Let me start off by saying that I love you. I look forward to seeing your posts every week, and I love your straight forward approach to things. I’m purchasing Mogul, today (YAY! Finally). But, I want your professional opinion.

I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now. We live together and both work full-time. He has a great family and our families like both of us and both of us together. Well, my sex life sucks monkey balls. Normally you hear men complain about women or their wives not giving it up, well in this instance it’s completely the other way around. We have a 7 year age difference. He’s 30 and I’m 23. He’s never been married nor does he bare any children (other qualities that attracted me to him).

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Well, when it comes to sex, we speak a totally different language. I’m a very sexual and affectionate person (I’m a Scorpio). I love to kiss, touch, etc. Basically do things that people in love and relationships do. Well he’s totally not into any of that. When it comes to kissing, he’s a pecker. When it comes to touching, he doesn’t. I’m an attractive woman so I’ve asked numerous of times is he still attracted to me, and he says yes, but I couldn’t tell from our sex life.

Let me give you two scenarios before we have sex or I attempt to have sex. I’ll ask (Yeah, I can’t believe it either sometimes) if he wants to and he’ll make that, “I don’t care” face. What person do you know does that? Then he’ll be like, “I’m watching TV” or, “I’m tired,” and it takes me getting upset for him to be like, “Oh, alright then,” (I’m like really dude?). Next scenario, we’ll be in bed or on the couch and I’ll initiate by kissing or touching on him and he’s ready in a flash, but when it comes to turning me on or getting me in the mood he does nothing. He expects me to just be ready like that. I tell him that I’m a woman and you have to get me in the mood. It always falls upon deaf ears, so needless to say that I have to use some hand action for myself, then it goes down and 5 minutes later it’s over. I then look at him like let’s go at it again, and he’ll be like, “Let me rest.” I have needs also.

I had a silver bullet that had to suffice when he wouldn’t want to have sex and he was actually jealous of it. He thinks all that is taboo. I asked him how was his sex life with his exes because maybe that’s why they broke up. Everything else is okay in our relationship except our sex lives. I need your advice. Should sex be a reason to stay or leave a relationship? – I Have Needs

Dear Ms. I Have Needs,

Thank you for the love, DIVA! I appreciate it very much! And, I do hope you enjoy your copy of my novel, MOGUL.

But, Baby, talking about incompatibility! Your bodies and sexual desires are on two different pages, in two different books, and in two different genres. You’re an erotica book and he’s a mystery novel. LMBAO!

Unfortunately, sex is the reason why a lot of people end their relationships. They just are not compatible sexually. But, perhaps you should explore all the options before you dip out on your man.

The oddity isn’t unusual. However, it’s rather getting both your needs in sync with one another, and it’s going to take learning one another’s sexual cycles. Yes, I said sexual cycle. There are folks who are like you who very sexual and can go on and on and on and on. Chile, you can get turned on by the wind blowing on your clit or breasts. You’re just ready! However, for him, he’s like most people who are not extremely sexual, and the need and desire for sex is not as important or necessary. So, unfortunately, you have to learn his sexual cycle and when he’s most excited, and most turned on.

Notice the days, and times of day he is usually turned on. Is he an early morning wake-up and get it type of person, or is he a late night before bed type of person? Does he like it mid-day, or in the evening right before the game, or right after? And, when he gets in the mood what is going on? What is the look in his eye, is it right after work, or after he’s had time to settle in? How is his body responding when you are touching him in certain spots and kissing him or fondling him? Also, is your man verbal? Does he like talking or for you to respond to how he’s handling you?

Sometimes setting the mood also helps, but keep in mind that men don’t need the candles, incense, and romantic backdrop for sex to happen, women need all that. But, if you need it, then create it. When he sees it he’ll know that you’re ready for some action. But, maybe and perhaps, he likes whip cream, chocolate syrup, flavored oils, and some music. You guys have got to work together and create the magic you both desire and need.

Sex in relationships is just like verbal communication. You have to talk to one another about your desires, likes, needs, and wants. You have to express to your mate what turns you on, what turns you off, and where to lick, stick, suck, and touch. And, it takes showing them, placing their hands and mouth on the parts that excite you. If you let him know where your spots are, and vice-versa, your sex life will be very vibrant and exciting. But, it takes communicating. When he touches you in a way that excites you, let him know by responding with a noise, or saying, “Yes, daddy, that’s it!” And, work your body in tune with his touches. Pop that punany and back it up on him! Explore new positions – let him put his thang in between your breasts; work your oral skills; try reverse cowgirl; blow bubbles in his a**! You’re a freak, hell, let the freak out!!!

GIRL, YOU’VE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER AND FIND THIS OUT.

And, yes, the age difference does matter. He’s 30-years old and you’re 23-years old. He should still be sexually active, but he is getting older and his sex drive may be declining. You mentioned he has a full-time job. There could be pressures and stresses from work that he is holding on to and it’s affecting his sexual appetite. And, if his job is physically demanding, then I’m certain he doesn’t want to work all day doing manual labor and then have to come home and do more manual labor by handling you and throwing you around the bed, picking you up, carrying you around the house, and acting like a sex maniac.

Also, try spontaneity sex. When he walks in the door, be there waiting on him in the nude, and drop down to your knees and tea bag him. Service him right at the front door. Or, be waiting in the kitchen with only an apron on cooking. Hell, sometimes you’ve got to change the scenery and environment. Have him meet you at a hotel or some discreet location, and when he arrives there you are with only a mink coat on and nothing underneath. Seduce him. Create fantasies, and I’m certain his sexual energy and desire will increase! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Related Links:

“My Husband Cheated For 6 Years & I’m Willing To Work On Us, But He Refuses”

“He Wants To Get Married & So Do I, But I’m Very Nervous”

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m 24 years old and my boyfriend of two years is 30 years old, but we have been knowing each other for four years.

I have a son from a previous relationship that he adores, and he has four children from a previous relationship that I adore. Everything is as good as it can possibly be and I couldn’t be happier. But, about a month and a half ago he brought up the topic of marriage and has been talking about it every since. Ironically, we have the same last name already (I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, you better check to make sure y’all not related,” which I did). People already assume we are married. He has been married once before and it ended ugly, so I feel that it was necessary to tell him that the topic makes me a little nervous because once I get married I don’t want to get a divorce. He said he understands because he doesn’t want to get married and divorced again, and he wants me to be the woman he grows old with.

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I have no problem with marrying him, but I want to know is it normal to feel nervous when it comes to the topic of marriage, or am I just over thinking the whole situation? Should I Or Shouldn’t I

Dear Ms. Should I Or Shouldn’t I,

Yes, girl, it’s just pre-marital jitters, and many people feel them. It’s a new step in a new direction. And, the thought of being married along with the amount of work and commitment it takes is hard work. So, a lot of people get nervous and scared. It can be pressures of having to be perfect, or not getting it wrong, and feeling like a failure if it doesn’t work. Many thoughts and scenarios are running through your mind of what can go wrong. Stop focusing on the negative, and start thinking of all the things that can go right!

And, I’m glad that you shared with your boyfriend how you actually feel. Some folks would have lied, and ignored the conversation, and eventually they would begin to push their mates away, or put up a wall and not communicate. So, kudos to you.

Now, to handle these premarital jitters, well, I suggest you speak with a marriage counselor, and definitely get premarital counseling from your pastor, or spiritual leader. The jitters, and nervousness you have can be dealt with, and you can have a professional help you get to the root of your concerns. There may be something there that you are not aware of, and talking about it will help you and your boyfriend.

I’m tending to waver on the side of two things: He’s been married before, and that scares you. He’s had experience in being married, and has an expectation. Also, you’re 24 years old, and he’s 30 years old. That’s a major age difference. You haven’t really lived through your 20s yet, and he has. So, that can play into some of the jitters.

Here’s a novel idea: You can sit down with your boyfriend and make a list of the pros and cons about marriage. Write down what you are looking forward to. What’s exciting about being married to each other, and more importantly, what and how do you define marriage. I get too many letters from married folks who didn’t get premarital counseling, and they didn’t talk with their mates about what marriage meant for them. They just marched their happy asses down the aisle, said “I do,” had a party, and BAM! It hits them weeks later after the hoopla has died down, and the issues arise. The problems smack them dead in the face. They realize they have nothing in common, they hate each other, talk badly to one another, and treat each other like dogs. And, it all could have been avoided if they had received some counseling. But, folks are too damn fast these days.

So, make the list, sit and talk with your boyfriend, and definitely get into some premarital counseling. If you feel in your heart he is the man for you, the man you can see yourself being with for the rest of your life, and you’re willing to make it work when times get hard, and you’re going to stick it out through sickness and in health, the good and the bad, then honey, marry that man. I now pronounce you ____________________________. LOL! Let me stop. Girl, work through your jitters and start preparing your wedding. Enjoy each day and moment as you prepare down this journey, and make it a memorable occasion. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!

“We’ve Been Dating 15 Months & I’ve Never Been To His House Or Met His Mother”

“I’m Single & Want To Date, But I Don’t Think Women Should Ask Men Out, Am I Wrong?”

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I love him and his two kids, but his baby mama is psycho. He constantly struggles with trying to balance his relationship with her so that she’ll let him see his kids, as well as his relationships with his family and his relationship with me including working 2 jobs. He is working himself to the bone and emotionally wearing himself down to the bone, and I feel helpless. I want to help, but I don’t know how.

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I don’t want to involve myself in things with his baby mama because that is between them and I don’t think it’s my business how they raise their kids, or how she chooses to give and take with them to get to him. He gives her way too much in child support, and, yet she has him pay for everything which he won’t say no to so the kids won’t suffer.

He’s a great guy and a great dad, but I just feel bad for him. How can I be supportive without stepping out of line? Again, I’m trying to give him some space to figure his stuff out and so he can learn to balance…not to mention I have my own life and issues so I feel like I should take care of me still. How can I show support and love and not overstep boundaries? Setting Boundaries

Dear Ms. Setting Boundaries,

This is what happens when you date and take on a man who has a baby momma. I tell you women all the time that it wouldn’t be me. A man with a baby momma is only a headache, and life filled with drama and stress. Especially if they don’t have a great relationship, and she doesn’t know her boundaries. No ma’am. Leave those men alone!!! One reason is because they will forever be in each other’s lives, and if she is as psycho as you say she is then there is a guarantee that she will be psycho tomorrow, in the next year, as well as five years from now, hell, even ten years from now. And, she will always treat you as the other woman, and she will always feel as if she has priority with him, his time, his income, and his life because she has his children. So, get used to it.

You will always be the outsider. You’re not the mother of his children. Therefore you have no say. No input. No authority. And, unfortunately, you’ll always be on the sidelines watching as the two of them go at it, and as he struggles to be the good father and man for his children.

And, you’re right about giving him some space to figure this stuff out so that he can learn to balance his life, his children’s well-being, and being in a relationship with you. The only thing you can do is be supportive of him. Do not, and I mean DO NOT get involved with trying to tell him how to handle his baby momma, or get in their business. You said it so poignantly in your second paragraph, “That is between them.” It’s not your concern, your business, or your issue. SO STAY OUT OF IT!

I know you love him and want the best for him, but he is going to have to work this out and do what’s best for himself. Just continue to be supportive with a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and a place for him to feel and be loved. But, do not get involved in the affairs between he and his baby momma. Do not give your opinion, judgment, or thoughts about the situation because it will come back to bite you on your ass!! Trust me!

Also, you mentioned you have your own life and issues. Don’t compound what’s going on in his life with yours especially considering you’re only dating. You’re not married. You’re not husband and wife, so therefore do not overstep your role and boundaries. Stay in your lane!!! And, keep in mind that as you’re observing what’s going on from out the outside between he and his baby momma there is always his side, her side, and the truth. So, you’re only getting what’s happening and going on from his perspective. You don’t know what’s going on between them when they are alone. You don’t know how he treated her in their relationship, how it ended, why it “really” ended, and why she may be taking him through the ringer. She has a perspective as well, and you don’t know what it is.

But, if you choose to stay with him and want to be supportive of him then create a space where he can feel and be at peace. I’m sure agitating and instigating the situation by bringing up his baby momma only riles him up. So, if he vents and wants to talk about it, let him, but don’t you respond. Just let him get it out. Take this opportunity to create fun, joyous, and loving memories with him. Do things together where you two can find happiness and peace. Even if it’s just the two of you at home, having dinner, watching television, and laughing together. That is your time. So, make them special. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Related Links:

“My Best Friend From High School Had A Baby & I Learned About It On Facebook”

“I’m Single & Want To Date, But I Don’t Think Women Should Ask Men Out, Am I Wrong?”

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Fresh from the hoosegow, a virile young ex-con returns home with newfound sexual habits that threaten his relationships and the health of the women he loves.

What happens when your husband/boyfriend is incarcerated for an extended period of time? Does he become “priestly”? Or does he adapt to his surroundings? Filmmaker, Rod Gailes OBC, addresses these questions and more in a provocative, jaw-dropping 12-minute short.

View the entire film, HERE!

Recently, the CDC announced that African-American women made up the fastest, and highest infectious rates of HIV transmission. There are so many women out there who are reluctant to get tested, and who continue to sleep with men who also will not get tested. After viewing this film, hopefully more women will be proactive in knowing their status and the men they sleep with.

Earl’s Post-Prison Playdate was written, directed, and produced by award-winning NYC filmmaker, Rod Gailes OBC. Richard S. Carroll Jr., Pernell Walker from the Sundance-Hit, Pariah, and Iris Wilson of Broadway’s FELA star in the short.

Earl’s Post-Prison Playdate was created as a part of an HIV Awareness campaign, executive produced by OBC for the “League of Awareness,” a NY-based underground film collective.

Tweet @TheeOBC w/the hashtag #PLAYDATE to share your thoughts!

We’ve Been Casually Dating, But Recently He Doesn’t Respond To My Texts Or Calls”

“My Best Friend From High School Had A Baby & I Learned About It On Facebook”

On The Scene 4/4-4/11

Start Gallery

So, I have been seeing this guy casually for about four months. We have only seen each other five times though, as he works as a paramedic, and we live over an hour away from each other.

We got set up by a mutual friend and I know for a fact when we first started talking he was smitten! He would text everyday and he seemed like such a nice guy. Then one night he turned up at my door to surprise me and we had the sweetest evening. I was living with my parents at the time, so he met them, which was a bit nerve-racking, but he handled it really well because he’s chatty and funny.

We didn’t sleep together and he didn’t stay over – he didn’t even try it. We just kissed a lot. Then he goes all distant for a while, which he said was because he was settling into a new job but he was so hot and cold, and we didn’t end up seeing each other for nearly two months! And we had gone from texting everyday to barely once a week (he doesn’t have Facebook). Then I went to Amsterdam on a mini-trip with a friend and I rang him when I got back and he seemed pleased to hear from me. He then offered to come see me that weekend (the last weekend gone). And, he did, and we had fun. We slept with each other and we talked a lot. He texted me when he got home the next day saying he hoped I had a good day at work and that he was going for a nap.

Then I hear nothing from him for two days. Then it was his birthday, so I text him happy birthday and didn’t get a text back till late that night just saying ‘Thanx babe xx.’ And, that was the last time I heard from him, which was now 5 days ago! And I have texted him since. Again, no reply. I rang him today, and nothing. I texted him asking if we are still on for this weekend, and I got nothing!

Does it seem like he was just after one thing and now he has run a mile? I really like this guy and I opened up to him about something I have never told anyone so I am worried I scared him off! Help! I just want to know if I should just end it. I can’t keep making all the effort! – Want To Be With Him

Dear Ms. Want To Be With Him,

You know, there are some women who I just want to slap upside the head and knock some sense into them, and then there are others like you who I just let wander in the abyss of doom and dumbness because no matter what I say or do you will not get it!

Girl, the man is not interested in you! HELLO!!!!

Get a freaking clue, will you! Yes, he’s run a mile. Hell, he’s running a marathon and is on mile 23.

If you’re calling, texting, sending smoke signals, Instagrams, and Facebook status updates and they are not responding, then guess what that means? THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED!

