I was just reading an article that definitely struck a chord for me in terms of parenting tactics. Parents sometimes have trouble knowing how much to help out their child at certain times in their life, mistaking material possessions for love and kindness. What I’m going to explore here is: is it really bad to “cushion” your child in everything they ask for? If your child doesn’t have to work for everything they get, could that be bad for the rest of their life?

According to the Santa Cruz Sentinel, children who are “over-indulged” have these problems: “too much stuff: materialism and activities, over-nurturing: too much assistance reducing self-reliance, and soft structure: lax rules, no chores, aimless.”

For example, I’ve know families who’ve given their children cars on their sixteenth birthday just because the child became “of age” to drive. Is that a good precedent to set: that the child was “entitled” to a brand new car due to their age? Personally, I’ve always seen parenting as a give-and-take: the child gets gifts once in a while if they do as they’re asked or if it’s a holiday, but in general, if they really want something, they have to work for it. It makes more sense that the child gets used to the prospect of earning money early on, so that they’re not shell-shocked when they have to find a job someday or if everything doesn’t go their way in the “real world.” Imagine one of the sixteen-year-old car owners is used to raiding Dad’s “money tree” to “earn” money: how will it feel to realize that they’re just going to be dropped on their own someday with no concept of earning a living? This might be a problem someday, so it’s better to start early in teaching children that “you can’t always get what you want.”

An over-indulgent parent is given a definition in the above article as: “often view[ing] themselves as loving their children unconditionally by permitting all requests and offering their youngsters free reign without restrictions. They also believe that being good parents entails supplying children with all of their wishes.” This might be okay for the early years of life for a child, especially if their grandparents want to “spoil” them a little bit, but shouldn’t a child learn their work ethic early on? Chores are important, as well as learning to share and other basic “group play” necessities that ensure that the child can take orders to be helpful and listen to others. If these general rules of working with others aren’t learned, then the child might become spoiled or not used to not being the center of attention.

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As well, “loving unconditionally” shouldn’t be connected to the extreme idea of “no restrictions” or “material possessions.” Love is a give and take, something that’s not tangible and DOES involve rules. The general idea of not taking advantage of someone’s kindness and making sure to not take them for granted is something that children should be taught from an early age. The “unrestricted” nature of this type of parenting could lead to the child only taking, yet not giving back to their parents or caregivers. Parents and caregivers are people, too, and children need to learn that people who care about them and help them out with important things deserve credit for what they do.

According to the article, being “taken care of” all of your life could have grave consequences. The statement reads, “They [children who are over-indulged] have great goals but because they are so accustomed to being catered to, they do not have the skills or drive for achieving their ambitions. Impulsivity, eating disorders and spoiled behavior all stem from needing control and having no ability to appropriately exercise it.”

In accordance to the above statement, the “easier” life makes for children who feel “privileged” and are actually missing out on some important social skills that drive friendships, working with others, and even ultimately achieving their dreams. Doing well in college or finding a job takes individual hard work to succeed in, yet if the child is used to not having to work for their money or interact with people in order to do well, their lack of determination might be the catalyst for their downfall.

One major statement that caught my eye is that over-indulged children don’t know “the difference between needs and wants,” which is something most children and teenagers struggle with. Ultimately, knowing what you want versus what you actually need is something that comes with maturity, but when a child is so privileged that they get whatever they want, it would be hard to know the difference. In general, children that are used to being the center of attention and not having to work for their share at life are disadvantaged as adults, according to this article, which makes me think that more parents should realize their place in their child’s life. Parents are supposed to get a good example and give kids a strong background in the “real world” so that they can succeed on their own someday. If children don’t learn early on that making a living doesn’t come easy and that there’s more to life than material possessions, their lives won’t be as fulfilled because they’ll have the wrong idea about “entitlement.”

Strong, independent mothers: make sure your child knows that in order to live is to work toward your goals. Life isn’t always hard, but when it is, there are tons of other people having problems, too. Don’t let a sense of entitlement rule your child’s life!

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The birth of a child can dramatically change the dynamics of a family – and its not always for the best. We know that disrupted nights, dirty diapers and feeding times can all be problematic in a family accustomed to its original routine, but some changes can be long term. Your baby’s daddy may hold some of the answers to a change in your family dynamics and it might be time for you to reflect on some his behaviors to find signs that you’re raising someone more than just your baby.

1. He Barely Noticed You Were Pregnant

Men can have some peculiar reactions to the pregnancy of their partners, many of which are most noticeable during the pregnancy of the first child.

Some of the men I know have some interesting ways of dealing with stress and anxiety. A complete emotional shut down and detachment from your emotional needs is one of those, and another is to almost complete avoid all recognition of your pregnancy.

There are also those who have no concept of the pain of a pregnancy and therefore don’t empathize. When a girl is pregnant, in need of some serious love and attention, this may be a sign of bad times ahead.

