My tight-knit circle of gal pals are all currently entwined in partnerships of commitment, whether that be via marriage, engagement, or starting a family. Has this had any effect on me? Of course, I’d be a liar not to admit to the fact. How so? Well once upon a time I was shiggity shacked up in a common-law relationship that lasted way too long only to emerge from it empty handed. While things were rocky I practically swore off a social life, my happiness would depend solely on him and I felt as if no one understood me. No one understood me because I didn’t understand me! The time behind enemy lines left me a bit behind in terms of finding my groove in dating. I regret nothing. To reflect is to heal.

When a friend, especially a close friend enters into a new relationship or decides to take their relationship to another level, it’s normal to feel brief rejection. In fact separation of some sort is inevitable in my books. A committed relationship takes a lot more time and effort than is perceived from those outside of the relationship looking in. Now it’s perfectly normal for our friends to have the harshest judgement on partners we choose, but at the end of the day whose decision is it?

I have observed bitter bosom buddy breakups because too much time is spent with the new mister or misses. I wonder is that just old fashioned jealousy, or are we obligated to dedicate the same amount of time to friendships as we do our relationships.

Healthy relationship or not, a friend’s duty is to be just that a friend. Not a second lover, a gatekeeper, a parental figure, or any of that mess. I know that when I was tangled in my common-law disaster/lesson of a relationship, I had and still have mad respect for the friend who respected my space, checked in to see how I was doing, and made it very clear to me that although she was not happy with the state of things in my life, she loved me- the end.

If you are under the impression that when a friend enters a relationship, that the friendship dynamic will stay the same, you’re sadly mistaken.

Hello Beautiful family, please chime in! Have you ever had a friendship dissolve due to a new relationship?

Do you expect your friends to spend the same amount of time with you as they did before getting in to a relationship? Why or why not?

If you have a friend who is currently in an unhealthy relationship, how has this affected your friendship?

Related Articles:

Why You Should Never Date Your Girlfriend’s Man

Would You Befriend The Person That “Leaked” Your Nude Pics?

“My Husband Says He Can’t Make Me Happy & Wants Our Friendship Of 9 Years Back”

About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I

She said ‘black’ as if she were reporting a crime or another woebegone statistic: ‘An unidentified b-lllack male…’ or, ‘Yet another b-lllack woman…’ It felt to me, akin to the manner in which non-Jews spit ‘Jew’ from their lips. ‘What black people?’ I asked in a tone inflecting, What the hell kind of Black do you mean?

Later that evening, I knew exactly from where she’d gotten the wind in her sails. ME. Flipping channels, I threw my hands at an episode of Fantasia’s reality show and added, “She’s a hot mess!” for good measure. Not an hour earlier, I had taken offense to the very action she’d learned from my example. What she meant was, not like us.

WHERE do we get off?

In the weeks leading up to the theatrical release of “For Colored Girls”, every email, tweet and Facebook post screamed with anticipation. I wondered what the after affect would bring to our sister-community. I thought that it would be stronger than the sister-high that lasts but two weeks after Essence has told us we should be nice to one another. I hoped. Then I got this email:

When I first heard of the movie “For Colored Girls” I got so excited. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth…

Reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn’t be willing to participate for various reasons: You don’t like me, you don’t care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don’t understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues, for all the world to see, you don’t like crowds, so [and] so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity, etc…

It has ALWAYS amazed me that black women are each other’s biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit-pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give, and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for ‘thinking they cute’ but turn around and dog the average sister because ‘she know she should take better care of herself than that.’ We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else’s coat tails. We tell a big sister to put down her burger and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for talking to darn much and torment the quiet woman for needing to take up for herself.

Broke, Not Broken: Letting Go Of Financial Stress In Your Marriage

I have to wonder, since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like? What has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along or unify to support one another? Everybody seems to be out for self while other groups unite against us. Nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich, handsome, husband… this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income-based housing struggling to keep her lights on. Money alone doesn’t make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a better judge of character.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. If we would spend 1/3 of the time spent tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, and show love, we could truly make a difference. PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman’s back. There is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, [and] prayer. (sender unknown, content edited)

Where do WE get off?