Ugh! I swear if someone gave you a clue and posted it to your forehead you still would be running after this man trying to understand why he is not responding or showing any interest in you. THE MAN DOES NOT WANT YOU!

Stop obsessing and chasing after someone who is not obsessing and chasing after you! A man who is interested in you will pursue you. He will call, spend quality time with you, take you out on dates, send flowers and notes, text you, hell, he will even make time for you even if he has a busy schedule and works fifteen jobs. A man who wants to be with you and thinks you’re worthy will do whatever it takes to make you feel special. He will go to the ends of the earth to shower you with affection, kindness, and love. He’ll have no problem with his time, schedule, and making you a part of it.

The man that you’re running after, uhm, sweetie, you’re starting to look like a stalker, and no man wants a stalker running after him. If you’re that obsessed with someone you’ve only known casually and after four months, well, hell, I’ll hate to see what would have happened if you two actually spent some quality time together, and were actually dating. Girl, you’ll be all over him, smothering him, and trying to monopolize his time. Let the man breathe and give him a chance to run after you, call you incessantly, and text you non-stop. Oh, yeah, he’s already shown you his behaviors and who he is by not responding to you or texting or calling. Therefore, leave him alone!

Move on with you life. If he hasn’t responded by now, then he is not going to respond. He is not interested. He doesn’t want to be bothered. And, he is not the man for you. If you’re chasing and pursuing a man, then perhaps you should re-evaluate your values and self-worth. It’s obvious that you don’t value yourself or your worth. Running after someone is not cute, attractive, or flattering. Stop it! And, instead of investing all this energy and time in him, and why he’s not responding, how about you invest all that time and energy into yourself. Find you a hobby, or some empowering books and culture that will lift you up, inspire you, and enlighten you. Invest all that time and energy into building you up, and filling your spirit. And, when you fulfill yourself, you don’t have to worry or run after a man to fill this empty void that you have. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“My Best Friend From High School Had A Baby & I Learned About It On Facebook”

“I’m In Love With My Co-Worker, But After He Moved In He Changed”

On The Scene

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I am 20 years old. My husband is 29 years old. I want to start by saying I love him very much. My question to you is: He has this friend, LOL, I sound horrible already! I am very, very attracted to this friend. This friend is very attracted to me as well. He comes over a lot, most of the time when my husband is at work. We have struck up a stronger relationship than he and my husband, or even me and my husband have. We have even discussed the, “if I ever leave my husband” topic.

I love my husband. I want to be with him, but I just don’t feel as attracted to him as I do toward his friend. I have thought about everything. That’s all I ever do. I’m head over heels for this guy, LOL. I don’t know what to do. I’m so torn.

I have brought up stuff like this to my husband, like moving to a state where they allow being married to more than one person. Ha ha, and stuff like that. But, he is totally against it. I have told him I want him to go out one night and screw a random chick to try and get him use to the idea, LOL. He was very against that as well.

I have thought about saying my goodbyes and just going with this guy. I swear he is my prince charming! But that is where the twist is. I have a two year-old daughter from my previous 4 year relationship. We have been together since she was 4 months old. She calls him daddy. He has raised her. I just don’t know what to do. To be honest, the only reason I do love him is because he has stepped up and provided for us and taken my child on as his. That is a very big thing to me. But that is it. The sex is no good. We fuss all the time. He is always pissy about something, and always in a bad mood, etc.

This is so bad, LOL. I am so stuck here! Please tell me what you think I should do! This is just a little to the story. There is tons more! (Me and this guy have had sex, and it’s the best thing I have ever felt!!!) Please, please help! THANKS FOR READING DOLL!!!! – Want My Husband’s Friend

“We Met Online & I Sent Him Explicit Pics & Video Of Me, Now He’s Disappeared”

Dear Ms. Want My Husband’s Friend,

This right here!!!

I clearly and certainly understand why some folks come up missing when they play these dangerous love games with other grown folks emotions and feelings. I truly understand why folks go coo-coo crazy and ape –ish, and end up on the six o’clock news when dealing with absent-minded silly ass folks who play silly ass games. So, I certainly won’t be surprised when I hear about your basic and random ass coming up missing.

You are just wretched!

And, Ms. Thing, please stop lying and saying that you love your husband and that you want to be with him. NO YOU DON’T!!! I don’t know if you’re making that repetitive statement throughout your letter of how you love your husband as a way to convince yourself that you love him, or that you are trying to convince me and the readers out there. But, I’m not falling for the ole okey doke. You can play that game with your little ass girlfriends, and those basic ass people in your life, but I refuse to play this game with you.

By your own admission, you stated that the only reason you love your husband is because he has stepped up and provided for you and your daughter and taken your child as his own. Hmmm, the operative words for you are: Gold Digging Hoe. You found a sugar daddy to come in and clean up your slutty ass ways. You found a sucker who was willing to make you a respectable woman and a housewife, despite the fact everyone was telling him, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.”

Wretched.

And, those little “LOL” inscriptions in your letter every time you mention that you like the other guy is a pure example of how young and simple you are. Over the giggling and sniggling like you’re in elementary school. SMDH! I could just snatch you by that fake two-tone pony tail dangling from your nappy ass head and drag your ass up the concrete street.

What the hell is wrong with you? If you have a good man who is willing to take you and your daughter in, and he’s stepping up to be a father to your child, and he’s providing for the both of you, and if you claim to love him, then why is your hot twat sleeping with his friend? First of all, why did you marry him? Yeah, yeah, we all know he was good to you and your daughter, but what are the other reasons you married him? Because I refuse to believe that you just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that he fusses all the time. You just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that the sex is whack. You just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that he is always in a bad mood.

What’s so sad is that your daughter is going to grow up to be just like her mother. You already have a baby daddy. Then you married another man. And, now you’re sitting over there talking about leaving your husband to be with his friend. That is three different men your daughter has seen you be with, and she’s only two years old. But, you don’t care. You’re young, dumb, and stuck on stupid and d**k. That’s what happens when you’re selfish and don’t care about anyone other than yourself. And, you know what? Your husband’s friend that you want to be with, well, guess what sweetie, I’m certain he has a friend that you will find attractive and want to be with as well. So, then what?

Wretched.

But, then your ignorant ass is going to sit up here and say, “I swear he is my prince charming!” Bish, you ain’t no Rapunzel. You’re not Cinderella. And, you’re definitely not Snow White. You’re more like Hoe White and Bum-a-rella. LMBAO!

Your ole hood rat ass found a man to take you and your daughter in, and he is raising your child, by another man, and because you’re unhappy and miserable with the man YOU chose to marry and make your husband, now you’re willing to jack up everyone else’s life to accommodate your hoe-ish ways. Girl, please take a seat in the child seat in the corner facing the wall.

I want to know why did you wait until the end of your letter to state that you are sleeping with your husband’s friend? You could have done that at the top of the letter. You tried to ease it in. But, that’s what a trick will do. Tricks love to play games. Is he paying you and leaving money on the dresser after you have sex? Is he getting your hair and nails done? Does he take you shopping and buy you jeans and shoes? Ole classless hoe. Ugh! Your trick ass ain’t even got the game right with your basic ass. If you’re going to cheat then cheat “UP!”

Wretched.

Look, I’m not down for cheating spouses, and infidelity. I’m not down with playing with other people’s emotions and feelings. And, I’m clearly not down with you taking vows of marriage and discarding them like you do your body. Your husband’s friend is off limits. I don’t care how much you desire and want to be with him, HE IS YOUR HUSBAND’S FRIEND. If you’re having problems in your marriage, then you talk with your husband. If you’re unhappy with your husband about his ways, then you talk with him. You don’t go to an outside source, i.e., His friend, co-worker, or someone who is single, and someone who is not invested in your marriage. But, you’re young and are fulfilling your lustful desires. Everything you write about is sex. It oozes through your entire letter. If you desire sex where you need to be called a hoe, trick, and bish while a man is inside you, then how about you learn how to please your husband, and teach your husband how to please you. I’m certain he won’t have a problem accommodating your needs. And, how about you get into marriage counseling and learn how and what it means to be married. How about you get into someone’s church or spiritual group and learn what it’s like to be a lady, a woman, and a respectable one, who is married. And, I also noticed that you didn’t mention anything about school, or a career in your letter. So, how about you take all that focused energy you’re displacing on your husband’s friend and focus it on school and a career. How about you let your daughter see you doing something positive with your life, other than spreading your legs for every man that comes into your life? And, that’s all I got to say about that. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now. When we first met he was dressed really nice and looked really good, almost pretty. As we talked more and got to know each other he told me that he had a lot of friends that were girls. I told him don’t gay guys have a lot of girlfriends, and he did get upset for me saying that. But, he said he just got along better with them.

He does have a small group of male friends which I have meet and all hung out. When he’s with his guy friends they joke around and grab each other, and sometimes they touch places that shouldn’t be touched. He’s freely admitted that he’s touched another man’s penis and seemed proud of it.

He recently ran into an old best friend he had when he was a kid, and now they are glued to the hip. He would rather go hang out with him than see me, or we’d do something and his friend comes along or at least he gets an invite.

My boyfriend has told me that he and this friend have been real close in the past and that they have showered together, and he mentioned they’ve had sword fights with their privates. They also had a 3-some with a girl. All I know is that he seems like he worships the ground he walks on. I don’t know if it’s because they haven’t seen each other in a long time and that he’s making up for it. But, honestly I think he’s gay or bi. And, another thing, he always seems to mention or announce that he’s comfortable with his sexuality. Please let me understand. – Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

In the infamous words of television personality Wendy Williams, “How you doin’?” LMBAO!

Girl, if you can’t see the writing on the wall, then I can’t help you. Your man is gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!

He’s admitted to you about his preference in so many words and yet, you’re still in this relationship despite your own gut feelings telling you that he is gay! Come on, honey. You’re not that naïve are you? Please, lawd, I hope the retardation gene is not contagious upon reading, touching, or hearing asinine dumb bull-ish like this.

I’m going to help you to the light, Carol Anne, because you are stuck in the Poltergeist. Here are some pretty obvious things that your “boyfriend” has said to you:

1.) He and his friends joke around and grab each other and touch places that shouldn’t be touched. Hmmmm, I don’t know any straight man who would joke around and grab for another man’s package. Men don’t play like that. Can you imagine walking in your neighborhood and you see some grown men joking around grabbing for each other’s packages? What would you think if you saw that?

2.) Your man admitted to you that he’s touched another man’s penis. I ask you, why? Why would he touch another man’s penis? Do you go around touching other women’s vaginas? Let’s say this – If he wasn’t your man, and he was someone you knew in passing and he admitted to touching another man’s penis, what would you think of him? You would think he’s gay, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t question it or doubt it. You know in your rational mind that any man who admits to touching another man’s penis has either got to be gay or bi-sexual. So, why are you excusing your man for it? I’ll wait while you ponder that.

3.) Your man admitted to you that he has showered with his best friend and they’ve had sword fights with their penis’s (In the gay world that’s called, “grinding”). But, err, uhm, sweetie, as soon as you heard this you should have politely stood up, gathered your things, and walked out the door. There would be no need for further communication, assessment, or explanation. How could he justify this? What could he possible say to you to make you think anything other than he was a flaming homosexual who is using you as some type of guise, or trying to prove his own manhood to lawd knows who?

You can sit over there and be in denial all you want, but your man and his so-called “best friend” are boyfriends. They are in a relationship and you are the odd ball out. I can’t stop laughing because you stated that when you and your boyfriend do something the best friend comes along or gets an invite. Uhm, I think you got the game confused. You are the one who is the third wheel. They are brining you along. LMBAO!

It’s time to call him out, and stop the damn charade. He ain’t fooling nobody, but you! LOL! I find it sad and unfortunate that he is using you and not being honest with you and himself. His behaviors, and his actions are that of a homosexual man, and he may be in denial about it, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he is using you and lying to you about it. I suggest that you sit with him, and in a loving tone you point it all out to him, and let him know that it’s okay to be who he is. He shouldn’t have to hide or be afraid of being his true authentic self. Let him know that his family, and friends who truly love him will always love him regardless. Let him know that he is loved, and that he is one of God’s children. And, if he needs someone to talk to you, and if you’re willing to be a friend, let him know he can come to you anytime. But, remaining in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend is not going to resolve his issues, and that you both can move on with your lives because you both deserve to be with someone who loves you both without any lies or games. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“My Husband Goes Out Until 5 In The Morning & He Is Neglecting His Family”

“My Man Is On Porn & Dating Websites All Day & It Bothers Me”

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Help! I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, and we’ve been married for 2 years. We have 2 beautiful boys, but lately all I’ve been wanting to do is leave him. He wants to go out 6 to 7 days a week and come in at 5 in the morning. It wouldn’t be a problem if he took me along sometimes, but I can’t go at all. When I call to check on him he snaps and is real short with me.

When it comes to our kids he’s a great father indoors, but getting him to come out with us is impossible. It’s even getting to the point that our 5 year old asks why he’s not with us. In the beginning it was all good, like most relationships are, but when we got married he changed. I don’t even know who he is anymore. I tell him how I feel until I’m blue in the face and all he says is, “That’s you making you feel like that.”

We don’t do anything together and when I suggest we do it’s always, “No, I don’t feel like it.” I think he’s seeing someone else because he hides his phone when he’s sleep and never let it go when he’s woke. We used to be intimate almost every day, but now it’s like I have to beg for it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Do I stay for the kids or leave and try to find myself? Please help. – Looking For Myself

Dear Ms. Looking For Myself,

Girl, you’ve been with your husband for 6 years, and he’s acting different and brand new, and you can’t put your finger on it? Hmph! No ma’am! Don’t start doubting your womanly instincts now. PAY ATTENTION TO THEM! And, girl, if you don’t know him and his patterns by now, then I don’t know what to tell you. Men are predictable creatures. They love doing things that are in order, routine, and consistent. Now, look at your man’s recent behaviors and patterns and ask yourself if they have been routine or consistent in all the 6 years you’ve known him. I mean, come on sweetie. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or brain surgeon to add up the bull-ish he’s running on you to figure this out.

Chile, let me pull out my bull-ish calculator. Now, when I add that he is going out 6 to 7 days a week and coming in at 5 in the morning, I get that’s he’s cheating on your ass. I now add that when you call to check on him and he snaps and is real short with you, uhm, that equals that he is still cheating on your ass. Now, let’s add that you said you don’t even know who he is anymore, and when you tell him how you feel he replies, “That’s you making you feel like that,” I get that he is really cheating on your ass. I’m now going to multiply that since you don’t do anything together and when you do suggest something he replies, “No, I don’t feel like it.” Well, according to my bull-ish calculator it’s because he’s tired from being with his other woman that he’s cheating on you with.

Now, I’m going to do the square root of, “He’s cheating on your ass,” with the fact that he hides his phone when he’s sleep and never lets it go when he’s woke, and I get that “He’s a dirty trifling low-down dog with secrets and  he doesn’t want you to discover his indiscretions.” But, wait, let me do the square root of that with the fact that you used to be intimate every day, but now you have to beg for it and I get, “YOUR MAN IS CHEATING ON YOUR ASS AND YOU NEED TO WAKE UP THE HELL UP AND STOP BEING SO DAMN NAÏVE AND GULLABLE!”

There is obviously a breakdown in the communication between you and your husband. He’s not respecting you or listening to your requests for time spent with the family. And, you’re not listening to whatever is going on with him. Besides, it’s not just what he is saying to you, but what he’s also doing to you and your children. His actions are speaking loud and very clear. So, perhaps you suggest some marriage counseling, or seek out your pastor for spiritual guidance. There is something going on with your husband and he is not being forthright with whatever it is. And, I hate to say he’s cheating, but a man who is married and leaving the house 6 to 7 nights a week, and not returning until 5 in the morning. Uhm, he’s doing something, or somebody. I wouldn’t tolerate that type of behavior without any explanations.

