This was me two years ago. I was infuriated and on the cusp of popping back with something unbelievably disrespectful, but thankfully I kept my thoughts to myself.  For one, I knew she might have a point. And two, even though I could probably argue she too had gained a pound or ten, I had been raised with all kinds of home training, and saying anything about her weight would have been out of the question.

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The truth is—I was hurt. Hurt because like so many of us, I still want to impress my family. After all these years, they’re approval still matters most.

Why is that? Why is it so important that we still have their approval?

I’ve concocted two theories, neither of which are grounded in empirical studies, though I’m sure I could uncover some supporting data. Nonetheless – here they are. For one, I think we want to affirm our parents parental efforts. They worked hard as parents and sacrificed on countless occasions. The least we can do is to come home as shinning examples of their (literal) blood, sweat, and tears. We want our parents to know that they didn’t fail. The numerous weekends they spent at our soccer games, dance recitals, or the carpools to after-school programs paid off.  “Look Mama —I made it, and so did you!”

Secondly, in some weird way, perhaps we will always want their affirmation. We were raised wanting to please them, so why should that suddenly change with age? With the same enthusiasm we had running into the kitchen to announce we had made the honor roll, we’ll want to return home for Thanksgiving with an attractive mate, flat stomach and impressive job. Their continued affirmation lets us know we’re on the right path. And after all, couldn’t we all still use some guidance? When it comes down to it, some of us are still the fifth graders who want to hear our family say, “We’re so proud of you!”

We will always need our family’s support. We need them to encourage our healthy eating habits, or to question the latest guy we’re dating.  As many of us begin to start our own families, let’s hope we too can set examples that are worth our children’s life long admiration.

Jovian Zayne is a writer, photographer and occasional radio co-host in New York City.  Read more from Jovian on her personal blog Word Up Haay! Join her on twitter via @jovizi for laughs, encouragement and your daily dose of quick wit.
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1. Manage expectations: Most work conflict often stems from a lack of clear communication which leads to assumptions and misunderstandings. Manage up to your boss or down to your team with clear expectations about what you will and will not do, or what you can and cannot do given your capacity. As you begin to work on a new project, be sure to dig deeply into your specific responsibilities and the responsibilities of your teammates. Doing this on the front end allows you to avoid a serious misunderstanding down the line.  Most importantly, don’t be afraid to tell your team when you’re struggling. If you need help on an assignment, or instructions clarified once again, ask for help! Some of us find ourselves in unnecessary stress because we want to wear the superwoman “S” on our chest instead of seeking support.  Forget the superwoman cap and be real about your human limitations.

2. Appeal to our collective humanity. Your boss is human. Yes, believe it or not, he or she often feels stressed, overwhelmed and anxiety about performing on the job.  The people you work with are human and they laugh, cry, and have feelings just like you. Make time to truly get to know one other. Perhaps you could start each meeting with a personal catch up time. What are their plans for the weekend? How’s their family? You never know the outside stress someone’s bringing into the workplace. Finding time to share these stories creates a deeper sense of partnership, camaraderie and collaboration.  It will also help you avoid an argument that at its inception had nothing to do with you.  Ever got in an argument with a co-worker who just got dumped? Yeah, it’s not pretty.

3. People are less inclined to be antagonistic to those who generally give off a good vibe.  As author David Brook’s cites in “Social Animals,” ninety percent of emotional communication is nonverbal.  Gestures not only help us express our feelings but further constitute them. If you don’t want to be known as the wise cracking “b&*ch” then why are you always rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth? No one wants to work with someone who’s always contrary and carries an attitude like it’s her purse.  Find your joy and bring it to work!

4. Think before you speak: Sounds so simple right? Well, it’s not. In the heat of the moment it’s easy to pop back with a quick retort, or throw up your hands in exasperation.  Next time you’re frustrated, politely excuse yourself, take some deep breaths and reflect on your role in the conflict. Accept your blame and instantly begin thinking of solutions. Staying in the center of conflict is like quicksand and you will get no where.  Instead of moping in the mess, reflect and get ready to resolve like a team player.
Want some help putting these tips into action? Consider the below.

