Y’all already know how I feel about fights in relationships. Rather than breathe hot sweet tart breath into my man’s face spitting vile language in an ungodly tone or snapping at every attempt of an apology I’d rather be naked. I’d rather have our bodies connected laying out tension, smoothing out kinks, rebuilding a rhythm than argue. You can say I avoid conflict in relationships, I will admit that.

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Let’s kiss and make up. But the reality is that if a conflict is indeed a reoccurring one or one that requires more than just a bump and grind solution then sex won’t solve a damn thing. I wouldn’t lie to you now.

I created a 3 fight rule that I abide by, not only in romantic relationships but in all relationships. I created it subconsciously because I have a nasty habit of giving folks more chances than I should. The pushover look doesn’t really compliment my skin tone or theses new shoes I bought so the 3 fight rule is a good look.

What is this rule? Well I only fight about an issue or series of issues 3 times. I can only be in 3 major roller coaster rides with you or repeat myself with a particular conflict 3 times. This excludes infidelity and abuse. I have zero tolerance for betrayal and abuse in any form- sorry.

And I didn’t just come up with this number by fluke, it just happens that I was  reflecting and found that when I gave more than 3 tries at a particular issue I either lost my footing or allowed myself to be manipulated.

Do I recommend this rule to anyone? Sure why not. I especially recommend it if you are the type of person who is working on developing a firm foundation within. Some of us have allowed others to step on us for a long time and transitioning to a place where you make decisions that serve your interests instead of others takes time-I understand that.

Fights in relationships- Have you ever had a relationship that consisted of more fighting than loving? How do you handle conflict in your relationship? Do you believe make up sex signifies the end of an argument?

If this post is speaking to you today and you know there is ISH in your life that needs working on, I urge you to send me a quick email to inquire about the summer 2012 Relationship Vision Workshop. We will meet online weekly to support one another and learn how to move past these blocks in our love life. Are you down? Contact@goddessintellect.com

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UPDATE:

Even though they’ve been spotted all over town and recently had a date night, Drake is insisting he’s not dating Bajan beauty Rihanna.

The rapper told People that the two are just friends:

“We’re just good friends,” the Toronto-based rapper (real name: Aubrey Drake Graham), 22, tells ET Canada. “She’s a great person, and I am happy to have her in my life. She gives me a lot of great advice, and she is very talented.”

Friends with benefits?????

Rihanna to appear in court today.

We knew it was only a matter of time before s**t went down between these two.

MediaTakeOut.com may be onto something…apparently Rihanna’s peeps are saying that Chris is furious that she’s dating Drake, and it’s about to be on and popping!!!

The insider said, “Chris thought that he and Rihanna were just ‘taking a break’ until the court case was over. But now he hears that she’s seeing Drake – and she has her people leaking stories about her new man to the press.”

Rihanna and Drake date night

And according to MediaTakeOut’s snitch, Drake should watch his back. The insider explained, “Drake may catch something when Chris sees him next.”

We really don’t think this will go down as Chris does need to catch another case.

Check out RiRi and Chris at a NBA finals game last week:

We’re hearing that the the couple are on the outs.  According to ybf.com, Beyonce and Jay-Z attended  Solange’s concert in Switzerland over the weekend and barely said a word to each other.

Apparently, Beyonce sipped on her champagne while Jay chatted it up with friends. They didn’t even sit next to each other the whole night.

We recently told you about the rumor that the couple slept in separate beds, but then we saw the pics of them actually looking like a couple and got so excited.

Looks like we’ll have to keep a steady watch on this relationship.

What does Jay-Z want in his dressing room?

Check out the couple feeling lovey-dovey and actually acting like a real couple!

How many of us can usually predict what will start a fight, who is quick to throw a jab below the belt, how long the fight will last, and who is usually the one to break down and say, “Honey, let’s not fight anymore” to keep the peace?

A lot of us (I’m including myself as well) fall into these “argument ruts” where we are so, well, predictable. For example, I know if my husband and I get into an argument, I have a tendency to raise my voice. Not yell, but talk louder. As a result, he tunes me out. Which gets me even more angry, so I talk louder. (Okay, now I’m yelling.)

Even though I know this, we continue the same cycle…

So how do you break it? Read the rest of Tara’s article at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

What happens when you talk crazy to the one you love?

Here are 5 argument tactics to avoid.

One would think that most girls know that physically fighting each other is really tacky, but fighting in a cocktail dress is the ultimate recipe for absolute disaster.  Breasts, weaves, heels, and clutches go flying everywhere, while most men hesitate to break it up lest they ruin a premium boob/crotch view for everyone else. So when these girls duked it out after a Rick Ross album release party in MIami, a lot of guys stood around watching, while other women shook their heads at how much these chicks were shaming themselves.

Watch the video below. Would you fight in your cocktail dress, or walk away?

Because he can make a urine- and feces-based acid and break out… duh.

At least, according to him, he can.

When asked about working with Terrence Howard in the upcoming movie Fighting, star Channing Tatum tells Movieline,

“…the more I hung out with Terrence, he would constantly talk about the craziest shit. Like he told me about how there’s no cell that could ever hold him because he’d make acid from his urine and his feces.

