral sex and gets VERY excited about it. I’m curious about him. Although, he says that he has an erectile dysfunction – which I did see medication prescribed for – we have had (penetration) sex about 3 times out of a 7-month time frame.

Vick has a lot of guy friends. He carries himself like he’s feminine at times. I want to know if it’s just me or if he is gay. If he is, that’s his prerogative. I just believe in keeping it real. – Keep It Real

“I Love Him, But My Heart Belongs To Her!”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met this guy, “Sam,” and we’ve been communicating for several months, but have not had sex.

We’ve both had ‘pillow talk’ and discussed what we liked and disliked in bed. Sam mentioned that he LOVES to give oral sex, which is what most women wouldn’t have a problem with, especially if he’s as good as he claims to be. But, the majority of the time, he puts MUCH emphasis on giving anal (tossing salad) oral pleasure.

Now, I’ve met guys, of course, that enjoy doing that and I love it, therefore I’m not saying that if a guy enjoys that he must be on the low. But, Sam would rather talk about giving me anal oral sex than just the regular treatment. When we do have a lil ‘pillow talk,’ Sam always confesses that he’d rather ‘toss salad’ all night than anything else. Plus, he’s mentioned that he has been incarcerated for 4 years prior to when we first began to talk.

I know what my intuitions are telling me, but I just wanted to share my situation with you to get your insight on it. – Need Clarity

“He Can Get It” Wednesday: Kenyon

Dear Keep It Real and Need Clarity,

I am going to knock the both of you out in one response. Your letters are similar in theme, and it appears that both men fall into a category I feel is befitting to call: “Fetish” Friday. You know, those freaky-deaky people who get turned on and excited from things others would find abnormal.

Now, ladies, I understand how the behavior of both Vick and Sam, and their insatiable palette for Anal–oral sex would cause alarm and make you wonder, “Is he gay?”  But, I think these two are part of a club of men who love rimming, or “tossing salad.” Those are the slang terms we use on the street. However, the professional medical term for it is, anilingus (from anus + lingus (origin: Latin - lingere, meaning “to lick”). It is a form of oral sex involving contact between the anus of one person and the mouth (lips) or tongue of another.

It is an acquired taste, and for a lot of men it really, really turns them on. They love placing their mouths, and tongues deep between a woman’s buttocks pleasuring her. And, in return it stimulates a man causing him to reach a stiff erection, even, whereas in the case of Keep It Real’s friend, Vick, that his erectile dysfunction isn’t a matter of concern.

And, not to be prudish, but, ladies, you’ve got to get your heads out of the ground and check out some books on sexual pleasures because there are lots of unique and strange fetishes out there. Trust me, honey’s, people can turn anything into a fetish. You’ll be amazed to discover how many men out there have secret fetishes, especially for various parts of the female anatomy.

And many men love to talk dirty and see how freaky they can get with you. So, they slowly and delicately drop little hints about their fetishes. He may say how much he loves women’s feet, particularly yours. He loves the softness, smell, and look. He wants to sniff them, and put them in his mouth. There are some men out there shivering right now just thinking about it.

There are some men who have fetishes for women’s hair, breasts, hands, and stomachs. Some like leather, rubber, being dominated, and voyeurism. Whatever their fetish may be, it stimulates and arouses them even moreso than the act of sexual penetration. Yup. They don’t get off from penetration, but by their fetish. You’ll notice if your man has a particular fetish because just as in the case of, Keep It Real, and, Need Clarity, they speak about it constantly. When they are in bed, they prefer and give extra attention to the butt. They can’t get enough of it. And, ladies, men know there are other parts of your body that needs attention, caressing, and stimulation, however, his arousal and senses are for that one area, and one area only. He can spend hours servicing your anus and it will cause him to ejaculate without penetration.

But, Ms. Keep It Real, I want to mention also that your man is of the church, a deacon-in-training, and I feel that he may be trying to hold to his beliefs, especially in not having pre-marital sex. He may be conflicted on his religious beliefs in serving God, and having sex with a woman that he is not married to. You did state he said, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” And for him to perform oral sex on you, he does not consider that as sex. A lot of people do not consider oral sex as sex. There is no penetration involved. Remember when former President Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman?” He didn’t consider her performing orally on him as sex. However, I do strongly believe that your man, Vick, has a fetish for anal oral sex. All the signs and his stimulation about it points directly to your butt.

