Not only am I single and fertile, I am single and not quite ready to finance another being. I cannot fathom the idea of bringing a child into this world under my current circumstances. I must have my family, my king, my little angle, our palace etc. However sitting at this birthday party I looked around and although my cousins are not Trump Tower ballin’ in life, their children are very loved and have everything they would ever need.

Bow Wow’s Open Letter: “I Want My Daughter With Me, But There’s Baby Mama BS”

I don’t feel a sense of urgency to have a child yet, but I set the alleged clock older folks kept telling me about to a specific time. While its admirable to want to wait for whomever you worship to take the reins, or for prince Lance Gross to come along, there is also some element of planning that a woman needs to take in order for her to execute the dream of having a family.

What’s the right age to have a child? The beauty of this question is that in 2011, it’s up to a woman. What is your health like? A woman cannot possibly consider having a non-complicated pregnancy and labor if her health is not balanced. What is your love life like? We know that things don’t need to be kosher in this area in order to reproduce but are you willing to sacrifice sleep and sanity to raise a baby on your own? How is your financial situation? Will that baby have the opportunity to join expensive extra-curricular activities, go to college etc.

Are you unsure of when to start your family? Begin to tune everyone’s opinions out and focus on your own thoughts. Why do you want a family? Are you feeling pressured by anyone to start one? Do you feel as though a family will fill a void in your life? What are your fears? Spend a day or two with an actual family and offer to help out. If you’re a singleton like me with the desire to start a family, set a goal. I’m not playin’ either; we set goals for almost everything else in life why not our families?! I will see how this pans out. I promise to value my life and my body so that when the time comes, I’m ready to give my family the best of me.

HB family, what are your thoughts, do you have an age in mind when thinking about starting a family? What do you consider too old to have children? If you have already started your family is there anything you would’ve done differently before having children? I want to know!

About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Follow her on twitter @goddess_I

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Scanning a street in any given city, you see people walking around listening to their iPods or talking on their cell phones, but a large number of these are even children as young as 6 or 7 years old. You could be sitting in a restaurant and there’s a child playing a video game at the table or playing with his mom’s cell phone. It’s unreal how much children know about the new technological devices on the market, since past generations didn’t have internet so accessible (or even have it at all) or phones that they could take anywhere they want. It’s all new to recent decades and we don’t even know the effects on children of being so exposed to technology.

The question I’m posing is, how soon is too soon to get a child a cell phone or an iPod?

One of the main ideas to consider about technology and children is: are they getting enough exposure to life outside of the one present inside a television, computer, cell phone, etc.? Back in the day (even ten years ago), children were outside climbing trees, playing sports like baseball in the park, or playing tag outside much more than today’s kids. The onset of technology into children’s lives has made playing Wii sports more desirable than playing soccer outside or going on the computer instead of going to the pool. While obviously children still find their ways into the great outdoors, there are more distractions for them now that video games, iPods, and cell phones have found themselves into the hands of today’s youth. Parents have begun buying into the “easy ways” to entertain children and televisions have become new-found babysitters. Is this necessarily the way the world should be – where technology obscures the great outdoors – especially in such nice weather during the summer? As well, what should the ground rules be for children and new gadgets?

Some ground rules I recommend:

1. Cell phones don’t need to be given to children until they truly need to ask for rides to and from places. This is typically around middle school age when after-school activities tend to take up extra time after school and the child is not necessarily home at a specific time every night. I’ve seen children as young as 8 or 9 years old carrying around cell phones and find it odd that their parents would pay for something they most likely just play games on. Who does an 8 year old need to call that they can’t do on the house phone? Another point to make is: if your child has a cell phone, they should learn cell phone etiquette and know not to text at the dinner table, for example. Adults might already have these bad habits, but children pick up stuff quickly and early on: why not nip it in the bud if they have bad habits? The general rule of thumb is that children shouldn’t be ignoring someone right in front of them because they’re distracted by technology.

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2. Video games are acceptable for school age children, although the game ratings should be checked and the games shouldn’t substitute for outdoor playing. Virtual games are never as good as the real thing, right? Children should be learning social skills on the playground or kicking a ball outside with their siblings, although they don’t ALWAYS have to be outdoors to have fun. Video games can be really fun and educational (age appropriateness matters!), but they shouldn’t be the only form of entertainment for children. Also, hand-held video games shouldn’t be played at the dinner table or when they should be talking to others. Social skills are formed when children are put in situations when they have to speak to others, making it counterproductive to be playing a video game at the time. Plus, it’s incredibly rude to ignore people because you’re looking down at your video game, so children should be reprimanded for doing so.

3. Although iPods are pretty expensive typically, there are some smaller models (like the iPod shuffle or nano) that you can get your child if they really want to listen to music. It’s unreal seeing some children with more expensive iPods (like the iPod classic) when they’re only 9 years old, but children that age still like music. You just have to think, will my child be rough with this gadget and break it? Can they handle something this expensive? It depends on the child, but it is rather outrageous to spend a mint for the latest iPod for a child still in elementary school. Plus, children should learn the etiquette of when it’s appropriate to listen to their iPod, since bad habits can develop early on in life (I wish some people had learned from childhood that it’s rude to listen to music when someone’s talking to you!).

As for any technological device, you have to consider how old the child is and how much they will benefit from it. Just buying random gadgets for 9 year olds seems a bit extreme, but some children are more mature than others and can handle expensive devices earlier. It depends on the child, the family, and how much time they’ve been exposed to playgrounds, playing with other children, and spent in the real world, not just the technological one. For example, children shouldn’t just be set in front of the television from a young age and expect to have strong social skills all the way around.They need a balance of playing outside with others and being tech savvy that previous generations didn’t have. The world may have changed in terms of what’s available for children to do, but kids still need the same form of social bonding. Children have a unique curiosity that makes it hard for them to resist the newest gadgets – Apple products, for example, are shiny, silvery, and have incredibly clever stores. However, we can’t forget about what’s all around us in nature or we wouldn’t be human.

Never before has it been more important for parents to be as aware (if not more) than their children about the possible dangers of the internet. There are a number of strategies you can pursue to allow you to protect your children in the ever-evolving world of technology. In the meantime, as a parent you can empower yourself by helping your children manage their online activities.

1.Establish Innocence Before Guilt

Be aware of the ways your children can cover their tracks online such as by deleting internet history. If you check this on a regular basis you may be able to assert whether or not your children are hiding something from you. If not, you may feel comfortable granting them a higher level of independence as they go about learning more online functions.

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2. Talk About Privacy

You could talk to your children about the issue of online privacy depending on the relationship you have with them. If your children are comfortable with your supervision they might grant you access to their email accounts or online social media accounts. If not, try requesting permission to enhance their privacy settings such as changing profiles to private, making profile pictures viewable only to friends or removing their pages from search engines.

3. Get Your Child Out Of The House

You have probably heard yourself saying, ‘We never had the internet when I was a kid. Life was so much funner.’ Well get your children outside, take them to the beach or a park, play games together, do the things you did as a child instead of complaining how boring they are! You’ll give them the opportunity to create wonderful childhood memories as well as the ability to understand how important it is to be active offline.

4. Purchase Software

If you are extremely concerned about how your child is using the internet you could purchase online protection software designed to automatically detect and block inappropriate sites. There a range of options for you to pursue in terms of price and function. However do not forget that sidestepping your child could lead to larger problems in your relationship.

Establishing trust is undeniably the best option when it comes to your child’s online activity – even more so when his or her use of the internet extends well beyond the computers you are able to monitor.

Kids On A Leash: Safe Or Sick?