If you can’t get anywhere with open and honest communication, then you will have to consider some other options, but only after you’ve exhausted and explored all other possibilities. Again, there could be something going on that he’s not expressing, but his behavior is that of a man who has some indiscretions and secrets. Get to the root of his problem, and you’ll get to the issue of your marriage. Now, get to talking with him, and listen to what he’s saying, and pay attention to his actions. If he keeps acting up, then pack his –ish and get to stepping. Why try to make something work with someone who is obviously not interested or invested in being with you and your children? – Straight  From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“My Man Is On Porn & Dating Websites All Day & It Bothers Me”

7 Things A Man Only Does If He’s Serious About You

My man and I have a wonderful relationship. We both have fantastic jobs. He is great with my and his own children (from previous marriages), and he takes good care of me and our household with no problem. We attend church, many social functions, go out on date nights, travel, and get along great. A woman could not ask for a better partner and our life together could not get any better. We have discussed marriage, but decided to wait until we both have our own individual situations in order before coming together as a union.

The issue is that he is addicted to porn and dating websites. I have used his computer a few times and noticed throughout the day that he is watching ALOT of porn and going onto dating websites looking at women. He is on the computer from the time he either gets home or wakes up, when he is not working, until he lays his head down for the night.  He does not respond to the messages on the sites, nevertheless, I can tell he is looking at profiles and porn.

I’m home as well in the evening, but he gets there a few hours before I do. When we are there I do not smother him and we give each other space, but we find time to spend with each other. I’ve had close friends say, “You should not care about it. He is good to you and a man is going to be a man.”

I have tried to turn the “other cheek” but I cannot deny that it bothers me. He comes home from work every day and has never stayed a night out. I do not ask him a lot of questions when he is gone out because I’ve never been the type of woman to feel the need to know my man’s every move and whereabouts. I know he previously was into very sexual things that included swinger parties/threesomes and he has it bad staring at women when we are in public, but I tease him about it. I’ve had open communication with him about fantasies and we try different things to attempt to make our love life more exciting. I know he loves me very much, but I really do not know how to feel about him right now knowing that he is doing this. – Discombobulated

“I’m In Love With A Drug Addict & I Pray That God Delivers Him”

Dear Ms. Discombobulated,

So, you do not ask him a lot of questions when he goes out because you’ve never been the type of woman to know your man’s every move and whereabouts, and, let me get this straight, your man spends an unlimited amount of time on porn and dating websites? (@  -  @) Wide-eyed blank stare at you!

So, why don’t you just pack him a goody bag of condoms, whips, chains, handcuffs, lube, and dildos the next time he leaves.

Chile, your man has an obvious sexual addiction and you’re over there trying to be Ms. Understanding-And-Not-Smothering-And-It-Don’t-Bother-Me-So-I’m-Going-To-Ignore-It-Superwoman. Newsflash: You don’t have an “S” on your chest. So, take that damn cape off and get real!

I want to know where do you all get these friends from who endorse and co-sign the bull-ish ignoramus behavior that these men put you through? The hell they are talking about, “You should not care about it. He is good to you and a man is going to be a man.” Yeah, you listen to them if you want to. Are any of your friends dealing with their mates who are spending a lot of time on porn and dating websites? Are any of your friends dealing with their mates who have a swinger past, into threesomes, and openly stare at other women in their presence in public? Yeah, just as I figured. None of them. But, you’re taking advice and listening to them. Dumbass!

Instead of sitting over there trying to be emotionally and mentally strong, you need to open your damn mouth and speak up. That –ish is not okay. It’s not healthy. And, it’s definitely not good for your relationship. The man is looking up porn and dating websites in YOUR own damn house!!! You don’t find that disrespectful and unsettling? Hello, (moves your blonde bangs to the side and knocks on your forehead) is anyone home? Anyone? Any one?

If you can easily get on the computer and see what he’s doing, then what about the children in the house who also have access to the computer? Did you think of that? I swear I wish I could shake some of you deer-in-the-headlights folks sometimes.

One day he is going to ask you to do a threesome or something freaky. Then you’re going to sit over there acting all shocked and appalled that he asked you to participate in something so vile and disgusting. Girl, he is showing you who he is. Why are you ignoring him and it? Why are you acting special…wait, what am I saying. You are special. Please put on your helmet and make your way outside to the yellow bus pulling up to your house. There is someplace I need for you to go.

I feel it’s time you and he have a conversation. Yes, open and honest communication. I really don’t understand you people who are in relationships but are afraid to speak up and talk with your mates about things that bother you in the relationship. Because, trust me when I tell you this, ignoring this situation will only create other things that will frustrate and irritate you. You will hate walking in the door of your own house and seeing him on the computer. You will begin to resent him. His breathing will make you irate. Then you will be yelling, “Do you have to breathe like that?” When you’re having dinner, you will look over at him, stare, and then blurt out, “Do you got to chew so damn loud?”

Your relationship will begin to falter and you won’t know why. You’ll be fighting over every and little thing. And, at the root of the very reason: His addiction to porn and dating websites that YOU chose to ignore.

You’re over there boasting about your fantastic jobs, how he’s great with the kids, and takes care of you and the household, yet, both of you are divorcees, thus, by my reasoning both of you are relationship dumb and retarded. You won’t speak up and he’s doing what the hell he wants to do. Re-read that statement and then ask yourself if that makes any damn sense to you?

So, Ms. Discombobulated, how about you pull yourself together and stop acting like you’re a high school girl. You’re a grown ass woman playing house with this man, so start acting like a grown ass woman who has some damn sense and speak up and put your foot down. Let him know how you feel about his porn and dating website frequent trafficking. Let him know how it disturbs you, and that you don’t particularly care for him doing it, let alone in the damn house, and with your kids who can easily get on the computer and see it. And, you need to ask him if there is something he needs to share with you, i.e., any desires or fantasies he wants to fulfill, if he’s unhappy in the relationship, why is he on dating websites, and if he’s thought about therapy for his addiction. Because, it makes no damn sense for someone to be on the computer from the time they wake up and until the time they go to bed scouring the internet for porn and dating websites. Especially, if he is in a committed relationship, and in love with you. Girl, you better get a damn back bone. Push them breasts up, round them shoulders, pin that weave up in a bun, and put your damn foot down! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

In August of 2011, I went to a club with my girlfriends and as the night progressed my eyes locked eyes with this guy across the dance floor. We spoke and exchanged numbers and I also noticed he had a thick accent. So, I asked how long he was in Jamaica for and he said he was leaving the Sunday (it was Wednesday). His friends and my friends spent the rest of our time in the club dancing and enjoying the music.

The following day he invited me to dinner and I learned a little about his background and that he is also Jamaican but he migrated at a young age.  He said he was 40-years old (8 years my senior), single and have no kids and he lives alone. He asked if I could spend the rest of his time in Jamaica with him and I said no because I had previous plans (trip to the country to visit my friend’s grandmother who was not doing so well health wise). On the way home he gave me his contact info for the states (work address and home address and numbers) and he promised to stay in touch.

We communicated every day by phone and bbm until October 2011 when he came out to surprise me at my office. I was so happy because I was beginning to like him and he seemed more mature and conscious in his thinking. We spent a week together and he went home, and my issue now is that he met me single and I haven’t been with anyone since meeting him in August. He had said he is not really the texting type, but he will talk on the phone but sometimes I would text in the morning and he would not answer until later that night. He works in construction and I get that the job can be hectic, and when he gets home he falls asleep, but the conversations have gotten less frequent. He has gone a weekend without saying anything and resurfaced saying he went to a funeral and his phone had no signal on it.

Otherwise from that, he has been there when I needed a listening ear. He calls and asks about my mom. He asked how things are in Jamaica, and he shows concern about me in general, but he just seems so distant. I know long distant relationships are the work of the devil. I don’t know if he will be coming back to Jamaica, but do you think I’m reading too much into his actions? – Island Girl Left Afloat

Dear Ms. Island Girl Left Afloat,

Girl, that man was looking for a fling while he was on vacation. He was not looking for a relationship, a girlfriend, or a wife. He wanted to have a good time, and he saw you as a good time piece of ass. Honey, I hope you know that when folks go out of the country, especially to exotic locales and Caribbean Islands, they are not there for love. They are there for sex, parties, and good times. It’s just like going to Vegas – whatever happens there, stays there. He wanted to get in your pants and have you freak his lights out. LMBAO!

But, let’s explore this. There’s one of two things going on with that man. Either he has a slew of women at his disposal and you are just another girl he’s ready to add to the mix. Or, he’s gay/down low and he’s just not that into you.

Let’s discuss the first option of him having a slew of women. He meets you on the island, asks you to dinner the next night, and after conversation you two are feeling one another and then he asks if you two can spend the rest of his time together. Hmmmm, sounds like a player to me. He’s baiting you and just wants to have some frequent available island p***y when he comes back. Think about it: He told you that he was single and lives alone. That I don’t believe. You can believe that bull-ish all you want, but I don’t. Some woman, or women is occupying his time. And, his delayed response in texting, and not calling, uhm, sweetie, again, someone or something is occupying his time. So, you sit afloat on the seas all you want, but know this, no man who is interested in a woman, and I don’t care where she is, will not respond to her texts and calls, or ignore her. He will find a way, come hell or high water, to get in communication with her.

Now, the second option is him being gay/down low. You do remember *cough* *cough* Jonathon Plummer, the ex-husband of Terry McMillan, who posed as a straight man, then married her and used her to get out of Jamaica . Although the circumstances may be different between the stories because the man you’ve met is off the island and not seeking to have a sponsor, but, something is not right with a man being 40-years old, no kids, single, and living alone in the United States. That just seems odd and peculiar, don’t you think? And, he disappears with no communication with you and you have no idea or clue as to where he is, what he’s doing, and whom he’s doing. You see, you’re so captivated by him that you are not paying attention to what can be so painfully obvious. I’m going to repeat this again: He’s 40-years old, no kids, single, and lives alone. DOESN’T THAT SOUND ODD AND PECULIAR?

Now, again, you can sit afloat on those seas and be all starry-eyed and hopelessly in love with the idea and hope that this man is the one for you. Or, you can start being sensible and pay attention to what he’s showing you in regards to his character. I’ve said this a thousand times and I’ll keep saying it: WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S BEHAVIOR.  He is not that busy that he cannot return a text or phone call. He isn’t the freaking president, or mayor of a major city. He’s not a business tycoon, or a celebrity. He is a construction worker. Girl, stop being naïve and open your eyes and see what’s really going on. He is either playing you and keeping you around with just enough communication so that when he does return to the island he will have some ass waiting on him, or he’s not that interested in you where he finds putting in the time and effort will be worth the long distance calls and travel. WAKE THE HELL UP!!!

And, the reality is that he doesn’t live in Jamaica. And, you’re not moving to the U.S. So, you tell me how this story is going to end? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

I’ve read one of your comments on, “My Husband Baby Mother Is Getting On My Nerves.” Loved, loved, loved your insight and honesty, therefore I have a question.

My husband’s family, particularly a female cousin, is bothering me. It seems like she wants her cousin in some kind of incest, or something. LOL! She texts me only if she can’t reach him, and confuses my messages and complains to my husband about me. She is over 40-years old, lonely, no man, and recently she doesn’t talk to me.

We missed her birthday party because we had another engagement. I asked her when was over and she never replied. I apologized many times, but I am not in the ass kissing business. I’ve offered to take her to dinner. She ignores me. She calls my husband crying saying, “You’re gonna believe her over me.”

I threw a party for my stepdaughter and she didn’t come. I don’t know her exact words, but she didn’t come because it was my house. Well, duh, it’s her favorite cousin’s house also. SMH! Anywho, I’m trying to avoid her at all costs, but I might see her in two weeks. I don’t feel like doing the hello kiss-kiss on both cheeks with her. FYI, I’ve seen her after her birthday at a Super Bowl party and it looked like she wasn’t gonna say anything, or she was waiting to see if I would approach her. Anywho, I might smile and meet and greet other people in the family, but I don’t really wanna kiss her hello, just a hello and wave. What should I do? – Tired Of My Husband’s Cousin

Dear Ms. Tired Of My Husband’s Cousin,

Uhm, sweetie, if you’re not in the ass kissing business then stop dropping to your knees and puckering your lips. Freak her! Let her throw her temper tantrums and act out like a little ass kid. You’ve extended the olive branch many times, and, yet she continues to want to act like a bish, so treat her like a bish. She is a non-mofo factor! She’s insignificant. Don’t let her affect your life. Chile, puhlease. I wish I would let some insignificant trifling heifer get under my skin. You better getoverher.com. And ,as a matter of fact just ignore her ass.

She is a silly ass woman, and I can’t stand grown ass women who act like little ass girls. You and your husband missed her birthday party due to a previous engagement, but she’s mad at you and won’t speak with you. Then you invite her to your stepdaughter’s birthday party and she doesn’t show up because she says it’s your house??!! Really!? Really! So, because she has a problem with you she is going to take it out on the stepdaughter, her own family member. It’s obvious she is not operating with a fool deck. Pull the hoe’s card and put that bish in her place.

Then she has the nerve to text you looking for your husband?!? Oh, no ma’am! The next time she texts you looking for YOUR husband, then you respond and tell her, “Look heifer, if you can’t speak to me or talk to me like a woman, then stop texting me looking for my husband.” And, those messages she is sending to your husband complaining about you, which you think she is confusing and sending them to you. Chile, I hate to break it to you, but she is not that dumb. She is not confusing the messages. She is sending them to you intentionally. She wants you to see them. She’s trying to act sly and naïve. If she wants to play that game, then let’s play. If she sends another ‘confusing’ message, call her up and read it back to her, and then let her know if she has some issue with you then speak up. This is her chance to get whatever is bothering her off her chest. And, if she doesn’t have anything to say, you simply let her know, “We’re both grown ass women.

This isn’t high school! I don’t have time to play childish ass elementary games. So, I’m letting you know that you don’t ever have to speak to me. You don’t even have to like me. But, you will respect me. And, I’ll be damned if you’re going to call, text, and send messages to my husband complaining about me. Leave him out of it.”

If you two can’t talk and communicate about whatever issue is going on, then I’m going to put both of you in separate corners and make you face the wall. UGH! She’s over 40-years old, with no man, and lonely. HELLO!!!!! And, she’s calling your husband and complaining to him about you. SMDH! Smack that woman upside her damn head and see if that will rattle her brain and knock some sense into it. Why is she putting your husband in the middle of her issue with you? Oh yeah, you did state that you feel that she may have some “feelings” for your husband. Watch her! Don’t sleep on your instincts. As a matter of fact, trust them.

Look, don’t worry about seeing her in the upcoming weeks at an event. Kill the hoe with kindness, and keep doing you. Let her suck her teeth, bitch, complain, and act out all she wants. As long as she keeps your name out of her mouth, and doesn’t step out of pocket with you and says something slick out of her mouth toward you, then keep it moving. She doesn’t make you or break you. She doesn’t pay the bills in your home, nor is she putting food on your table, or sleeping with you at night. So, treat her like the wretched street common asshole that she is acting like. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

How Using Tough Love Can Save Your Relationship

“He Asked To Borrow $2,000, But Days Later He Says He Wants To Be Alone”

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I am writing you this letter because I respect your honesty. I got involved with a guy in November of last year, seven months after leaving my physically abusive ex of twelve years. He invited me over, and we spent time together several times without having any sexual contact. Two months into the “friendship” he started asking me to loan him money. TO be brief, he paid me back the money that he borrowed just like he said he would.

Six months into it, he asked me to loan him $2,000, and I did out of my taxes (I got back 11 grand) and, because he paid me back over $1,000 that he borrowed from me previously. After he gets this money from me, he then tells me that he wants to be to himself two days later. I asked him why in the hell would he ask me for money then all of a sudden want to be alone. He claims that he was going through some things. Whatever. Anyhow, he had promised to repay me the money in monthly payment of $100, and only gave me one payment. He claimed that his mother spent his money that was in his account, and that he could not pay me back as we agreed. He promised to have a payment in two weeks, and to call him then. Unbeknownst to me, he had filed three police reports claiming that I had harassed him for months, and that he didn’t owe me any money. I was served with a restraining order, and he was granted one for six months.