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2. He Makes All The Petty Decisions, But Leaves The Hard Ones For You

To begin, let’s categorize some of the major daily decisions into ‘petty’ and ‘hard’.

Petty: Beef or chicken, Coke or Pepsi, take-out or eat-out, sex when he wants it or sex when you want it, TV or a DVD, etc.

Hard: Bay the bills late or feed your child tomorrow, make your girl work two jobs or get one for yourself, budget or save, rent or buy, Thanksgiving here or at your mother’s, another baby or time off the pregnancy trail, etc.

Once again a complete disinterest in daily household affairs could be a reflection a baby-like man. The real issue here is that more pressure falls on you to the point where you feel like a single parent.

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3. His Mother Either Completely Worships The Ground You Walk On, Or Is Highly Critical Of You

Mothers can have a tremendous impact on the development of their sons, though many people would argue that men tend to follow in the paths of their fathers more so than their mothers. So if your man’s mother is around, take a closer look at the way she treats you and the way she may have raised him.

If your mother-in-law worships the ground you walk on, you may be giving your man too many of life’s comforts – just like she did when she raised him. That age-old desire of a mother for her son to find a woman to treat him right may have you trapped in your own worst nightmare as the woman that inherited this old lady’s son.

By contrast, your mother-in-law may also be extremely critical of you as a partner. Any level-headed mother could see in her children just where she went wrong. In this case she may have wanted more for her son, a woman to set things right for him after she lost the battle. It might be time to listen to what she’s complaining about to see if you can eliminate some problems between all parties involved.

4. You’ve Stopped Talking To Each Other

Like many of the above mentioned ‘signs’, this one comes accompanied with a range of other issues. If you and your man are no longer able to produce a serious conversation, albeit about the most trivial topic, your relationship may be in trouble.

Yelling at him about important family issues, and his lack of interest and motivation with raising your child are all problematic trends in a mother-father relationship. The fact that, once again, you’re doing all the ‘caring’ and decision making without his input is certainly something that needs addressing in order for you to not feel like your raising one child extra.

5. He’s A Fat Slob Who Has No Desire To Work Or Provide For His Family

It would be nice for all men to be like Will Smith or Barack Obama, and thank goodness some are. But the best, most efficacious sign for you to realize that you’re raising your baby’s daddy is when he is nothing but an obnoxious couch-potato with no interest in anything other than this evening’s sport telecast or balancing a can of beer on his unwashed hairy belly.

Your to-do list is checked off, the camp paperwork is complete and the bags are packed — but have you prepared your child emotionally and behaviorally for a successful and fun camp experience?

How to prepare for day camp

For many kids, going off to day camp may be the first time they take a bus or meet a new group of children — especially if they have not entered elementary school. A parent should try to make this transition as easy as possible by following these tips:

* If your child is traveling by bus, find out the bus route and travel it in advance with your day camper, pointing out easy landmarks that he/she will recognize on the route to and from camp.

* Involve your child in packing their knapsack for camp (bathing suit, towel, sun protection, hat, lunch, etc.) and walk to the bus stop ahead of time to get them familiarized with the early morning routine and the contents of and responsibility for their knapsack.

* Contact the camp to find out the name of his/her head counselor, bus driver, and bus chaperone with contact information.

GET MORE TIPS HERE

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My co-worker and I were talking about how we wanted our husbands to help us around the house – and with the kids – more.

She told how her husband surprised her by making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen and then taking out the trash.

“I totally went overboard with the praise,” she said. “I was literally clapping my hands and praising him like I do with our son when he pees in the toilet. I was all, ‘Good job! I’m so proud of you!’”

We laughed about how hard we praise our husbands in an effort to get him to do more of what we want – but maybe I realized she was on to something.  No man wants to be treated like a child, but what if we showed the same enthusiasm to our spouse that we show to our kids whenever they do something they think is noteworthy?

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Hottie Idris Elba graces the cover of Essence magazine’s August 2009 Bachelor issue.  In his cover story he talks about what turns him on, the type of women he likes to date and relationships.

On Dating:
“I’d rather date someone who’s regular. But what often happens is that she faces huge criticism like , ‘Why her? She’s Miss. Ordinary’ ”

On the type of women he likes:
“Be an independent woman. I love that……”
“But at the same time don’t be ashamed to, you know, throw your toys on the floor and let me pick them up.”

On relationships:
“There is something quite devious about my personality,” he confides with a sly grin. “I’ll do all the right things. I’ll be the upstanding gentleman but behind closed doors, I want to let loose. As long as I know my secrets aren’t going to get out. You know what I mean?”

Idris on His Previous relationship and 7 Year Old Daughter
“It’s complicated when you were once an item and then you’ve got this child who is so untouched by the drama that you both had…..I understand how people get hurt and have arguments. But we work through it.”

We love us some Idris!!

If you want more Idris, his smash hit movie “Obsessed” comes out on DVD today!!!!