I was like, “That’s cool? I guess? And now I know something you’d do if you were in jail.” And that’s how I got to know Terrence.”

Say what? For one thing, why does it seem like Howard’s always talking about bodily fluids? For another, urine and feces acid? REALLY? Interesting. I’d love to sit with this guy for a day and have a ridiculous conversation. I’m full of those.

No, Chris Rock’s story was about a woman “who got it like that” – the kind who knows she can say whatever she wants to her man, and does just that – mercilessly emasculating him.

If you’ll make the leap with me from comedy to reality, there is only one woman like this in some men’s lives. And I’m not talking about Mom. For those of us in the married crowd, the woman “who got it like that” is the woman we vowed before God to love and protect through good times and bad, til death do us part. But based on the way we speak to each other sometimes, we act as if we wish death would part us.

If there ever were an Olympic event for getting cursed out, there are days when I know I’d be a gold medalist. Only until I found the woman I’d marry did I hear words that cut like steel and felt like two-ton bricks going upside my head. These words would’ve easily been deal breakers early on in our relationship. And if spoken by a man, they would have resulted in one of us being beat silly…

So is it best to argue, or leave it alone until you’ve calmed down? Read the rest of the article at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and let us know.

If you DO decide to have a yelling match, here are 5 argument tactics to steer clear of.

THESE things can ruin a relationship for good.

I learned early on while shopping for ex-wives and ex-girlfriends that it was unnecessary and counterproductive for a man to have feelings. Most arguments come from differences of opinion about family, finances, religion etc., but there are a few universal trends that we subconsciously adopt. Men are not the “feeling” beings, allegedly; we are the “logical” ones. Women, on the other hand, are the “feelings” advocates and understand their emotions (and other people’s) better than men can.

As much as taking the Man side and the Woman side does nothing to strengthen the union, it’s easy to play designated roles as long as you understand what the pros and cons are. When you have conflicts or differences of opinion, here are some Boyfriend Rules of the Game to observe. There are also fouls you cannot commit if you want fair play.

1. It’s Not About Who Wins – Remember in the second grade when Christopher Sims stole your pencil and snickered about it? Then you kicked him in the shin hard under your shared table and you both got in trouble? Your second-grade steward understands emotions in that scenario that you are too immature to grasp. First off, Christopher Sims always had that “trouble at home” look, so he should get a pass on certain behaviors that cause him to be a dick at a young age. Second, it doesn’t matter who started it or who ended it.

Here’s Why: When your relationship has a win-loss column for who’s won or lost arguments, things are looking down. Plus, accepting the fact that women are 73% more likely to be right will lead you onto an easy road to compromise. It also neutralizes age-old, cliched argument phrases like “You always think you’re right” or “I know you want the last word, but let me speak”. Entering the disagreement with an eye toward the middle ground (a tie) makes you the superior debater. Except…

The Foul: Condescension. You risk sounding like a grade-A braggart if you assume you’re always on the high ground in your fights. Peering down your nose at your mate will only excite her anger and raise the stakes more than you want to deal with.

2. Why Bring Up the Past? – If you’re the Reggie Resentment of your duo, you might have trouble with this one but hear me out. No argument happening in the present tense will be served by points from an argument in the past tense. For instance, you think (in your feeble, feeble male mind) that you should be able to point out double-standards, inconsistencies and contradictions in the argument.

Here’s how: women have an amazing memory modification activity. It allows them to remember details from days that you never thought would come up again and to forget times when those details would hurt their argument. It’s better to leave ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends, depending on the kind of girl you like), long-gone drunken nights and past conflicts out of it. Your lady will no doubt also leave the past alone if you’re willing to do it, too. Otherwise, be prepared to account for every time you used the last ink in her favorite pen, forgot to replace the toothpaste, failed to recall the restaurant where you first shared vodka-based drinks, were too aggressive in your advances, were unaware of her advances, put the wrong ink cartridge in the printer…and so on. It’s a losing battle, and remember: it’s not about winning, anyway!

The Foul: Holding her accountable for any past grievance. She’s MORE than willing to overlook everything stupid about you, including the things she knows you can change but don’t. You should do the same.

3. Do Not Have Feelings – Somewhere between “I Love Lucy” and “Married With Children” we transitioned from the quirky emotional silly wife waiting on the staid husband to the domineering wife taming her hapless mate for the sake of the marriage. Neither of these models teaches us absolutes about relationship tendencies, but they DO show us what men are. Men are not programmed to have “feelings.” Of course, we feel emotions, have hormones, and demonstrate biases, but if that becomes our compass…trouble. Traditional women don’t like suckers and sensitive chumps. Non-traditional women claim to like sensitive men when, on the inside, they want confident, steady partners. Solution? Forget the feelings…forget being jealous, forget being right, forget “feeling” anything for a while and try to feel what she’s saying. Making it about Your Feelings vs. Her Feelings is another battle you cannot win.

The Foul: Being rigid. Putting your feelings aside doesn’t mean you should turn into the super-logical, all-important commentator on the rationale of the discussion. This amounts to more condescension…and more yelling.

Remember these three rules and you’ll be making up with your ex-girlfriend, wife and mistress in no time!