Tips in practice:

• Start team meetings with a “High & Lows” section where team members share one good, and one bad thing happening in their life.
• When you begin working with a new team/boss create a separate meeting to describe your working styles. (Do you communicate better via email or phone? Do you work better in the morning or evening? Etc )
• Establish a monthly happy hour/team outing. Rotate venues to provide an inclusive atmosphere to account for the diversity of thought and perspective in your team.
• Identify a ‘safe’ space in your office.  Pick a secret corner, bathroom stall, elevator etc that you can retreat in moments of heavy conflict. Use this space to help you cool off.

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With all the content the team here at BlackPlanet is producing, I’m sure you tend to overlook some good stories from time to time, so I’ve provided you several links from the various websites under our banner so you can get a chance to look at some of the more positive articles that have been posted in the past week.

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BlackPlanet member and Hello Beautiful scribe, Danielle, is an energetic, young lady, giving you good content right here on this site. Check out her profile here to find out what she is working on!

Hello Beautiful Senior Editor, Debbie Bennett, welcomes your comments, suggestions and ideas. You can hit her up on her profile page here.

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In the BP news article “Beautiful Black Women“ shared by Tall Dark Aries there are words of recognition and encouragement. Be sure to check the link within for a special treat. Join the discussion here.

A lot of women in New York sure are a scary bunch of high-class, unstable fashionistas…but you really are gorgeous, though. With all that, I have yet to find a girl who can compliment this 25-year-old writer for your favorite place to be, Hello, Beautiful. Hi, my name is Kevin L. Clark and I’m… Single in the City.

It’s not that I have a laundry list of requirements just to have Ms. Right on my team. Maybe dating in the city that never sleeps is harder for a guy who rarely gets any (Get it? LOL!). For instance, I was on a date with a young lady who was mixed with all parts of the world. But, as the night continued, I learned that that would come to mean oh so much more.

We had dinner at one of my favorite spots in Brooklyn, Night of the Cooker, and yours truly had Ms. PYT on his arm, ready to enjoy a night of good music and grand schemes! Baby girl looked right, ping, bang, POW! We decided on Night of the Cooker because she thought the “atmosphere always puts me in a certain kind of mood;” I liked it because the drinks are on point!

As we waited for our waiter, it’s always polite to have proper dinner conversation, right, ladies? So, I asked her about her day; she says, “Fine.” I asked her about her job; she said, “It’s fine.” I asked her if she knew how good she looked and she said, “I know I look fine,” with a slight chuckle. “Cute,” I thought to myself.

But something wasn’t right. She seemed…familiar…

Wanting to know more, I asked her if she liked to cook. She talked about being able to cook three of my favorite dishes: lasagna, gumbo and that “soul food classic” – chicken, cornbread and collard greens! Damn, shawty was looking sexy as hell to me by then! When the waiter came to take our orders, I let honey dip go first… “Salad,” she whispered all shy and coy! I gave her that “I-know-you-want-a-rib-girl” look and she played me sideways. All the while her stomach sounds like DMX growlin’ and barkin’ at Wal-Mart security!

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s a shy chick (copyrighted by Lil Wayne); I never understood why one wouldn’t be able to “take off your cool,” as Mos Def would say. Regardless, I excused myself to wash my hands before our food arrived. On my way back, I walked up behind my cutie to give her a kiss on the cheek. Now, her fast and furious fingers on the Blackberry almost hypnotized me, but the word that caught my attention made me grateful for the inadvertent eavesdrop.

The message read: “Can I suck your chocolate @#%$?!” Now, normally this would have made me want to skip dinner because textin’ another dude when you’re out with this dude is something you must not do. But the funny thing is…she’d sent me the same message a couple days before that! Ladies, can I get a _________! Good thing I never gave her that kiss… I tapped her on the shoulder, smiled, and Jesse Owens’d it out of there before she could have Jesse Jackson’d me! I guess she was mixed with a lot of “parts” of the world… In the end, it paid to listen to Eddie Murphy back in the day…

Wanna read more about my zany adventures? Be sure to check out “Don’t Lose Your Day Job“ over at TheUrbanDaily.com!