5. Don’t Buy A New Computer When The Old One Explodes

Notebook computers have allowed business people and other internet-dependent workers to transport their work from the office to home. And more so than ever, schools are equipped with the latest batch of computers for use by your child.

So if you don’t need a home computer, why have one? If you did choose to remove the home computer from your lives you might just find that your household dynamics become a lot more personal and a lot less tech. Communication between you and your child might improve and all your internet-based woes could disappear for good. But don’t get too comfortable! As we know, technology is always changing and it could make its way back into your home in a new form.

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

My husband of 10 years is 9 years younger than I am.  Neither one of my children are his, yet he’s helped raise them. The problem is he has these times when he talks down to them, instead of teaching, and he’s talking about them in one way or the other. We get into it about this all the time. For example, my husband took the oldest to look at a car. The oldest took the car for a test drive, and the car broke down on him. My husband got worried and went looking for him. He found him at a store, not far away with the hood up and he was trying to troubleshoot what was wrong with the car. My husband got upset and got in my son’s face cussing and using the F-word with him. My son called me and was upset, and my husband was upset. I couldn’t do anything because I was on the phone and not there. I told him he didn’t handle that correctly. He’s the adult and he is supposed to set the tone and lead by example. It wasn’t my son’s fault that the raggedy car he test drove broke down. What’s your take? – Dealing With Step Daddy Drama

“My Husband Is A Serial Cheater, Should I Stay For Our Kids?”

Dear Ms. Dealing With Step Daddy Drama,

Tsk, tsk, tsk! Well, I think there is some resentment from your husband. Think about it. He has come into a marriage with an already made family. Yes, he has helped to raise your kids, but has he accepted them as his own? There is a difference. So, with that, there could be some underlying resentment because the children are yours with another man, and your husband may feel like an outsider. Yes, 10 years later, he still may feel as if he is not getting the respect, admiration, and love from you or the kids.

You didn’t mention if he had other kids, or any with you, but if not, then it explains a whole hell of a lot. Look how you stated he speaks to them, and about them. That is a tell-tale sign of someone who harbors some anger or bitterness. When he looks at them he doesn’t see himself. They are reminders of the man you were with before him. And, you and your kids have a bond he can’t come between or be a part of. His blood is not running through their veins. Thus, he may feel disconnected.

But, Ms. Thing, I know there is more to this letter than you are letting on. Oh, yes, sweetie, I can see through the writing. As my grandmother would say, “Chile, there are three sides to every story. His story. Her Story. And the truth.” There is some truth mixed in your letter, but I bet any amount of money, and girl I’m not a gambling man, but if I was, I’d bet the house that his version of the story would be completely different than yours.

You are the mother. You’re going to protect your children. No man, no one, no way, and no how is going to come between you and your children. Oh, yes, darling, I’ve seen some mothers act a fool over their kids. And, I know you’ve seen them rolling their necks, waving their fingers, the other hand on their hip, screaming at the top of their lungs, “Don’t you put your hands on my child! That’s my child. I don’t care who you are. You messing with the wrong one!” Yeah, I know.

Here’s what I also caught in your letter, “we get into it about this all the time.” That statement says it all. You’re arguing with your husband, and I bet you do it in front of the kids, and thus your husband feels you’re taking their side. So, when something goes down, or something happens, the kids run to you because MOMMA is going to handle it and him.

The situation with your eldest and his stepfather taking him to look for a car, now that sounded like a great father/son outing. A moment to bond. But, then something happened, and guess what you weren’t there. But, you’re giving a blow-by-blow account of what happened, oh yeah, your son called MOMMA and told you what happened and you got on the phone and the rest is history. You see, DIVA, it sounds like you and your husband have a repeat performance every time something goes down with the kids. Yes, I’ll repeat again, there is a pattern and you’ve been doing it with your husband for 10 years. And, it all revolves around the children, YOUR children. This pattern is getting old, tired, and the reruns are quite boring and trite.

So, Ms. Dealing With Step Daddy Drama, I suggest the entire family get into family therapy. Hopefully the real issue will present itself and you will get to the root cause of why your husband feels the need to berate, belittle, and talk down to your kids instead of teaching them and lifting them up. And, you can also address why your kids put you in the middle of them and their step-father. Perhaps they don’t like him, or love him. Chile, they may resent him and only tolerate him because he’s your man. I don’t know, and neither do you, but therapy will get it all in the open. Oooohhh, I wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear the –ish that comes out of his mouth, the kid’s mouths, and your mouth during that family session. Naw, I’d rather not. I’m repping team Mary J. Blige all year long, No More Drama! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

How many of you had to deal with a step-parent, along with your children?

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

First and foremost I just want to say how refreshing it is to read how honest you are when you give your feedback to reader’s emails. I have ordered your book and I cannot wait until I get my hands on it! Now to my issue at hand.

I am 23-years old and a mother to a beautiful 2-year old son. He is my world and I would do anything for him to ensure his happiness and safety. His father is very much in the picture and involved in our son’s everyday life. His father and I are not together, but we have never clashed when it comes to decisions we must make in regards to our little one. We can always come together peacefully and discuss any problems that arise and come to an agreement in which we both are satisfied with the outcome. My side of the family has rarely had to coach me in the parenting department and they have never stepped on my toes when it comes to the decisions that I have made about my son. I wish I could say the same about my son’s father’s side of the family.

His mother and sister are a living nightmare! Nothing we do is ever good enough and his mother is always in my face about how I’m such a young mother and how I need guidance when it comes to my son and his well -being. She even went as far as to call child services and allege that my son was being abused while in my custody. This incident is the reason that her son and myself are no longer romantically involved. Child protective services came to my house and even spoke with the staff at his preschool and found no indications or physical signs of abuse. After this incident my son’s father tried to sit everyone down to put everyone’s frustrations on the table but to no avail. I could not get in a word in edgewise.

His sister is not as worse, but she still makes my life a living hell. Now his sister has no children but she works with them on a day-to-day basis. I have tried to tell her that working with children and being a parent are two totally different things, but she just doesn’t get it. She is constantly in my ear about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and how studies show this and statistics show that…blah…blah…blah. I remember when my son was maybe 5 days old and everyone was visiting. I was doing laundry and my son was sleeping in his nursery. She walked up to me and demanded that I go in and check on him. I looked at her like she was crazy and she then told me that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause my son to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). No new mother with raging hormones wants to hear about harm coming to her new baby!  When I tell you… I picked up her -ish and kicked her out of my home and told her a** she better not come back…It wasn’t pretty.

I could go on and on about the things that they have done to step on my toes but I don’t want the headache. Please give me some advice on what to do about putting these women in their places without coming outside of my character. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Before I catch a case…SMDH! – Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

“I’ve Been Sleeping With My Uncle Who Was In Prison For 18 Years”

Dear Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired,

Girl, I need to give you a hand!! Do you hear me clapping for you? I just gave you a standing ovation.

You really don’t need my advice because you are checking those nosey busy bodies and putting them in their place already. I loved the part where your baby’s father’s sister tried to demand you go check on your son for fear of SIDS, and you picked up her –ish and kicked her out of your house. Girl, I died laughing. That’s what I’m talking about.

I love how folks love intervening in the child rearing of someone else’s child, yet they don’t have children themselves. Honey, miss me! And, his sister is only mimicking what the mother is doing, and she seems like a hot ass mess.