If we are to travel this road toward discovery and fulfillment we have to stop ignoring the approaching signs signaling a dead-end ahead. If our GPS is set to avoid all chance encounters with stragglers on the road lest we be misidentified by our commonalities, we’ll forever run into ourselves. We believe that to travel in the right direction we have to avoid familial roads, faces, circumstance. Well, we’ve been thumbing a ride on that wagon forever and in 2008, we thought we’d been allowed to travel.

Where DO we get off?

Amber Rose: “Women Need To Stop Hating On Each Other”

It’s inevitable: whether you’re at a party, on the subway, or watching television, you are going to look at other girls and see what you are lacking.  You know that you have a problem when your eyes are fixed on the girl with the awesome hair rather than the hot guy behind her just because you wish your hair was nicer.  It’s time to cut the comparisons and start appreciating yourself: it goes a lot further than you think!

It’s really easy to notice the positive physical characteristics of other people, but much harder to appreciate what you have yourself.  Keep in mind that other people are checking you out and comparing your hot traits to their own as well.  You might notice their awesome clothes at the same time that they can’t take their eyes off of your beautiful eyes.  All girls have some insecurities, it just comes down to whether or not they show it.  Rather than try to make a big deal of what you don’t have, flaunt what you do!  Everyone has something about them that other people desire.  Confidence is always the most attractive characteristic, because you see it and you feel it.

As I’m writing this article I feel like a complete hypocrite because trust me: I’m the first person to notice everything about people when I see them.  I let things get to me easily.  But if you stop and put everything into perspective, you really get nothing out of comparing yourself to other people besides ideas.  Rather than put yourself down because you don’t have everything that the girl across the street does, get ideas and take them to the next level. Don’t have long and luscious hair? Try the same style out with short hair.  In today’s world, people can make almost anything work as long as they really work it.

Guys find girls’ confidence very sexy.  The worst for a guy is going out and having your girl get involved in tons of drama.  There’s nothing like knowing that your girl will handle her own problems without getting jealous or envious.  When you’re out at a party and some girl starts dancing up on your guy, don’t get sad or worried.  Rather than punch her or go to the bathroom in tears, sneak up behind him and dance harder.  Show up the girl by showing her that she has nothing on you.  He will think it’s a lot hotter that you handled the situation by taking your frustration out in your moves rather than in the form of a drink all over her shirt.

So what do you say ladies? Let’s flaunt what we have and work off of each other for ideas rather than envy.  Any tips on how to learn more from other people without putting yourself down? Share!

Let’s Text About Sex, Baby

Is Love Necessary For A Marriage To Work?

A source close to Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey is claiming Nick is jealous of his wife’s budding acting career, one that has taken off after her role in the acclaimed film, “Precious.”

We all know that before the two married, Cannon appeared on-screen, in both film and on television shows, and that that seemed to be his chosen path. He attempted to make music, but to no avail. We could only hear “Gigolo” but so many times.

And Mariah, who had clearly made music her forte, ventured briefly into acting, but to harsh criticism because, face it, we could only watch “Glitter” but so many times, too.

So, even though, both tended to teeter-totter back and forth in the entertainment industry, Nick felt the two would be able to support one another’s initial careers without stepping on each others toes.

But with Mariah getting all the attention (and the awards) for her apparent acting skills, Nick’s starting to feel like he’s living in her shadow of stardom. Has the success gone too Mariah’s head?

See Mariah’s on-screen moment:

And Nick Cannon’s:

A glammed up Jessica Biel graces the pages of February’s Vogue in honor of her new film “Valentine’s Day,” and although she declines to comment much on her on-again, off-again relationship with Justin Timberlake, she does say that she’s been “checking out” Justin’s rumored fling Rihanna.

“I’ve been looking at Rihanna a lot, checking her out,” Biel told Vogue when asked about her personal style. “She’s got something going on that I am sort of craving a little bit.”

But Jessica either didn’t notice the irony in that statement or she said it to make the point that she’s completely secure in her reportedly rocky relationship.

“I don’t feel the need to clear anything up,” she said when asked about the rumors. “It’s the most precious thing that I have in my life, and I care about it so much that I don’t care about what anyone says or thinks. I have just not addressed it in any real way, and I’m not going to. It’s mine. And I really like that about it.”

RiRi Reaches Out To JT’s Girl, Denies Romance

Justin: “Rihanna’s New Album Has Some Edge To It”

See Justin & Rihanna’s on-screen chemistry below!

