It started to get a little frustrating  for a while when this would happen because generally when I’m dressed down I’m out running errands or heading to work, not really in the frame of mind to strike up a conversation with a potential suitor but this is when I attract them.

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Out of curiosity I posed the question to a few guy friends about women getting more attention when they were “out of their fashion element” and they simply said a woman is a lot more approachable when they are not walking with a push up bra, 6 inch heels and make up caked on their face.

I took in the logic and even smiled, but had difficulties accepting the answer.

You mean to tell me that every time I want to be glamorous I’m setting myself up to be lonely?

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I wasn’t with that. I may be more approachable or down to earth in a pair of jeans and chucks, but as a woman on the journey to commitment I’m not looking to fit the mold of what someone else thinks is acceptable.

I’m looking to fit a mold of what I feel is comfortable, so I can attract a like being, so whether that be me in Vickie sweats, or a little black dress I’ll rock it if it makes me feel good.

I think us women have the tendency to analyze and prod men with questions about how we can please them when not every man is the same. To me a mature man who picks up something fascinating in a woman beyond her appearance will be able to approach her whether she is dressed up or down. I appreciate a male opinion but I’m not about to put away my M.A.C collection or 6-inch heels anytime soon.

HB fam, drop some wisdom!

Men: Does a woman’s attire determine whether or not you approach her?

Women: When do most men approach you? Do you think that a woman should change her appearance to attract love?

About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

Let me take a few moments to outline the fact that rat poison is 97% corn and 3% strychnine.  Although it tastes good to the rat, once that 3% of poison takes effect, there’s no turning back.  The rat is dead within minutes.  I wonder how many wives who ingested this article were able to survive emotionally and spiritually after reading it.  I also wonder if I would have been able to live in an era where these points were common in practice and culture.

For example:

“Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first.  Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”

The first part, corn; the latter part, poison.  What kind of blow is that to the self-esteem and confidence of a woman?  Listening to my husband is of the utmost importance to me.  I thrive off his communication with me.  In fact, even deferring to him to let him talk first is a regular practice of mine.  What I don’t agree with is quantifying the importance of the topics of conversations.  My issues are no more or no less important than his.  I care about what I talk about 100%, and I care about what he talks about 100%.  It’s that simple for me.

How about:

“Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner, or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through that day.”

This one is 97% poison!  Now granted, back then there were no cell phones, but beyond that, I can’t think of any reason why a husband would so blatantly disregard the feelings of his wife, whether a career woman or housewife in this manner (and the same vice-versa…why a wife would do that to her husband is beyond me).  This statement may as well say, “Turn your mind off.  Don’t ask him about the lipstick on his collar.  If you see lipstick around his smaller head, kindly get him a washcloth to wipe it off.”  Lord, have mercy, Jesus!

Read the rest of what is wrong with the 1955 housewife here!

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Earlier this week I was video taping a discussion at Howard University’s Drew Hall for the follow-up to the award winning film, “What Black Men Think”. As a result of the film several side discussions were started. During one of these discussions a young lady explained why it was necessary for women in general and black women specifically to have a wall up to protect themselves from men. She further went on to explain how a woman needs to have multiple layers that will protect and shield her, thus saving her from the hurt and pain that I assume can be caused by men.

My thought on this… that this way of thinking is total garbage. Since I was taping I couldn’t jump into the conversation but I was burning up inside to get right in. I think what some women don’t realize is that “The Wall” is what could drive some good brothers away. Does this wall stop you from ever being hurt in relationships…. no. Then what good is it? Back in my dating days I really looked at the wall as a bunch of stuff that I had to break through because of the actions of some previous dude. Sometimes I felt like breaking through and sometimes I didn’t. You have no idea how high some of these walls can be…

So what IS a better alternative? Find out at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com.