I sued him in civil court because even though we had no promissory note, I had 10 recent text messages of him owing me the money and promising to repay it. I subpoena his mother as my witness, because I knew from the beginning that his story was BS. She testified under oath that she had no knowledge of me or my money. This old woman straight up lied! The betrayal that I felt, on top of the heartbreak, intensified. I realized that he had set out from the beginning to use me, and he lied to me when he could’ve been honest. That’s all I ever asked, and he knew that I cared deeply for him. So, I’m still in litigation, but he knew that I needed this money back. He knew that I was a single mom with two daughters. So, he didn’t just take that from me, he took from my kids too. I was good to him, compassionate when he cried on my shoulders, and I try to be the best person I can be to all of my friends, family and associates. I did nothing for him that I wouldn’t do for anyone else.

I used to be extremely selfish, and now I went from being too selfish to being too free-hearted. I allowed someone to see the good in me, and take advantage of it. I feel so stupid and I take responsibility for even loaning the money. It’s the betrayal that hurt most, the lies, the restraining order he lied on me in, when all I did was be good to him. How can someone be so heartless and cruel? No conscience. I go to church, I work hard for my tax money, I don’t lie, manipulate or use people. He had given me money to and bought me things, so all of this caught me off guard. Again, this was his plan, his trap for me. I met his representative; the real him came out much later.

I went through a severe depression, and even now, I’m still trying to put myself back together. I want his mom to be in court for the trial, so she can see how he did me. I’m really hoping that she make him realize how wrong he is, because she is the only woman he cares anything about. He has a daughter, and I told him that I’m someone’s daughter too. So, I guess that I’m just asking how to get over the betrayal. I see now that I got involved too soon after the 12 years with my ex, so men are a no-no for a long time. No sex, no friends, no nothing. I see why he’s been single all these years, and for him to be a FED-EX manager for 13 years, why use me for money? I’m ready for the lashing, but I just want him to understand how wrong he is, and how he really wounded me. I want someone to hurt him like that too, so he can see how that -ish feels. Maybe then he will realize how he hurt me, and all the other women he took advantage of. Because I know I’m not the first one. – He Took From Me

Dear Ms. He Took From Me,

Ma’am, the problem is that you ran from one abusive relationship right into another. You didn’t take the time to heal and seek therapy from your physically abusive relationship of 12 years, and I’m certain there was some emotional and mental abuse as well. But, the fact remains that you didn’t heal. You didn’t undo the 12 years of abuse that you suffered, thus, any man who heard your cry and your story knew that you were wounded. And, just like a lion, that man saw you as an easy weak prey grazing in the wilderness and pounced on you and your vulnerability.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that you should stay away from men and sex until you do some real therapy and learn how to recognize your own self-worth, and get to the point of loving you fully, completely, and honestly. Until you get to that point, please do not get involved with anyone else. As a matter of fact, focus on your daughters and raising them to be strong, beautiful, intelligent women who will not suffer or experience the heartache and pain you did for so long.

And, Ms. Honey, I’ve said this time and time again. And, quite frankly, girl, I’m getting tired of repeating myself, but here it goes: DO NOT LOAN MONEY TO FRIENDS, FAMILY, OR A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.  You are not a bank. You are not a credit union. You are not an ATM machine. And, if these people cannot walk into a bank and get a loan, then why the hell would you loan them money? If they bank sees them as a high-risk, then take note and tell them the same thing: “Boo Boo, I’m sorry, but according to your past creditors, debts, and your credit score of 375, you are a high-risk for a loan. I’m sorry, but I can’t loan you any money.”

Ladies, ladies, ladies, giving a man money to prove your love, loyalty, and your self-righteous attitude of, “I’m a good woman and good person, and I hope you’ll recognize that by me giving you money and it will join us together in love and make you fall deeper for me.” That MoFo –ish is pure insane asinine ass backwards thinking! Giving a man money is not going to prove anything other than that you got the money to give, and if you’re so giving then they’ll keep asking. Uhm, sweetie, if you’re such a wonderful, church-going woman, and you want to feel good about giving your money away then there are plenty of charities that can benefit from your kindness and good heart. A man is not one of them!

But, that rat bum bastard needs to have his nuts cut off. Someone needs to shake him down and whoop his ass! Why he did what he did is just purely evil and conniving. He is an asshole and to take money from you, and your children, is spiteful, dirty, and lowdown. But, don’t worry about the karma because he will pay and it’ll be in a way that’ll wear his narrow ass out!!!

Also, I need for you to understand yourself and why you keep attracting the men that you do. It’s time to do some introspection and look at yourself and the pattern of men you’ve allowed in your life. Your abusive ex is not the first man to abuse you. I’m certain of that. Look at every man you’ve been with, and the abuse you’ve suffered as a result. It can emotional, mental, and of course physical. Then ask yourself why is your self-esteem so low. Why do you need a man in your life that will use you, abuse you, and take advantage of you? Only you can answer these questions. Be honest with yourself and tell yourself the truth!!!! Damn it!

Moving forward, please continue with the court proceedings and keep every documented piece of evidence that you can. You’re going to have to prove in court that he asked to “borrow” the money, and that you “loaned” him the money, as well as he “promised” to pay you back. If you have emails, texts, or voicemail messages with him stating any of this, then it will help you in court. I also hope that you got him to sign something saying that you are loaning him money and he is to pay you back in a reasonable amount of time. A conversation between you two will not fly in court. You need to have it written, signed, and notarized. And, in the future, if you EVER decide to loan anyone money, I’ll snatch your ass by the head and whoop your ass myself. But, just in case make them sign a contract and include every detail possible about the repayments and the amount they are borrowing. But, to alleviate anything like this happening again, DO NOT LOAN MONEY OUT EVER! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“We Practice Different Religions, So Should I Keep Him Or Choose God”

“I Love My Man, But In The Bedroom He’s Not Fulfilling My Desires”

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I read your responses to the various letters weekly and love the advice you give, but now I have a question for you.

I am in a situation where the love of my life is not of my religious faith but has no problems with my choice in religion. However, my religion teaches that being with someone outside of the religion is wrong and considered an “uneven” union. We love each other, but there is a strong chance that I will lose my family if I should choose to marry him and start a family. So, in short, which is stronger, the bond between a man and wife, or seeking alleged favor from God? – Religion Or My Man

Dear Ms. Religion Or My Man,

Honey, honey, honey, please! This shouldn’t even be a thought, conversation, or consideration of what to do. Always, always, always choose God. I don’t care what, who, when, why, or where but when it comes to choosing between faith and a man, God should always be your first choice, life, and purpose.

I also believe, like your religion, that an uneven union will always fall. There are many factors to consider especially when it comes to various practices and prayers. Do you honor certain holidays and religious figures? Do you pray to an altar or shrine? Do you have a priest, bishop, or pastor? Many religions do not acknowledge certain foods, or medical attention. And, how will you raise a child if you decide to start a family? Will the child be from your religious faith or your husband’s? These are some of the things you have to take into consideration.

Also, this is the problem many persons face when they don’t consider the ramifications of dating and marrying someone of a different religion. And, in your case, you’ve stated that there is a chance that you may lose your family. Is family important to you? Does it matter what they think and feel about his religious upbringing? And, is he asking you to change your faith to become part of his religion? Or, is he willing to conform to yours?

Look, if you put God first you will get and have the answer you need. But, you’ve got to allow God to be number one in your life. God is not an option and nor should God be secondary to anything or anyone. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“I Love My Man, But In The Bedroom He’s Not Fulfilling My Desires”

“I’m Pregnant But I’ve Learned My Man Has A Fiance & A 6-Month Old Baby”

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The absence of a wedding ring isn’t a tell-tale sign that cutie you’re crushing on is single. So here’s eight definite ways to tell if he’s single, you know, because we don’t want you to be embarrassed or heartbroken. And if you have any signs to add, let us know in the comments.

1. His Ikea cart is loaded with dishes and pots.

2. He’s in the frozen food aisle buying Hungry Man dinners. The rest of his cart is filled with beer and cereal.

3. He’s standing in front of the washing machine at the laundromat, confused look on his face, clearly wondering why there’s only a card slot, not a coin slot.

4. He still works out.

What are four other ways to tell if he’s probably single? Click here to find out.

So what do these single men look for in a woman, anyway?

Not sure if he’s really single? Find out if you’re the other woman.

Hottest Celeb Pics Of The Week

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I am a 26-year old female who is about to give birth to my very first child. Although my child is a blessing the circumstances in which she will be born are a nightmare for me.

I planned a child with a man who is now nowhere to be found after being together for three years and thinking I knew him. Not to mention the fiancé and 6-month old child I found out about right before his disappearance. To make matters worse, it has been brought to my attention that I’m not the only female he’s done this to. OMG! I thought I knew this guy well enough to want a family and a life with him, and then all this comes pouring down on me.

I have a good idea he’ll be back, but then what? What comes after all that, seeing as how a child is involved, not to mention the deep emotional attachment I’ve built over the three years I’d known him? Is there an explanation or excuse that can possibly be acceptable at this point? DAMMIT I’M HURT, but part of me wants it to work? Holding Out Hope

Dear Ms. Holding Out Hope,

Uhm, well damn! You’re caught up in a trick bag, and your man left you holding the bag. It’s not time to open the bag and pull out the tricks and use them on him.

If he decides to come back then you make sure everything is in order for his return:

1.)    Hand him the papers of the court ordered child support payments. That’ll knock some reality into his ass and let him know that this is not a game.

2.)    Gather the other women he’s done this to, and you all have a welcome back party for him. Have him meet you at a private disclosed location, and when he walks in all of you yell, “Surprise!” Lock the door behind his ass, and let the games begin.

You want an explanation or excuse as to why this can possibly be acceptable at this point? Honey, there is none. He is trifling, no good, and a dirty dog. He’s treated you, and other women, as if you were incidental people in his life. He played with your emotions and feelings and then got you pregnant leaving you with the hopes of starting a family and having a life with him. Well, guess what boo boo, you have both, but it won’t be under the circumstances that you want it. You’ll forever be in each other’s lives, and you’ll be a family, but a very strained family.

And, I know it hurts, but you’ve got to move on. The man doesn’t want you, or to be a family with you. He has a fiancé, a 6-month old child, and is not even thinking about you. The man was having another relationship while he was with you. And, he asked the other woman to marry him, which means that you were the side hoe. OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND SEE WHAT IS REAL AND NOT WHAT YOU HOPE THEM TO BE. So, this part of you that is hoping things will work out, girl, it won’t. He lied, manipulated, and deceived you. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Why would you want to ever let that person back into your life? If he did it once, trust, he’ll do it again.

You have your child to focus on and be concerned about. Your child’s well-being, and livelihood is what you should be getting prepared for. And, I would make sure that your ex is hit hard in the wallet to remind him that you can’t play with folks, help create a life, and think you can just walk away. No ma’am. As a matter of fact, if he returns and tries to get back up in your bed and between your legs, I would play the S&M game with him. Tie his ass to the bed, and then go in the kitchen and boil some water and you know what’s next! That’ll teach his ass a lesson.

Gather your self-esteem and your self-worth and move on with your life. It’s time to give your love and energy to your child. This was a lesson learned. It’s a hard lesson, but take what you can from it, and be vigilante in your next relationship so that this won’t happen again. You’re too smart, beautiful, and intelligent to allow this man to have damaged you and destroyed you. WAKE UP AND GET YOUR LIFE! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

How Can I Be Supportive Of My Man Despite His Pyscho Baby Momma?”

“We Set A Date To Get Married, But Now He Doesn’t Want To Get Married”

Please help!  I’ve been going with my “fiancé” for nearly four years.  His ex divorced him five years ago (we met a year after his divorce), after they were married for 15 years. He has a now-17-year-old son with her. There were a lot of issues in his marriage and admits he was a terrible father. He had a substance and alcohol addiction problem and had difficulties holding down a job. He currently owes a LOT of back child support. He now works a fairly good job, although it’s low paying (but regular and long hours), and child support payments are deducted from his paychecks.

However, I feel his past issues with the ex are not my problem. I’ve tried to be supportive of him, even though we’ve had our own issues:  He has stolen from me and lied to me.  We’ve been in counseling and have tried to heal and I’ve tried to work with him to rebuild the trust.  Yet, he’s secretive about his relationship with the ex.

I feel it’s out of guilt that he behaves the way he does, and I feel she manipulates him because of the way he treated her in the marriage. (He may even have been unfaithful to her; I’m not sure.)  But now she’s DIVORCED from him. She shouldn’t be trying to get MY money from him. (We were living together for a year and-a-half until I kicked him out because he took money that he earned from side jobs that I found for him and gave the money to HER.)

Now he’s living with his brother and sister-in-law, sleeping in a kids’ bedroom and living like a 16-year-old with a 10 p.m. curfew. (I think this is good for him and is exactly what he needs at this point.)  His brother and sister-in-law will not put up with any crap from him. I tried not to, but he walked all over me. When he is late coming home now (past his 10 p.m. curfew), he has to sleep outside in his car. He isn’t allowed to have a key to his brother’s house.

He has asked me to let him come back and live with me. I’ve told him NO WAY. He wants to marry me, or so he claims, but he still carries on a secret relationship with the ex.

I understand that he will always have to have contact with her because of their son. BUT:  He visits with her at her house and never tells me when or what’s going on. I’ve NEVER met her, and she won’t allow me near their house. Once, we pulled up in her driveway after church (I was waiting in the car), and she came out of the house screaming and told him to get his “girlfriend” off the property and never to bring “her” near the house again or she would call the police. She won’t let me near the 17-year-old son and badmouths me to the son, whom I’ve only seen twice in the nearly four years I’ve been going with my fiancé.

How do I handle this? My fiancé is not moving toward marrying me. We’re Catholic and since both of us have been married before, in order to be married in the Church, we have to go through the annulment process. I started the paperwork process with our Church two years ago, but my fiancé won’t continue with the paperwork. It’s always an excuse. He has not been able to put any money away and is always broke. (He’s bankrupt.) He had a chance to get his bankruptcy resolved by my CPA for whom I work (free of charge) and he canceled the appointment. Now my CPA doesn’t want anything to do with him.

He still claims I’m “the love of his life” and that “one day” I will be his wife and that I’m his “wife” in his mind.

What should I do?  I do love him with all my heart, but he’s breaking my heart.

The ex won’t let go, and I feel he’s doing nothing to help the situation. Thanks for your advice. – He’s My Man

Dear Ms. He’s My Man,

Girl, girl, girl! Really? Really! Today, you’re going to bring this bull-ish to me and it’s only the middle of the damn week?!

I was cracking up reading your letter and saying to myself, “She is truly a bird. She is truly special. And, I’m talking about special ed. As a matter of fact, I’m enrolling you in my special ed classes at my Academy for Retarded Ass-Backward Women Who Don’t Know Their Ass From A Hole In A Ground.”

You have got to be out of your got damn mind to want to marry this man. You have got to be the dumbest woman living on the face of earth to even get wrapped up in this madness and drama with this man.

I’m going to list several reasons why you should not get married to him:

1.)    He has stolen from you.

2.)    He has lied to you.

3.)    You’ve only met his 17-year old son twice in four years.

4.)    He is a drug addict and alcoholic.

5.)    He is broke and bankrupt.

6.)    He is still sleeping with his ex-wife. Trust me. He is!

7.)    He is keeping secrets from you, and therefore, he is not honest or truthful, or trustworthy.

8.)    He’s living in his brother and sister-in-law’s home, with a curfew, and he has no key to the home because they don’t even trust him.

9.)    The money he earned from side jobs you helped him find he gave the money to his ex.

Finally, in order to get married you have to file annulment paperwork, which you have done, but he somehow can’t seem to finish. Thus, this means you’re not worth the time and effort. In essence: YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HIM!

Now listen here, sweetie, if every time you go out of your way to help him, and he doesn’t want to help himself, then why do you keep getting on your knees and kissing his left and right ass cheeks? Stop licking and sucking his ass. He’s not worth it.

But here’s the thing, all of you are treating him like a kid. Which he is. You’re babying him and holding his hand, and trying to get him to do the right thing. His brother is babying him and treating him like a kid. And, even his ex-wife is coddling him and manipulating him. Hmmmm, you see where I’m going with this? He’s a grown ass kid and won’t make any adult choices for himself because all of you are doing it for him. How about all of you treat him like an adult, and when he finds himself with no place to live, struggling with his finances, and he has to actually do things for himself, then hopefully his grown ass will grow the “F” up.

