Courtship is defined as the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.

The keywords here are agreement and relationship. I’d like to think of courting as window shopping, with the responsibilities of a woman being a store owner to dress her windows to attract new clients being men. Traditionally men are given the task of wooing a lady, be it through gifts, taking her on exciting outings, impressing a woman’s friends and family, basically immersing himself in her life. If he is successful then an offer is made and an agreement may take place, followed by a relationship.

“I Think He Is A Good Thing, But I’m Not Sure & I’m Confused”

Fast forward to 2011, most of us are too damn hasty to receive and accept a courtship of any kind. And even if we are being courted we tend to question and over analyze a man’s motives, instead of going with the flow throwing the game out of whack. Divorce is becoming the new marriage, sex the new commitment, and the internet is substituting communication.

I know that I have had relationships where I qualified talking on the phone everyday for a month as getting to know one another, or even worse, worked backwards by putting sex first hoping that courtship would follow with pixie dust and confetti. Don’t get me wrong, sex and talking on the phone are elements of healthy relationships, but not the foundation.

“We’re Young, Fly, And Fancy, But We Don’t Have A Man”

Getting to know the person you’re dating involves discovering a person’s values, hopes, dreams, secrets, strengths and weaknesses. That builds trust and a solid foundation. Men are willing to court, they’ve told me, but why go through the trouble if a woman’s window arrangement is chaotic. Think about it now, when you go shopping are you likely to toss clothing around in a store with expensive prices and immaculate presentation? Probably not, in fact you’re probably ready to go into debt to get that new bag or shoes, but that’s another topic altogether! Make sure you are the most sought after person in your world. Men are willing to court a woman, but women must allow themselves to be courted. What is your definition of courting? Is courtship still important in dating even if the goal is not marriage?

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Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Follow her on twitter @goddess_I

Is It Cheating, If She Lives In A Different Zip Code?

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During a very heated debate with Manny, we found ourselves trying to our damnedest to pin down the order in which people meet, date and marry.

After a couple drinks, some animated arguments, agreeing to disagree, here is what we came up with:

Step #1 – Dating

You’ve announced yourself as being in the market and proceed to meet and mingle with a handful of folks.

Some you see casually, maybe once or twice a month. There are folks you like more as friends than lovers. Others who you like more as lovers than friends. Then there are those in the middle. Dating is about rotation. By the middle of the first date, you can tell whether a person you’re dating or attempting to date is a homie, lover or friend.

I like to call this the Trio. The Trio is comprised of:

• Person #1 – You really really really like. Normally the one you wish you could lay in the bed with on a Sunday afternoon and do nothing. They’re sexy and a tease. You dangle at the end of their hook.
• Person #2 – You like them but its a mix of like and a great friendship. You’re not blinded by sexual feelings and get a better sense of who they really are. This is the chill person who lets you move at your own pace.
• Person #3 – They really really really like you, so much so that they pressure you for some sign of commitment. They can be somewhat jealous. You think they are cool but know you can’t give them what you want.

At some point 2 people in the TRIO always cancel themselves out. Usually its #1 and #3 and when that happens you find yourself with #2 moving into…FIND OUT WHAT THE OTHER 4 STEPS ARE HERE!

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