Calming a child’s temper tantrum can be a daunting task. With persistance, you can learn what you can do to make it through the rocky patches of your child’s life, and how to calm even the worst temper tantrum.

1)  For instance, try to avoid scheduling trips when your child is tired or hungry. Make sure they are well rested and fed before embarking on any kind of errand.

2) Try to distract the child in the middle of a temper tantrum. Sing a song, offer a snack, or point something interesting out.

3) Some children can be calmed during a temper tantrum by simply being picked up and held.

3 car activities for your little one

4) Ignoring a temper tantrum works in many cases. Children want attention, even negative attention, and not getting a reaction out of anybody will usually cause them to stop.

5) Relocate. If your child is throwing a temper tantrum in a store, try and take them out of the situation. Even if it is just for a minute, many children calm down when they see that you may just leave.

6) Acknowledge that your child has feelings. If they are throwing a temper tantrum over a toy, acknowledge that you understand how they are feeling. This will give your child a chance to verbalize his feelings. You could write down what he wants and show your child that maybe later he will get it for a special occasion.

3 ways to save on child care

7) If the tantrum seems to be one out of jealousy, such as a big brother being jealous of his baby sister, try giving that child extra attention. Make him realize that his parents are there for him, and he is just as special and loved.

Take a look at the hottest celeb pics on the net

Everybody tells us that honesty and sincerity are the keys to a happy couple,  but I personally don’t think so. If there is place where honesty may not be the best policy it is in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you lie to your partner. What I am saying is that sometimes you should learn to keep your mouth shut for the sake of romantic bliss. If not, think about all those instances when you said something -in good faith- to your partner in an effort to be sincere and all you achieved was a week sleeping on the sofa! Yes, there are several things that you should never tell her.

1)) If she asks you if a woman is pretty, you know already that you better not say YES, she is gorgeous. A better response would be “Yes, she is pretty but she has a very cold look, not very seductive or attractive”

2) If she asks you what was your sex life like with your ex… please do not go into details. Do not even say it was good, do not say what you did or didn’t do. Better say, “Nothing outstanding or worth remembering” and change the subject quickly.

Is it okay to snoop on your partner?

3) Never talk about your ex girlfriends or your ex wife. Whether you have some amusing story to tell, a nice memory or bitter recollections, do not talk about them with the new woman in your life. We all like to think that we are unique and even if we don’t ask you to be a virgin, we would like to think that we are the first, the best, the ONLY woman in your life.

4) Never talk about other girl’s qualities to your girl. Even if you do not mean it, she will hear that you are comparing her to someone else and worst, she is losing.

7 reasons he’s afraid to commit

Check out the latest celeb sightings here:

1) Your friend is jealous of you. Jealousy is different than envy and the first can be very toxic for the relationship. Jealousy is: “I want what you have and I want you dead or disappeared.” Envy is just: “I want what you have.” A jealous friend will want to cut you out of her life because she really wants what you have and can’t stand to be around you anymore. An envious friend will want what you have, but will look to you as her inspiration or role model, and compete with you to get in the lead.

2) Your friend is a “doormat“: It’s tiring to always be with someone who is so malleable.

5 bad habits that ruin good relationships

3) Your friend wasn’t there for you. It’s sometimes hard to see if a friend is really a true pal until there is a life-changing moment in your life that requires the person’s support. This eye-opening event is called The Inciting Incident, which is when everything is going along fine, until wham! someone gets sick, or loses their job, or gets married or loses a loved one, and you find that the friend you thought would be by your side isn’t there for you at all. She doesn’t celebrate your good news nor does she help you in times of need. For some women it takes an “inciting incident” to finally notice that a friend is toxic.

4) Your friend is draining you: You feel you’re psychologically and emotionally giving all your energy to her and receiving nothing in return.

5) You don’t share the same values or the same world view: It’s a red flag that this isn’t the right friend for you if you don’t respect her for who she is. I interviewed a woman who wished her friend’s husband ill. It made the married woman realize that her friend’s behavior is nothing like her own.

Is it time to end the friendship?