This is what I think. I feel the family may not be ready to let go of the reigns and hand-holding of their little boy, who is your child’s father. To them he is still the “baby” or “their man” (psychologically and emotionally he is substituting the men who are not in their lives), and they don’t know how to differentiate the two. And, of course, your ex loves being pampered and catered to by the two women in his life who continue to nurture him, thus to appease them he broke up with you, and they will let him damn near get away with murder before they will take your side, or provide you with any assistance. Honey, on the real, you are the devil to them. You are the, excuse my language and know I don’t think this of you, the skank, nasty, trifling, hoe, who trapped their son/brother/husband/boyfriend and the focus was no longer on them, but on you and the child. Don’t let them get to you, and don’t let them intimidate you. They are like a pack of wild dogs, if they sense fear, they will attack and keep attacking because they think you’re weak and unable to fend for yourself. Chile, don’t give them the pleasure or delight into trying to pick and tear you apart. Let them kiss the inside of your ass!

I do commend your man for making an attempt to get you guys to sit down together to confront the problem you all had, but no matter what you do, what you say, and how you do it, they will never appreciate or accept you into the family. It appears the mother doesn’t want to lose her son, and she will do anything from letting you get him. I mean this woman called Child Protective Services on you. Girl, you’re right, I would have caught a case behind some –ish like that, but again, she will do anything to regain control over her son and his situation with you. Sometimes the emotional incestuous relationships mothers have with their children, especially when there is no father in the home, they make their sons their man/boyfriends, and thus no woman can come into the picture. In other words, you man is a momma’s boy, and unconsciously her “man” who replaced the “man” in her life.

Listen, Ms. Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired, you don’t have to be around that drama or mess. Their issues with you are not about you, but about themselves and the reluctance to let their son/brother be a man and have another family. So, they feel they can dictate every aspect of his life, which he allows, and it affected your relationship. Girl, trust me, no woman will ever be good for their son and brother. Be glad you had the experience you had with him, and that you two brought a beautiful little boy in the world. Celebrate your child’s life everyday and whether or not they want to be involved in it, then you set the boundaries. You set the guidelines because at the end of the day, guess who has custody, YOU DO! So BAM! Tell those two evil wenches to step back and go get some business. Continue the co-parenting you have with your ex, and let him know what you will and will not put up with because quite frankly he needs to get a backbone. And, you are a grown woman, you don’t have to explain yourself to his mother or sister, so the next time they want to feel froggy and jump in your face about how you’re raising your child, you politely and calmly remind them that this is your child. You and your ex are doing a great job thus far in the rearing of him, and if they don’t like it, then it’s too damn bad. What you won’t be is disrespected, yelled at, lied on, manipulated, and treated like some witless adult. If they can’t get with the program, then they will be eliminated from the program. And, on that note, I’m out! LOL! I loves it. You go girl, and keep your head up. Don’t let them get to you. You do you and keep doing what you’re doing. And, thank you for ordering my book! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

Here are 5 ways your kids can help keep you healthy from shine.com:

1) Kids remind us to not take life too seriously. Stress is linked to heart related illnesses and death. Seeing your little ones run around with spaghetti glued to their hair and coming out of a bath seemingly muddier than they went in, makes us smile, laugh, and look at life through rosy glasses

2) Having children renews our sense of hope in the world. A child reminds us that there is good in the world and we are all born with a sense of possibility. With poverty, homelessness, malnutrition, and tragedy on the news every day, it is no wonder we become more pessimistic as we get older, but children give us an opportunity to believe in the world again. With carefree smiles and silly songs, who can’t help but think life may really be better if we all start the day singing good morning to each other?

GET THE REST HERE

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1. Cell Phones
With all these news stories about sexting, bullying via text or even just the general distraction that cell phones seem to create in today’s youth, why even buy one? I know, I know, some parents will say it’s a great way to keep track of your children and make sure they’re  safe. This makes me wonder, where kids less safe in the 80’s and early 90’s before this cell phone boom occurred? Just because all their classmates have one, doesn’t mean your child needs one too. This cell phone craziness needs to stop with our youth. I am only in my mid-twenties; I don’t remember anything called sexting when I was in high school. Also, do you notice when you give your child a cell phone, it leads to them wanting more independence at a quicker rate. Cell phones should be left for the adults who need them. If you must give them one, why with all these features they don’t need? Does a junior high school kid really need a Blackberry?

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2.Game Consoles and Games That Aren’t Child Friendly
Seriously people, stop raising future couch potatoes. There is nothing wrong with having one game console for your children to enjoy. I personally prefer the Wii console because it has more family friendly games and it can be physical, which will keep your children active. These violent and over the top games are not the right choices for your children. When I see two young kids shooting at each other in a pizza store because they own a first person shooter game, we might be taking it a bit too far! If your child can’t spell half the games they own, why get it for them? Also, how are we bringing up our children with all this violence? It’s not enough that they have to see it in school or around street corners, but now we are bringing it into our homes. This is one toy that your children can live without.

3.Clothes That are In Style
A lot of us love to buy clothes for our children on Christmas. The ugly sweater that grandma used to give you, has now turned into a pair of sneakers that she spent her whole SSI check on. This goes for both boys and girls. Just because their friends have it, you know they’re going to want it. In what terms, do you say yes to this request? It all depends on what it is! If they want a pair of skinny jeans, basketball sneakers or even those space shoes made of sheep skin you can’t afford; I would have to say no. It is your job as a parent to teach your children that they don’t have to keep up with their friend’s style choices. Why does someone who is going to continue to grow need something on their body that cost more than 100 dollars? If they don’t need it, leave it on the rack.

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4. A Television
Can someone please tell me why a child needs their own television? What’s wrong with the TV in the living room? This is definitely a bad gift. First off, you can’t control what your child is watching if you’re in one room and they’re in the other. Second, why do we keep giving our children things to separate them from us? If television time is necessary, it should be done in a place where everyone hangs out. Not in their room.

I know most of you are thinking, so what can I buy for my children? Try to put more thought into their gifts before you buy them. There are other fun things out there to purchase that doesn’t have the negative effects I listed above. Yes, Christmas is only once a year, but we should think about our purchases and the consequences they may create later on. Don’t turn this joyous holiday into a purchasing circus.

The PISA (Program for International Student Assessment) evaluates by examination the scholastic performance of 15 year-old students among 34 industrialized nations. The 2009 scores of reading, science and math, concludes that the United States ranks 23rd and 25th in reading and math respectively. Wait a minute! Aren’t ‘Superpowers’ usually at the helm? There are only eight countries dumber than us so, ninth from the bottom, we are lucky to be on the boat! In the grand scheme of things, we are Arkansas! (43/51 middle schools and 42/51 high schools)

No Child Left Behind what, a BULLDOZER?

The celebrated, yet widely under-screened, documentary Waiting for Superman, is an exhaustive (and exhausting) dissection of the U.S. education system, striking fear likened to Saw(s) I, II and III. How can it be that our children are not learning by no fault of their own but rather because there are no books, faculty, facilities and no one seemingly, who cares whether or not they do? These are children dying to learn.

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At the other end of the spectrum, the documentary Race to Nowhere shows that some in fact are. It decries the sweeping pressures children are under to compete scholastically behind the notion that only the smartest will survive their futures. The film’s directors infer that children are pressured to perform, not necessarily learn; that they are simply masters of regurgitation. Some are literally throwing up their homework. Those that have not hanged themselves.

As parents wanting the best for our children, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. More and more, we find ourselves flailing haphazardly in the murk of pushing them too hard or giving in too much. The fear that college may not be in our children’s future has grown beyond America’s inner-cities and is tucked in quietly on suburban pillows at night.

One thing is for certain, whatever the damage may be, I would rather be damned if I do and damned if I mess up. But, damn if I sit quietly and don’t do anything while others wager our children’s futures.

It is imperative that we stand up for our children’s education. Tomorrow is sooner than it appears so make it known that your child is our future.

waitingforsuperman.com/action

racetonowhere.com

studentsfirst.org

Who’s Minding Your Children?