So, Ms. Keep-It-Real, and Need-Clarity, I say ask your men if they have a particular fetish or fancy for your butts. And, if that is not your thing, then let the men know. Don’t waste your time, nor his because when it’s time for sex he will be mindful of your needs, but know that he can’t, and won’t deny his need to have his mouth buried deep between your buttocks. I also recommend the use of dental dams if you let a man perform analingus with you. Protect yourself because STDs can still be transmitted through anal oral sex.

The debate on oral sex always seems to be a fickle and curious one. Both men and women are on the fence on whether it’s cool or just plain gross.

I’ll never forget sitting in my house late one night watching, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (super funny movie by the way!), when one of the characters brings the topic up.

He’s a newlywed on vacation in Hawaii with his bride, and couldn’t get his swirl quite right. When his young bride attempts to show him how much of a “thinker” she is, he fights her off because, “If God was a city planner, he wouldn’t put a playground next to a sewage plant.” By far one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while!!!

Last time I checked, it’s 2009, not the 1900s, and sexual expression is not only liberating but apart of our culture.

Yet oral sex is still really hush-hush and taboo. People talk about everything under the sun, yet going down is such a no-no, that if you bring it up to your friends, you’re deemed nasty, disgusting, and the group hoe.

Ladies let’s be real! You know you have that friend that has no problem talking about giving or receiving head, and in your mind you automatically thinks she’s a skank.

Many black women still have a hard time going down or even discussing it among one another.

Some think it’s against their religion (he without sin, cast the first stone?)

Some can’t get their heads  wrapped around (literally) having their mouths on something that spews pee and ejaculation. (but don’t vaginas do the same thing and more?)

Some fear embarrassment since it’s “unknown territory”.

And some women, well, some don’t talk about it because they’re secretly giving Superhead a run for her money!

Black men, you’re not any better either!

If you treat your lady to a “taste test” and happen to talk to your friends about it, you’re attacked with endless amounts emasculating names, and tons of man bashing (by other men!).

A few men don’t want to get too up, close, and personal with their partner’s “bush”. “It’s gross! It’s hairy! ILLL!” It’s not exactly a picnic in the park for her either!

Should The N-Word Be Abolished?

Tons of men are selfish. They don’t want to give, but damn sure expect to receive!!!

How do you feel about oral sex? Are we becoming sexually enlightened or morally primitive?

Thick Vs. Fat: Aren’t They The Same?

“I’m a guy and I hate receiving oral. Maybe it’s because I had a few too many bad teeth experiences or I’m just a little too sensitive down there, but when a girl starts kissing me all the way down, I grit my teeth and prepare for the worst. It’s finally to the point where I simply flat-out tell the woman whose head is drifting that way to save the energy for other things. The only problem is, now I’m in a committed relationship and my girlfriend feels like it’s her fault I don’t like it, which is entirely untrue. She says she feels guilty when I go down on her and she can’t get me off in return. I’ve been very clear about it but occasionally she will try to surprise me with a “gift”, and I don’t have the heart to tell her no, even though it usually ends up leaving my johnson useless and uncomfortable without any of the pleasure I’m sure other guys get from it. How can I keep her from going down on me? And please don’t tell me to count my blessings because every guy would love it. I’m a guy and I do not.”

I don’t know how many men out there don’t like it, but I can say that I have never met one. I know this reader isn’t the exception to the rule, but I wonder…

How many guys really HATE oral sex?

I know there are a lot of women who don’t like it, so ladies there is hope that maybe you can find a man who doesn’t like it, too! If only the girl in the letter knew how many people wish they were in her position!

A Man Who Would Rather Have Sex With Himself, too?!

Get the steamy sex you deserve!

Foods that boost your sex life!

Oh, blow jobs. They’re either a big deal or no sweat, depending on your age and who you’re asking. One should generally giving boys oral sex the way one would treat having regular sex: don’t do it til you’re ready, and don’t think it’s a fast and easy way to popularity among your peers. And you don’t have to give it to everyone who asks!

However, it seems like girls these days are treating BJs like a regular kiss – come one, come all! Literally. Watch the video below, then tell me what you think about the new goodnight kiss.

Oprah: “Buy Your Teen Girls Vibrators!”

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