I’m going to wrap this up and I hope you will think for once in your life. And, I mean actually use your brain for something more intellectual other than watching Jerry Springer, Maury, and other non-academic or brain stimulating activities. How can this man actually afford to take care of you if he owes sooooo much back child support, he’s financially inept, bankrupt, and works a minimum wage job?  And, you say he says that you’re the love of his life. LMBAO! You’re actually wrong. You are the mother of his life. Don’t get it twisted. Then you ask, “What should I do?  I do love him with all my heart, but he’s breaking my heart.” Then stop. Someone can’t break your heart unless you allow them to. Stop being a doormat and letting him wipe his crusty nasty ass feet on your heart.

You go on to say, “The ex won’t let go, and I feel he’s doing nothing to help the situation.” If you know this and he’s not doing anything to help the situation, then why are you still there? Why are you hoping he will do what he’s supposed to and after five years of being with him he’s done nothing for you? I’ll wait while you ponder that. As a matter of fact, I’m going to end this and let it marinate in your thick ass brainless skull. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“We Set A Date To Get Married, But Now He Doesn’t Want To Get Married”

7 Things That Could Change The Way He Feels About You [VIDEO]

My fiancé and I have been together for going on five years. We had a very rough start, but he came around. After a year or so being together we moved in together. He asked me to marry him after a huge fight and me wanting to move out. I love this man with all of my heart, but I said, “No,” because I felt it was the wrong time to be asking that sort of question.

After we worked things out, he asked me again. This time I said yes! Fast forward three and half years, and now he doesn’t want to get married. After we’ve set a date and everything he says we do not need a piece of paper to know we are married! He says he will do it for me, but for everyone else asking his remarks and expressions say he doesn’t! Why would he ask me to marry him if he didn’t want to get married? Where is this going? – Does He Really Want To Get Married

Dear Ms. Does He Really Want To Get Married,

SMDH! Chile, I swear you pressed and unrelenting women don’t and won’t learn.

You want to know where it’s going? Uhm, nowhere.

You want to know why would he ask you to marry him if he didn’t want to get married? Because underneath all your drama, nagging, and complaining he really never ever wanted to get married. I’m certain that it’s YOU who wants to get married. And, to make you happy and to keep a happy home, he is doing what he thinks you want him to do. Therefore, like most men who don’t really want to get married, but the pressures from their girlfriends who won’t stop nagging and bringing up the marriage issue a man will get to the point where he will be like, “Okay! Damn! Let’s get married. Let’s do this and hopefully you will shut the hell up!!!”

But, also like most men, they will tell you truth after careful consideration, thought, and processing that they do not want to get married. They never wanted to get married and the only reason he is doing it is because YOU want to get married. YOU want the wedding. YOU want to show off to your friends and family members that YOU got a man to agree to walk down the aisle and profess his love for you. LMBAO!

This is what I don’t understand and I do hope that someone will please explain it to me: Why do you women date these men for years on end, move in, play house and do all the things a married couple does, and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that you have no ring on your finger and you start demanding he makes a woman out of you and marry you? DOES THAT MAKE ANY FREAKING TYPE OF SENSE? I swear you’re some ass backwards thinking and doing folks. Now you want to back track and do things the right way. Now you want to reverse what’s already been set forth.

And, weren’t you the one who said, “No,” when he asked you initially to marry him? Now, you’re all concerned and perturbed because he’s telling you he doesn’t need a piece of paper for you to know you’re married. And, the only reason he will do it is for you! Now, listen to what he is saying. Pay attention because I’m certain that comprehension is not your strong suit.  LMBAO! Please, baby Jesus make it stop! This is what he is saying: HE IS ONLY GOING TO MARRY YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED.

Now, you have an option: You can either ignore his desire not to be married and force him down the aisle and live a life of misery and unhappiness with a man who feels his is doing something he really wants to do, but will only do it to appease you? Or, you can wait and do some marriage counseling courses, and get to the root of why he doesn’t want to get married. And, you can save yourself the heartache, pain, and agony of trying to be with a man who will probably be much happier if you wanted and allowed him to be the initiator for marriage. I’m just saying. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Would You Sign A Two-Year Marriage License To Avoid The Divorce Process?

7 Things That Could Change The Way He Feels About You [VIDEO]

I need help with one of my best friends who introduced me to your site.

He is a good friend and my daughter’s godfather. He just doesn’t make the best decisions, especially when it comes to women. We attended college together and worked together for three years, and about six months ago he told me he was leaving and moving to Atlanta with a female friend.

I was happy for him, but at the same time a little concern. See, he is the type of guy that is woman crazy. He falls head over heels for women even if they show no interest in wanting him. The first of the year I get a call from one of our other friends and he began telling me about our mutual friend. Since he has been in Atlanta we talk about every month and he makes it seems that everything is all good and he loves it. He called our friend, however, to borrow money and he told him what was going on and told him the truth about his living conditions.

He takes care of her three kids, his godchildren, baby-sitting, cooking and cleaning, and giving her something on rent every month. But, come to find out he is sleeping on the floor of her three-bedroom apartment. She has an empty room for her two-year old, but since the child sleeps with her, she won’t let my friend have it. Then, she has a young twenty-two year old boyfriend, who is close to moving in also. While my friend is handling chores like a stay-at-home husband, she’s in her room getting the ‘D’ from a younger guy.

I talked to him last week, and he didn’t sound like himself. His tune was of someone defeated and unhappy, not his usual happy joking personality. I tried talking to him, but I think everything I said went in one ear and out the other. He is continuing putting up that front like everything is all right. His voice tells of something different. I know he continues reading your site and I feel hearing advice from you might make him snap into his right mind and get out of that situation before it turns on him. I also have to mention that the job he had covered his medical insurance, and now he has no insurance and has health problems.

His female friend keeps nagging him about getting a better job and giving her more money, while she is living above her means. I feel her new guy will soon want him out of the picture and he’s going to be stuck homeless trying to move back home. I think it is hurting his pride that he doesn’t have a job, and moving back will make him look like a failure. I am close to giving up on him because honestly he is too old to be living like this. We are both in our thirties, I am 31 years old, and married with kids and he is close to 36 years old with no kid. What should I do, let him keep on this path until he hits a brick wall, or help him save himself the pain and misery and admit defeat. – Help my friend out before he is homeless and naked on a corner!

Dear Ms. Help My Friend,

Chile, I say let his dumb ass find out the hard way. I’m all for helping folks, and helping friends, and extending a hand to them, but if they don’t want to listen and they are stubborn or have too much damn pride to admit when –ish ain’t working out, then, unfortunately, sometimes you have to let them hit the brick wall and hit rock bottom so they can see the situation for themselves.

It’s truly sad when a grown ass man who appears to have it all together, smart, educated, and a good head on his shoulders, but is too p****y hungry to know the difference between being used and being taken advantage of. He’s a clown and needs to have his ass clowned!

And, for the record, who the hell moves to another state with someone they barely know, sleeps on the floor, does the household chores like a live-in nanny and maid, and watches as some young tender bangs his girl? Oh, my bad, your friend!

Chile, I am truly thankful for my friends! Thank the Lord! We have a policy with each other that no matter what we will always be brutally honest with each other. We tell each other when we are doing asinine stupid ass –ish. We tell each other the TRUTH, regardless if we want to hear it or not, we don’t bite our tongues, and we don’t hold back. What good is it to have friends who co-sign your bull-ish and watch you go through something and then talk about you behind your back? No ma’am! Not me!

Honey, you’ve done all you can do. You’ve spoken with him, gave him a listening ear, and reached out and have been a friend to him. He is the one that is not opening up and being honest with you about his situation. You are getting the information secondhand. Unfortunately, and until he is ready, he is going to have to wake up and see what’s really real and say to himself, “What the hell am I doing? Why am I, a 36 year old grown ass man sitting up in this woman’s APARTMENT, not house, and sleeping on the floor, giving her money for rent, doing all the chores, baby-sitting, and some other dude is banging her back out? What am I trying to prove? Why is my ego so damn big and I’m too proud to admit that this –ish isn’t working, and I need help?” But, your friend won’t and can’t do that. And, it’s because of his ego and pride.

So, let his ego and pride put him out on the streets. Let his ego and pride ignore his health and realize he has no medical insurance. As a matter of fact, ask him if he can have sex with his ego and pride and if they can fulfill his longing desire to be with someone, feel love, and be wanted?

Your friend is searching for something that you cannot provide him with. He is looking for love. He is looking for someone to want him, desire him, and need him. And, he will put himself in this precarious and F’d up situations because he is driven by his emotions which are clouding his mental capabilities. So, let him learn his lesson, and hopefully he will stop being so damn egotistical, and hard-headed and count his losses. And, let him know you’re still there for him, and will have his back. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

“I Know My Man Loves Me, But His Ex Refuses To Get Out Of The Picture”

“I Gave Him The Ultimatum Of “Now or Never” For Marriage & He Said “Never”

Your articles have me in tear laughing. I’m a fan! LOL

Anywho, I have been dating my new boyfriend for almost 6 months and we recently told each other that we’re in love. He is so sweet to me, has bomb ass sex, and treats me like a queen. My birthday was recently and he gave me so many gifts and surprised me with a dinner and all our friends were there. I cried because nobody has ever treated me like him.

So, he is really not my issue. My issue is with his ex-girlfriend that he was with for 3 years. They had an on and off relationship and she cheated on him when he was away so he broke it off. I know he really loved and cared about her a lot because he kept giving her chances after she did him wrong. He says that he no longer loves her and wants nothing to do with her, but on his birthday she hit him up with this looong email saying how everyone in her family says happy birthday and that they love him (she also went on to make a few old jokes that they shared in common) and then to top it off she ended it with an, “I will always love you.”

He told me about this message, but it was only after I suspected she had contacted him because he made an indirect tweet about it and I figured it out. So, when he told me about the message I was a bit upset and asked him why he didn’t tell me. We finally came to an agreement that we would tell each other when an ex hits us up.

Now, my other issue is that she still contacts his mother and calls her “momma” and tells her she loves her. I can’t seem to get over this in my heart. I also found an old video of them together which also made me feel some kind of way. (I know I sound jealous) I love my man and want to stay with him, but I have a great feeling that his ex is not over him and will soon want him back if she already doesn’t. I don’t want his ex to become a problem, I want her to be a NON-FACTOR from here on out. Please give me your advice. -The New Girlfriend

Dear Ms. New Girlfriend,

Uhm, sweetie, she is a NON-MOFO’ing FACTOR! Why are you stressing over her? If he is not engaging her, leading her on, and reaching out and contacting her, then you don’t have anything to worry about. Let that bum ass wretched rat continue to scurry around sniffing for crumbs.

The man loves you! Don’t you get that! He went all out on your birthday. He gave you lots of gifts and surprised you with a dinner with all of your friends present. He demonstrated his love and emotions for you in front of everyone. The man loves YOU!

So what if his ex-girlfriend is sending loooong ass emails and trying to reconnect with him. That’s what a jilted and hurt ex will do when they know they’ve lost something really good. She wants him back because she realizes that she F’d up! She is the jackass that stepped out on him and treated him badly. She is the donkey that let a good man go, and in the words of Joni Mitchell, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.”  And, now she’s reflecting over what she’s lost.

This is what I don’t understand. You have a good man. He loves you. Treats you like a queen. Does everything under the sun for you, and tells you he loves you, then why are you focusing on what his ex-girlfriend is doing? Why are you worried about her? If he is loving you, spending time with you, and giving you all his time and energy, then she shouldn’t even be a matter of consideration or thought. She is

If I were you I wouldn’t give her any energy, time, or space to rent in your head. You keep focusing on her then you will lose your man. You will begin to start making up things, and situations, and occurrences that don’t even exist. You’ll be imagining circumstances because your head will be playing games with you. STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! Focus your energy and love on your man. Let him love you, treat you like the queen you are, and adorn you with lots of joy, happiness, and joy.

And, if Ms. Thing gets out of pocket and wants to show up and start requesting time with him, or calling your phone harassing you, then it’ll be time to get Jilly from Philly on her ass and let her know, “You’re getting in the way of what I’m feeling!” Let her know that she is old news, the old witch that had her chance and F’d it up. And, you’re being a woman and letting her know to watch herself and the boundaries of your relationship. If she continues to ignore you and your relationship, and doesn’t show you any respect, then you’re going to have to snatch Ms. Thang by her weave and whoop that ass. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I met this guy “Robert” at a bar on a Friday. We exchanged numbers and planned to hang out the next day because I was headed off to another place to meet up with friends. However (and probably unfortunately) I ended up seeing him after the bars closed as I was walking my friend home. His friend and him ended up walking us to her place and both of them caught a cab home to my place. We ended up drinking some more and just talking and eventually his friend left. The next morning after a night of cuddling and making out we had sex. We woke up, talked for awhile, and then eventually I drove him home. When he got out of the car he said he would call me later and kissed me goodbye (on the lips mind you). Yet all day he never called.

I know the three day rule but honestly think it is ridiculous so I text him on Sunday. We kept the conversation light and he replied to my texts (which he could have blown me off). But now it is been a couple of days and nothing. I kind of like him and would really like to see him again to get to know him better. Hopefully hang out with out having sex. Do you think it is a loss cause or should I just be more patient? I know it was probably a mistake sleeping with him so fast but do you think I can get things back on track? Should I make the second move and invite him to hang out? – Impulsively Searching For Love

“He Didn’t Want To Get Married, But We Did & He’s Still Sleeping With His Baby’s Momma”

Dear Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love,

Sigh! When will you ladies learn: Sex for a man does not equate love or instant feelings of like. It’s just sex. It’s a physical act of lust and desire, and on many occasions a need to release.

You said you kind of like him. Well, could you please tell me what do you like about him, ma’am? Yeah, just as I figured. You don’t know him. You had sex with him after a night of drinking. You both were mentally, emotionally, and physically impaired. How can you make a sound judgment under the influence of alcohol? Please explain that to me.

Girl, you had drunk sex and now you think you’ve met the one. SMDH! Silly ass rabbit, tricks are for kids. Ole trick ass.

Your signature is befitting of you: Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love. Stop searching for love by opening your legs to random dudes you meet at a bar. How about you start opening your mind and feeding and nurturing your spirit.

Girl, I’m still LMBAO because you truly believe and feel that just because he kissed you on the lips after you drove him home the next morning that it was a sign that he really liked you and wanted to get to know you better. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Please make it stop baby Jesus. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“He Won’t Introduce Me To His Family & He Disappears On Our Date Night”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

What do I do when I like someone but they are in the middle of a divorce? – Liking A Married Man

Dear Ms. Liking A Married Man,

Uhm, how about you leave them alone and wait until the divorce is over.

He is still married. I don’t care if he’s separated, and they are going through a divorce. What part of they are still married do you not understand?  Ole thirsty ass chick.

Please, slowly remove your rouge painted lips from under his nut sac and stop sipping his juices.

Let him go through his divorce before you start any type of relationship with this man. And, please note: Although he may be divorcing his wife, he is not ready to jump into another relationship so soon. So, any hopes of you being the next Mrs., please get that out of your head. You will be the jump-off, and bed buddy. You know, the in-between time chick until he finds another woman he wants to settle down with and make his wife.

So, pump your brakes. Get you some business, and preferably a man that is not tied to some other woman. Yeah, that’s a thought. How about you find a man who is single, eligible, and available. Why do you want to be with someone who already has somebody? Because as the saying goes, “How you find him, is how you will lose him.” – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“My Boyfriend Infected Me With HIV & He Stole My Money For My Meds”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met a guy on face book and I cuddled a little with him at the first date. He didn’t even ask me to become his girlfriend or anything. We met again two days later. We cuddled a lot again. After that, I called him a couple of times. He answered me, but he won’t call me himself. He pretends that he’s busy so he doesn’t have time to see me. But, I really like this guy and I don’t wanna let go of him. I wanna know if there is something I could do about it to make it work? – Liking My Facebook Friend

Dear Ms. Liking My Facebook Friend,

Girl, are you serious right now? SMDH! Chile, here we go with these Facebook romances.