When I was a young girl, playing with other kids wasn’t as simple as going outside and down the street. This was especially true at my grandmother’s house. She had to know ‘Who are their people?’ before we left her yard, and she meant that! And, if by our report, she felt they were not up to scratch, then we knew better than to ask further.

We always thought her questions ridiculous. How would we know whose mother or father worked and where since we were not supposed to be in grown folk’s business? And, if we were going to be climbing trees and running until dusk, what did it matter if one’s hair was ‘standing all over their head’? Her ‘Who, What, and Why in the world…?’ simply waged a battle we knew could not be won, and so we cousins settled ourselves most often playing with one another.

Today, given that parents establish, for the most part, their child’s early school socialization: play-dates, playgroups and sleepovers (Grandma would DIE!), her questions do not seem so far out of line. How well do you really know the people you trust your child with? Have you spent time in their home? Have you seen the family operate together as a unit? Are they a blended family? Divorced? Dating? Swinging??? Simply saying hello back and forth during the morning rush, even on a daily basis, does not constitute knowing a person. This is not a popularity contest.

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The society in which we now live prescribes that we know who, what, and the circumstance of the parents and guardians of our children’s friends, as well as teachers, tutors, coaches, troop leaders, even youth pastors yet, we are almost too P.C. to speak up when it concerns our children. I say it is better to be safe than devastated.

Honestly, sometimes I don’t recognize the child I pick up in the afternoon as the same one I dropped off in the morning. I ask, “What on earth went on today?” to the apparent runaway standing before me. But to the child that looks like this everyday, coming and going? I too wonder, Who are their people? Children are mean and, sometimes necessarily, parents are worse. We do judge, but rightly so. Why would I trust my child to another’s care for even fifteen minutes when it is evident that they are not invested in caring for their own? So, to these invites? “No ma’am, absolutely not.”

Do I feel bad? Sometimes. Kids are kids and I love the innocence of childhood friendships; everyone is their best friend, although this changes by lunch and back again by recess, but they’re growing emotionally and developing their own social skill-set. Who am I to intercede on such innocence? The mama, that’s who.

Comment: Have you gone against your gut instinct in dealing with the parents of your child’s friends?

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Then it hit me – I’m the dummy they are talking to! Taking advantage of health conscious moms who are trying to keep our kids nutritionally balanced in the sneakiest way possible and these are the choices we are given? Chemically designed food-like product. Really?

I think we have fallen to filling our children over feeding them – satisfying them rather than considering their overall health and nutrition, and the food pushers know this. Somehow, we have come to believe it’s ok. Full kids = happy (quiet) kids. For instance, I know a woman who swears by a vegetarian diet for her children. Because I’ve never seen them eat anything other than rice and bags of granola I asked, ‘Why?’ Turns out, “They don’t like vegetables.” Blink. Blink. I just thought the V-E-G-E in vegetarian meant vegetables.

NYC Says No Soda For Food Stamp Recipients

Now, I’m not perfect either. I’ll occasionally drop by Mickey Ds for an afterschool or between-practice snack, just to hold them over until dinner and if the hubs is going to be late and miss dinner, I’ll upsize them to a meal and scratch the whole dinner thing off my plate. Voila, satisfaction all around.

But, what are little girls and boys are made of now days? In short, they are full of …! Well, largely chemicals, fat, sugar and SODIUM. The worst! Sodium, schmodium you say? Excessive sodium intake is the leading cause of hypertension. 75% of Americans suffer elevated blood pressure, hardening of the arteries and reduced oxygen to the heart, kidney and brain. Yet, children are rarely tested for hypertension.

The Institute of Medicine sets the Adequate Intake for sodium at:

• 1000 mg a day for children ages 2 to 3

• 1200 mg for 4 to 8

• 1500 mg per day for boys and girls ages 9 to 18.

The Dietary Guidelines for Americans sets the upper limit at:

• <1500 mg for children 1 to 3

• 1900 mg for ages 4 to 8

• 2200 mg for ages 9 to 13

• 2300 mg per day for ages 14 – 18

Let’s suppose I’m going to ‘take it easy’ on a particular day. Pop in some biscuits, throw some stuff in a bag for lunch and hit a drive-thru on the way home.

(1) Pillsbury Grands Homestyle Biscuit contains 600 mg of sodium

(1) Oscar Mayer Lunchables Deluxe Ham, Swiss, Cheddar contains 930 mg

America’s favorite value meal?

• Hamburger/small fries/chocolate milk – 830 mg

• Chicken Nuggets/small fries/chocolate milk – 710 mg

By the end of the day, they would have consumed 2360 mg of sodium, well over the upper limit of a child twice their age, and that’s the mom-sanctioned stuff(ing). Considering the bags of chips, cans of soda and candy they consume on the sneak – I’m ready to call protective services myself!

Now, I’m not bashing the McMeal-in-a-crunch, but saving myself 15 to 30 minutes here and there doesn’t add up to much when considering the future health issues I could be imposing on my children.

Oh, by the way, the McRib is back. NOW I’m bashing.

Look into some of the links below, or do your own food policing and comment to share what you find.

Sodium facts

Juvenile hypertension

Packaged foods

Build a Happier Meal*

*This calculator is only available on their Canada site which has higher limits for sodium but relevant nonetheless

Here are some quick picks to beat brown bag blah:

• Make sandwiches wraptastic! Roll flatbread around any combo of veggies, meats and spreads.

• Add spinach to the basic sandwich. Drier than lettuce and more nutritious.

• Spread pesto rather than mayo for a tastier bite.

• Flatbread triangles and hummus drizzled with olive oil.

• Freeze your own standard, mixed, organic yogurt. If it thaws fine, if not, even better!

• Refresh them with water, nix the juice boxes. Red is a color, not a fruit.

• Edamame, snap peas, and baby carrots are sweet enough to be un-veggie-like.

• Who doesn’t like fresh popcorn?

• California Rolls are prepared in deli sections of most grocers now. Skip the soy sauce.

• Boiled-egg heads. Draw on faces with food coloring.

• A good thermos will keep foods warm for hours. Lunch can be everything from soup to last night’s spaghetti.

• Apple slices sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. Juice from the apples makes for a light caramel-like sauce.

• ALWAYS put a little note in their lunch to take the sting off of a rough test, kiss a scratched knee or hug the bully-weary.

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Jason Kidd’s Daughter Cheyanne Claims He Is A DeadBeat Dad

The prosecutor found that the offense is not murder, but neglect. I am assuming that a charge of neglect would lend a lighter sentence than murder. It is becoming a regular in the news to read of a parent who has murdered their child. Which is why there should be strict repercussions for such heinous acts. Because of this woman’s cruelty a three year old and four year old are dead.

Indianapolis Police Department Detective Scott Scheid told the Indy Star, the deceased children, as well as their mother and surviving siblings, appeared to be extremely thin and possibly suffering from dehydration. The children were found “in a state of rigor mortis in a front living room” of an apartment in the Manchester Village complex. They might have been dead for about two hours by the time police responded to a 911 call at 8:40 p.m., Scheid said, and there were no visible wounds on their bodies.

The children were found “in a state of rigor mortis in a front living room” of an apartment in the Manchester Village complex. They might have been dead for about two hours by the time police responded to a 911 call at 8:40 p.m., Scheid said, and there were no visible wounds on their bodies.

This is why I encourage young women to not bring a child into the world that you are not ready for. Take your time in deciding to become a mother.  If you feel that you are not emotionally or financially stable enough to bring a child into this world then don’t. Do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from having an unwanted pregnancies.  Or even if you have no interest in children but find yourself in a situation where you are with child, do not feel obligated to care for a child that you will resent and mistreat. There are other options such as adoption and even in extreme cases abortion.