Want more, click here

Ran across an article that talks about how Facebook can incite jealousy in a relationship. The highly addictive social network can be a great tool for communication, networking and all other types of positive activities but when it starts to cause a problem in your relationship then you may need to pump your brakes. Researchers recently did a study on college students and this is what they came up with:

Here’s how Amy Muise of the University of Guelph in Ontario and her colleagues think the ugly green-eyed monster rears its head:

Student spends time on Facebook. He or she monitors the profile page of a significant other, finding ambiguous information about their partner that they otherwise may not have access to. This new information stirs up jealous feelings in said student, who then scours for more Facebook information that further fuels the fire.

This escalating cycle can become addictive, according to the new research published in the August issue of the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior.

The article goes on to talk about how the jealousy triggers are the same as before but now access to this information is just more readily available and out in the open for your significant other to see.

BMWK family we’re just asking that you don’t end up like the video below…

Men tend to be very possessive in regards to women. Even if they no longer want her, already had her or never will get her, men can’t accept their homie getting a crack at it.

Some women, are the complete opposite. If a woman wants a man, especially a man she knows she had no chance of getting, she wants her girl to go for it. This way, she can live vicariously through you. If you have sex with him; she had sex with him. If he takes you out on a date it’s as if she went out too.

Why do women push their friends to get with men they know they like?

Two reasons:

1 – They have their hands full and can’t pursue the man for themselves

2 – She has no chance in hell with him

Let’s focus on the latter.

We all have the pimp girlfriend aka The Madam. Madam always tells you how great you look, wants to go out together and encourages you to talk to the guy across the room that SHE thinks is cute.

Her sales pitch is dope.

“This is my friend Erica, Erica this is Kenny. Kenny, isn’t Erica beautiful. She’s in sales. She lives in the city and loves sports.”…READ THE REST HERE!

Can’t get enough of the SG stuff?

Follow me on Twitter.com/The_Single_Girl or check out www.saysthesinglegirl.com

]]> http://hellobeautiful.com/style-beauty/single-girl/shes-your-pimp/feed/ 11 http://hellobeautiful.com/style-beauty/hello-beautiful-staff/i-dont-have-many-female-friends/ http://hellobeautiful.com/style-beauty/hello-beautiful-staff/i-dont-have-many-female-friends/#comments Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:38:33 +0000 Hello Beautiful http://hellobeautiful.com/?p=30502 How many times have you heard this from a female: "I don't have many female friends." I've heard this from so many women, said in so many different ways. But what do women really mean by this? I will admit that that foolishness has left my lips before, but honestly, as I look back, it was a true moment of immaturity. Anyone that, including me, can make a statement like this had or has the in... Read more..]]>

How many times have you heard this from a female: “I don’t have many female friends.” I’ve heard this from so many women, said in so many different ways. But what do women really mean by this?

I will admit that that foolishness has left my lips before, but honestly, as I look back, it was a true moment of immaturity. Anyone that, including me, can make a statement like this had or has the intentions of portraying themselves a certain way around females to appeal to men. Let me break it down: all human beings have an aura about them. This aura either attracts or repels others. If you truly believe that females have a problem with you, for whatever reason, then more than likely they will. What I have found with women who readily say this foolishness is that they are:

1. Best friends with a guy, who is in a relationship, and calls you his “play sister.” The female friend a.k.a. “play sister” does not understand the boundaries of his girlfriend’s role and claims that the girlfriend is jealous of their friendly relationship. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my man sharing any intimate conversations or activities with his so-called “play sister.” Because in reality, on average, brothers and sisters truly don’t hang tough like that. So why the hell would you and your “play sister” do the same thing?

I mean really… how many of you are calling up your biological brother to go to the club?Puh-lease! If you’re truly his “play sister,” call him up when you need some furniture moved or you need him to kick some dude’s ass for disrespecting you.

2. The insecure chick. They feel very threatened by confidant women and try to deflect their insecurities on other women by labeling them as ‘jealous’ or ‘catty.’ They have the tendency to not want attractive women around them because they fear that it will take the attention away from them. Again, they are the ones wanting to be the first and only desire of a man. So ladies, it really isn’t that you can’t get along with other women; it’s just that you want to hog all the attention.

Ladies, stop putting each other down for the sake of attracting men, in any type of way! It is a woman that will pick you up when a man drops you. It’s a woman that can relate to your feelings. Embrace one another! So the next time a female says this foolishness around you, run for dear life because you are bound to have some issues with this chick… oh – and don’t let her near your man!!

Mrs. Layla
Blackplanet.com/mrslayla