Uhm, sweetie if you cuddled with him on the first date after meeting him over the computer, he’s not going to take you serious or even consider dating you. There’s a word for women like you, and I’m trying to refrain from calling you a hoe, so let’s just say that you’re easy. How about that? LOL!

If you can hop your fast ass in the bed with a man you don’t know, and from off the computer, then why are you expecting him to return your calls after you’ve shown him the goodies and you let him get a sample of your treats?

The doors of the, All Women’s Academy For Simplemindedness And Dumb Women Who Do Dumb –Ish, are open. And, darling, I’m going to need you to step to the front of the line.

You women are going to learn about meeting random men on the computer and taking your hot between the legs asses over to their houses. Your ass is going to come up missing. Ole Jeffrey Dahmer cannibal eating your brains for dinner.

Look, girl, he’s not interested in you. He’s not thinking about you. He only has sex on the brain. He just wanted to smash and use you like he’s done other random women he’s met off Facebook. It’s a game for him, and like most men. It’s called, “How many chicks can I slay on the first night and add to my little black book of easy lays so the next time I’m horny I can hit them up and smash again.” And, you my dear, have become a statistic to the game. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I am 20 years old. My husband is 29 years old. I want to start by saying I love him very much. My question to you is: He has this friend, LOL, I sound horrible already! I am very, very attracted to this friend. This friend is very attracted to me as well. He comes over a lot, most of the time when my husband is at work. We have struck up a stronger relationship than he and my husband, or even me and my husband have. We have even discussed the, “if I ever leave my husband” topic.

I love my husband. I want to be with him, but I just don’t feel as attracted to him as I do toward his friend. I have thought about everything. That’s all I ever do. I’m head over heels for this guy, LOL. I don’t know what to do. I’m so torn.

I have brought up stuff like this to my husband, like moving to a state where they allow being married to more than one person. Ha ha, and stuff like that. But, he is totally against it. I have told him I want him to go out one night and screw a random chick to try and get him use to the idea, LOL. He was very against that as well.

I have thought about saying my goodbyes and just going with this guy. I swear he is my prince charming! But that is where the twist is. I have a two year-old daughter from my previous 4 year relationship. We have been together since she was 4 months old. She calls him daddy. He has raised her. I just don’t know what to do. To be honest, the only reason I do love him is because he has stepped up and provided for us and taken my child on as his. That is a very big thing to me. But that is it. The sex is no good. We fuss all the time. He is always pissy about something, and always in a bad mood, etc.

This is so bad, LOL. I am so stuck here! Please tell me what you think I should do! This is just a little to the story. There is tons more! (Me and this guy have had sex, and it’s the best thing I have ever felt!!!) Please, please help! THANKS FOR READING DOLL!!!! – Want My Husband’s Friend

“We Met Online & I Sent Him Explicit Pics & Video Of Me, Now He’s Disappeared”

Dear Ms. Want My Husband’s Friend,

This right here!!!

I clearly and certainly understand why some folks come up missing when they play these dangerous love games with other grown folks emotions and feelings. I truly understand why folks go coo-coo crazy and ape –ish, and end up on the six o’clock news when dealing with absent-minded silly ass folks who play silly ass games. So, I certainly won’t be surprised when I hear about your basic and random ass coming up missing.

You are just wretched!

And, Ms. Thing, please stop lying and saying that you love your husband and that you want to be with him. NO YOU DON’T!!! I don’t know if you’re making that repetitive statement throughout your letter of how you love your husband as a way to convince yourself that you love him, or that you are trying to convince me and the readers out there. But, I’m not falling for the ole okey doke. You can play that game with your little ass girlfriends, and those basic ass people in your life, but I refuse to play this game with you.

By your own admission, you stated that the only reason you love your husband is because he has stepped up and provided for you and your daughter and taken your child as his own. Hmmm, the operative words for you are: Gold Digging Hoe. You found a sugar daddy to come in and clean up your slutty ass ways. You found a sucker who was willing to make you a respectable woman and a housewife, despite the fact everyone was telling him, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.”

Wretched.

And, those little “LOL” inscriptions in your letter every time you mention that you like the other guy is a pure example of how young and simple you are. Over the giggling and sniggling like you’re in elementary school. SMDH! I could just snatch you by that fake two-tone pony tail dangling from your nappy ass head and drag your ass up the concrete street.

What the hell is wrong with you? If you have a good man who is willing to take you and your daughter in, and he’s stepping up to be a father to your child, and he’s providing for the both of you, and if you claim to love him, then why is your hot twat sleeping with his friend? First of all, why did you marry him? Yeah, yeah, we all know he was good to you and your daughter, but what are the other reasons you married him? Because I refuse to believe that you just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that he fusses all the time. You just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that the sex is whack. You just didn’t find out, all of a sudden, that he is always in a bad mood.

What’s so sad is that your daughter is going to grow up to be just like her mother. You already have a baby daddy. Then you married another man. And, now you’re sitting over there talking about leaving your husband to be with his friend. That is three different men your daughter has seen you be with, and she’s only two years old. But, you don’t care. You’re young, dumb, and stuck on stupid and d**k. That’s what happens when you’re selfish and don’t care about anyone other than yourself. And, you know what? Your husband’s friend that you want to be with, well, guess what sweetie, I’m certain he has a friend that you will find attractive and want to be with as well. So, then what?

Wretched.

But, then your ignorant ass is going to sit up here and say, “I swear he is my prince charming!” Bish, you ain’t no Rapunzel. You’re not Cinderella. And, you’re definitely not Snow White. You’re more like Hoe White and Bum-a-rella. LMBAO!

Your ole hood rat ass found a man to take you and your daughter in, and he is raising your child, by another man, and because you’re unhappy and miserable with the man YOU chose to marry and make your husband, now you’re willing to jack up everyone else’s life to accommodate your hoe-ish ways. Girl, please take a seat in the child seat in the corner facing the wall.

I want to know why did you wait until the end of your letter to state that you are sleeping with your husband’s friend? You could have done that at the top of the letter. You tried to ease it in. But, that’s what a trick will do. Tricks love to play games. Is he paying you and leaving money on the dresser after you have sex? Is he getting your hair and nails done? Does he take you shopping and buy you jeans and shoes? Ole classless hoe. Ugh! Your trick ass ain’t even got the game right with your basic ass. If you’re going to cheat then cheat “UP!”

Wretched.

Look, I’m not down for cheating spouses, and infidelity. I’m not down with playing with other people’s emotions and feelings. And, I’m clearly not down with you taking vows of marriage and discarding them like you do your body. Your husband’s friend is off limits. I don’t care how much you desire and want to be with him, HE IS YOUR HUSBAND’S FRIEND. If you’re having problems in your marriage, then you talk with your husband. If you’re unhappy with your husband about his ways, then you talk with him. You don’t go to an outside source, i.e., His friend, co-worker, or someone who is single, and someone who is not invested in your marriage. But, you’re young and are fulfilling your lustful desires. Everything you write about is sex. It oozes through your entire letter. If you desire sex where you need to be called a hoe, trick, and bish while a man is inside you, then how about you learn how to please your husband, and teach your husband how to please you. I’m certain he won’t have a problem accommodating your needs. And, how about you get into marriage counseling and learn how and what it means to be married. How about you get into someone’s church or spiritual group and learn what it’s like to be a lady, a woman, and a respectable one, who is married. And, I also noticed that you didn’t mention anything about school, or a career in your letter. So, how about you take all that focused energy you’re displacing on your husband’s friend and focus it on school and a career. How about you let your daughter see you doing something positive with your life, other than spreading your legs for every man that comes into your life? And, that’s all I got to say about that. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I met this guy online after I decided to get on Myspace for the first time in over a year.

He left comments on my photos a while back and I decided to email him and see how he was doing. He moved up north and he asked me to text him. I am currently in a relationship, but it is not going well at all. He was aware and still wanted to talk to me.

Pack up and move on

We texted back and forth and he sent me a picture of his “thang.” He asked me to do the same, which I reluctantly did. I have never done anything like that in my life, but he was so fine and saying all the right things. Plus he is FINE!

So the sexting continues and progresses into videos. Until last week when i stopped hearing from him. We were texting everyday. What should I do? I texted him good morning on two different days and got no response. He was texting me constantly.

Now I feel horrible because there are naked pics and videos of me and they are in the hands of someone who can’t communicate with me. I am too embarrassed to tell me friends. I am on Facebook now but I’m not sure if I should try to friend him. I am pissed and confused. Help a sista out. – Texting Disaster

“I Met A Pastor Online & I’ve Learned He’s Married & Does This All The Time”

Dear Ms. Texting Disaster,

That’s what the hell you get!! SMDH!

I swear you birds will do anything for attention. Who in the hell starts texting some random dude they met online, and then begin sexting, and then your hot ass sends naked pictures and videos and you have no idea who they are? You really are special. You really are pecking the ground with your beak. Ugh! I could strangle you!

And, who in their right mind is on Myspace???

Girl, this is clearly a wake up call for you. I hope your dumbass learned a lesson from all of this.

I truly refuse to believe that there are people in the world, like you, who lack that much common sense. Wait a minute? Yup, you do lack common sense. I can clearly see through that bald spot in your weave directly to your small ass brain.

Please tell me why the hell you’re sending your naked narrow ass pictures to some random dude because you say, “He is fine!” Do you even know if that is really him that you sent your pictures to? And, do you know if the pictures he sent of his, “thang,” were really pictures of his “thang?” I mean, you two never met in person. So, you don’t know who you were sending your pictures to, do you?

Now, you’re sitting over there with remorse and shame because your nasty ass exposed yourself to some dude who can put all your business out in the street. The same dude who is now M.I.A. (Missing In Action) after he got what he wanted from you. So, what do you want him to do? Send you back the pictures and videos and issue you an apology? LMBAO! I can’t today. Please baby Jesus make it stop.

But, hold on, didn’t you say that you were in a relationship with someone? So, why the freak are you texting, sexting, and sending naked pictures and videos of yourself to some other dude? You really are thirsty. Stop drinking the nut juice young lady. It’s not good for you. Yes, it has plenty of protein and they say it’s good for your skin, but stop digesting it.

Listen up folks! I’m going to issue this warning once, and once only. Do not respond to some random person off the internet who hits you up and asks you to start texting them. Why the hell would you give out your number to someone whom you’ve never met in person and that you don’t know? They are a stranger. And, what’s the saying you learned when you were younger and a stranger approached you, “STRANGER DANGER!”

Do not respond to some random person off the internet who hits up with naked pictures of themselves and they ask you to send some of yourself. Uhm, you do know that people can lift other people’s photos and naked pictures from off the internet and pass themselves off as their own. They can make up a whole complete profile and identity for themselves and you wouldn’t know the difference. STOP RESPONDING TO FOLKS YOU DON’T KNOW ON THE INTERNET.

Do not, and I mean DO NOT send naked pictures or videos of yourself to folks over the internet if you don’t want the pictures to be made public. Hell, don’t even take naked pictures of yourself with your camera phone and have them saved on your phone. It’s a recipe for disaster. Haven’t you all learned anything from the celebrities who get caught up in these naked pictures texting scandals? And, what do you all say when you read about them on the blogs, after you’ve looked at the pictures? “They are so damn stupid. Why they hell would they send their naked pictures to some jump-off and think they won’t expose them?” Yeah, exactly. So, why don’t you think it will happen to you? What makes you exempt from this behavior?

Also, Ms. Freak-A-Leak, do you even know if the anonymous dude is of legal age to be receiving naked pictures of you? Is he over 18? You do know that sending naked pictures to a minor is a felony and you could be charged with child pornography? Ole dumbass! I swear you’ll learn. Take notes and let this be a lesson for you. Now, get yourself in someone’s school and get you some education. Stop running after dudes on the internet because they are “FINE!” How about you run to the store and get you some common sense and street smarts so this won’t happen again? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I have a pastor question, too. I liked your answers. So, I thought, ok, I will try.

I dated a Pastor, Bishop, Doctor, hell, he is all. I met him online, and fell hard for him. He lives in New Jersey, and I live in Boston. We met after one year of talking on the phones, internet, etc.

Well, come to find out, it was all a big joke and trick. He was either married or engaged. And after I did some research, I learned this is what he does. He gets nasty with woman online, and then goes home and be kind and sweet to his wife. They have children. He has a church, doctor’s office, etc. And, he calls himself the man that walks with God. But, he is not godly

Do I let him go on and get caught? Or, do I warn people? He calls himself a Bishop, a Doctor, Businessman. But I know better. Do I let him ruin others? Or try and stop him. – Almost The Pastor’s Mistress

“I’ve Learned He’s Been Seeing Another Woman For 3 Years & Has A Child With Her”

Dear Ms. Almost The Pastor’s Mistress,

Put his ass on blast. What are you waiting for? I would head over to Kinkos and get a blown up foam poster board with all the text and explicit email conversations printed on it. I would then head to his church and place it in the lobby of the sanctuary. I’d then sit perched in the front row. I’d wait for him to do the altar call and march right up to him, and tell him to lay his hands on me like he said he wanted to do over the phone and in the text messages.

I would also gather the other women he’s been communicating with, and all of you should march defiantly in a single file line inside the church. You all should be dressed in all black – black dresses, big black hats, long black gloves, and the big Jackie O sunglasses. Sit right next to the first lady and introduce yourselves. Say, “Hey girl! Good to see you this Sunday morning. I’m surprised that Mister was able to make it out of bed and get here on time. He was a bad boy last night.” Then slowly trace your lips with your finger.

Then, I would print all of the sexually explicit emails and texts and pictures he sent you and put them in a handout. I’d give them to each of his church members as they receive their weekly Sunday programs.

Trust me, if you don’t put him on blast he will continue to do what he’s been doing and getting away with it because no one will speak up. No one will go toe to toe with him because too many times folks put their pastors and bishops on a pedestal, i.e., Bishop Eddie Long, and when something goes down, they make the victims out to be the criminals and evil conspirators trying to harm and damage their poor pastor’s reputation. SMDH!

It’s sad because ministers, pastors, and bishops have been doing this for so long that it has become the churches inside dirty secret. And, it damages and destroys lives. The longer we keep silent and don’t say anything, the longer this will go on.  At some point someone has to make a stand and be courageous. And, it begins with women like you.

So, let his wife know what’s going, and I’m certain she already knows. Give her all the details, emails, text messages, and phone records. She may be in denial, but let her know that God doesn’t like ugly, and that she should remove the veil from her eyes. I would also call up the local media news outlets. They love stories like these, especially when it’s a man of the cloth, and he claims to be an upstanding citizen in the community. Honey, they will find out all types of dirt about him, including his dirty shenanigans in business. If he’s cheating on his wife, trust and believe, he’s cheating in his professional life as well. Now, get the hymnal book and start singing the old negro spiritual “God is trying to tell you something.” – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I have been in a relationship with a man for over 12 years. I love him dearly and know that he loves me. My every want and desire he gives me.

I have always suspected that he was cheating and I would have reoccurring dreams about this. He has recently told me that he has been in a relationship with a woman for three years and has an 18 month old child with her. I was obviously devastated with this news. He said that he does love her and there is nothing else between them, other than the fact that they have a child together.

He stated his desire for us to move forward past this and said that he is working on being a better man. But, I still feel a lot of hurt and anger, and the trust is no longer there. We live in different states, which definitely make it easy for him to lie and cheat. However, we commute frequently to see each other, and he said he will move to where I am. But, like I said there is a lot of hurt and anger that I am feeling. I love him and still want to be with him, and on the other hand I just do not know what to do. – Hurt And Confused

“My Man Is On Porn & Dating Websites All Day & It Bothers Me”

Dear Ms. Hurt And Confused,

Are you freaking serious right now? Really? Really! WOW!

The 12 years you’ve been together and 3 of those he’s been in a relationship with another woman and he has an 18 month old child with her, and you’re asking me if whether or not you should remain in a relationship with him. And, homeboy lives in another state as well with the said woman? Please lean close to the computer so I can reach through the screen and punch you in your right eye. The hell you send me this damn letter for!!!