Either is better than you bringing an unwanted child into this world, and abusing them in some way because you do not know how to be a good mother.

This woman should have been charged with murder, because that is what she did. She may not have purposely tried to kill them, but her neglect led to their death.

Should the woman receive sympathy? Do you think that the woman has deeper issues?

Via: Blackpoliticalthoughtblogspot

For More LJ Knight Visit YeahSheSaidIt

According to mediatakeout who has the scoop, their insider explained:

“At first I though they were just making plans ‘in case’ they both [got locked up]. But no, they’re acting like they’re both going away.” The tipster continued, “Tiny’s already got a drug possession case in Georgia, and the lawyers told her that they hand out jail time in LA like it’s nothing, so she’s preparing herself.”

Who gets custody of the children if and when the couple get locked up?

The insider explains, “Tiny’s mom.”

This is just a sad situation all around.

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I just read an argument and its rebuttal on the subject of best friends and it really made me think: is it bad to just have one best friend or is having a lot of close friends the better way to go? While from first glance, the article about the “horrors” of a child having a “BFF (Best Friends Forever)” seemed just like an overprotective parent trying to micromanage their child’s life, but even so, I could see some clear points in there that struck a chord with me. Limiting yourself in any way, shape, or form in terms of who you consider a “friend” is limiting how you see the world. Situations with friends can change on the instant, so why put yourself in a position where if one friend leaves forever, you have no one to fall back on? It’s good to be open to whomever you meet and any potential friendship that comes your way. I see the other view, too, though, that unless you spend time nurturing a friendship, you never truly become close to anyone. Which is more important or is there equal weight in both arguments?

I know that throughout my life, I’ve had both scenarios – one best friend that I could talk to about everything, as well as multiple close friends with whom I felt a strong connection to. I also have those acquaintances that I only say hi when I see them and have small talk, but we don’t have a strong connection like I have with other friends. I truly feel like you can’t limit yourself to who you consider a friend because things can change in an instant and who sticks out all the bad moments is truly someone you can trust. Personally, I just have a group of friends I can call my confidants, but also groups of people I just have fun with. Why does it have to be all or nothing? There’s always a range of people that you share certain things with, a rolling river where trust comes in different forms. When there’s one person that you can share everything with and they’re not judgmental, that’s definitely “BFF” material. However, you can have multiple “BFF”s and feel a strong connection to them all, but in different ways.

Enter HelloBeautiful’s “Beautiful Friendship” Contest!

I don’t think friendship can be so concrete. Children should be allowed to befriend whomever they want, as long as they’re safe and are allowed to learn what it means to be a friend through relating with others. For me, it wasn’t until the end of middle school and early high school that I learned the difference between true and superficial friendships. I don’t think it would be as clear to me as it is now if I hadn’t had that learning experience and gained a firsthand understanding of interpersonal relationships. I don’t even regret the moments of clarity I had to have as to who was toxic and who wasn’t because it’s helped me in the present day to differentiate who I want to keep in contact with. Although it’s important for parents of younger children to reinforce connections, by a certain age, the parenting reigns need to be pulled in and kids should learn on their own to read social cues. It’s invaluable human experience to be able to relate with others and figure out who fits with you. As I wrote this, I thought of an anonymous quote I once heard, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime” and in looking it up, I found a link to what exactly that means. It’s interesting to think of friends in those categories instead of “best” or “close” or “acquaintance.” The “lifetime” friends are the ones that are your “best,” or the ones that are always there for you. However, there are always others that are harder to categorize and sometimes it’s best not to since life is ever-changing.

I know a girl who I sort of knew throughout elementary and middle school, but it wasn’t until high school and college that we became part of a group of close friends. When parents try to dictate the friendships of their children, that could be stunting the natural growth of their child’s connections. Whoever is meant to be there at certain times in a person’s life is never set in stone, but in the end, it’s the journey that matters. That might sound cliche, but why label friendships anyway? Maybe it’s just better to let friendships fall into place by themselves, rather than rank the level of connection you have with individual people.

What are your thoughts on friendship, childhood or otherwise? Post your comments below.

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Awhile back, New York Times writer Paul Clarke said he thought it is good to drink around your kids as a parenting tactic because it teaches them moderation. Of course, Mr. Clarke is the Times’ alcohol beat writer, so I’m guessing he’s bound to come down on the “pro-drinking” side of many an argument. Me, I’m not so sure.

I have a friend who loves to bring his seven-year-old over to my house every Saturday to play with my kids. He drops by around noon, plops down on the couch, turns on a terrible movie for ironic amusement and opens a beer. Usually he has about 3-4 beers before he and his daughter take off (I drive them home). The kids love it because after a couple of beers my friend becomes a playful clown.

READ MORE OF THIS STORY HERE

How to create an active lifestyle for your kids

Whether you have a newborn, a toddler or a budding teenager, you can make better choices for your child’s health by limiting their exposure to harmful chemicals like BPAs and Phthalates.

Unfortunately these chemicals are found in a lot of plastic products. SIGG makes wonderful bottle/cup choices that you can make not only for your children but also yourself. Limiting your child’s exposure to plastic water bottles and cups can improve their health in the long-term and also help save the environment.

Here are the facts:

• Even though they are made of a thin, light single sheet of aluminum, they are leak-proof and have been named “The World’s Toughest Bottle.”
• A non-toxic lining is baked on the inside of the bottle that ensures no metallic taste and no taste transfer from different flavors of drinks. This is a great alternative to plastic bottles that leach chemicals into your beverage.
• SIGG bottles will last a lifetime and will reduce environmental waste. SIGG bottles are also 100% recyclable.
• SIGG has about 100 different shapes and designs of bottles, so you’ll be able to find one that your kid loves and that fits your style.

For an idea of the plethora of different designs here’s a gallery of their kids/youth bottles:

As you can see there are tons of styles to chose from!

SIGG also makes some great accessories like these cute pouches shaped like shoes. They come in a variety of designs for your boy or girl and also offer a snack pocket in the bottom.

The bottles range from to $17.99-$21.99 depending on size.

To buy SIGG products visit the online store here.

Get more information on BPAs and phthalates here.

3 Tips For A Magnificent Monday With The Kids

How To Start Family Traditions

Your child comes in the door in tears. He didn’t make the spelling bee. Her best friend is moving away. The cool kids wouldn’t sit with her at lunch. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” you say — and even though you have the best intentions, you’ve just made a mistake.

It’s hard to see our kids shouldering disappointment — so hard, in fact, that we frequently try to shield them from it. But doing so “can set the stage for other, more hurtful and dramatic outcomes. Children need to experience disappointment in order to understand the joy of feeling happiness and success,” says Jodi Stoner, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and co-author of Good Manners are Contagious (Spinner Press, 2009).

Connect, empathize and validate

When your child is disappointed, “connect with him right there — what he’s feeling right now. Acknowledge those feelings and validate them as real. Then you can move on to find a positive spin,” says Alan Greene, MD, pediatrician and author of a half-dozen books [most recently, Raising Baby Green: The Earth-Friendly Guide to Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Baby Care (Jossey-Bass 2007)]. Empathize with your child, and let her know that you understand what she’s feeling. Be careful, though, that your reaction doesn’t leave your child feeling that she’s disappointed you, too.

Let kids see how you handle your own disappointments, as well. This helps give them the tools they need to handle their own mishaps, says Greene.

Next, ask your child to talk about what he can do next. How did he handle his last disappointment? What does he think he should do now? “Remind him how good it felt when he bounced back from a past letdown,” says Stoner. Let him know that he will feel good again soon.

