I’ve got it all, I have a great career, I’m attractive, intelligent, with a kind heart where is he at? Better yet, with all I have to offer why doesn’t he stick around?

Reasons Women Should Slow Down When Dating

One minute you may hit it off with someone and in the end you’re left wondering what you may have done to scare them off. It messes with your mind and by the time you’re ready to receive the feedback they are no longer in the picture so the pattern is recycled.

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Well I did some groundwork, interrogated (with love of course) a few of my closest male friends and came up with five common verbal communication mistakes women make that may be scaring men off. And no, this is not an attempt to change who you are, however it will hopefully make you more aware of things you may wish to work on:

Hogging the mic: A date isn’t your local open mic night, learn the art of passing the microphone along. Testing, testing, one two, one two! A soliloquy of your senior year in college, a list of childhood friends you still keep in touch with and drama with your cousin can be saved for another day. Believe me, he wants to know all about you but not all at once…baby spoons, ladies baby spoons.

Bad mouthing others: Watch a man’s face or anyone’s face the next time you get started on why you didn’t like the new Rihanna video, straight bored. Yes, you may be witty and absolutely right when you give your two cents, but save it for Youtube girl. Wear your Sunday’s best inside and out.

Thug life: I know it may be in some of our make ups to be a little more aggressive than your average female, but you don’t have to “throw up gang signs” in a man’s face. Like Queen Latifah once said, “real bad girls are the silent type”. Pick and choose your battles; a date shouldn’t be one of them!

Talking about what you don’t want: The number one communicative turn off is when a woman starts listing what she doesn’t want from a man in front of the man she wants. Nobody wants to know that you don’t want a man who plays mind games, lies, cheats, or has no money, that’s a give in. Instead focus on communicating what you truly want out of a relationship and do this consistently. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Say what you feel: Ladies sometimes we hold in too much, and we wonder why our men withhold their true feelings and desires. Lead by example, if you’re angry let him know, if you’re not ready to tell him why, let him know you need time to think. Conversely if he did something you like, make it your responsibility to uplift him with praise and recognition. Don’t worry about an overblown ego, we all deserve to know when we are doing right or wrong and the more we give the more you’ll receive.

I pass this list on to my love warriors, ladies who have the courage to fall down and get right back up. The key focus when communicating is to keep as positive as possible, whether you’re angry as hell or bursting with joy. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about enhancing the best of you.

What Are Your Thoughts on this list? Any you agree or disagree with, If so, why or why not?

Speak up!

About the Author:

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada.

I’ve heard and probably used myself  once before, the following excuses: “Well, I should give him another chance; no one is perfect, he means so much to me, we love each other, and we’ve been through so much together”. Oh and I cannot forget my favorite- “But we have so much in common”.

Our emotions often get in the way of logical thinking, and ladies so many of us are failing hard  in dating class. Not every man you share a soul connection with is “the one”, no relationship will be perfect, I believe everyone reading belongs to the human race right? Bottom line, relationships take work. But for those of us who keep falling into the same cycle of hope and despair, your girl breaks it down, ten ways to tell he is not worth the sleepless nights and latte-crunked girl talk sessions:

1.       The only time he steps up his game is when he is suspicious another male has entered the picture: It’s cool to be chased, but being chased to keep you in his possession is more about satisfying a man’s ego(s) than working to mend a relationship.

2.       In your initial conversations he declares that he doesn’t like mind games: Hello Beautiful Red Flag! This is a man who has trust issues that he needs to resolve. This is a sign that this man carries baggage from his past relationships. Stay clear!

3.       He constantly discusses his exes: Yes he may be with you physically, but unless y’all are in a conversation about past relationships there really is no need to make ex-girlfriends a frequent topic of discussion.

4.       He reveals that he loves you within the first few dates: This should be self-explanatory but I’m sure there are a few of us who believe love at first sight is a regular part of dating, it’s not. On the first few dates you are still getting to know one another, he may love things about you but love you, most likely not.

5.       When you’re out on a date together he excuses himself several times to go take a call: A gentleman should have his phone on silent or vibrate while out with you and if there is an instance where he has to take an important call, it should only be once. If he is excusing himself and with his hand over the phone in your presence, best believe it’s another chick calling to check up on him-pay attention!

6.       Your apartment is the only date spot: I understand that not all of us can make it rain on every date, budgeting and saving money is very admirable, however if your dates all take place in your home something’s up. Walks in the park, a trip to the movies, or game night at a friend’s house are all budget friendly dates. If a man is into you, your house will not be the only chilling spot.

7.       He is a homebody and you are very outgoing: This could work, but from personal experience and just from my observations these relationships are limited in their activities, and tend to fizzle out quick or spark arguments.

8.       There is no progression in your relationship: If you are doing the same type of activities, having the same type of discussion and arguments month after month, it’s time to re-evaluate. If you are not building or working together in some way towards a goal, congratulations you have a relationship of convenience. Nothing wrong with clinging to what makes you feel snuggly and warm inside but at some point you will want to free yourself from the monotony and establish a relationship of substance, not comfort.

9.       He is into illegal activities and is obsessed with making fast money: Especially if children are involved, save yourself the grief, retain your dignity and walk away from a relationship where your mate is involved in illegal activities. The most devious criminals are charming so of course he may have a wonderful personality and be caring as hell but no real man puts his woman in danger, period.

10.   His work is more important than people: I personally find an ambitious gentleman to be a turn on but if all your mate talks about it work, work, and more work when he’s with you, it’s clear his focus is on career and not you. Unless you can handle being close to the bottom of priorities it may be time to just be friends or give the relationship a break. This is not to be confused with a man who may have to focus on a few demanding work projects and meet deadlines for a short time.

I believe that if we are aware of our emotional triggers and self-worth we can better equip ourselves for decision making when it comes to the men we chose to get involved with. Remember the best relationship advice doesn’t come from me, your girls or your mama, it comes from you.

What points do you agree or disagree with on this list? Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was wrong for you, but continued to stay in it anyway? If so, what eventually led you to the relationship ending?

Talk to me!

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Follow her on twitter @goddess_I

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[From The Frisky]

The biggest, baddest, most terrifying part of falling in love is opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable. When it works, love can seem like the stuff of fairytales: you meet someone, you get to know and like each other, you enter into a mutually trusting and respectful relationship, you fall deeply, madly, hopelessly in love, and you live happily ever after.

At least, for a while.

But all too often it works out less well. Trust is shattered. Hearts get broken. Tears are shed. Once a lady’s been put through the emotional wringer a few (dozen) times, she gets a little wary. A little closed off. She can start to mistrust her judgment. Second-guess her gut. Worry she’s going to die alone, leaving behind a feline-gnawed corpse and a stack of tear-stained Netflix romantic comedies.

So, it’s not always easy to know whether to let someone in or if you should just flip the “ditch switch,” instead. On the one hand, you want to be open to the possibilities, but, on the other hand, nobody wants to be a sucker. Once you finally decide to hoist yourself back up and onto that dating pony, here are a couple types to watch out for:

To read about which four guys to you’re better off without, click here!