Can you say you’ve put yourself completely and fully into your marriage? Meaning you’re entirely committed, you totally trust, you’ve given all you have to give and hold nothing back? Could you claim there aren’t even any secrets that you keep from your spouse? Like a separate bank account they know nothing about? Or a secret shopping obsession that has you buying things and hiding them? Or having a friend you secretly talk to or meet up with?

There might even be certain things you won’t explore in the bedroom because you suspect it may come back to haunt you. There are some people who are afraid of being fully invested in their marriage, not just with their actions, but also with their thoughts, money and emotions. They’re thinking what if it doesn’t work out and considering what they stand to lose.

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A few even have a plan b. Having that plan b won’t make a failed marriage hurt any less. But are some of us preparing for our marriages to fail? How can we be so in love and want to spend forever with someone and planning an escape route all at the same time? We may think that these feelings and actions are harmless, but what do they say about trust and the ability to give all of ourselves to our spouse? I’ve been told often that my husband doesn’t need to know everything and to have my own just in case. I’ve always been puzzled by this advice. I’m not suggesting that we share every little detail of our past for example, but in order to build that trust and enjoy the best of our relationships; we must be willing to go all in. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and trusting completely with our finances as well as our hearts.

Are you all in? Do you have a plan b, a just in case the spouse turns out to be someone else? Which is possible, people can and do change, but should we plan on it? Or should we jump fully in taking chances, having no regrets for the sake of love?

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