Article originally published on sheknows.com

READ THE REST HERE

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]]> http://hellobeautiful.com/mommy-beautiful/hello-beautiful-staff/how-to-help-your-child-cope-with-disappointment/feed/ 2 http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/yeahshesaidit/are-women-who-have-children-through-sperm-donors-selfish/ http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/yeahshesaidit/are-women-who-have-children-through-sperm-donors-selfish/#comments Fri, 09 Jul 2010 20:15:21 +0000 YeahSheSaidIt http://hellobeautiful.com/?p=1189175 Picture this: You are career woman who has devoted much of your life to fulfilling your dreams in your career and moving up the corporate ladder with fierceness. You feel that you are at your peak, but there is one thing missing. Well, make that two. You want a child, but you are not in a stable or long-term relationship. What do you do?  Continue to seek out that Prince Charming and hope to one day have a f... Read more..]]>

Picture this: You are career woman who has devoted much of your life to fulfilling your dreams in your career and moving up the corporate ladder with fierceness. You feel that you are at your peak, but there is one thing missing. Well, make that two. You want a child, but you are not in a stable or long-term relationship. What do you do?  Continue to seek out that Prince Charming and hope to one day have a family before your eggs vanish? Or skip the middle man, literally, and get yourself a sperm donor?

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Believe it or not, there are women who choose to go in the direction of a sperm donor. They have given up on the idea of having a husband so they move on to a component that they can control. That is having the child. The question is whether or not this avenue is a selfish one, as the child will not have a Father figure?

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You can look at this from two very distinct points of view.

One being that there are mothers who raise children without fathers and manage to do an excellent job at doing so.

Then there is the component that it can be seen as selfish of the woman for having a child purposely, and knowing that there will never be a father figure in that child’s life. After all, doesn’t every child deserve to have one? For some children, the absence of father figures has a negative effect on them that stay with them until adulthood, while others are able to live and grow without one and never miss having that figure in their lives. Some are lucky enough to find father figures in other men such as uncles, brothers, grandpa’s etc., so they never feel the void.

Should a woman who is ready for a child but does not see marriage in her future give up on becoming a mother altogether? Or is it completely plausible for her to have a child through the help of a sperm donor and raise that child without a father?

Is a woman selfish for having a child though a sperm donor? Should she continue to wait on her Prince Charming despite her own needs and wants?

For More LJ Knight Visit YeahSheSaidIt

I recently read a blog from Popular Science that claimed birth order could explain relationship compatibility. Prone to wanting to keep my mind as open as possible, I found some interesting truths behind the blogger’s descriptions. My focus remained on personality types until I discovered some fascinating research into the connection between birth order and testicular cancer, homosexuality and intelligence?

To begin, PopSci’s blog about personality types and birth order was based on the following descriptions:

Firstborns: Energetic, Logical, Ambitious, Enterprising, Scholarly.

Second Borns: Flexible, Diplomatic, Rebellious, Attention-seeking, Competitive, Peacemakers.

Last Borns: Risk takers, Idealists, Good sense of humor, Immature, Attention-seeking, Secretive, Sensitive.

Only Children: Mature faster, Get along well with older people, Responsible, Self-Centered, Perfectionists, Attention-seekers and Have difficulty sharing.

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According to the book ‘Birth Order Connection‘ by Dr. Kevin Leman, the different types of compatibility are as follows:

1. Eldest or only female child with a male who has older sisters – Let’s just say whoever this girl is, she’s able to manage her man’s ‘issues.’

2. Eldest female with eldest male – A combination destined to be explosive… but fun.

3. Last born female with last born male – Who’s going to wear the boots in this relationship?

4. Firstborn with middle child – This match could have all the right ingredients for stability. What do you think?

5. Firstborn with last born – A great combination where each member of the couple can learn from the other.

6. Middle child with middle child – This outcome of this match is laced with complexities and is certainly a hard once to predict… Just like all middle children, right?

7. Middle child and last born – In this case, the middle child must have some tendencies of a first born child in order for the best to come out of this relationship. Once again, it’s all down to the balance of personality types according to Dr Leman.

Do you agree? Give us your thoughts about birth order and compatibility!

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Next in my bundle of discoveries came some interesting, controversial research projects that attempt to confirm the evidence linking birth order with testicular cancer, intelligence and homosexuality.

1. Birth Order and Testicular Cancer

A Danish study from the mid 90s claimed that being fourth or more in the birth order of your family was positively related to a dramatic decrease in the risk of testicular cancer.

Testicular cancer is partially affected by the impact of estrogen on the developing testicular tissue in a fetus.

2. Birth Order and Intelligence

A study by American Association for the Advancement of Science, which tested 400,000 19-year-old Dutch men and that controlled for socio-economic status, found that firstborns performed better on intelligence testing than those who were not first born in their family. However as family size increased the results became inconsistent.

3. Birth Order And Homosexuality

Research about the causes of homosexuality is limited in terms of data and is also ripe with controversy.

The Fraternal Birth Order Effect (FBOE) was initially presented in 1996 by researcher Ray Blanchard. It is a theory that suggests the likelihood of a mother having a homosexual child increases around 33 per cent for every older brother that child has.

In 2000, University of New Orleans academic Edward Miller explored the connection between homosexuality and birth order.

He indicated that in evolutionary terms Blanchard’s theory was plausible given that the birth of a homosexual child into a family of brothers reduces competition between offspring. Birth order thus allows the older brothers, who take on a dominant role as leaders of the family and carriers of the family name, to be better prepared to attract and pursue a female counterpart.

Miller finally asks that if homosexuality was dependent solely on the environment that a child was raised in, how is it possible that such an advanced species (human beings) could allow environmental factors to produce men and women that work against evolution by not wanting to produce children with members of the opposite sex?

We’ve all heard the ideas that women dress to impress other women or that society dictates what is and isn’t attractive. But are you aware of the inner, biochemical workings of your body and how they attract members of the opposite sex? We explored some research about human chemistry and sex appeal to see whether there’s more than what you think to human attraction.

The revival of this topic came to me a few days ago when I remembered having seen a brilliant documentary on Discovery Channel called, ‘The Science of Sex Appeal‘. Along with all the usual trimmings about male/female social interaction, the program explored a range of research that shaped sexual attraction to be much more than just what society dictates.

Years of research have confirmed that our advanced brain development and intelligence in relation to other animals has steered us away from monogamy. According to “Science of Sex Appeal,”humans seek partners for the fulfillment of three stages of life: a) Choosing a partner, b) Keeping a partner and c) Building a home and raising children with that partner. How that comes to fruition varies.

In the documentary, a group of women are shown men of equal attraction and dress. Later, different groups are shown the same men and given information about their socio-economic situation. The results are unsurprising, revealing that women find higher socio-economic status attractive in a man. This in many ways is related to the protectionist tendencies of a woman stemming from evolution.

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What makes a man attractive to a woman can also often depend on her menstrual cycle. “Science of Sex Appeal” suggests that women are more attracted to men with masculine faces and bodies during ovulation. Meanwhile, women are more attractive to men when women are in their mid-cycle of menstruation because their bodies are releasing higher amounts of estrogen. This is perceived by men in the higher pitched voices of their female counterparts.

However, external appearance is clearly not irrelevant in our quest to find another partner. The study revealed that women with curves are genetically more attractive to men because of their childbearing capabilities. Curves also allow a woman to accentuate the way she moves her body. This is a particular trap for a man’s wondering eye.

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This month’s cover of Esquire magazine features the curvaceous Christina Hendrix, ranked most attractive woman in their latest survey.

What features do you think other people find attractive in you without you, yourself realizing?

