Bad boys are certainly our modern-day forbidden fruit. Every girl knows that when you start dating a bad boy, your relationship will most likely play out as predictably as clockwork. First, you will fall (and fall hard) for his rough edges, constantly convincing yourself that he will change. (Girls, men are not like wine; they do not get better with age. Your relationship is usually at its best in the beginning!) This is quickly followed by the inevitable heartbreak. Yet, for some reason, bad boys are like drugs. Once you take one, all you want is more and more, in order to replicate that first euphoric experience. And as soon as you go cold turkey, not a day goes by that you don’t crave them, even if it is damaging to yourself.

Perhaps it is the innate female tendency to change and help these bad boys. All women want to be ‘that girl’ who can make him renounce all of his bad vices, but it’s hard to recognize one cold fact: No matter how hard we try, girls can’t make bad boys into J.Crew-wearing, flower-bringing men. Perhaps women date bad boys for the same reason we wear high heels. Because even though we are well aware when we slip on a pair of 4-inch stilettos that we are actually doing real damage to the bones and tissues of our feet, as well as our backs, and will be cursing the heels in about four hours, we wear these shoes because of the way they make us feel. We walk with a little more attitude, and we feel more desirable and like a wanton goddess. Bad boys have the same effect because they make us feel nirvana in the beginning and then inevitably we end up cursing and crying about them.

Standard rule of thumb; if you spend more time worrying if your guy is cheating on you, or you spend more time crying over him than laughing with him, you’ve got yourself a bad boy. So, from me to you: run for your life!

10 Ways To Go From Girlfriend To Wife

Is He REALLY Single? Here’s 8 Ways To Tell

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I have this friend… let’s just call her ‘Sue’ to protect her from the ass whoopin’ I’m about put on her in this blog. Not too long ago I dropped some very juicy “scoop” on her, and I mean juicy. Sue made the ‘ol girlfriend promise of not ever repeating the “scoop.” Never did I think I would have to break out the rules of engagement with this chick, because I thought it was a cardinal rule: when you say you’ll keep your mouth shut, you do it, and that includes not repeating a secret to anyone, even your man. However, Sue goes back and spills all the beans to her man. I guess the scoop was so good she just couldn’t hold it in. A couple of weeks go by, a group of us are at a dinner party together, and the subject of my scoop walks through the door. What does Sue’s husband do? Whispers in the oh-I’m-talking-about-you way to Sue and starts to giggle. WTF – are you kidding me?!?

Not only did that draw attention to them, but it was so obvious that they were talking about the “scoop” I told Sue in confidence. I had to go over and confront her about it. She admits to telling her man, and swears up and down that he won’t tell anyone. Again – are you kidding me? Men gossip just as much as women, maybe even more. The main reason for this is that they have fed into the myth that only women gossip, then they turn around and do the exact same thing and call it “hanging with the boys.”

Ladies, I am not saying you shouldn’t confide in your man; just don’t let it be with your friend’s “scoop.” Don’t give your man any ammunition to say something slick about your friends. Men come and go, but your friends are with you forever. Trust me, marriage does not mean forever. Sadly.

Mrs. Layla
Blackplanet.com/mrslayla

Can Men & Women Really Be ‘Just Friends’?

Why I Will Never Like Hanging Out With Your Friends

Tyler Perry

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[From BlackDoctor.org]

No matter how much you love your man, he can easily tap dance on your last nerve like he is the late and great Gregory Hines. It’s so easy for you to say I love him, but… I love him, but if he leaves the toilet seat up one more time. I love him, but if he leaves one more soggy bath towel on the bed. I love him, but why must he go and use a dish two seconds after I finish cleaning the kitchen?

The men we love can be a handful, but let’s not forget, they are the men we love. Of course he’s annoying, but focusing on the positive can make you both happier.
1. Stop and think. Consider each of the following questions; be honest and specific: What do you receive from your partner? What do you give to your partner? What difficulties do you cause your partner?

How it helps: “Quiet reflection time is essential for stressed relationships,” Krech, author of Naikan: Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self Reflection, says. This last question will help you remember that he puts up with little annoyances from you too.

2. Fulfill his fantasies. Not those fantasies. Talk to your partner about his goals and ask how you can help him achieve them. Can you deal with the kids while he works on his book? Does he need help clearing space in the garage to do some auto work?

