Hello Beautiful » black marriage

Are Marriages No Longer “Forever” But Instead, “For The Next Few Years?”

Lauren Minogue — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 14:30:33 +0000

I went to a basketball match a few weeks ago and at half-time, the dreaded cliche marriage proposal came up on the big screen. As the crowd was yelling hysterically, cheering them on while simultaneously chanting “Don’t do it!,” I sat there shuddering at the prospect of someone ever doing that to me, and the realization that if it ever did happen, I would have to say “yes,” whether or not I wanted to marry him, just to save him (and I) from the sheer humiliation of being rejected in front of a crowd of thousands. I said something along those lines to Hanneke, the friend I was with, and her response was, “It’s no big deal, you can always just get divorced in a few years if you need to.”

I’m not against divorce – in fact, I am all for it in some cases. I mean, surely it’s much better to live alone and happy than in a marriage that sucks, right? But Hanneke’s approach to divorce made me think: are we now reaching for divorce as more of a first option, rather than a last resort after all other measures have been exhausted?

Take Halle Berry for instance. Just this week she purported to not being “the marrying kind,” but she has already been married and divorced. Twice. So obviously she thought she was the marrying kind at some point? Or did she just think that she could give it a shot, and if it doesn’t work out, no harm done? And what about Brad Pitt, he once said in an interview with GQ that “the idea that marriage has to be for all time, that I don’t understand.” But, in fact, isn’t the “forever” part, the whole idea of marriage? Isn’t, as an editorial on Elle.com claims, “the essence of marriage a lifetime commitment, without which, marriage just becomes legally sanctioned dating”?

William J. Doherty, PhD, a professor of family social science, agrees with the claim that people don’t take marriage as seriously as they used to. He claims that in surveys where divorced people are asked why they split, “soft reasons” such as: ‘the sex isn’t good’; ‘we see life so differently’; ‘we argue but never get anywhere,’ are rising. He criticizes our society for being to quick to reach for divorce and break our wedding vows, and he notes, “for me, it goes back to a promise made. It’s about integrity. What’s the meaning of the promise if you don’t bend heaven and earth to keep it?”

Clearly with the advancement of women’s liberation and more women in the workforce with their own income, societies attitude to divorce has changed, as more women are able to take care of themselves, by themselves. But is that the only reason more and more marriages end in divorce these days, or do we just not value marriage the same way? We live in a throw-away society, where things aren’t made to last and we upgrade our cars, tv’s, houses, and clothes every few years, so why not our marriages?

What do you think? Is divorce just too easy these days, that we aren’t making enough effort to keep our marriages alive? Or is it just that people no longer feel the stigma of divorce like they used to?

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VIDEO: How Can We Celebrate Black Marriage?

Abiola Abrams — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:00:06 +0000

While some are still kvetching about whether successful black women can or can’t find a man, some like filmmaker Lamar Tyler and his wife Ronnie Tyler are taking positive steps to tell other stories.

After Nightline, check out these clips of African American men and women talking about the power and beauty of marriage, and the work it takes to be successful in love. You Saved Me…

The popular blog BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com is only the first step that Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are taking to role model healthy love and promote positive images and stories about marriage. Their beautiful new film You Saved Me is headed to Atlanta next. Find the schedule here or order You Saved Me on Amazon. Great work, Lamar and Ronnie!

About You Saved Me:

With African American marriage numbers at an all time low and African American divorce numbers at an all time high the hopes of positive, lasting, relationships look bleak until now. Executive Producers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler bring real married couples to the screen to chronicle the greatest love stories ever told.

These real couples explain how their marriages had a direct impact on their lives. Featuring candid and transparent looks inside of the hardships, trials, and ultimate success stories of these amazing couples, YOU SAVED ME offers an unprecedented look inside of real relationships and what is required to sustain them.

What do you think? Get in touch at AbiolaTV.com or hit me on Twitter, facebook, YouTube or Examiner. Of course buy the novel Dare by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.

Tray And Ayesha Chaney Talk About Black Marriage

Black & Married With Kids — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:25:20 +0000

Tray Chaney from HBO’s hit show “The Wire,” along with his wife Ayesha, are featured in this summer’s upcoming documentary on black marriage: Happily Ever After. Check out what they have to say about love and marriage and making it work, below.

Click here to read what a BMWK writer has to say about dating and loving a “baby mama”.

What Does Black Marriage Mean To You?

Black & Married With Kids — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:21:28 +0000

Black marriage gets a bad rap somethings. It’s full of stereotypes – they don’t last, they’re full of infidelity, they’re made out of wedlock, etc. – that simply aren’t all true. So Lamar and Ronnie from BlackandMarriedWithKids.com decided to make a documentary highlighting black love – and what makes it work.

Check out the trailer below.