What if your child went missing, but news of this terrifying event was only covered on local news stations, despite similarities to another case on national TV? It’s horrible to think of any child going missing, especially when they’re young and could be in grave danger. This type of incident happens all too often, but the idea that one child is white and the other black shouldn’t have a bearing on how much coverage the stories get. However, this very incident happened to Anthony Thomas, a black boy from Washington DC who went missing, while Kyron Horman, a white child from Portland, Oregon who disappeared under similar circumstances. This story was compared to the disappearance of Mitrice Richardson, a black woman who went missing and shared the cover of People magazine with someone else. Mitrice Richardson’s father has been working hard to make sure her case gets the coverage it deserves, which is definitely a step forward, but that still doesn’t help the fact that there’s a discrepancy in news coverage of missing persons.

Personally, I think news coverage should be equal. Anyone going missing is a tragedy and although not everyone can get equal coverage, there shouldn’t be such a difference of race, gender, or creed in who gets more air time. Everyone’s worth something and should have a chance to have their voice heard. The new coverage differences may be subtle, but they’re still there and should be recognized in the national media in order for them to change.

Read more about this situation here.

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Play dates can be a blessing or a curse – depending on if you’re the lucky host this time around. Truth be told, it can be frustrating to have families into your home who don’t show a basic respect for your house rules. While you can’t necessarily hand over this list without seeming a bit overbearing, you can teach by example. Keep these 6 standards on hand for the next play date, and use them wherever you go!

1. Timing is Everything. Just as you wouldn’t want a real date to show up 30 minutes late, keep on schedule with any appointments you have for playing. Likewise, avoid being too early. Most moms I know are still finishing up with their tidying just minutes before guests walk in the door, or a child’s napping schedule may be affecting by an unexpected arrival.

2. Come Prepared. While everyone forgets a diaper at one time or another, some parents have been known to use a host home as their own personal retail outlet. Bring a well-stocked diaper bag, complete with an extra change of clothes, and anything your child would need on a typical afternoon out. Just because your host home has socks in your tyke’s size, doesn’t mean they want to lend them out — indefinitely.

READ MORE HERE

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Chaka recently did an interview with Tonic on her life’s passion..

Talk to Chaka Khan for a matter of minutes, and it’s clear where her real passion lies: with kids.

“My whole career I’ve been assisting children — on a smaller scale, of course, than now. But all my life I’ve been working with children. They’re my favorite people, and the most subjugated, innocent and mistreated ofttimes — the ones who suffer the most.”

It was with those kids in mind that Khan started the Chaka Khan Foundation back in 2003 — making her life-long passion an official non-profit that’s getting down to some serious work helping youth in Los Angeles.

“My heart’s virtue is to help and protect the innocent,” Khan tells Tonic. “That’s what I’m about. That’s why I’m here.”

“I happen to be a great singer,” she adds. “[But] this gift of music is a tool so that I can reach more people on a larger level to be of service. The biggest gift is of being of service. That’s the rush.”

Starting Friday, the public can get in on the rush, as the Chaka Khan Foundation kicks off a fundraising auction, with proceeds going directly to help inner-city kids find a spark and an education they can’t find anywhere else. Up on the block? Everything from gift cards and jewelry, to an exotic vacation, to one truly priceless prize for any music lover: Dinner with Chaka Khan herself.

“The auction is going to be amazing, and I just urge everyone, ‘Let’s do this!’ Let’s do this for our future,” she says. “I’m appealing to everyone to invest in our future … our children. They are our most valuable commodity, and we have to stand up and treat them as such.”

Chaka Khan was raised in Chicago “by two mothers and a father,” she says, who all worked for the University of Chicago, and all served as inspirational mentors. Her stepmother was a Montessori school teacher. Her birth mom was an artist and painter. And her father was a philosopher, deep into Dostoevsky, who took off for Ibiza to shoot photos for a few years after divorcing her mom. “That opened my eyes to a whole world — that there is a world outside of Chicago, and America. I think he planted the seed, a thirst for knowledge of the world.”

“I was a rebellious chick,” Khan says, citing her time with the Black Panthers and more, but her parents supported her throughout, and were there to guide her when she needed it. Perhaps their biggest lesson? “Life is yours for the taking,” she says. “You just have to be open, and open up to the openness.”

It’s a message she hopes to impart through the work of her Foundation. But it isn’t so easy in a world where kids are tied to video games and the Internet more than real-life. “We were more hands on, organic, tasted, smelled, felt the world [when we were growing up],” she notes. “A lot of kids don’t get that they’re in font of a screen and playing a game. We played games, for real. That’s a big difference.”

“We have to bring them back to the real, first,” Khan says. “You are empty, in a way, if you don’t have that aspect of yourself … and these kids are lost, in a big way.”

Thanks to the Chaka Khan Foundation, more than a few kids in Los Angeles are on their way to being found.

After all, it’s Khan’s personal mission: “I will do everything I can,” she says, “to ensure that any child I touch is gonna be alright.”

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Earth Day is April 22, 2010. Celebrate by supporting  environmental education and outdoor play, which is important for our children’s personal and academic growth.

Earth Day 2010 Action Center states that ‘With students  now spending 90% of their time indoors, “nature deficit disorder” is on the rise.  A recent study found that children spend less than four minutes a day in “unstructured outdoor play. This secluded lifestyle is causing emotional, educational, and physical consequences, including obesity.  Getting kids outside teaches them about the world around them and gives them an appreciation for nature while providing an opportunity for sunshine and exercise.”

Earth Day Network is a globally recognized leader in the field of environmental education. They  have partnered with the U.S. Green Building Council (USGBC) and The Clinton Foundation to green all of America’s K-12 schools within a generation.

Honor the earth, go outside and play!

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How To Create An Active Lifestyle For Your Kids

Play Your Way To A Better Body

The key to raising healthy kids is teaching them how to make healthy decisions. To do this, you must be informed about health issues that affect your child and be willing to take an active role as a parent. Childhood obesity is the biggest health threat facing kids.Follow these steps, and you can take action to stimulate healthy decision-making and prevent obesity:

Step 1

Begin with a healthy pregnancy. Make sure you consume the recommended amounts vitamins and nutrients. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists states that pregnant women require higher daily amounts of vitamin A (770 mcg), calcium (1,000 mg), iron (27 mg), vitamin C (85 mg), vitamin B12 (2.6 mcg), folate (600 mcg) and folic acid (400 mcg). Some prenatal vitamins now provide DHA Omega-3 to support brain and eye development.

5 tips for eating out with kids

Step 2

Take an active role in your child’s health care. Discuss concerns about important issues, such as circumcision, medications and vaccinations with the pediatrician. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Step 3

Provide a supportive environment. Children excel when they feel safe and comfortable. By creating a welcoming, open atmosphere at home, your child will be less likely to seek gratification in other ways, such as overeating, drugs, alcohol, promiscuous behavior or some other unhealthy alternative.

Click here for more tips

Are you really there for your kids?

Wendy Williams is known for shocking guests, but nothing quite prepared her for the moment her own son left her speechless.

Her 9-year-old son Kevin recently asked her, “Mom, are your boobs real?” And her response? “I gagged when my son came and asked me about the implants. It was ‘Where did you hear that?’ But it was on my own show.” During an episode of her talk show, the host admitted to having a breast augmentation 14 years ago.

“Our son did not know I had breast implants. So I sat down and went through plastic surgery with him. And it was great, because I was able to let him know that when his dad met me, I was completely natural. The beauty of my story is that ‘Your dad met me as a frog and I have transformed myself, because I wanted to, into a swan.’

Do YOU think she should have shared this information with him earlier, in private? And if so, is he at the appropriate age?