How it helps: It’s easy to focus on what you want from him, Krech says. But you should concentrate on how you can support him and how important you are to his success.

What are two more ways you can appreciate your man? Click here to find out.

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Why did he marry her…and not you?

With all the Chris Brown/Rihanna drama circulating, many are wondering how a seemingly level-headed girl like Rihanna could take back the man who abused her so severely. Well, according to a new study, younger girls stand by their men a lot stronger than we might have thought.

[From The New York Times]

IN the hallway of Hostos-Lincoln Academy in the Bronx this week, two ninth-grade girls discussed the pop singer Chris Brown, 19, who faces two felony charges for allegedly beating his girlfriend, the pop singer Rihanna, 21. At first, neither girl had believed Mr. Brown, an endearing crooner, could have done such a thing.

“I thought she was lying, or that the tabloids were making it up,” one girl said.

Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, they still defended Mr. Brown. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” the other ninth grader said. “You know, like, bring it on?”

The girls agreed that Mr. Brown overreacted. According to court documents, the fight last month erupted after Rihanna read a text message to Mr. Brown from another woman. Mr. Brown, the affidavit said, then punched, bit and choked her.

Should he be punished? No, said the girls, whose names were withheld at the request of the school. After all, they said, Rihanna seemed to have reconciled with Mr. Brown.

“So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” one girl said. “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

Her friend nodded. “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again,” she said.

On blogs and social networking sites, teenagers are having an e-shouting match about this highly publicized episode – perhaps the first time their generation has been compelled to think aloud about dating violence.

And what may be surprising is the level of support for Mr. Brown. While thousands of teenagers have certainly turned on Mr. Brown, many others – regardless of race or gender – defend him, often at Rihanna’s expense.

In a recent survey of 200 teenagers by the Boston Public Health Commission, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for what happened; 52 percent said both bore responsibility, despite knowing that Rihanna’s injuries required hospital treatment. On a Facebook discussion, one girl wrote, “she probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.”

To read the rest of this article, click here.

To find out how to break free from domestic violence, click here.

Earlier this week I was video taping a discussion at Howard University’s Drew Hall for the follow-up to the award winning film, “What Black Men Think”. As a result of the film several side discussions were started. During one of these discussions a young lady explained why it was necessary for women in general and black women specifically to have a wall up to protect themselves from men. She further went on to explain how a woman needs to have multiple layers that will protect and shield her, thus saving her from the hurt and pain that I assume can be caused by men.

My thought on this… that this way of thinking is total garbage. Since I was taping I couldn’t jump into the conversation but I was burning up inside to get right in. I think what some women don’t realize is that “The Wall” is what could drive some good brothers away. Does this wall stop you from ever being hurt in relationships…. no. Then what good is it? Back in my dating days I really looked at the wall as a bunch of stuff that I had to break through because of the actions of some previous dude. Sometimes I felt like breaking through and sometimes I didn’t. You have no idea how high some of these walls can be…

So what IS a better alternative? Find out at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com.

[From The Frisky]

Though the stigma is lessening, men are still far more likely than women to let their depression go untreated. Blame it on Rambo, Brando, or the lure of the martini, but many guys still aren’t getting the help they need. As the traditionally stressful, dark days of winter set in, here are some signs that the guy you love might be suffering from more than a loss in fantasy football …

1. Substance Use: Has he been drinking more beer than a pledging freshman? Has his usual dinner cocktail spawned into three? Often, an increase in substance use-and this includes cigarettes, recreational drugs, and caffeine-can be a desperate attempt to self-medicate or cover up unpleasant feelings that are gnawing at him.

2. Unhealthy Eating: We all have our baked chicken days and our nachos-by-the-truckload days; such is the fluctuation of normal eating. But if you see an increasing pattern of junk food bingeing, overeating, skipping meals or loss of appetite, these disruptions-and the weight changes that go with them— can be telltale signs of stress and depression.

3. Sleeping Changes: While some depressed people want nothing more than to snooze the day away, others lie awake at all hours. A change in sleeping habits, in either direction, can sometimes be a warning that a storm is brewing.

4. Irritability: Perhaps he’s taking that cocky waiter a little too personally, or he’s road-raging like a raging bull. Though many people associate anger and irritability with anything but depression, there is real evidence that edginess and grouchiness-especially among men-can signal sadness beneath.

What are the other four tell-tale signs of a depressed mate? Click here to find out.