Somebody please give me a shot of “Don’t-Hurt-Em,” and please knock me upside my head for reading this. I think my brain just went on hiatus. And, we all know that your brain is on a long extended 12 year vacation. Come on home, baby.

Now, let’s look at this situation closely. Whew! Jesus be a friend right now. Twelve years you’ve been with him and you’re not married? Twelve years and you don’t live in the same state? Twelve years and all of a sudden he wants to move where you are because he wants to move forward from this situation? Twelve years and now he wants to be a better man? I’m going to let you sit with those questions and let them marinate. It’s taking everything out of me to not look you up, and come and drag you out of your house and shake the –ish out of you until I see some life return into your eyes.

If he hasn’t become the man he wants to be, or the man you need him to be in the 12 years you’ve been together, then it certainly will not happen today, tomorrow, or next week. All of sudden this bum ass fool wants to be a better man because he deceived you for 3 years, bore a child with another woman, and didn’t tell you until the child is damn near two years old!!! Girl, please, please, please do not get too close to me. Not today! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!

Girl, he said to you that he loves her and there is nothing else between them other than the fact that they have a child together. Did you hear what he said, or does that retarded brain of yours do not understand anything that’s happened in the past 12 years?

What else is there to have outside of love? His heart is with her. His love is with her. I want you to pay attention, sweetie, because I know this may be a little fast for you. He has told you that he loves her. HE LOVES HER! Hello?!?!? Are you really that stuck on stupid and stuck on the d**k? Chile, I swear he must know how slow you are. He must have enrolled you in my Academy For Dumbass Women In Long Distance Relationships Who Think Their Man Is Faithful And They Can Tell Them Anything Because Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

In any of those reoccurring dreams you had about him cheating, did you get any insights, any suggestions, any indication of what you did after you discovered he was cheating? Or, were you stuck on the repetitive scene of him cheating? Clearly your psychic skills are lacking. We’re going to have to cancel your reality show, The Psychic Who Knew Too Little.

Let me tell you folks something. What you think and focus on will become your reality. What you give your attention to you will attract. Ms. Thang, you always suspected that he was cheating. The operative word is, “always.” If that is what you always felt then you got what you wanted. You focused on him cheating, and that’s what you always thought. Then guess what: He cheated. Why are you surprised? Why are you shocked and devastated? You shouldn’t be surprised, Ms. Cleo. You did have dreams about him cheating. And, that is all that you focused on.

And, you have to accept some part of the responsibility in this. You allowed yourself to have a relationship with him for 12 years and not get married, nor live in the same state, and you knew he wasn’t –ish from the jump because by his own admission he said that he is working on being a better man. That sounds to me like he’s been a dirty dog from the beginning and you knew, but you chose to look the other way, or accept his behavior. So, please tell me what person in their right mind would allow this? I’ll wait.

And, I’m not going to let asshole of the month get away with what he did either. He needs to be castrated. Like the Rev. Jesse Jackson got caught saying a few years ago on live television about President Obama, “I want to clip his nuts.” What your man did is lowdown, dirty, and trifling. He knowingly engaged in two relationships, deceiving both of you, bore a child with the other woman, and did it for 3 years. You need to be a practicing surgeon the next time you see him and “Clip his nuts.” Because this mofo didn’t and hasn’t been using any protection. He was running up in you and her, raw! WOW! And, I’m certain you two women are not the only ones he’s been dropping his seeds in.

What’s sad is that you gave him 12 years of your life, and you have nothing to show for it. Yeah, darling, what do you have in return? What can you walk away with? NOT A DAMN THING! You can’t get those years back. This fool has a whole other family in the state where he is, and you’re off in Oz trying to see the wizard. LMBAO! Girl, leave that fool alone and get yourself together. Focus on nurturing yourself, your spirit, and reclaiming your life. I’m hoping you’ll see the benefit and lesson in this. You should be glad that he didn’t leave you with a disease, or you don’t have a child with him making you another statistic. You can walk away with your head held high. You have your dignity, grace, and power. Don’t give your power over to him. Don’t allow him to have it. It belongs to you. And, don’t give him anymore of your time and energy. You’ve been letting him deflate and use you for 12 years. Let’s spend the next 12 years working on re-energizing, and re-membering how beautiful, smart, and powerful you are. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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My man and I have a wonderful relationship. We both have fantastic jobs. He is great with my and his own children (from previous marriages), and he takes good care of me and our household with no problem. We attend church, many social functions, go out on date nights, travel, and get along great. A woman could not ask for a better partner and our life together could not get any better. We have discussed marriage, but decided to wait until we both have our own individual situations in order before coming together as a union.

The issue is that he is addicted to porn and dating websites. I have used his computer a few times and noticed throughout the day that he is watching ALOT of porn and going onto dating websites looking at women. He is on the computer from the time he either gets home or wakes up, when he is not working, until he lays his head down for the night.  He does not respond to the messages on the sites, nevertheless, I can tell he is looking at profiles and porn.

I’m home as well in the evening, but he gets there a few hours before I do. When we are there I do not smother him and we give each other space, but we find time to spend with each other. I’ve had close friends say, “You should not care about it. He is good to you and a man is going to be a man.”

I have tried to turn the “other cheek” but I cannot deny that it bothers me. He comes home from work every day and has never stayed a night out. I do not ask him a lot of questions when he is gone out because I’ve never been the type of woman to feel the need to know my man’s every move and whereabouts. I know he previously was into very sexual things that included swinger parties/threesomes and he has it bad staring at women when we are in public, but I tease him about it. I’ve had open communication with him about fantasies and we try different things to attempt to make our love life more exciting. I know he loves me very much, but I really do not know how to feel about him right now knowing that he is doing this. – Discombobulated

“I’m In Love With A Drug Addict & I Pray That God Delivers Him”

Dear Ms. Discombobulated,

So, you do not ask him a lot of questions when he goes out because you’ve never been the type of woman to know your man’s every move and whereabouts, and, let me get this straight, your man spends an unlimited amount of time on porn and dating websites? (@  -  @) Wide-eyed blank stare at you!

So, why don’t you just pack him a goody bag of condoms, whips, chains, handcuffs, lube, and dildos the next time he leaves.

Chile, your man has an obvious sexual addiction and you’re over there trying to be Ms. Understanding-And-Not-Smothering-And-It-Don’t-Bother-Me-So-I’m-Going-To-Ignore-It-Superwoman. Newsflash: You don’t have an “S” on your chest. So, take that damn cape off and get real!

I want to know where do you all get these friends from who endorse and co-sign the bull-ish ignoramus behavior that these men put you through? The hell they are talking about, “You should not care about it. He is good to you and a man is going to be a man.” Yeah, you listen to them if you want to. Are any of your friends dealing with their mates who are spending a lot of time on porn and dating websites? Are any of your friends dealing with their mates who have a swinger past, into threesomes, and openly stare at other women in their presence in public? Yeah, just as I figured. None of them. But, you’re taking advice and listening to them. Dumbass!

Instead of sitting over there trying to be emotionally and mentally strong, you need to open your damn mouth and speak up. That –ish is not okay. It’s not healthy. And, it’s definitely not good for your relationship. The man is looking up porn and dating websites in YOUR own damn house!!! You don’t find that disrespectful and unsettling? Hello, (moves your blonde bangs to the side and knocks on your forehead) is anyone home? Anyone? Any one?

If you can easily get on the computer and see what he’s doing, then what about the children in the house who also have access to the computer? Did you think of that? I swear I wish I could shake some of you deer-in-the-headlights folks sometimes.

One day he is going to ask you to do a threesome or something freaky. Then you’re going to sit over there acting all shocked and appalled that he asked you to participate in something so vile and disgusting. Girl, he is showing you who he is. Why are you ignoring him and it? Why are you acting special…wait, what am I saying. You are special. Please put on your helmet and make your way outside to the yellow bus pulling up to your house. There is someplace I need for you to go.

I feel it’s time you and he have a conversation. Yes, open and honest communication. I really don’t understand you people who are in relationships but are afraid to speak up and talk with your mates about things that bother you in the relationship. Because, trust me when I tell you this, ignoring this situation will only create other things that will frustrate and irritate you. You will hate walking in the door of your own house and seeing him on the computer. You will begin to resent him. His breathing will make you irate. Then you will be yelling, “Do you have to breathe like that?” When you’re having dinner, you will look over at him, stare, and then blurt out, “Do you got to chew so damn loud?”

Your relationship will begin to falter and you won’t know why. You’ll be fighting over every and little thing. And, at the root of the very reason: His addiction to porn and dating websites that YOU chose to ignore.

You’re over there boasting about your fantastic jobs, how he’s great with the kids, and takes care of you and the household, yet, both of you are divorcees, thus, by my reasoning both of you are relationship dumb and retarded. You won’t speak up and he’s doing what the hell he wants to do. Re-read that statement and then ask yourself if that makes any damn sense to you?

So, Ms. Discombobulated, how about you pull yourself together and stop acting like you’re a high school girl. You’re a grown ass woman playing house with this man, so start acting like a grown ass woman who has some damn sense and speak up and put your foot down. Let him know how you feel about his porn and dating website frequent trafficking. Let him know how it disturbs you, and that you don’t particularly care for him doing it, let alone in the damn house, and with your kids who can easily get on the computer and see it. And, you need to ask him if there is something he needs to share with you, i.e., any desires or fantasies he wants to fulfill, if he’s unhappy in the relationship, why is he on dating websites, and if he’s thought about therapy for his addiction. Because, it makes no damn sense for someone to be on the computer from the time they wake up and until the time they go to bed scouring the internet for porn and dating websites. Especially, if he is in a committed relationship, and in love with you. Girl, you better get a damn back bone. Push them breasts up, round them shoulders, pin that weave up in a bun, and put your damn foot down! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I am going to start out saying that I really don’t know what to do.

I am a single mother of two kids. My son will be 18 next month, and my daughter will be 14 on May the 1st. I have been with the same man for six years, and when we got together I was 28 and he was 43. The man came in treating my kids and I like royalty. He gave us whatever we wanted when we wanted it. Not only that, he helps me provide for my mother and my brother, who is now 39 years old, and living with my mom.

Prevent Health Hazards

Now, this man is a very good mechanic. He works on his own, and makes his own money. And, still right now he does everything that he needs to do as a man, and to keep our house afloat. I guess you are asking if I got it like this with this man, what is my complaint. Well, my complaint is that he uses drugs. Not the green stuff, but the white stuff. That’s our biggest problem. He does good sometimes, and others I just don’t know. I can’t say the drugs are not in the way of things, because even though we are living good and have all the things that I want, I know we can have a whole lot more only if he didn’t have his habit.

So, I sat and prayed, and prayed and asked God to show me the way. Believe me when I say, I know God have my back. Because out of all that the man is really a good man. Sometimes I try not to judge him, because I have the habit of smoking me a joint every now and then. But, that is way different. He doesn’t judge me, so I feel sometimes why am I judging him. It’s very confusing because my friends say as long as he is taking care of home, and his business then why do I stress so much. Because I guess I stress because it’s the drug of his choice. No drug is greater than the other, a drug is a drug. I just need some closure, maybe a piece of mine.

My son is going to be graduating in June and off to college he goes, and we have a very open and close relationship, because before I got with this man, it was only my kids and I. He just kind of snuck up on us. But, I have to give much respect to my son because with him seeing the things that I go through, and the things that he does, my son has never gotten out of line, never disrespected him, or anything. As a matter of a fact he and my daughter love the ground he walks on. My daughter is the reason we are still here. She is a very hopeful young lady. She always say, “Momma maybe we can help daddy,” or, “If we leave him, he won’t have no body.”

I really don’t want that to be the reason I stay, and I won’t lie, I love him, I just want him to be and do better. Can you give me a little insight on what I can do to help the situation. There is one thing I do know, if God don’t change the situation, he will give you the strength to handle the situation.  – Loving A Drug Addict

“Should I Ignore The 3 Day Rule & Invite Him To Hang Out?”

Dear Ms. Loving A Drug Addict,

Well, I hate to sound morbid, but I think you should get your affairs in order, and by that I am referring to purchasing a cemetery plot, and making preparations for his passing. To knowingly remain in a relationship with a drug addict then you know what the outcome will be: Death!

And, I don’t want you falling out, wailing and throwing yourself over his casket and causing a ruckus when he does leave this earth. Folks act up and have fits when they know the person was on drugs and acting reckless with their life, but are shocked when they die. Really? Really!

It’s just like the celebrities who do drugs and we watch from the sideline. We see what it does to their life, and to those who love them. It’s unfortunate that we watch celebrities come to their own demise and watch aimlessly as they use drugs recklessly, and then when they pass everyone says, “Well, we could have done more.” Or, “I hope everyone learns from this lesson of the impact of drugs and what they can do to you.” Yet, no one listens. No one thinks it will happen to them.

However, we all have an uncle Tony, or aunt Frankie, and cousin Harold in our family that is on drugs. No one steps in to help them. We turn a blinds eye. Big Momma is the enabler, along with their spouses and mates. Giving them money so they won’t have to steal. Feeding them and staying up late at night pacing the floor waiting for them to return home. And, no one wants them over to their homes for the family events and functions because something will come up missing. All the women are clutching their purses. Then, when the party gets going, they tell everyone they are running to the store and will be right back, but either they don’t return until hours later or not at all.

In your own admission, you stated, “I can’t say the drugs are not in the way of things, because even though we are living good and have all the things that I want, I know we can have a whole lot more only if he didn’t have his habit.” (*  -  *) Blank stare at you. Dummy! Yes, you dummy. You claim you are living good, (Who the hell is living good with a drug abuser in the home?) but then you say that you can have a whole lot more if he didn’t have his habit. Ugh! I swear you folks don’t think or use half the brain and common sense God has given you. I tell you stupid is as stupid does.

I am appalled at the behavior you are teaching your children. It’s beyond sad. You have taught them that drugs are ok and all you got to do is love the druggie despite the harm they are causing themselves and their family members. What’s even sadder is that your daughter said to you, “If we leave him, he won’t have nobody.” SMDH! Your daughter is going to grow up and repeat the same behavior as you. She is going to choose a man just like mommy has. And, unfortunately she will be “hopeful” that the man will change his ways one day.

And, your son. Sigh! Is that what you really want to show him how a man should be? Is that really a good representation of a good man? A man who, as you say, “With him seeing the things that I go through, and the things that he does, my son has never gotten out of line, never disrespected him, or anything.” WOW! As I’ve said over and over again, you teach people how to treat you. And, your son is getting a good education on how a man treats a woman. (I’m being sarcastic, darling)

Don’t you know that children learn by our actions? They see what we do and repeat it. You are an enabler and you’re both co-dependent on each other. And, on the real, you’re both drug users. Yeah, sweetie, that’s why you say you can’t judge him because your little pot smoking every now and then is just as bad as his coke use. You even said in your own words, “No drug is greater than the other, a drug is a drug.” So, how can one abuser call out another when they are doing the same thing? Do you people read what you write? You can answer your own damn letters if you pay attention. Chile, I swear the slow gene is taking over the world. I refuse to allow it to fester and grow near or around me. Get back! In the name of Jesus! I command you to get back!

And, let me ask you this, why are you enabling him? Where did you lean that behavior from? What benefit are you getting out of staying in the relationship? Do you feel obligated to him? And, I want to punch each one of your friends in their mouths. Are they in relationships with drug users or abusers? Because that will explain that asinine bull-ish they are telling you. Yeah, they are telling you to stay with him, but they are talking about you behind your back.

I’m curious to know when you met what were you going through. Were you broken? Were you down and out? Were you emotionally and mentally drained? Were you financially strapped?

You keep saying he’s a good man. So, are you trying to convince yourself about his behavior? Are you trying to outweigh his drug use with the good things he does? Please explain. Because I really don’t hope that you think his behavior is that of a good man. Because I’m certain a good man would not purposely hurt those he love, and he certainly wouldn’t be on drugs. A good man would not outwardly teach young people that using drugs is okay, either. But, that is my definition.