While some parents believe communication is essential to the relationship they share with their children, I can’t help but think that talking to a child at the age of 9 about achieving self-esteem through plastic surgery is anything but detrimental. Granted, with the media constantly portraying buff-bodied men and Barbie-shaped women as “ideal,” an adolescent is likely to have already compared themselves to what they’ve see on televisions, in magazines, and online. However, a parents admission, at least before the child’s of adult age, may be more influential than they would have hoped for…and not in a good way.

What happens when the child hits puberty? Their skin breaks out, their body seems disproportionate (either underdeveloped or overdeveloped), name-calling is at an all-time high, and they’re super sensitive. The last thing a parent should want is for the child to request to take the easy (and much more expensive/dangerous) way out by forgoing building confidence naturally (i.e. standing up for oneself, participating in activities they excel in, smiling more often and improving posture, etc.) and indulging in surgery instead. And with a parent, a role model, a mentor, confessing that they themselves handled their insecurities through nips and tucks, they’re only giving their child a grander opportunity to hold it against them and use it as ammo and an alibi.

Now, once the child is an adult…it’s fair to say that all bets are off. If they’re still struggling with the same self-esteem issues they carried as a child and feel they’ve exhausted every option in trying to improve it, than the least the parent can do is offer advice on plastic surgery preparation and recovery, and be there at their bedside post-operation. But until then, I say long talks, a “Chicken Soup for The Preteen Soul” book, and events to keep them active are the way to go about it.

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Swizz Beatz!

Swizz was seen out with his kids he had with his ex, Mashonda. Cute.

Check out more celeb kids here!

Check out more celeb dads with their kids!

Mashonda goes in on Alicia Keys!

First Bey and Jay didn’t want kids and then they did and now they don’t. Either way the thought of Beyonce having kids could be a very scary thing. Here’s 9 reasons why Beyonce shouldn’t have kids just yet:

*Disclaimer: I don’t hate kids or moms. I applaud and admire every mother out there and if you’re a mom, by default you are fierce!

1. Hips Don’t Lie

Bey currently has all the right curves in all the right places and knows how to work it. I’m afraid that if she pops out a kid those hips aren’t going to bounce back.

2. Career Suicide

Babies can be notorious career killers. Just take a look at Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera. What are any of them doing now??

3. Biological Clocks

Jay-Z is the one turning 40 this year, not Beyonce. She’s still in her 20s and has plenty of time to have kids and Jay won’t start shooting blanks for decades. Bey should focus busting out some more hits instead of babies.

4. Ugly Kid Potential

Little camels. That’s all I have to say.

5. Does Beyonce Look Like A Mom?

Considering her new video for “Video Phone” just came out and has her twerkin’ it, does she even look she’s ready to trade in a stiletto for a binky?

6. No More Leotards

What will Bey do for nine months of not being able to wear a one piece???

7. We Don’t Want A Dereon Baby Clothing Line

Could you imagine suiting up your kid in some Dereon? No child should have to endure that, ever.

8. Sasha Fierce >>> Mommy Fierce??

After popping out a kid will Beyonce continue singing “Diva is the female version of a hustler” or will Sasha Fierce go into hiding so Mommy Fierce can come out? Watch out, “All The Single Babies” might actually become reality.

9. This Will Confirm Jay And Bey Actually Have Sex

Gross!

We have all heard of the mythical “biological clock,” which is a cliche that usually refers to women who are ready to have children. There is an elusive group of men out there, and in our heads, Hill Harper would be their poster boy –let us call them Ready-men. They are educated, successful, without children who are in their late 30′s or early 40′s and Ready-men are just as the name implies, ready to have children as soon as possible.

For years we have been fed the stereotype of the George Clooney-style bachelor who does not have any desire to ever settle down or have children. But science has now proven that a Ready-man, who a lot woman dream about, is the guy who waited until he felt successful to have a family. Now the women is the missing piece of the puzzle-sound familiar? Ladies, how many times have we said that the man is the missing puzzle, after you get an education and a career in place? See men and women have more in common then we ever thought.

According to a story in USA Today men do experience sperm reduction after a certain age.

In general, “there’s a decline in testosterone of about 1% per year for men after age 30,” said Dr. Harry Fisch, director of the Male Reproductive Center at Columbia University in New York City. But it’s difficult to pinpoint which men will have trouble conceiving a child with a birth defect based on age, he said. “The problem is the biological clock ticks at different speeds for different men,” he explained.

The study shows that men have a biological clock too.  You know that you are dating a Ready-man if his first questions include: Do you want kids?  How many children do you want? When do you want to start having children? If your guy is ready to start a family just make sure that you are too because ‘ready’ does not always mean that they need marriage.

Would You Visit A Sperm Bank?

Check out these celeb ‘ready-men:’

BP Discusses Man Repelling Biological Clocks?

Have you ever met someone that was only in your life for a moment, but in that brief moment they were able to say or do something to positively impact your life. I had such an opportunity recently at a conference. There was one woman that I sat next to throughout most of the conference. During lunch,dinner and breakout times,we had the opportunity to talk about our husbands and kids. In one of our conversations she said: “I am making a concerted effort to be present in my relationships, especially when it comes to my kids. When they are talking to me, I have to stop and make sure that I see the whites of their eyes. No more texting or working or watching TV during the times that I am supposed to be spending with my kids.” That sent a chill up my spine because it hit home.

I only have a few hours a day to spend with my kids. I spend 2.5 to 3 hours with them in the mornings and then they go to daycare. After work, there are no more than 4 to 5 hours to spend with them before bedtime. So why would I spend any of that time working, or searching the web, or looking at Facebook, or talking on the phone, or watching TV. It beats me.

But I have to admit that I went through a period where I was not giving my kids my un-divided attention in the evenings. I was working or taking conference calls or just plain busy doing other things. I was physically there…but I was far from present. The kids would walk up to me and say mommy can I do this…and I would answer…And sometimes I did not even know what I was agreeing to. This had to stop.

My husband and I talked about my work situation and we prayed about it. We both agreed that I would tell my manager that I had to move off of my current assignment. I could no longer work on a project that required me to work in the evenings (my team was in Australia…totally different time zone with no overlapping business hours.)

This was risky, because in this current job market there was a good possibility that there was no other assignment for me to move to within my company. As always, God made a way and my manager found another project for me almost immediately. Now, when I shut off that computer at the end of the work day, it is off. And if I really must do some more work or if I want to search the web or mess around on Facebook, it has to be after the kids go to bed.

But work isn’t the only thing that can prevent us from being present for our kids. People are watching television, talking on the phone,or just claiming to be tired ” I worked all day now leave me alone.” And I can relate to being tired after work. When I get off of work, I would love to be able to grab something to eat, sit on the couch, and watch the nightly news and Access Hollywood. But that’s not possible. I have four children that need my undivided attention and my energy for a few more hours.

As Rev Run says in his book Take Back your Family, you have to : “Be A Beast For Your Family.” He received this inspiration to be a beast from Will Smith’s example : After a long day of shooting, Will Smith returned to his trailer only to find a group of kids waiting outside. Although his body was aching and he was tired from working all day, and it was dark and raining, Will found the strength to go back outside of his trailer to see his fans. He found the strength by telling himself that “I’m a beast.”

We’ve heard from showbizspy.com that Beyonce is talking about having kids one day. Here’s what the singer had to say:

“I think I’ll have a child when it’s supposed to happen,” said the singer, who starts the Australian leg her tour in September. “Right now, I’ll be on tour for a year and, you know…”

Really Bey? Will Jay finally give her that bun in the oven. Do we see lil Hovs in the couple future or lil Sashas? We’ll still only believe it when it happens…

Check out Jay and Bey showing some PDA here

Click here for the couple’s date night!