Check out the chocolate hottie below:

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Check out Idris at the “Obsessed” premiere a few months ago

The divorce drama between Usher and Tameka just got interesting…we’re hearing that Usher is demanding a DNA test for his six month old son with Tameka.

According to the insider.com, Tameka got pregnant while Usher was on tour and their sex life was not happening.

Usher’s camp has been hinting at the possibility of a test for weeks, but now it is a reality and Tameka is not happy!!!

Here’s what they’re saying:

“The first thing Usher said was, ‘How did this happen?’ – because he was gone a lot, and their sex life was very, very limited,” revealed a friend of the star. People have been telling him that around the time the little boy was conceived, Tameka got together with another man.”

And this from Tameka’s camp:

“Tameka also insists that Usher is Naviyd’s father. She says that although they weren’t spending much time together, they did get together for one night of passion. And that’s when she got pregnant.”… By the time Naviyd was born this past December, the couple was reportedly already separated. “now the war is truly on,” said the insider.”

Let’s hope this gets cleared up real soon!!!

Check out these pics of Usher and his son below:

Tyrese is coming clean…In a recent interview with Essence magazine, he admits that he was the one who messed up his marriage.

Here’s what he had to say:

ESSENCE.COM: And just to switch gears a bit, you went through a rollercoaster ride of your own as a recent divorcee. What has been the most difficult love lesson you’ve had to learn?
TYRESE: My ex-wife and I were together for six or seven years before we married. I learned that sometimes marriage doesn’t work. When you get married you vow to share your life experiences with someone else. If you happen to be as busy as I am, your mind and spirit is all you have and if anything is taking away from that on any level then it might be time to re-evaluate that situation. At the end of the day, you have to love and value yourself and your happiness to walk away sometimes, even if you love that person.

Tyrese wife takes him to the cleaners

ESSENCE.COM: Have you two remained amicable?
TYRESE: I don’t have anything negative to say about my daughter’s mom. She’s an amazing mother and I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t think so. I know that I contributed to some of the conflicts that we had. I wish nothing but the best for her and I am focused on being a responsible father to our beautiful daughter.

ESSENCE.COM: Well, your baby girl will always have fond memories of you because you’ve been immortalized on the big screen and causing “Mayhem” in the comic book world.
TYRESE: Yes, my comic book “Mayhem” has already pre-sold 10,000 copies already in one story and it has the comic book world going crazy because if a comic sells 15,000 worldwide that’s consider huge. The energy and momentum is crazy among comic enthusiasts.

Tyrese loves seeing his name on girls butts

Kelly Rowland wants to follow in the footsteps of Angelina Jolie and Madonna and adopt a child.  The former Destiny’s Child member says she is ready to become a mom and wants to take in a youngster from U.S. after working with a charity program for disadvantaged children.

According to contactmusic.com, Kellyis adamant she doesn’t want to adopt a baby – because there are so many older kids in need of good homes. She says, “I’ve always known I would adopt in a heartbeat but I don’t want a baby – I want to get a child that’s five, six, or even 10.

Kelly Rowland has a new bff

“I was doing Home for Holidays, which is a charitable holiday program for kids in the States, and some of the statistics means (sic) that older children don’t get adopted as much. I’d love to make a child feel that they’re worth it – because every child is worth it.

“I don’t want that many children – but I want a family of five, including adopted children. That’s still a lot, but I think it would be worth it.”

We wish Kelly luck!!

Check out the guns on Kelly below:

You know when overweight people say they’re “just big boned,” or that they “have a glandular problem,” or that “it’s just baby fat,” all while munching on a double bacon cheeseburger, extra fries? Well, it might not be “just baby fat” when it comes to your overweight kid, say docs. It could be you overfeeding your child and being totally in denial about their imminent health issues.

Says Daily Mail,

Seven in ten parents of overweight children are in denial about the problem, researchers have warned.

Many underestimate the risk, dismissing dangerous levels of plumpness as ‘puppy fat’, the study found.

Dr Angela Jones weighed and measured more than 600 children aged between six and eight.

She then asked the parents how they perceived their son or daughter’s weight, giving them a choice of five responses – ‘very underweight’, ‘underweight’, ‘normal’, ‘ overweight’ and ‘very overweight’.

Almost 70 per cent of those with overweight or obese children described their son or daughter’s weight as normal.

The researchers from Newcastle University said that if the rising tide of obesity is to be halted parents must recognise the difference between a healthy weight and being overweight.

Up to a third of British youngsters are too heavy for their height, raising their risk of cancer, heart disease and diabetes in later life.

Experts have warned that the young generation could be the first to die at a younger age than their parents. Dr Jones told the European Congress on Obesity in Amsterdam: ‘Childhood overweight and obesity is a global public health concern with significant implications for immediate and long-term health.’

She said parents play a key role in children’s ‘food intake and physical activity’.

Parental recognition of childhood obesity is ‘fundamental to its prevention’, she added.

So, now that you know that – do you think maybe your child might have a problem, or is it still just baby fat?