Oh, and for the record, if he was 43 years old when you met him six years ago, then by math and reasoning, he’s 49 going on 50, and he’s doing drugs. Uhm, sweetie, I really am going to need for you to get a grip.

And, God helps those who help themselves. If he is not willing to change or seek treatment for his addiction, then there is nothing you can do. An addict has to first admit they are an addict. Then, they have to choose to get help. But, until then, there is nothing you can do. You can offer or make suggestions to him, if he refutes them, then you have to choose to stay and deal with it, which you’re already doing, or walk away and let him deal with his own demons. Oh, yeah, how about you get some help as well. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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I met this guy “Robert” at a bar on a Friday. We exchanged numbers and planned to hang out the next day because I was headed off to another place to meet up with friends. However (and probably unfortunately) I ended up seeing him after the bars closed as I was walking my friend home. His friend and him ended up walking us to her place and both of them caught a cab home to my place. We ended up drinking some more and just talking and eventually his friend left. The next morning after a night of cuddling and making out we had sex. We woke up, talked for awhile, and then eventually I drove him home. When he got out of the car he said he would call me later and kissed me goodbye (on the lips mind you). Yet all day he never called.

I know the three day rule but honestly think it is ridiculous so I text him on Sunday. We kept the conversation light and he replied to my texts (which he could have blown me off). But now it is been a couple of days and nothing. I kind of like him and would really like to see him again to get to know him better. Hopefully hang out with out having sex. Do you think it is a loss cause or should I just be more patient? I know it was probably a mistake sleeping with him so fast but do you think I can get things back on track? Should I make the second move and invite him to hang out? – Impulsively Searching For Love

“He Didn’t Want To Get Married, But We Did & He’s Still Sleeping With His Baby’s Momma”

Dear Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love,

Sigh! When will you ladies learn: Sex for a man does not equate love or instant feelings of like. It’s just sex. It’s a physical act of lust and desire, and on many occasions a need to release.

You said you kind of like him. Well, could you please tell me what do you like about him, ma’am? Yeah, just as I figured. You don’t know him. You had sex with him after a night of drinking. You both were mentally, emotionally, and physically impaired. How can you make a sound judgment under the influence of alcohol? Please explain that to me.

Girl, you had drunk sex and now you think you’ve met the one. SMDH! Silly ass rabbit, tricks are for kids. Ole trick ass.

Your signature is befitting of you: Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love. Stop searching for love by opening your legs to random dudes you meet at a bar. How about you start opening your mind and feeding and nurturing your spirit.

Girl, I’m still LMBAO because you truly believe and feel that just because he kissed you on the lips after you drove him home the next morning that it was a sign that he really liked you and wanted to get to know you better. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Please make it stop baby Jesus. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“He Won’t Introduce Me To His Family & He Disappears On Our Date Night”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

What do I do when I like someone but they are in the middle of a divorce? – Liking A Married Man

Dear Ms. Liking A Married Man,

Uhm, how about you leave them alone and wait until the divorce is over.

He is still married. I don’t care if he’s separated, and they are going through a divorce. What part of they are still married do you not understand?  Ole thirsty ass chick.

Please, slowly remove your rouge painted lips from under his nut sac and stop sipping his juices.

Let him go through his divorce before you start any type of relationship with this man. And, please note: Although he may be divorcing his wife, he is not ready to jump into another relationship so soon. So, any hopes of you being the next Mrs., please get that out of your head. You will be the jump-off, and bed buddy. You know, the in-between time chick until he finds another woman he wants to settle down with and make his wife.

So, pump your brakes. Get you some business, and preferably a man that is not tied to some other woman. Yeah, that’s a thought. How about you find a man who is single, eligible, and available. Why do you want to be with someone who already has somebody? Because as the saying goes, “How you find him, is how you will lose him.” – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

“My Boyfriend Infected Me With HIV & He Stole My Money For My Meds”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met a guy on face book and I cuddled a little with him at the first date. He didn’t even ask me to become his girlfriend or anything. We met again two days later. We cuddled a lot again. After that, I called him a couple of times. He answered me, but he won’t call me himself. He pretends that he’s busy so he doesn’t have time to see me. But, I really like this guy and I don’t wanna let go of him. I wanna know if there is something I could do about it to make it work? – Liking My Facebook Friend

Dear Ms. Liking My Facebook Friend,

Girl, are you serious right now? SMDH! Chile, here we go with these Facebook romances.

Uhm, sweetie if you cuddled with him on the first date after meeting him over the computer, he’s not going to take you serious or even consider dating you. There’s a word for women like you, and I’m trying to refrain from calling you a hoe, so let’s just say that you’re easy. How about that? LOL!

If you can hop your fast ass in the bed with a man you don’t know, and from off the computer, then why are you expecting him to return your calls after you’ve shown him the goodies and you let him get a sample of your treats?

The doors of the, All Women’s Academy For Simplemindedness And Dumb Women Who Do Dumb –Ish, are open. And, darling, I’m going to need you to step to the front of the line.

You women are going to learn about meeting random men on the computer and taking your hot between the legs asses over to their houses. Your ass is going to come up missing. Ole Jeffrey Dahmer cannibal eating your brains for dinner.

Look, girl, he’s not interested in you. He’s not thinking about you. He only has sex on the brain. He just wanted to smash and use you like he’s done other random women he’s met off Facebook. It’s a game for him, and like most men. It’s called, “How many chicks can I slay on the first night and add to my little black book of easy lays so the next time I’m horny I can hit them up and smash again.” And, you my dear, have become a statistic to the game. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

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You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

I am really confused. I have been married to my husband for a year and we have been together almost a three years.

Five months before we got married he moved out of our home and moved back with his mother. He told me he wasn’t ready to get married. Two weeks later, I find out that he has went back to his baby’s mother. I was devastated and mad as hell. Two months later we talked and ended up getting back together. A couple months after that we got married. I thought we were doing good.

We got married in August and I found out I was pregnant in January. Not exactly was I was planning on since I had started school again. With my pregnancy I became super sick because of my high blood pressure. Two months later my husband loses his job and I’m dumbfounded. Our relationship went from bad, because of my pregnancy, to worst, because of his job lost.

We talked many times about getting a divorce and getting on with our lives. During these last couple of months I have been in and out of the hospital with this pregnancy. Eventually, my husband got a job cutting hair. One day I went to get my tags for my car and I called him while I was in line and I didn’t get an answer, and he always answers when I call. I remember getting off the exit to go home and something told me to go check his job or his mom house to see if he was there. No he wasn’t. I went to his baby’s mother apartment and there is his car sitting there. I’m crying and calling him and got no answer. I decided to put him out. I had the spare key to his car and I took his car, brought it home and loaded it up.

I talked to his baby mother and I found out that they had been sleeping with each other since he lost his job in March. I just so happen to catch him that day. I’m confused on what to do. Of course he has begged and apologized. It’s November and my baby’s due and our lease is up our apartment. I’m on disability because of my pregnancy and money is small compared to what I made before getting pregnant. He says that he doesn’t want a divorce and he was sorry and it won’t happen again.  I’m on my last straw, the last days of my pregnancy and lease for our apartment. What should I do? We have already gone through counseling. – Stay Or Try Again

“He Won’t Introduce Me To His Family & He Disappears On Our Date Night”

Dear Ms. Stay Or Try Again,

Let the lease run out. Move your things out. Leave him. Get a divorce and move on with your life. See how easy that is!

Chile, I swear the common sense gene is rare the days. Your fool damn self is over there listening to that man as he tells you that he doesn’t want a divorce and he’s sorry and it won’t happen again, yet he keeps sleeping with his baby momma. LMBAO! Girl, hop on one leg and pat yourself on the head if you believe that.

Your husband is deceitful, manipulative, trifling, and a liar. He’s cheated on you several times, even during your pregnancy, and you caught him, yet you’re asking me what to do. Sigh! This is the classic case of, “Even though he told me he didn’t want to get married, I didn’t care what he wanted because I wanted to be married, and besides, I LOVE HIM!” Thus, when –ish hits the fan, i.e., He cheats on you, then you want to get all up in a huff because, “How dare he sleep with another woman and we’re married.”

Uhm, sorry boo boo, you may have had the pomp and circumstance of a wedding with all your friends and family present, the flower girl, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and the thousands of dollars spent on feeding all those damn people, however while you were standing in your off-brand knock-off Vera Wang dress looking starry-eyed professing your vows of marriage, he was lost in space thinking to himself, “How the hell did I end up here? And, which one of these chicks I’m going to bang in the back room.”

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times in letters to women like you in this situation: When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If someone tells you they don’t want to be in a relationship, then guess what? They don’t want to be in a relationship with you either. And, if someone tells you they don’t want to get married, then guess what? Say it with me class: THEY DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED, AND NOT TO YOU EITHER.

Why are you holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held? Why make someone commit to you and they are not ready to commit to themselves? If he isn’t ready to commit to marriage or a relationship, then you get exactly what you deserve. He won’t commit to you or anyone else, so he’ll keep sleeping with you and his baby momma because the both of you are silly ass broads who keep letting him lay between your legs and in your small ass heads. You thirsty ass chicks wear me so thin! You’ll rather have a piece of man, who keeps showing you who he is with his trifling cheating ways, and yet you keep running behind him trying to convince him to love you, and that you need him. And, this MoFo doesn’t give a “F” about you! Stop perching your lips and drinking from these men’s nut sacs!

Now, guess what’s going to happen? You’re going to be baby momma number two. He’s going to get back into a relationship with his first baby momma. You two women are going to end up arguing and fighting over this bum ass dude who cuts hair and can’t afford to pay child support. And, even though he’s the problem in the equation and cheating and sleeping with the both of you, the two of you are going to fight and brawl with each other like two chicken heads fighting for scraps of d**k meat. SMDH! Then, he’s going to tell you how much he loves you and misses you and you’re going to believe him and spread your legs wide open for him, again. Which means he’s sticking the both of you raw, i.e. Sharing community d**k. And, you two aren’t the only women he’s running up in. Trust me, there is a third and fourth chick out there somewhere. Probably in the same apartment complex as you, and his baby momma. And, guess what’s going to happen? All of y’all are going to end up pregnant at the same time. Chile, I should put my psychic abilities to better use. LMBAO!

Look, Ms. Honey, chalk this up as a lesson learned. And, I mean take a good look at yourself, how you played a part in all of this, and how you should start listening to what someone says to you, as well as what they are doing. Pay attention. If someone tells you they don’t want to be married, then listen to them. Stop trying to make someone be with you for the sake of what you want. You can’t make someone love you, be with you, or marry you if they don’t want to be. He’s shown you time and time again who he is. He doesn’t want to be faithful or monogamous. He wants to have it all. Leave his ass. Get the divorce. Get the alimony, what little his broke ass has. And, put his ass on child support payments. Stop letting him belittle and demean you. Ugh! Now, get your life together and stop stressing because the innocent child you’re carrying doesn’t deserve all this madness coming into the world. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

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I just read an article of yours online and felt the need to inquire more advice from you.

So, here’s the deal: I met this guy 2 weeks ago at a football party. He has text me non-stop, even text good morning and good night every day. Not to mention he text as soon as we get off work. I’m pretty sure he’s a player, but because I see the best in people I am not so good at being a judge of character.

Sunday Brunch at Chicago’s Parrot Cage Restaurant

Ok, so he asked to come over one night but then when I told him he couldn’t spend the night he changed his mind. Then he proceeded to say maybe we can do dinner and a movie one night this week. I said ok. That night came. I asked him what we were going to do and he said a lot of cuddling and kissing. I reminded him that he mentioned dinner and movie. Then he said he would cook for me. After I let him know that he had to bring whatever he was cooking he decided he wasn’t about all that. So, he came over and we just hung out in my living room talking and watching TV. Then he invites me to his softball game, so I go. Then the following Friday night I finally let him sleep over. We had sex, which wasn’t that great actually. Then he came over the next night to a party I was hosting. He spent the night again but we didn’t have sex. The next day (Sunday) he decided that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He went from wanting to date and possibly a relationship to not knowing. However, he says he doesn’t want to end things completely. I mean seriously???? Thank you for you time – What do I do now??? -  Holding Pattern

“My Boyfriend Wants Me To Add Him To My Credit Cards, But He Makes More Than Me”

Dear Ms. Holding Pattern,

I think things are pretty cut and dry. What are you missing or not clear about? I mean even Stevie Wonder can see this guy’s intentions. It’s not brain surgery or rocket science. He wants S-E-X!

What brain does some of you women, and men operate from? I’m certain that the brain God gave you is not being used or even considered for functional use. If someone invites themselves to your house or for a night of cuddling and kissing, then what about their intentions are you not sure or clear about?

Here’s a memo for all of you out there: IF YOU MEET SOMEONE AND THEY ARE TEXTING AND CALLING YOU LIKE CRAZY AND DESPERATELY AND EAGERLY WANTS TO GET TOGETHER AND HANG OUT AT YOUR, OR THEIR HOUSE, UHM, THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH YOU. IT’S ALL ABOUT SEX.

And, on the topic of texting; you people and these textual relationships. Do people actually call or dial numbers to hear an actual voice any longer? How can you develop and create a relationship with someone via text? Someone please explain that to me. And, the sad part is that it’s not just the younger generation, but some of you grown ass folks who are participating in this behavior. What the hell?!?!?! But, I digress.

And, another thing, when did dating become going to someone’s house and knowing the both of you are horny asses, but you convince yourself that you have all this restraint and nothing is going to go down, but then guess what happens, “It just happened.” SMDH! Dating is going out and observing someone’s behavior in public and interacting with other people, and especially with you. It’s about going to various places that the you two have in common, or exploring new adventures together. It’s not going to someone’s house and sitting in the living room watching TV. Especially not on the first date. Ugh! I can’t with you people.

But, you obviously found something you liked about him because your dumb ass kept entertaining him and his conversation. So, ask yourself why after several conversations and him being clear about what he wanted that you let him come over, have sex with him, and then get upset when he says he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, but that he doesn’t want things to end between the two of you?

You left the door wide open (meaning your legs) with an invitation to your bedroom and bed, and now you want to clutch your cheap ass pearls and act like Ms. I Got Some Values And Morals And Self-Respect For Myself. LMBAO! I can’t do you today. Perhaps you should call your friend and let him do you. I don’t have the time or energy.

So, to answer your question of what to do now? Uhm, hmmm, do you want to be his booty call? Do you want to be his jump-off? Do you, and can you, handle a casual sexual relationship with him? You did state that his sex game was not all that, but I’m certain you can teach him and train him on how to handle you and your cooty-cat. LOL!

That man is not interested in anything more with you other than sex. He’s made that painfully and abundantly clear from the beginning. But, you, and like so many others don’t listen to when someone is telling you who they are and what they want. You figure if you can get them to see how holy and virtuous you are that they will succumb to your light and change their evil and trifling ways. Chile, miss me already.

He wants sex. You don’t. He wants to be friends with benefits. You don’t. What he’s communicating and expressing is not in alignment and part of your desires. Therefore cut your losses, move on, and make a note that this was a lesson learned. Know from this point moving forward that you need to listen and hear when a man is telling you what he wants. If he keeps stressing sex, sexual encounters, sexual contact, intimacy, cuddling, hugging, lounging, caressing, massages, or anything that requires body contact, then he is not interested in being in a relationship. He wants sex. Now, get back on the saddle, and mosey along. I’m certain there is a man out there who wants a relationship and will respect you and your body. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

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The absence of a wedding ring isn’t a tell-tale sign that cutie you’re crushing on is single. So here’s eight definite ways to tell if he’s single, you know, because we don’t want you to be embarrassed or heartbroken. And if you have any signs to add, let us know in the comments.

1. His Ikea cart is loaded with dishes and pots.

2. He’s in the frozen food aisle buying Hungry Man dinners. The rest of his cart is filled with beer and cereal.

3. He’s standing in front of the washing machine at the laundromat, confused look on his face, clearly wondering why there’s only a card slot, not a coin slot.

4. He still works out.

What are four other ways to tell if he’s probably single? Click here to find out.

So what do these single men look for in a woman, anyway?

Not sure if he’s really single? Find out if you’re the other woman.

Hottest Celeb Pics Of The Week

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